hopelesshappiness.com

Obscurity or Prominence? The question for me is not 'does anyone hear the tree fall?', but rather 'if no one's there, should we care?'

Recently I have written about inner peace and exoteric goodness and how these other-worldly (outside of the materialistic, narcissistic world of 'me') considerations can lead to more frequent moments of Happiness by encouraging us to recognize what's important. I then further differentiated between 'being important' and 'doing important' and tied the two together by identifying the opportunity provided by being important. And then last week I (hopefully) made the point that we will increase our 'moments of Happiness' if we do not shut our eyes to the reality that surrounds us, because --- either a) the knowledge that it is there - lurking - will eat away at us until we are forced to recognize and deal with it, or b) we will learn to ignore it, play pretend, and become one of the monster-zombie mass-market driven consumer/conformists so prevalent everywhere I look. (Wow! - I didn't see that coming ... but it felt great!)

So with that said, let's rephrase the question, (Obscurity or Prominence?) in terms of recent discussions and which of the two will bring us the more frequent, longer-lasting moments of Happiness? Perhaps we can look at the example of this web site and these 22 weeks of blog posts to help us understand. I have not only been working on this site and these posts in 'relative' obscurity, but if Obscurity were a tiny village in the middle of a remote wilderness, I would be in it's suburbs. Yet this work has led me to more frequent moments of Happiness, mainly (I think) because I am 'doing important' for my inner peace. So this leads us to the second part of the first paragraph question - should I care? Should I care that there are no (that's zero) published comments on my web site. If I am working on my inner peace and successfully attaining a higher level of satisfaction and understanding, then does it really matter that no one hears my tree fall?

I think the answer is (first) no, and then yes. No, in that I should not seek prominence for the sake of prominence; (i.e. to be important). If I am making a difference for me, then that should (and does) lead me closer to Happiness. But ... on the other hand ... I should care at least somewhat, if it is true that exoteric goodness can lead me even closer to Happiness. I have maintained, and still at this moment believe, that inner peace and exoteric goodness are more important than things of this world. The dilemma I run into though, is that exoteric goodness is interpreted by other people and in theory, impacts other people ... yet other people are of this world. I suppose an argument could be made that this 'exoteric goodness' can take on a life of its own as some form of positive energy that can have an impact beyond things and/or people of this world. Right now I have to believe this is true, otherwise why do I (We) feel so strongly about Goodness?

So if we accept the premise that Goodness is necessary of and for itself, we can then make the argument that the combined energy of more people reading, learning, and sharing goodness will lead us even closer to Happiness. The Reality is that the world is full of people and if I believe that my learning can be utilized as a springboard by other people to assist in our quest for Happiness, then perhaps I should more actively seek some level of prominence. Problem solved, right? ... Not quite.

Even if the level of prominence I attain is minimal, it will still impact my time for thinking and writing, and I believe it will impact what I think and write. If people agree, I might ask myself fewer questions and not dig as deeply because I suddenly have confirmation that I know what I'm talking about; and if people disagree, I believe some defensiveness/justification will creep in to my thinking and writing. Additionally, (though obviously unlikely), if the level of prominence did rapidly escalate beyond my control, the impact would be even greater. At this point I am having a thoughtful and enjoyable discussion with myself; I'd hate to mess that up.

So perhaps I should be satisfied with the gains I am making in this area of my life, and not lose sight of the fact that these gains can still impact other areas of my life. Ultimately the answer may be that we should care about a balance across the sum of all areas, knowing it's okay to compartmentalize some aspects by staying closer to one end or the other of the Obscurity - Prominence spectrum, based on circumstances; i.e. what's important. As long as Fate dictates it as such, and as long as there continues to be some opportunity for human interaction and exoteric goodness in other ways, I think for now my web site and I will stay here in the hinterlands of Obscurity.

James Baldwin said, "People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster."

After censoring 3 days of thought and 1200+ words, I will simply say that this week my Passionate Dissatisfaction with the status quo (specifically mass media and organized bureaucracy) has provided me with some moments of Happiness. It does not bring me joy, nor have I been full of good cheer, but my eyes are open.

Here on hopelesshappiness.com we have maintained from the beginning that Consistent Long-Lasting Happiness (CLH) is hopeless and increasing the frequency and length of our 'moments' of Happiness (Relative Momentary Happiness or RMH) is the best we can hope for. We have identified key elements (in the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements) and discussed various ways to meld these elements with reality, enabling us to learn and grow. We have encouraged, cajoled, celebrated, laughed, and (occasionally) whined. What we have not done (and will never do) is to definitively say A + B = Happiness. There are too many variables (some Light and some Dark) impacting too many people in too many different ways to even remotely consider the possibility of a one-size-fits-all notion of Happiness.

With all that said, in this post I am going to hunt for treasure by examining the concept of importance. I'm not sure where it will take us, but I cannot shake this nagging thought that if we dig deep enough we might find a connection between importance and Happiness that may clarify (just a little) some of what we have been discussing. Ultimately, as this site continues to evolve, I hope to more definitively identify Happiness as a higher order state of being and further differentiate it from the everyday emotion that many refer to as happiness, (but I typically refer to as joy or cheerfulness). To be clear ... I don't think it is possible to define and/or map Happiness, but I do think it is possible to gain a better understanding of Happiness and place ourselves in its general vicinity by living certain actions and behaviors. As I continue to write, and my thoughts become less muddled, I'm beginning to see how a firmer grasp of the concept of importance can serve as an influential guide to beneficial behaviors.

First we'll define two aspects of importance:

1. Being Important - If you're a parent, you are important to your young children; if you are in a serious, committed relationship, you are important to your spouse or significant other; if you are a boss, you are important to your employees. This may not always mean that they are important to you, but because of the standing and impact you have, you are important to them.
2. Doing Important - I believe 'Doing Important' must evolve from other-worldly considerations (outside of the world of 'me' and 'now'). These other-worldly considerations include inner peace - what you learn for and from within; and exoteric goodness - what you send forth that indelibly survives your passing; (by 'passing' I don't necessarily mean passing from this world, although that is included, but rather passing through this world).

So think about the difference between 'being' and 'doing' important and how each may impact your concept of happiness (or Happiness). While you may find that being important seems to contribute to your happiness, it is doing so with and for the things of this world. Last week I concluded the post 'Other-Worldly Happiness' by saying that "it is a matter of what is important" and hopefully asserting (with the help of Epictetus) that things of this world are not important (though at times they may seem unavoidably necessary) to our relative moments of Happiness.

And ... I have also previously maintained (most notably in 'this post from September 2011') that we should not attempt to find Happiness, but rather let Happiness find us. I believe that one possible way to do this is by 'doing' important. Being important is a great opportunity to do important, and perhaps this is why being important gives the illusion of Happiness. If you confuse the two by believing that being important is the same as doing important, no matter how good your intentions, the meaning and impact will be lost or, at best, confused. As my oldest daughter said many years ago at the age of 5, "you may think you are, but you're not."

So if you're lucky enough to be important to others, take advantage and do important. Take the time and effort to ask questions and listen carefully, with empathy.

And if you are fortunate enough to recognize your importance to yourself - Live Well, Learn Much, and Grow Beyond Worldly Concerns.

Doing trumps Being, and Happiness trumps happiness.

The Philosopher Epictetus (55 - 135 CE), said that nothing can truly be taken from us. He maintained that inner peace begins when we stop saying "I have lost it" and instead say "it has been returned to where it came from." He was of course speaking about things belonging in this world. The world owes us nothing, so when we can, we should take great care of those things the world allows us to have temporarily. Whether it is the temporary love and respect of others, or temporary health, comfort, enjoyment, growth, or ultimately temporary Happiness, we must know that it can be snatched from our grasp in a heartbeat.

This acknowledgment / realization provides inner peace by freeing us from the constraints invariably linked with worldly attachments, and additionally reminds us that True Happiness is not of this world and cannot be attained by seeking 'things' of this world. In fact, as we have said before, Happiness should not be sought as an end in itself, but rather should be found as a result of a Life well-lived.

It is difficult to separate this world and our daily routines from (if you will) other-worldly considerations of inner peace and exoteric goodness. The exoteric nature of other-worldly consideration infers a legacy or the impact one leaves behind, while the inner considerations include how one judges their personal behaviors and how satisfied one is with their exoteric impact. These other-worldly considerations should have more influence on our thoughts, feelings, and actions than the relatively unimportant worldly considerations that too often do have more influence.

It is a matter of what is important, and as Epictetus reminds us - 'We Have Nothing To Lose.'

We like 'New'. New toys; a new car; a new baby; a new job; a new outlook; a New Year. 'New' frequently offers hope; and hope makes us feel good. The key word is 'feel'. Hope begins as an internal thought and/or feeling. To externalize any thought or feeling and make it into something tangible and positive, we must act upon it. We can't just say the words 'Happy New Year' and expect it to be.

This is just as true of negative or bad ('challenging') thoughts and feelings as it is of those that are positive or good. If we act on them, we can make them into something tangible and positive; if we take no action the results will be negative or (at best) nonexistent. Here on hopelesshappiness.com we have been saying that about hopelessness for weeks. Accept the challenge and learn from it.

When it comes to increasing the length and frequency of our 'moments' of Happiness, the following is always true IF your actions DO NO HARM to yourself or others:

• Thoughts and/or feelings plus action is greater than zero.
• Thoughts and/or feelings plus inaction is less than or equal to zero.

And to clarify, action DOES include (perhaps most importantly) simple, everyday behaviors. Most of us do not have the means (financially or otherwise) to solve major world problems, but (if you are reading this) you likely do have the means to impact your sphere of influence in a positive, tangible way; and what better way to solve the world's problems than one person at a time; (I believe it's the only way).

So don't just say it - live it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!