hopelesshappiness.com

I am learning - despite your concerted lack of effort (intended or not) to keep me from it. I don't believe (on any front) it is a personal attack, rather apathy here, fear over there, pretentious ignorance from my flanks, and perhaps some bias sprinkled throughout. This is true on both small and large scales. As a nation we encourage divisiveness, fear, bias, and lack of effort - both in learning and in teaching; all to maintain status quo.

• Most of our children learn that it is most comfortable to get by and fade into the background.
• Some of our children learn that by disrupting their environment they can put forth less effort toward learning and increase personal influence / power and swap condescending judgment of one sort for a more desirable sort.
• A few of our children are taught at home that they are above the fray and effectively join the ranks of most of our children; but sometimes also instigate and encourage disruption.
• A few of our children learn that learning is an uphill battle; and they are discouraged; and many of these few often fall back to join the ranks of most of our children.

And we carry these lessons into adulthood not only as they impact our personal learning but also as they dampen our enthusiasm for teaching and training - for helping others to improve and contribute. I believe that bad boys and girls receive an inordinate amount of attention compared to those who would benefit more and those who truly want to learn. This I believe is especially true in childhood in formal (K-12) education and in smaller groups including the family but carries through to adulthood perhaps more under the guise of apathy or indifference.

In adulthood, we often justify our lack of effort by convincing ourselves that we too are above the fray; or, like me, we are discouraged and give up on or give in to large scale bureaucracy. I still work very hard though to make a difference within my (very small) personal circles of possible influence. I am learning.

With perhaps half a dozen part-time exceptions, the last time I walked to work was in the last week of February 2025. Now here I am in the first week of March 2026, in a new job, in a new house, in a new town, walking to work. I left the house at 6:58, passed McDonalds at 7:21, and arrived at 7:30. Perhaps by walking again, I will recapture the focus that has eluded me in recent months. Perhaps by walking again, I will learn and think and write with renewed vigor. Perhaps.

• Life lived.
• Possessions accumulated.
• Surroundings reimagined.
• Ritual updated.
• Longing humbled.
• Time unraveled.
• Life lost.

I have spent my entire life believing, trusting, thinking the best. After these 66+ years, is it too late for me to become settled? Accepting? Jaded? In this time and in various capacities I have worked in (or proximate to) business, education, healthcare, banking, and law, and from these experiences perhaps I should be jaded. Perhaps I am becoming more so, partially (mostly?) because I am tired. I work hard, I stand, I fight for improvement, for Good and Right, for Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice; and some days it truly feels all for naught. This has been reflected in recent weeks and months in my thinking and writing; and in recent decisions.

• I retired.
• I went back to work; part time; twice.
• I bought a house - in a smaller town.
• I went back to work; full time.

Some might say I am winding down, but that would be presumptuous; and premature. I would say I have been shifting (perhaps refining) my focus to more accurately acknowledge surrounding reality and changing circumstance. Reality has always been what it is but in recent months, by aligning my life experience with surrounding reality, (in my mind) the future has changed. That said, I cannot forget that though reality has always been what it is, it is still different things to different people. Past and present reality is far, far more subjective than the word implies.

If I am respected as a person (as I should be), I should not need the added comfort of being (ultra) respected for my minority status. It feels as if political correctness and recognition are excuses for maintaining hierarchies. From experience, when you are a minority there is a noticeable (sometimes significant) difference in how you are handled. I was tagged a disabled minority 18 years ago, and 6 years ago I fell into the (over-60) ‘senior-citizen’ bucket where I have more frequently been made to feel (regardless of my capabilities and contributions) like I have outlived my usefulness. Yet I am fortunate that I am also (still) often treated as a person and not solely as a minority. Perhaps the difference is trust. As a person I feel trusted and I am taken seriously; as a minority I feel ignored, mistrusted, and insignificant, thus the perceived need (by those guilty of mishandling) for ultra-respect.

It is a difficult problem. The minority feel compelled to cry out, and hearing their pleas for justice a majority of the majority feel compelled to recognize and acknowledge the mistreatment, but upon doing so instinctive, (often) adversarial ‘us and them’ thoughts are triggered, too often followed by resentment and/or inaction. A minority of the majority, including and driven by Wealth and Power, then take advantage of this human instinct by sowing additional seeds of divisiveness to help maintain wealth and power.

The solution, (to treat everyone as a person), is less complicated with fewer steps than our current process: to put lipstick (i.e. ultra-respect) on the pig that is mistrust. But those who advocate wealth and power fear that minorities who are trusted may begin to feel more significant which may translate to feeling more powerful which in turn (they fear) may take away a portion of their wealth and/or power. And it might impact the portion of their power that is wealth, but I don't believe power is a zero-sum game. I believe those who willingly participate in some form of wealth redistribution will not see a lessening of their power, (may actually see an increase), and will be rewarded exponentially in many other ways. And I do believe it is ultimately necessary to more equitably share the wealth be it through taxes or a universal basic income or some other social system or program; necessary not only for the sake of societal improvement but also for our long-term survival.