hopelesshappiness.com

Public consensus is I am dying; yet I believe I am still living - and I (to this point) still act in accordance with my belief. At what point will I be swayed by either public consensus or my body's betrayal? Or a combination of both?

I think 60 is the approximate age when the world starts to turn away, especially in new relationships and circumstances, and in opportunity; and, the larger the age / maturity gap between me and power, the more pronounced the lack of consideration.

I think the body's betrayal technically begins the moment one is born but is not recognized as such until it consistently or constantly reminds one of their mortality. Then, by adding one's own mortality to the relationship equation an adversarial dynamic is created that further widens the gap between the individual mortal and the largely immortal public thus making it even more difficult for one to choose to act in accordance with living as opposed to giving in to dying.

Immortals have no time for dying and they resent anyone who is a reminder that it might be a thing. So they turn away and wave their hand peripherally at those reminders and assign us the role of dying so they may live large.

I continue to seek opportunity, new circumstance to contribute, to feel fulfilled; I will continue to act in accordance with living. And, based on recent experience, I will continue, (especially in new circumstance and often in everyday circumstance), to feel ignored, humored, restricted, and sometimes pitied - as if I am dying.

They might deserve something but they don't deserve this.

The best possible reason (perhaps the only reason) to own land is to avoid landlords.

The worst possible reason to own land is to be a landlord.

Property as an investment perpetuates capitalism which in turn encourages inequity; and often iniquity.

Ignorance is simply not knowing; stupidity is refusing to acknowledge one's own ignorance and further refusing to seek out ways to remedy one's own ignorance.

For the world so loved wealth, that we hoard all our ill-gotten gains, and whosoever believeth in power will not cherish life, but will have everlasting, unremedied ignorance.

To be judged harshly for ignorance is harsh. To be judged at all for stupidity is a selective, unjust process driven by power.

We pat ourselves on the back convinced that our cause for justice is noble, when in actuality the object is merely to win.

We are always rushing - in a hurry. To what end?

Power is stupid.

I understand that a landowner as landlord has more power, and I understand that because everything is processed through the filter that is me it is natural for an individual to think that he or she knows better and is better, but how does this justify the venom quite frequently seen in evictions, lease negotiations, and other subservient bureaucracies within the landlord / leaseholder relationship. Lives are disrupted for the satisfaction and/or convenience of a tyrant. The same can be said for many (perhaps all) other decisive, inarguable power structures but there (from experience) seems to be an amplified, hyperbolized ferocity in a landlord's edicts.

I recently bought a house and though I have frequently railed against “owning the land”, I find myself more comfortable, less anxious, and less afraid not having the specter of a monster - (one able to gobble me up and spit me out elsewhere) - hovering over me. As a leaseholder you expect it as a way of life, but now looking at it from the outside and currently seeing more than one family member being gobbled up and/or snacked upon, I am even more horrified by the inhumanity we allow.

I am in good company. Many famous thinkers including Adam Smith, Robert Green Ingersoll, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Bertrand Russell have questioned the wisdom of property ownership. One of my favorite summations comes from Jean-Jacques Rousseau in 1754:

"The first person who, having enclosed a plot of land, took it into his head to say 'this is mine' and found people simple enough to believe him, was the true founder of civil society. What crimes, wars, murders, what miseries and horrors would the human race have been spared, had someone pulled up the stakes or filled in the ditch and cried out to his fellow men: 'Do not listen to this impostor. You are lost if you forget that the fruits of the earth belong to all and the earth to no one!'"

If I were different my life would be different. I don't know how I am who I am. Nature? Nurture? Does it really matter? Instead of where or how, the more relevant question (I believe) is what. And even that question is only to acknowledge, recognize, temper, and refine. I look back on decisions made decades ago (even in childhood) and it is clear that decisions today are consistent. I can't just turn my back on me. Yes, one day I will have to let go, but until that dying moment, I will remain; still me but perhaps, as I continue to gain wisdom, a better version.

What defines a person?

• Confusion?
• Fear?
• Responsibility?
• Compassion?
• A sense of belonging?
• Justice?
• Wisdom?
• Power?
• Wealth?
• Beauty?
• Hunger?
• Truth?
• Anger?
• Sadness?
• Curiosity?

It is a common question asked even in children's movies.

My life is a moment. Moments die. My current job is a moment. My last job was a moment. My relationships are mere moments. Some moments are destined to last a lifetime. Some moments flare up dramatically then die a quick death. Some moments are slowly suffocated. What defines me determines (sometimes predetermines) each moment's death.

I just removed ‘Love’ from the list above.

If I am unable to turn my back on myself yet I am able and choose to acknowledge, recognize, temper, and refine, I just removed ‘Love’ from the list above because I believe to Love is to more frequently practice, enhance, and strengthen those positive, productive qualities I already possess (Compassion, Responsibility, Justice) and perhaps better manage those qualities that may do harm and/or be misinterpreted (Anger, Power, Sadness).

I just disclosed me. At least my perception of me. And I cannot turn my back on that; not even for a moment.

Dragons and Mincemeat.