In early October I had a conversation with my supervisor (at the time) in which I explained that unless I received a significant pay increase by the end of the calendar year, I would make more by retiring and I would need to start that process. Unfortunately for me, paycheck-to-paycheck is a reality. I also made it clear I did not want to retire. He assured me that he would have a conversation with the individual who officially took his place as my supervisor approximately two weeks later, and within that time frame he verbally confirmed that he had that conversation. Based on history I should not be surprised that I have not heard a word from either one since. Not even a note to confirm awareness and/or intention. And because I work for a large state university where wheels turn very slowly, time has probably already run out. This leaves me sad.
In my role, I am apparently seen as a below-average, easily-replaced, minor, supporting, and (at times) contentious functionary. This perception comes from my pay, my percentage pay increases compared to others, and my most recent average evaluation. These uninformed judgments are further secured by my obscurity that is a result of my workload, my sense of responsibility, my character (not seeking acclaim), and communication gaps equal to the income and entitlement gaps between me and (it seems) everyone else. But if anyone would have bothered to ask, I would have been happy to make my case that I am far more valuable than the unnoticeable cog I am thought to be. Or perhaps I am not. Alongside not seeking acclaim, I am also filled with uncertainty and lacking in self-confidence, which many would see as character flaws, yet I see ‘seeking acclaim’ as lost productivity and I see uncertainty as reality and reality as the first step toward progress. We disagree on many fronts.
Regardless of whether I have value or I am easily replaced, my opinion counts for so much less than the opinion of those in power that it appears for practical purposes I am easily replaced and I will be stepping aside. That said, I will happily print a retraction and continue to work if they surprise me with communication (by the end of the calendar year) followed by some consensus sort of justice. I am not hopeful but I also have not yet completely given up.
Below are links to other thoughts I have had along the way that have contributed to this probable decision.
2024:
2023:
2022: