hopelesshappiness.com

Here on hopelesshappiness.com we have maintained from the beginning that Consistent Long-Lasting Happiness (CLH) is hopeless and increasing the frequency and length of our ‘moments’ of Happiness (Relative Momentary Happiness or RMH) is the best we can hope for. We have identified key elements (in the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements) and discussed various ways to meld these elements with reality, enabling us to learn and grow. We have encouraged, cajoled, celebrated, laughed, and (occasionally) whined. What we have not done (and will never do) is to definitively say A + B = Happiness. There are too many variables (some Light and some Dark) impacting too many people in too many different ways to even remotely consider the possibility of a one-size-fits-all notion of Happiness.

With all that said, in this post I am going to hunt for treasure by examining the concept of importance. I’m not sure where it will take us, but I cannot shake this nagging thought that if we dig deep enough we might find a connection between importance and Happiness that may clarify (just a little) some of what we have been discussing. Ultimately, as this site continues to evolve, I hope to more definitively identify Happiness as a higher order state of being and further differentiate it from the everyday emotion that many refer to as happiness, (but I typically refer to as joy or cheerfulness). To be clear … I don’t think it is possible to define and/or map Happiness, but I do think it is possible to gain a better understanding of Happiness and place ourselves in its general vicinity by living certain actions and behaviors. As I continue to write, and my thoughts become less muddled, I’m beginning to see how a firmer grasp of the concept of importance can serve as an influential guide to beneficial behaviors.

First we’ll define two aspects of importance:

1. Being Important – If you’re a parent, you are important to your young children; if you are in a serious, committed relationship, you are important to your spouse or significant other; if you are a boss, you are important to your employees. This may not always mean that they are important to you, but because of the standing and impact you have, you are important to them.
2. Doing Important – I believe ‘Doing Important’ must evolve from other-worldly considerations (outside of the world of ‘me’ and ‘now’). These other-worldly considerations include inner peace – what you learn for and from within; and exoteric goodness – what you send forth that indelibly survives your passing; (by ‘passing’ I don’t necessarily mean passing from this world, although that is included, but rather passing through this world).

So think about the difference between ‘being’ and ‘doing’ important and how each may impact your concept of happiness (or Happiness). While you may find that being important seems to contribute to your happiness, it is doing so with and for the things of this world. Last week I concluded the post ‘Other-Worldly Happiness’ by saying that “it is a matter of what is important” and hopefully asserting (with the help of Epictetus) that things of this world are not important (though at times they may seem unavoidably necessary) to our relative moments of Happiness.

And … I have also previously maintained (most notably in ‘this post from September 2011’) that we should not attempt to find Happiness, but rather let Happiness find us. I believe that one possible way to do this is by ‘doing’ important. Being important is a great opportunity to do important, and perhaps this is why being important gives the illusion of Happiness. If you confuse the two by believing that being important is the same as doing important, no matter how good your intentions, the meaning and impact will be lost or, at best, confused. As my oldest daughter said many years ago at the age of 5, “you may think you are, but you’re not.”

So if you’re lucky enough to be important to others, take advantage and do important. Take the time and effort to ask questions and listen carefully, with empathy.

And if you are fortunate enough to recognize your importance to yourself – Live Well, Learn Much, and Grow Beyond Worldly Concerns.

Doing trumps Being, and Happiness trumps happiness.

The Philosopher Epictetus (55 - 135 CE), said that nothing can truly be taken from us. He maintained that inner peace begins when we stop saying "I have lost it" and instead say "it has been returned to where it came from." He was of course speaking about things belonging in this world. The world owes us nothing, so when we can, we should take great care of those things the world allows us to have temporarily. Whether it is the temporary love and respect of others, or temporary health, comfort, enjoyment, growth, or ultimately temporary Happiness, we must know that it can be snatched from our grasp in a heartbeat.

This acknowledgment / realization provides inner peace by freeing us from the constraints invariably linked with worldly attachments, and additionally reminds us that True Happiness is not of this world and cannot be attained by seeking 'things' of this world. In fact, as we have said before, Happiness should not be sought as an end in itself, but rather should be found as a result of a Life well-lived.

It is difficult to separate this world and our daily routines from (if you will) other-worldly considerations of inner peace and exoteric goodness. The exoteric nature of other-worldly consideration infers a legacy or the impact one leaves behind, while the inner considerations include how one judges their personal behaviors and how satisfied one is with their exoteric impact. These other-worldly considerations should have more influence on our thoughts, feelings, and actions than the relatively unimportant worldly considerations that too often do have more influence.

It is a matter of what is important, and as Epictetus reminds us - 'We Have Nothing To Lose.'

We like 'New'. New toys; a new car; a new baby; a new job; a new outlook; a New Year. 'New' frequently offers hope; and hope makes us feel good. The key word is 'feel'. Hope begins as an internal thought and/or feeling. To externalize any thought or feeling and make it into something tangible and positive, we must act upon it. We can't just say the words 'Happy New Year' and expect it to be.

This is just as true of negative or bad ('challenging') thoughts and feelings as it is of those that are positive or good. If we act on them, we can make them into something tangible and positive; if we take no action the results will be negative or (at best) nonexistent. Here on hopelesshappiness.com we have been saying that about hopelessness for weeks. Accept the challenge and learn from it.

When it comes to increasing the length and frequency of our 'moments' of Happiness, the following is always true IF your actions DO NO HARM to yourself or others:

• Thoughts and/or feelings plus action is greater than zero.
• Thoughts and/or feelings plus inaction is less than or equal to zero.

And to clarify, action DOES include (perhaps most importantly) simple, everyday behaviors. Most of us do not have the means (financially or otherwise) to solve major world problems, but (if you are reading this) you likely do have the means to impact your sphere of influence in a positive, tangible way; and what better way to solve the world's problems than one person at a time; (I believe it's the only way).

So don't just say it - live it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the houses

The people were hunched over keyboards and mouses

The posts were all hung on the blog with great care

In hopes that the readers soon would be there

Alas though, the mainstream were following threads

From sugar-plum bloggers who danced in their heads

And they in their sweetness, and I in the gap

Encouraging Truth to wake from its nap

When out in the world there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my (twenty-four inch, LED, high def, ultra thin, backlit, wide-) screen to see what was the matter

Away to the Starbucks I flew like a flash

Tore open my latte with style and panache

The steam on the crest of the new espresso

Gave the lustre of mystery to coffee below

When what to my wandering mind should appear

But a small happy thought, and a spot of good cheer

With a little conniving so subtle and slick

I knew in a moment it must be a trick

More rapid than eagles conflicting thoughts came

I nursed them and cursed them and called them by name

Compassion and Anger! Now Patience! Regret!

On Goodness! On Justice! On Worry and Fret!

To determine their meaning! To understand all!

Now clash away! Clash away! Victors stand tall!

As dry heaves that after wild excesses fly

When met with an obstacle; denounce and decry

So up t'wards perfection, the discourse it flew

With new thoughts full of joys and uncertainties too

And then in an inkling, I'd heard quite enough

This prancing and pawing was nothing but fluff

As I drew in a breath and was turning around

Some Happiness lost became Happiness found

It was dressed all in 'Light' from its head to its foot

Yet its clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot

A bundle of joys it had flung on its back

And it looked like a swindler just opening its pack

My eyes -- how they twinkled! My dimples how merry!

My cheeks were like roses, my nose like a cherry!

My droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow

... My mind itched with a thought that it would not let go

This stump of a thought that my mind did bequeath

And this dawning encircled my head like a wreath

It had a broad face and some depth in its belly

This insight, it shook me; my knees felt like jelly

A chubby, plump thought, best not left on a shelf

And I laughed when I thought it, in spite of myself

I think what we want is for Dark to have fled

But it's ashes and soot - there's nothing to dread

The Dark's often mute; just there doing its work

Yet seems that it's stalking, and acting the jerk

It decreases Happiness, everyone knows

Yet Happiness nods and still smells like a rose

So spring from your keyboards, and give Life a whistle

And away worries fly like the down on a thistle

And now I'll exclaim as I write out of sight

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT

This past week I have shed tears of joy, thanks to the birth of a beautiful new Granddaughter. This is my first Grandchild and I had no idea until this past Wednesday the emotions this event would bring forth. There are no words ...

With that said (or not said, as the case may be), this wave of euphoria that I am still riding has helped me to better recognize and understand the difference between joy and Happiness. Yes, I did catch myself more than once this week, saying, "I am so Happy," yet in reality what I was feeling, was Joy. (I know ... Semantics; but as I have stated throughout this site, Happiness is not an emotion.) Regardless, I think many would agree that emotion can easily distance or even banish reality and rationality, but that is okay because we can also learn from that emotion. When we regain some sense of normalcy (reality) we can build on or from that emotional state to or towards a higher order state of being. From anger we can move towards patience or compassion; from shame or regret we learn to accept humility and we add to our limited wisdom; from grief or sadness we can build towards a greater goodness; and from joy we can increase the length and frequency of our Relative Momentary Happiness.

To My New Grandaughter: I look in your face and feel a warmth I have never felt before. I know we will learn from each other; I know we will grow together; and I know we will add to each others' Happiness for years to come. Thank you for becoming a part of my world, and I look forward to becoming a part of yours.