hopelesshappiness.com

There is a rhythm to be found in each tiny detail of Life. Too often though, discordant aspects of existence stumble into and over each other, creating a cacophony of urgent contradictions. But when we are able to layer the various rhythms of Life in such a way that they don’t feel muddled, confused, or out of sync, we are nearer to Truth and Happiness. This is why, for me, music is so appealing; it does with sound what I am too often unable to do with thoughts … and emotions … and aspirations … and uncertainty … and … …

This past week I watched (for the third or fourth time) the ‘Talking Heads’ film ‘Stop Making Sense’. Wow! Filled with passion and energy and creativity, this film is one of my favorite musical experiences. I could name many favorites (and someday may) but for now will simply say that with a somewhat extensive collection of various types of music (dating back to eight-track tapes) I can generally find what I need, and sometimes even when I need it.

Music is restorative, stimulating, and hopeful. Music is the synergy of minutiae making sense. Music encourages me to find my rhythm. Music is magical. If a day comes when I am unable to enjoy the auditory inspiration of music, I can only hope I have sufficiently cultivated the ability to hear it from within.

Smartphone! - Apps! - SocialMedia! - Mortgage! - Car! - NewCar! - Credit! - Gadgets! - Connections! - Banks! - Stuff! - Downloads! - Taxes! - Friending! - Prestige! - Insurance! - Shopping! - LookAtMe! - Numbers! - GrandeMochaSkinnyNoWhip! - RealityTV! - Rules! - MoreStuff! - Pedicures! - Diets! - Membership! - MassMedia! - Brainwashed! - Individuality! - Time! - Affiliations! - Insurance! - WorkEthic! - Workout! - ImportantPeople! - MoreConnections! - MoreStuff! - Politics! - NewSmartphone! - Entitlement! - NewerGadgets! - Restaurants! - FastFood! - NoTime! - Elections! - Fees! - SuperMegaEverythingStores! - Superficiality! - Food! - DecisionMakers! - Crowds! - Lemmings! - MoreInsurance! - Gloss! - Events! - HighFructoseCornSyrup! - MoreStuff! - TaxesAndFees! - Shackles!

From a perspective on high we must look like Brad Pitt at his most frenetic in the 1996 film "Twelve Monkeys", bouncing and scurrying and jumping through artificial hoops. This week I am tired and discouraged and embarrassed by this trained poodle persona I have been forced to play. But, I have gained a slightly different perspective (once again) on that ever-changing concept of reality. I am calm (at the moment) and recognize the peace gained through acceptance. I am realistic in that I am unhappy (small 'h') about the current situation, but I am at peace knowing I have contributed mostly 'good and positive' to the situation, and the 'unhappy' circumstances are beyond my control. With open eyes I recognize the current reality, and because I do, I feel closer to Happiness (big 'H'). I did not search for Happiness, yet it is nearby.

When I say 'the insanity of happiness' (small 'h') I am not referring to the circumstantial necessity of 'happathy' (see the previous post on happathy) or the legitimate 'joy' of life; I am referring to chronic, long-term impaired contact with reality; (which unsurprisingly also serves as a definition for psychosis). I think on an individual person-by-person basis it would be difficult to pinpoint specific symptoms, but looking at society as a single, massive organism, it is very easy to observe the insanity.

My newfound perspective (which is already influencing decisions) involves a two-pronged initiative - simplify and disconnect. I am finding a synergistic relationship between the two, especially when the focus is first on 'disconnect'.

To simplify one must reduce unnecessary complications; the key word is unnecessary. This may seem to contradict 'Recipe for Happiness' which encourages complexity, but for our purposes 'complexity' adds meaning whereas 'complications' detract from meaning and/or add confusion.

To disconnect one must eliminate unnecessary communications. The challenge is determining 'unnecessary'. Many of us think that every one of the hundreds of daily communications we receive, in all their incarnations, are absolutely necessary. I am finding I can live without a large majority of them.

Some would say the system is broken beyond repair; others would say the system works just fine; still others would vacillate and dissect; and some would say "what system?"

From my current, unbiased, even-handed, open-minded, impartial, fair, clinically objective perch, I would say insanity prevails.

Ask me again next week.

I have spent this last week re-reading all the posts and pages on this web site. I have attempted to objectively assess how (or if) these thoughts in writing have helped to guide me closer to Happiness. I can say with some certainty that it has been a cathartic process that has (from a big picture perspective) created a more thoughtful, introspective, motivated me; but ...

Have those around me seen a difference? I honestly don't think anyone would say they have. By nature I am a bit surly, and I have certainly not become little miss sunshine; but would I have been more difficult and harder to live with if I had not created this forum in which to hold these one-way conversations? Of late, I believe the answer to that question is Yes. I think I would have been inching ever closer to the impossible end of the 'living with' spectrum if it weren't for these efforts. I could claim health issues/concerns or 'mid-life crisis' symptoms (which I guess I just did), but I recognize these claims as merely excuses. I talk about high standards and accountability, yet when it comes to controlling negative emotions I sometimes have difficulty walking the talk. In last week's post I said that a certain amount of grumpiness is okay because it simply reflects the reality that I believe is so important in the search for Truth and Wisdom; and I believe this is true ... to a point; sometimes I cross that line and find myself in the middle of another excuse.

I believe that I would have been more difficult to be around if not for the therapeutic benefits assimilated as a result of my soulful wanderings. So what specifically has helped?

1. Are there specific posts or constructs that have been more helpful than others?
2. Or is it the discipline and action of thinking and writing each week that has helped?
3. And if this is true (discipline and action) could I have thoughtfully written on a different, random topic each week and attained similar benefits?
4. Could I have attained similar benefits if I would have chosen a single topic other than Happiness to explore as deeply as I have and intend to, here?
5. Or (in fairness I have to ask) is it all just Philosophical 'Hibbety-Jibbety' with little or no relevance to our daily existence?

Answers:

1. Yes; there are specific posts and constructs that have been more helpful. I find myself re-reading Recipe for Happiness and Happiness Despite Disappointment once every couple of weeks. I am enthralled with the concept of Time as presented in Time and Happiness, and I refer frequently to The Periodic Happiness Table of Elements page and its associated posts, as well as Other-Worldly Happiness, Importance and Happiness, Silent Happiness, Decisive Happiness, and Happiness-Based Reality. I get a kick out of Unhappiness and find it to be an accurate description based on observations of myself and others nearby. I also enjoy Happy Christmas as a light-hearted getaway. Additionally I have referred to a certain James Baldwin quote more than once, that I find has considerable relevance to the ideas presented throughout this site. Overall I am satisfied with the direction thus far, but know that I need to continue forward.
2. Yes; the discipline and action of writing each week has helped. But ... the synergy is multiplied by relevance; (see #3 below).
3. Maybe; it is possible I could have written on a different, random topic each week and attained similar benefits. I believe we search for answers on topics that are relevant and potentially helpful. If we are not in need of answers on BIG Life questions, then the discipline of consistent thinking / acting on or in random areas of interest (I believe) can result in similar benefits.
4. A single topic other than Happiness may have provided similar benefits, but only if the single topic had specific relevance to me. I chose Happiness because (though I tried) I simply could not reconcile the current 'positive psychology' movement with the reality of day-to-day living. It felt false and I desperately wanted to understand (and still do) the interdependent relationships between happiness (with a small 'h'), Happiness (with a big 'H'), Truth, Wisdom, Purpose, inner peace, and exoteric goodness.
5. No, it is not 'Hibbety-Jibbety'. I strongly believe that this type of questioning/searching/thought has considerable relevance. It has made a difference for me, and I would like to think that anyone with even the tiniest bit of spirituality would agree; but I still had to ask the question.

Final Answer: Yes, there have been tangible benefits, but ... I cannot lose sight of the overriding premise - Consistent Long-lasting Happiness (CLH) is hopeless; the best we can hope for is Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH), and by living a Life grounded in reality, with open eyes, the possibility of increasing the length and frequency of those moments of Happiness. I will say again, with considerable objective certainty, this web site has helped. Hopelessness encourages Hope.

Last week in the post 'Health and Happiness' I touched on how "satisfaction begets dissatisfaction". Throughout these posts and pages I have suggested that Happiness is best not chased after, but instead allowed to find us (often unexpectedly) as a result of our efforts towards Truth, Wisdom, inner peace, and exoteric goodness. This week I have found a continuation to this line of thinking in that just as Happiness finds us, so too does pain. Whether emotional, spiritual, mental, or physical, (just as Happiness cannot be sought after and found) pain does not discriminate and cannot be avoided. Granted, there are ways to mitigate the likelihood of unintentional self-inflicted pain, and there are ways to enhance opportunities for Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH), but there are many instances of both pain and Happiness that simply happen; and the more such instances of one (partially due to the resulting heightened awareness), the more such instances of the other.

So should we avoid Truth and Wisdom to lessen the likelihood of pain? Should we practice the art of unreality by 'acting' cheerful and creating a persona? Should we choose a perpetual state of blissful ignorance? For me the answer is No. I will accept the pain of Happiness to experience the satisfaction of a Life lived with open eyes.

As a result of this philosophy though, I too often find myself tending towards grumpiness, impatience, or (at worst) anger. I deal with these tendencies in two different ways:

1. I let the reality of my feelings shine through; especially with those feelings / reactions that may be unpleasant but typically do no long-term damage, such as a little surliness or impatience. I believe this is simply practicing the reality that I preach.
2. If I catch myself tending towards an extreme such as anger, I will utilize a crutch such as gratitude, optimism, or even (occasionally) unwilling sacrifice. At times circumstances dictate the use of one or more crutch to keep the peace. This is more often the case (for me anyway) in a work setting or around strangers and/or casual acquaintances.

Sometimes I don't catch myself. Other times I misjudge my intensity or the recipient's sensitivity. When this occurs (and when I am thinking clearly) I revert to various guiding principles such as compassion, patience, humility and persistence to help set things right. (Refer to the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements for further explanation of Guiding Principles and Crutches.)

As is usually the case, I am more successful in thoughts and words than in actions; yet I find that thoughts and words are a positive influence on actions.

Pain is Growth.

In this post I want to talk about healthy habits as they apply to physical health, leaving spiritual, emotional, and intellectual health for another time. I think it’s important to note the qualification just made – “healthy habits as they apply to physical health” – meaning that optimal health is not necessary for healthy habits. In fact, I have found that less than optimal health can prove to be a jumping-off point, encouraging healthy habits.

First, some personal background. After a disability (Meniere’s Syndrome) five years ago, that put me out of work, unable to drive, I was feeling a little sorry for myself and spent three years practicing a sedentary life of excess that added nearly 50 pounds to what had previously been a fairly acceptable size. Then a minor heart attack prompted a rash of exercise (fighting through and around disabling limitations as I was able) and healthy eating that resulted in the loss of more than 50 pounds in four months. I have been able to maintain these habits (and the weight) for the past two years. I was lucky. My disability, though debilitating in many ways, still allowed (as many disabilities do) for a challenging regimen of exercise. From this experience I have (so far) learned the following:

1. Successfully overcoming adversity is very satisfying.
2. Exercising and eating right is enabling, helping to balance the disabling factors that stalk all of us (officially disabled or not) as we age.
3. The better I feel, the better I want to feel; or – satisfaction begets dissatisfaction; or – the greater the number of ‘moments of Happiness’ the greater the number of ‘moments of Unhappiness’.

The majority of us can make a conscious decision to adopt healthy habits regardless of our starting point. I essentially spent 50 years eating and doing (or not doing) what I wanted. Now I am back to full-time work, eating right, and exercising regularly, and though I’m fighting continued and gradually increasing Meniere’s symptoms, I have never felt better; and that gives me more frequent ‘moments of Happiness’ while keeping me grounded in a very ‘real’ reality.

Perhaps after 50 years of healthy habits, when I turn 100, I’ll allow myself to again eat what I want, when I want. I can only hope that KFC is still around.