This week I've been thinking about 'disconnects'. Though there may be other definitions, for now, in the context of our search for Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness we will focus on these two:
- An unrealized or unrecognized difference between what one says or thinks and the consensus reality of the situation; or
- A mental construct that in theory appears to be solid, whole, or workable, but in practice exposes planned synergy as weak or non-existent.
One of the differences between the two is that in the second scenario we can and do make adjustments for the unforeseen variables and flaws (disconnects) as they appear, whereas in the first scenario the disconnect is due to an individual or group being oblivious to another individual or group's reality, thus the ignorance (i.e. lack of understanding) makes it impossible to adjust one's perspective.
A common example of a disconnect between what one says or thinks and consensus reality is the oft-cited view from an ivory tower. This 'Ivory Tower Syndrome' (in my mind) is associated with government representatives / agencies, corporations, institutions of higher learning (unfortunately), financial bureaucracies such as banks and insurance companies, and (in some instances) law enforcement agencies, the courts, and the criminal justice system. You can probably bring to mind other examples, and may even be aware of times when you have been oblivious to another's reality. For me, this awareness typically comes in the form of hindsight. Empathy and Compassion are keys to avoiding this scenario.
An example of a disconnect involving a mental construct that does not play out as planned can be found right here on this web site. If you are unfamiliar with the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements or this post on the Recipe for Happiness it may be helpful to review this information.
Specifically, I want to talk about the 'Ingredients for Happiness' (found in the 'Recipe') and the various ways in which they may interact and/or interfere with one another. We will start with 'pleasure' which we define as comfort or security and which we really must attain some minimal level of, before being able to move on to higher-order ingredients. Yet attaining this level of comfort may dictate certain requirements that are (not only) not conducive to progressing through the ingredients, but may be (in some circumstances) diametrically opposed to some ingredients. For example, many of us must work (a job) in order to get paid, which in turn enables us to attain some level of comfort and security by giving us food, shelter, and clothing. Without that comfort we are unlikely to advance further along the spectrum of ingredients, but with that job (in many cases) we are unable to approach any level of complexity or depth, which we have identified as higher-order ingredients. Additionally many jobs (and/or bosses) do not provide adequate opportunity for learning, growth, or even human interaction, while demanding mind-numbing levels of attention and focus; (we won't even broach the topic of enjoyment). In fairness it can also be said that some workers lack the initiative (even when provided the opportunity) needed to improve these workplace challenges.
So that leaves our lives outside of work in which to pursue the elusive ingredients not found in our jobs. A large segment of this time (outside of work) can easily be taken up in pursuit of further pleasure and enjoyment, which often adds a certain amount of human interaction (which is all good), but in this narcissistic, materialistic, media-driven culture we live and breathe, we too often stop there, and find no 'flow' time for the other important ingredients.
Perhaps Pleasure and Enjoyment are available in such quantities and so easily accessible (not to mention pleasurable and enjoyable) that they act as deterrents or roadblocks to higher-order ingredients. And if we did choose to focus more on learning, growth, complexity, and depth it is possible we would or could sacrifice a certain amount of human interaction, enjoyment, and possibly even some comfort and security if this personal growth interfered with job performance or family obligations. It is obvious this mental construct for seeking Truth, Wisdom, and ultimately Happiness does not flow seamlessly from one ingredient to the next; but we do at least have the opportunity (as previously discussed) to make adjustments by accounting for the reality of Light and Dark, occasionally using crutches as needed, accepting the variables as unavoidable, living by some guiding principles, and developing and learning from reality-based theories and hypotheses. In this specific example, the awareness I have gained throughout this gestational period of more than 40 weeks of posts here on hopelesshappiness.com, has literally brought forth new energy and understanding, and created a greater stability than what would have otherwise been.
So, if a plan or belief is one of my own making, or one that I have truly bought into, then I am more likely to be understanding, flexible, and accepting of realities, thus reducing and/or controlling the disconnects. But if a disconnect comes from a lack of empathy, compassion, understanding, or simply a lack of listening or paying attention, then Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness will be stymied and discouraged.
One more small example - Occasionally I will prepare a meal or a dish that based on the result would appear to have had no disconnects. The reality is that throughout the process I am constantly making adjustments (temp, time, ingredients, spices, quantities, measurements, etc.) in order to account for the disconnects and enhance the food experience to come. Yet in Life I have observed plans, goals, and relationships dictated and then executed 'by the book' with little or no wriggle room to account for the disconnects that invariably arise. If you can relate to the food prep analogy try to remember how it felt sitting down with guests to the pleasure and enjoyment of a meal that was a result of your attention, focus, and the complexity and depth of your culinary experience in managing the various disconnects as they presented themselves throughout the process. Now imagine those same feelings as they could apply to other (big-picture and little-picture) aspects of Life.
One can learn a lot from a good pot of Gumbo.
