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'Last week' I considered the relationship between uninhibited truthfulness and reality, and I determined that the interpretation / emphasis / impact of uninhibited truthfulness would vary with each individual perspective. I also stated that empirical reality could provide some common ground for varying interpretations of uninhibited truthfulness but transcendental reality (by its nature) could not. (Think politics and religion for examples of transcendental realities lacking common ground.) I then concluded last week's post by stating that due to the unique interpretive nature of uninhibited truthfulness, it could not be the same as reality; and then I pondered the relationship between Reality and Truth.

And here we are ...

First, to clarify - uninhibited truthfulness implies an attempt to communicate one's perspective to oneself and/or to others. One's perspective does not imply Truth. Truth is an unknowable Ideal that we can only hope to catch an occasional fleeting glimpse of, and Truth will always be beyond words.

Reality though (I believe) can serve as a conduit or bridge to close the gap on Truth. Unfortunately we cannot utilize transcendental reality to assist in closing this gap because there is no common ground to settle disputes. A like-minded group may feel they know the Truth through a transcendental reality, but the mere fact that there is dispute (i.e. differing opinions of a transcendental reality that by definition is beyond words) renders the problem unsolvable and the argument unwinnable.

We are left then with empirical reality which through shared experience and/or sensory data creates some common ground. I have stated before that I believe the fact that we are here in this physical realm has some import and must connect in some way to more important other-worldly considerations. The connectors I have previously presented are inner peace and exoteric goodness. These are two very real-world concepts that also go beyond words. I'm not sure how yet, but I feel the following paragraph lifted from the previous post 'Happiness Beyond Words' will help to connect some of these dots from empirical reality to the general vicinity of Truth:

"(I believe) fluff is inevitable. (I believe) a contemplative Life dominated by fluff is inexcusable. (I believe) the empirical reality of Life (specifically my reactive actions and behaviors) can easily be dominated by fluff. (I believe) the empirical reality of Life can be enriched by being proactive. (I believe) the empirical reality of Life can be made more meaningful through serious inner contemplation."

I am going to attempt to sort the layered complexity of thoughts currently cascading through my mind:

1. Empirically we can all relate to feelings that are difficult to describe with words. These feelings may emanate from a number of experiences including dreams, aspirations, relationships, learning, growth, adversity, other miscellaneous yearning, or they may come out of the blue.
2. With serious contemplation one can increase the number and expand the energy of these 'feelings beyond words'.
3. Once these 'feelings beyond words' increase in frequency, with attention and focus one can begin to recognize and associate them, building toward tangible concepts.
4. Once tangible concepts become more recognizable they will in turn encourage, and in some cases demand, a greater depth of understanding.
5. At times Life (or Fluff) will distract and pull one off course.
6. At times a greater depth of understanding will enable one to share concepts with others, and despite the inevitable loss in translation, this will in turn urge others to connect the dots from empirical reality to transcendental possibility to the general vicinity of Truth.

Already, in this effort above, I see some loss in translation. Perhaps another common example of this process will assist with a more instinctive understanding. Think about a loving or caring relationship nurtured and developed over time. Initially, in a relationship, it may be difficult to express words that do justice to the feelings; though we try. As time goes on we find it becomes more meaningful (and often second nature) to express these feelings wordlessly; with a simple look, or a loving touch, or one's tone, or body language, or simply one's presence. This is communication beyond words that began empirically but ultimately leads to a greater depth of understanding, thus proving (in my mind) the transcendental nature or basis of this empirical reality.

Exoteric Goodness - The Goodness one leaves in their wake, as one passes through this empirical reality; one's legacy as interpreted by others.

Inner Peace - The calming of and satisfaction with one's energy previously distributed via feelings, thoughts, and actions; one's legacy as interpreted by oneself.

The more meaningful the feeling, thought, or concept, the more difficult it becomes to communicate/verbalize understanding to oneself or to others; yet within oneself there is an intuitive understanding that we know is there ... at our fingertips ... just beyond our grasp. I believe the two connectors presented are examples of observable (empirical) behaviors/concepts that have the potential to leave an indescribable (transcendental) impact; which in turn closes the gap on Truth because Truth is an unknowable (indescribable, transcendental) Ideal. I believe this is how we connect the dots from this world to that which is beyond; identify concepts that bridge the gap.

If we desire to seek Truth and Wisdom across all natural and artificial boundaries, empirical reality is all we have to work with. There are cultures, religions, political affiliations, and other like-minded groups that can profess or pretend to know transcendental reality and The Truth, but as a species, or even as a country, the common ground we have to meet on - the place we must start - the only place where everyone is welcome - is shared experience / agreed upon sensory data / empirical reality.

I am not discouraging anyone from seeking transcendental reality. I am simply pointing out three things:

1. When there is disagreement on transcendental reality, both parties should conjointly retreat to common ground and find some agreement (a starting point) in empirical reality.
2. Transcendental reality is actually transcendental possibility that began in empirical reality and has been through multiple filters including one's uninhibited truthfulness to oneself.
3. Seeking transcendental reality is just one step (or loop) in the process of an individual closing the gap on Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness.

Each morning I get out of bed, situate my playing pieces, roll the die, and start moving. Once my playing pieces are in play, I again roll the die and again move accordingly. Sometimes the die roll dictates that I move backward. Most days I talk myself into believing that there is some steady forward progress. I have a lot of pieces in play and sometimes it is hard to track all the simultaneous movement; especially when moving with and/or against the tide of other player's pieces.

Sometimes I land on a space that requires me to draw a card with new instructions; occasionally these instructions are game-changers. Oftentimes instructions dictate interaction with other players - occasionally cooperatively; occasionally competitively, or even adversarially. Sometimes there are disputes over rules interpretation. When this happens, the player whose piece is furthest ahead generally wins the argument. It's a good thing I have multiple pieces in play because a couple seem to consistently lag behind.

Frequently I have to make decisions that I know will influence outcomes both short and long term. I don't always know what is best, but the unforgiving nature of the game ensures that I will find out. Additionally, the random complexity of the game makes it difficult (at times seemingly impossible) to predict outcomes and avoid mistakes; especially since rules interpretation is constantly in flux. The best I can hope for is to recover, learn, and grow, knowing adversity will continue to show up in one or more of my spaces.

Occasionally the scoring system changes with little or no notice, and I wake up (or open my eyes) to a different game than I thought I was playing. Sometimes I keep playing the same game, even when it has become a different game; which is not a winning strategy. Sometimes the most fun is had by successfully anticipating changes and overcoming obstacles and/or other players. Sometimes the object is not to beat other players, but to beat the odds or to stay ahead of the game. Sometimes the object is to beat other players.

There are some days when I feel like I am running a game on Happiness. Over-analyzing / over-thinking just to establish a foothold. Am I 'Gaming' Happiness? ... Or Myself? ... Or is Happiness 'Gaming' me? ... Are we all 'Gaming' one another?

At times, when I attempt to intimidate Reality by staring into its harshest, darkest corners, the resulting shock waves make me understand why Reality is typically ignored. Reality is not a game. The only way to 'Game' Reality is to ignore the dark corners, focus intently on the bright center, and go blind.

But ...

Sometimes when I focus too intently on the deepest, darkest recesses I lose sight of the bright center. So perhaps the place to be is in the fringes; where the Dark and the Light overlap. From the fringes I should be able to see part of the way into the Dark with assistance from the Light; but then sometimes when I move forward for a better look, I find myself stumbling in the Dark. I am drawn to the Dark; I feel I will find more Truth and Wisdom from the Dark; but this could be a siren song ... luring me into the Dark ... to stumble around ... Blindly.

I should qualify 'Dark' as used above - In this context it is simply meant as an unavoidable part of reality typically mainfested as pain and adversity. It is not meant as a negative and as discussed and implied throughout this site, it should be balanced with Light. I am struggling with this balance right now. Perhaps it is because the flow and direction of my uninhibited truthfulness has been predominantly outward; toward others. Perhaps I need to balance this flow with some inner flow, and a greater effort to interpret uninhibited truthfulness flowing from others toward me.

I don't want to carelessly stumble around in the Dark and I cannot / will not be blinded by the Light of rainbows and lollipops. It seems I should adjust my perspective with some inner/outer/directional balance as suggested above, but I am afraid in doing so 'game' advantage will be sacrificed. It seems (as it is now) that in the short term I am less well off, but I strongly believe that in the long term I will more consistently close the gap on Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness by acknowledging and doggedly exploring the Dark.

At this stage in my thought, I am drawn back to 'this post' where I identified 5 essential components necessary to construct parallel tracks (empirical and transcendental) that will support one another encouraging interdependence and mutual (empirical and transcendental) success. These 5 components are:

1. Uninhibited Truthfulness;
2. Respect;
3. Inner Calm;
4. Persistence;
5. Skeptical Scrutiny.

I would like to encourage improved empirical balance and I believe this is possible if I first understand the relationship between uninhibited truthfulness and reality. I have stated (paraphrased and simplified) that reality is a mix of Dark and Light while uninhibited truthfulness is conscious recognition of all aspects of reality. Additionally, uninhibited truthfulness implies communication / verbalization of one's interpretation of reality. Once verbalized, if there is disagreement, then how does one define reality? Transcendentally this appears to be a daunting (if not impossible) task. Empirically, if two or more individuals or groups can agree on sensory data, then headway can be made towards an agreeable definition of empirical reality, and one's uninhibited truthfulness can at the least be understood, though may not be internalized. The manifestation of this process through behavior is still determined by individual perspective. Simply put, empirical reality may be interpreted as the same, but uninhibited truthfulness (no matter its origin, flow, or direction) will have varying impacts on each individual.

With all that said, uninhibited truthfulness must be distributed equally amongst (to and from) all players including myself. As stated above, my efforts to this point (in hindsight) seem to have flowed from my perspective/interpretation of uninhibited truthfulness and I have not readily received or interpreted uninhibited truthfulness from others. I am learning that my perspective (from the perspective of some others) is at times considered serious and harsh. But as Popeye says, "I am what I am." I am afraid if I allow too much influence, I may no longer be what I am. So rather than creating a new 'artificial' reality, perhaps I should simply be more understanding of those with different perspectives; I need to understand that their interpretation of uninhibited truthfulness will likely be different from mine; I believe empathy and compassion can be applied to perspectives flowing in either direction, allowing me to stay in touch with reality, even when others choose to disregard it or lessen its impact.

As for the other components I will restate description from the previous post in which they were introduced: "By utilizing the five components above, with (productive) uninhibited truthfulness as the main building block, respect and inner calm as bonding agents, and persistence and skeptical scrutiny to maintain integrity, I believe we have a chance."

At the time I'm not sure I realized it, but I believe the key word above to be 'productive'. In order for uninhibited truthfulness to be 'productive' it must be (as I have noted this week) differentiated from reality by realizing that no matter how harsh, painful, or serious the sensory data presented, one can be blinded by the Light thus mitigating the impact of the Dark. And no matter how painful it may be to see such widespread oblivion, sincere respect must be shown and inner calm must be maintained to enable persistence and to encourage skeptical scrutiny; thus allowing for and creating opportunity to move ahead.

Thanks to individual perspective, uninhibited truthfulness is not the same as reality. Which leads me to ask - Is Reality the same as Truth?

(To Be Continued...)

A few times in these posts and pages I have included 'Purpose' along with 'Truth' and 'Wisdom' all as components of Happiness. More often I have not. I think this is because in some areas of my present-day empirical existence I feel under-utilized, at times close to the point of irrelevancy; a wandering footnote wending my way in and out of the way of others. It is not that I have no influence or bearing, because I do. But in terms of significant contributions, I have more to offer. Yet, no one is asking. And when offered, no one is answering.

Perhaps it is due to the fact that I have a disability and (though working full-time) am judged as less competent or consequential because of these documented (labeled) limitations. Some may discount this thought as unreasonable, self-pitying, or even paranoid, but I have recently returned to a work environment in which I previously had considerable impact; and now I am tucked away in a neat, defined, closely-guarded box. I have not lost knowledge, organizational skills, or reasoning abilities, yet, for whatever reason, I no longer have the authority to consistently maintain maximum output and productivity.

Though I stand by all I have said above, I also recognize that I am verbalizing 'my' perspective. I have no intention of seeking justice or even judging what justice should be, because I could be wrong. (Who am I to make that determination even if some would agree?) I realize that there are other credible perspectives, so I believe gratitude to be a more appropriate response (crutch?) than retribution disguised as justice. I am grateful for the opportunity that has been given, and I do not want to create an adversarial situation, or be construed as vindictive.

So what is the point? Ultimately, I guess I am attempting to make peace with this loss of relevancy. It is not in my nature to be accepting of disputatious circumstances; however this is an obstruction I have been trying to nudge along with diplomatic, uninhibited truthfulness for more than a year, but those in a position to, are not listening.

In previous posts I have touched on peace and tranquility. I have discussed the importance of uninhibited truthfulness, how acceptance is not acceptable, and how one can grow through adversity. I have indicated that I feel 'giving up' is not an option. Yet, despite being thoughtfully conscious of these previous thoughts (and more), in this set of circumstances, I am seriously considering throwing in the towel; (and by that I do not necessarily mean removing myself from the situation, but rather creating some distance that I am afraid may result in some apathy specific to this situation).

Throughout these posts and pages I have seldom included specific personal details. In this case, I feel I should include some to present a well-rounded, complete picture. My disability symptoms are degenerating. I have not driven a vehicle in nearly six years due to random vertigo and constant dizziness. I have to really focus in order to simply walk a straight line. Yet to prove (mostly to myself) that I am capable, for the past year I have typically worked 10 hour days (with lunch at my desk) and walked to and/or from work (3 miles one-way) daily. I cannot keep up this pace. Despite requirements calling for 'reasonable accommodation' I have set the bar high, and though with some 'reasonable accommodation' I could still make more significant contributions than what I am currently making. I have put myself in a quantity over quality position, and anything less (in terms of quantity) I strongly believe will be interpreted as less in terms of productivity. I'm not sure how much longer I can continue the quantity.

So perhaps they are right ... Maybe I am not capable ... At least from some perspectives and by some definitions. I do not want it to become an us/them situation. I'm okay with a me/them situation.

In 'this' previous post I proposed the following (potentially acceptable) definition of acceptance: biding one's time in a difficult situation, faithfully recognizing and acting on every opportunity, and thoughtfully creating opportunities, to perpetuate positive change. I have been unable, (to this point), to create many opportunities or generate an acceptable level of growth. Progress is slow to non-existent.

For some, the Purpose I serve is sufficient. Some would (perhaps justifiably so) maintain that the fact that I am serving any measurable, recognizable Purpose at all, should be sufficient; (especially as a disabled person - right?). But my standards are (unreasonably?) high. When (as is the case here) I have proven capability in the recent past, and I am currently capable of more significant contributions, then why shouldn't I strive for greater Purpose, just as I strive for greater Truth and Wisdom?

(New Thoughts) ...

Perhaps Purpose serves a different purpose. Perhaps it is meant to run counter to Truth and Wisdom. In other words, perhaps one is unable or less likely to stretch oneself if satisfied with empirical Purpose. As I think about it, this makes sense. If I were to have come back to this employer and been allowed to make more significant contributions (i.e. serve a greater empirical purpose) would the resultant satisfaction have thwarted my efforts toward Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness and inhibited Learning and Growth? Perhaps so ...

I believe Truth and Wisdom is to Happiness as (empirical) Purpose is to Satisfaction. I believe I have been confusing Satisfaction with Happiness. I believe Satisfaction distracts one from Happiness (Truth and Wisdom), though Satisfaction contributes to one's everyday (lower-case) happiness. I believe that maybe I owe my employer a 'thank you' for adversity that has created opportunity for personal growth. I believe this to be true in an empirical sense.

... And from a Transcendental perspective? If empirical Purpose refers to the impact made in terms of worldly considerations, then what is transcendental Purpose? I have previously identified inner peace and exoteric goodness as other-worldly considerations. I have went on to say that both of these considerations concern themselves with that which is 'beyond' those things of, from, or for this world; hence transcendental. So (for now) my thought has evolved into a separation of transcendental and empirical Purpose. References to Purpose in previous posts should be taken in context to determine if it is meant as empirical or transcendental.

I believe one's search for Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness encompasses transcendental Purpose, thus making the distinction redundant in practice, but potentially significant to one's inner calm. I am hopeful that my thoughts today will help with current circumstances by allowing me to refocus transcendental energies to compensate for this loss / lessening of empirical impact, thus contributing to inner peace.

To my Employer: Perhaps there are some credible reasons that I am not trusted as I once was. If it is only because I lost my place in line, then that is your loss and doesn't make good business sense. If it is because of my disability, then shame on you. If it is for another reason, then I'd like to understand.

Whatever the reason, if I were approached today and asked to contribute more I'm not sure that I would, and depending upon the definition of 'significant contribution' (without some 'reasonable accommodation') I'm not sure that I could.

To my Disability: For nearly six years you have been cantankerous, unpredictable, and hard to live with; (and I have family members that would say the same about me). Yet in the past six years I have learned much, in areas too numerous to list; but starting with humility and compassion. And I have closed the gap on Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness. I look forward to a continued, long, and mutually beneficial relationship. Thank You.

A final qualification - The predominant message (for me) from this week's thoughts is the contrasting balance of empirical and transcendental Purpose and the encouragement to compensate for the lessening of one with the strengthening of the other. One learns from personal experience interpreted, defined, and made manifest via thoughts, feelings, and actions. Adversity can augment Learning and Growth. The personal experience cited here is of secondary consideration and is utilized as a springboard for the aforementioned Learning and Growth. It is not intended to harm any individuals or organizations. My previous experience (of over 10 years) with this same employer was stellar.

Perhaps it simply shows that you really can't go home again ...

Tough week ...

Pain is relative. There must be a contrasting hope based on thoughts and/or past experience for one to coherently gauge pain. There must be a cognizant understanding of experience with less pain. If one is paying attention, there is always some pain.

I have previously stated that with pain comes the potential for growth. Solitude exacerbates pain and (I believe) expands the potential for growth. In solitude one has no benchmark for contrast and comparison. Solitude... There are times when one has no choice; there are other times when one may 'feel' they have no choice; and there are times when one may feel they have made the wrong choice.

No regrets. Learn from the past and act now with an eye to the future. 'Easier said than done'.

Other Relevant Thoughts from this Week:

• Don't confuse solitude with ostracism; (in most cases it is self-imposed solitude).
• Lead by example; not by force.
• I should periodically re-evaluate my perception of what I think I should be.
• Scale back the intensity ... (maybe).
• When ego destruction occurs it is best to rebuild from scratch as opposed to putting the fallen pieces back together. It was reduced to rubble once ... Move on.
• I should re-evaluate what I think I need in terms of earthly resources; I might be surprised at what I can live without.
• Do not over-feed the monster within; (especially as payback or retribution).
• Use reason and logic to dismantle or reduce the power that is held over me by things of, from, or for this world. I should begin by dismantling the need for other's approval and learn to be satisfied with (or okay with) myself, for myself.
• Correlate belief with feeling; then correlate belief and feeling with action.
• Act with compassion
• Continue to search, study, and learn; don't neglect experience / history in this process - be my own teacher, with high standards intact.
• Put emphasis on intuitive action; don't wallow and don't be discouraged by (what I perceive as) other's lack of confidence/trust in me.
• Project positive, constructive confidence; (even when it is not felt?); maybe not as that would work against uninhibited truthfulness.
• Share thoughts and feelings, but don't whine or make excuses.
• Listen to music.

Anger - Tunnel Vision - Narcissism - Blinders - What Big Picture? - Uninhibited Truthfulness - Respect - Inner Calm - Persistence - Skeptical Scrutiny - Perspective - Empirical - Transcendental - Balanced Growth - Oh, That Big Picture.

It's easy to lose sight of the 'Big Picture'.

Transcendental is 'beyond' and often thought of as superior and external. Why not internal? Regardless of my attempts at uninhibited truthfulness I know that I am nowhere near understanding the scope of my internal; but I can say it is definitely 'beyond'. So if we consider transcendental as residing within, perhaps that thought has the potential to eliminate the 'superiority' factor, thus encouraging a more diligent search for understanding, which in turn will enable me to more efficiently close the gap. Complete understanding is unattainable. But if transcendent Truth and Wisdom lies within, that in itself puts me closer. At least it feels closer.

Maybe I'm just arguing semantics. Maybe all of external is internal based on the fact that all of external is defined internally. According to Kant we can never truly know the external 'thing' because it is perceived and interpreted internally. Is it possible that by internalizing the external we have changed its true nature and we are seeing the 'new' thing in itself? Or, is it possible that the external is simply one's perception of the (transcendent) internal, externalized; thus showing it originated as 'the thing in itself' internally? In other words, is the nature of that reality which is external to ourselves, actually an internal reality, meaning there is no external reality? For practical purposes, many would answer this last question 'yes'; but what is the Truth? (I am exploring the Philosopher George Berkeley and empirical Idealism for further insight.)

The thought of no external reality is both comforting and disturbing.

Throughout the history of thought 'Transcendental' has presented in varying ways. For example, Transcendental Perspectivism appears to argue that for a truth to transcend it must be shared by two or more individuals. I have said before that my truth may not be your truth, but this (Transcendental Perspectivism) argument maintains that it must be someone's truth (other than mine) to be transcendentally valid. I do agree with the argument that a given truth should not and cannot be forced upon another. Authoritarianism invalidates a transcendent truth. But I am not convinced that my truth must be shared to be transcendental. So how do these Transcendental Perspectivism views connect with the previous discussion on internal and/or external realities?

I suppose if a truth originates internally, the question becomes 'Can it be shared?' Internal Transcendence is often 'Beyond Words', so I am coming around to a respectful disagreement with the Transcendental Perspectivist view that it is the act of sharing that definitively identifies the transcendent aspect of truth. Furthermore, if an experience is 'Beyond Words' that experience must be internalized, (or must originate from within), to maximize understanding. Once internalized the experience becomes personal and unique, and can/will never be completely shared, even if there were words to do it justice. In fact (or, in my opinion) to attempt to share it would actually cheapen it by creating even more distance from the truth to the perceiver to the receiver; much would be lost in the doubled process of interpretation and translation. (An excellent analogy would be listening to someone explain a deeply meaningful or disturbing dream; the listener loses interest, the dreamer is frustrated, and the dream loses meaning.) I believe the most meaningful transcendence possible is that which is held within to retain its value.

So whether or not there is an external reality, I think that (for now) these thoughts have brought me to the conclusion that internal transcendence has the most significant potential to close the gap on Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness. Again, that is not to say that there is not an external transcendent reality. I am undecided on that; at this point I am just posing questions. If the transcendental is represented by distinct and separate internal and external realities, those realities (as unattainable or unknowable as they may be) combined with empirical experience should all run on concurrent, parallel tracks as previously discussed 'here' and 'here'.

I lean towards just one transcendental; originating, created, or re-created internally. But my thoughts on the nature of Transcendental Truth have just begun. I need further reading, study, and reflection.

A final thought - Transcendental Perspectivism encourages empathy and compassion for all opposing truths and/or for those who do not agree. I would disagree with this tenet, tempering it by substituting 'respect' for the 'empathy and compassion'. I strongly believe in 'Do No Harm'. One should respect diverse opinions. However, empathy and compassion are not behaviors that I toss about lightly. They should be preceded by some serious listening and consideration, and the brutal fact is, I often have other priorities in terms of where my empathy and compassion is directed. Respect across the board - yes. Widespread pangs of empathy and compassion - yes. True, active, extended empathy and compassion (feelings that are beyond words) are reserved for those in my inner circle of empirical experience. And this example reflects the selfish, unique nature of transcendental thought, and its connection to empirical experience, which in turn supports the premise that the process is (somehow) internalized.