Happiness Beyond Words

I had a thought this morning that I am unable to describe in words. I will attempt to describe the associated feeling(s). It felt warm and right. It elicited inner peace and calm. It felt compassionate and understanding. I am trying to hold on to these feelings by holding on to (as closely as I can identify) the origin of the thought. From its origin it grew and filled a void; and has since shrunk; but is still identifiable as a pulsating, warm, glowing core in the center of the void.

The origin of the thought had to do with mutual inconsequence; the relationship between interdependence and unimportance; or perhaps more accurately, knowing that what matters, doesn't really matter, even though it does. As this thought grew, and then (rather quickly) dissipated, the contradictions also grew more contrary and troublesome, yet still with a warm and peaceful center; hence my difficulty in finding words to explain.

So where am I going from here? Perhaps to the aforementioned void. I suppose the contradictions, followed by the examination and analysis, may have helped to fill some space, but why is there a void to begin with? Obviously I feel I am missing or I have lost something.

... I got busy with Life and a day has gone by. To paraphrase the Righteous Brothers, "I've lost that lovin' feeling." Yet the void does not seem as cavernous, maybe because Life got in the way and filled some space; wheras early yesterday was quiet and I was contemplative. I'm thinking this void is always there, but is accepting of most anything (from mind-fluff trvialities to the most serious philosophical ruminations) to fill its space. The choice of what to fill it with, is mine.

Mind-fluff does not leave me warm, calm, and compassionate, but is less strenuous. Serious inner contemplation can run the gamut from painful reckoning to peaceful pondering, but (most often through the pain of process) allows for the possibility of growth.

(I believe) fluff is inevitable. (I believe) a contemplative Life dominated by fluff is inexcusable. (I believe) the empirical reality of Life (specifically my reactive actions and behaviors) can easily be dominated by fluff. (I believe) the empirical reality of Life can be enriched by being proactive. (I believe) the empirical reality of Life can be made more meaningful through serious inner contemplation.

So all these thoughts and beliefs lead me to (or am I jumping to?) the conclusion that this human desire/need to fill a void confirms the absence of knowledge; which (in my mind) is another way of saying that the ever-present vigilance of a void confirms the fact of transcendental unknowables. I say transcendental because we occasionally (in our mind's eye) catch an unmeasurable, undescribable, fleeting glimpse of an unknowable; (as I did yesterday). And if we cannot somehow physically, empirically connect it to this world - if it is misty, vague, haunting, ineffable, or simply beyond words - then ...

There are some who would argue that we can only know, or have the potential to know, that which is of this empirical reality. Therefore the unknowables are actually undiscovered knowables, and given time to evolve we will eventually discover everything.

I would rebut by saying that the void is always present and has always been present. One may fill day-to-day existence with empirical reality and fluff, thus ignoring transcendental considerations, but the point is - we are filling the void. The fact that we can talk intelligently about transcendental considerations and an emptiness that needs to be filled, and the fact that we lay awake at night wanting more and contemplating how to fill the next day in order to get more (even when we cannot define 'more'), and the fact that (both awake and asleep) we dream, confirms that there is something beyond my mortal grasp.

These arguments, in both directions, are not new. And all of them have certainly been argued more clearly and more intelligently by many of history's greatest thinkers. It is an age-old debate and all I can add to it, as a matter of fact, is that yesterday morning, for a fleeting, indescribable moment, I did not feel empty - or fluffy.

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3 Responses to Happiness Beyond Words

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