hopelesshappiness.com

Is it possible to 'Let Go of the Hurt' and 'Embrace the Hurt' simultaneously? Everyone hurts. Some may not acknowledge or notice the hurt, but that is not the same as Letting Go of the Hurt. Some may hurt more than others, but that is not the same as Embracing the Hurt.

To balance 'Hurt' so one can learn from it, yet not be overwhelmed by it, is difficult at best. To Embrace implies lovingly. To Let Go is also a commonly associated characteristic of love. For me this implies some control and conscious decision-making, and the necessity to care about the Hurt. If one does not nurture this relationship with Hurt, learning is limited and the door is left open for an unexpected deluge of pain.

So even when one is able to balance and compassionately acknowledge Hurt it seems that the acts (Embrace and Let Go) would be successive and not logically possible to perform simultaneously. But perhaps it is possible ...

If one could Embrace the Hurt internally by focusing on the seed-the center-the heart of the Hurt and Let Go of the Hurt by refusing conscious acknowledgment in the form of thoughts, words, emotions, or actions, one would simultaneously be Embracing and Letting Go. THIS sounds impossible; yet I believe we may do this every night in the form of dreams. Why not aspire to this therapeutic state during daytime hours as well.

Alternatively one could Embrace Goodness internally, Embrace the Hurt externally (via thoughts, words, emotions, or actions), thus simultaneously Letting Go of the Hurt internally by having filled that space with Goodness. A caveat for this alternative might be to Do No Harm to others or to relationships while Letting Go externally; (a recommended rule of thumb may be to do this through thoughts only, or when one is alone).

Granted, these alternatives to simultaneously Embrace and Let Go would take a tremendous amount of practice and discipline. But one must start somewhere; and to start with the knowledge that it is possible, may lead to a sense of hope, that must then result in action and behavior consistent with the desired learning and growth. As stated in a previous post hope without appurtenant, contributory action is debilitating and must be avoided.

And perhaps this is the ultimate point. A sub-heading at the top of each page on this site states "A Philosophy of Happiness and Hope". In the past year-and-a-half I have spent considerable effort on Happiness but comparatively-speaking I have spent very few words on Hope. So for my benefit, I will write it again: Hope must be supported by actions and behaviors consistent with the highest ideals inherent in that Hope. (And again): Hope cannot survive alone; it will either be joined (and undermined) by fear, or it will be made manifest by contributory action.

Like many things I have written, this now seems somewhat obvious. But it must also be made obvious in one's daily existence; and this is not always an easy task. This also goes back to Exoteric Goodness as exhibited through everyday thoughts and behaviors. To solidify Hope into something tangible and meaningful I believe the steps below may be a start:

1. Define the Hope.
2. Identify all specific actions that have the potential to create tangible results, (no matter how unlikely they may seem), by brainstorming and thinking creatively, outside the box.
3. Choose actions to carry out.
4. Don't give up.

Essentially, I believe we are talking about planning and goal-setting, in the sense that Hopes = Goals.

And why not? In this process we have transformed Hope into motivated action and sidestepped fear. It gives one hope for Hope.

To bring this week's thoughts full circle, I began with the question "Is it possible to 'Let Go of the Hurt' and 'Embrace the Hurt' simultaneously?" I then transitioned to Hope, which in my mind is connected to Hurt in that many (all?) of our Hopes are either directly or tangentially related to relief or release from Hurt. So perhaps the better question is - "Is it necessary, and/or more productive, to simultaneously Let Go of the Hurt and Embrace the Hurt?" I believe it to be productive and necessary to at the very least acknowledge this possibility and work towards it.

Perhaps the sub-heading above should read "A Philosophy of Happiness and Hurt and Hope".

Everyone hurts. I believe for some that Hurt may be of a magnitude seemingly impossible to overcome. I hope (through active, contributory actions) to never reach this state; though with varying degrees of effort I believe we can all empathize with that pain. I intend to never judge another's Hurt or pretend that I know anything at all about another's Hurt. It is not my place. It is their Hurt. I only hope (again through active, contributory actions) that I can help if allowed to do so. And I am sorry for those who feel they cannot bring themselves to seek out help and/or feel that they are unable to help themselves.

Everyone Hurts ...

Writing this week I have confronted multiple false starts. I have been working on tying Human Interaction to Happiness based on some mutually constructive learning experienced this week. But each time I write a few paragraphs and re-read them they come across as obvious and/or driven by ego.

Here is an example paragraph that I have struggled with:

• This week I have been on the receiving end of trust, respect, focused attention, and mutual interaction in a learning environment. I have seen some minor transformations and have (at times) felt gratified and fulfilled.

So perhaps what I really need to write about is ego-control and maximizing results when given an opportunity to lead.

I have indicated in recent posts that some personal circumstances have changed; specifically my employment situation. This past Monday I began teaching (in the classroom) college level curriculum. It has been several years since I have been in a leadership position that enabled me to share quality experience in this type of setting. I am cautioning myself to remember recent posts and my belief that anonymity validates exoteric goodness; yet standing in front of a class of (mostly) eager, (somewhat) captive learners, it is difficult to keep 'me' out of the equation. And in some ways I should not keep 'me' out of the equation because expectations include sharing my background and knowledge. But still, ego cannot creep into the circumstance; it will cheapen the learning experience. Even leading an initiative such as this, I believe one must first and foremost be a contributor on equal footing with all involved; especially in terms of mutual growth.

I believe that seeking power and control is a natural human tendency; and when it is handed to you, (as it has been handed to me this week), the tendency is to bask; at least a little. I also believe that these tendencies will mellow, and in this case have already begun to do so assisted by this written thought. For me, the key to ego-control now becomes constant reminders.

So if one is able to productively balance the 'me' portion with the knowledge piece, the next question becomes - How does one create synergy from quality human interaction that will expand and encompass all involved?

Some thoughts come to mind:

• Acknowledgment of the potential for mutual learning and growth.
• Openness and receptivity to all learning from all sources.
• Clear targets and goals.
• Careful, empathic listening.
• Consistent encouragement and validation.
• Mutual respect and compassion.
• Creatively thinking outside the box and occasionally straying from the path to potentially discover hidden paths that ultimately lead back to the circumscribed path.
• A factor of fun.
• A factor of mutual accountability.
• A factor of logic and reason.
• Consistent opportunity to share one's truth, especially when it is not another's truth.
• No fear.
• No regret.
• Opportunity for contemplation and reflection.

The above list of items could be a 'Manifesto' for the classroom or any formal learning or training, but various aspects at various times could also be used to strengthen and enrich personal and professional relationships.

All human interaction is valuable to some extent. 'Quality Human Interaction' will allow more frequent glimpses of Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness; though in the midst of Quality Human Interaction it is difficult to put these sightings into words. That is why at this point in the evolution of my thinking I added the last item to the list above - 'Opportunity for contemplation and reflection'. Of course in a formal setting that contemplation and reflection should correspond with the learning targets and goals. In relationship-building the inner thought can and should be more free-form and more difficult to put into words.

I believe the more difficult it is to pin something with an empirical definition, the more valuable that something becomes; especially if one follows its transcendence towards its whispered promise of Truth and Wisdom ... That occasional glimpse of fluttering Light ... That ethereal waft of softness and purity ... That recognition and knowledge of beyond ...

In recent weeks I have been working at a unification of harsh reality and ineffable/intuitive spirituality. I believe Quality Human Interaction should be sought out as a valuable piece to this puzzle.

Faith. I ended a recent post with the following thought: "Faith canot be a shortcut, simply there to justify part-time spirituality." I found this week that this applies not only to spirituality, but also to empirical exoteric goodness. There are no shortcuts, spiritually or empirically. Good intentions are not the same as sincere goodness. One must consistently work hard at aligning actions and behaviors with thoughts, feelings, and that ineffable/intuitive spirituality I have referenced frequently in recent posts. To clarify, the underlying spirituality portion must always be present in some form and inner work must be diligent and disciplined (study, analysis, contemplation, and reflection) to tie this transcendent concept to empirical considerations; but this is not enough. One must also work hard physically - I am talking about (sweat of the brow) physical labor as well as the considered, thoughtful actions and behaviors that set an example by sharing goodness.

Life is hard work; or, it should be. Much of that depends on the individual to consciously decide to work hard. When faced with a decision it is too often human nature to give greater weight to 'easy' and not consider (by ignoring, or being oblivious to) the learning opportunities available when one opts for 'difficult'.

In one recent post I maintained that "we are all individually irrelevant ... unimportant ... inconsequential." If this is true (and I believe it is) then some times (all the time?) all one has of relevance (empirically or spiritually) is one's hard work. And often, one's only judge of consequential character is oneself; (keeping in mind that anonymity validates exoteric goodness and spirituality emanates from inner transcendence).

We, as a culture of workers, have evolved from hunter-gatherers to agriculture and food production to manufacturing to service, and now seem to be transitioning into knowledge workers. I believe this progression encourages learning, growth, and spirituality but in turn dampens enthusiasm for physical labor. Often exercise and eating right become a piece of one's overall concept of spirituality which is good, as long as physical well-being does not supplant the overall fusion of empirical and spiritual considerations. Physical labor or exercise is a wonderful medium for contemplation and reflection and should be taken advantage of in that regard.

Today one does not have to spend all day, every day tracking, hunting, and killing a wild boar to ensure dinner tonight. Because one spends less time with these empirical considerations necessary for survival, I believe instead of the wild boar, one is too often found chasing a wild goose. Simply put (as previously stated) "one's only judge of consequential character is oneself." It is up to each individual, and not some self-help guru, to determine the validity of one's individual actions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, and spirituality.

Fad diets, fad exercise programs, fad business schemes, fad psychology, fad beliefs, fad movements, fad spirituality ... Not 'everything' is a fad, but various aspects of many things are, in that they are temporary. Even the nature of centuries-old religions change with the times. I believe that in all things there may be a core concept that is meaningful and potentially applicable to a given set of circumstances; (perhaps even widespread sets of circumstances); but I have found that ultimately the individual is still the best judge of what may be useful from any given philosophy. And one's individual judgment is ultimately the only one with meaning; provided one does no harm within the parameters discussed in 'this previous post' where I said "I strongly believe one should do no physical harm" ... but "uninhibited truthfulness should not be discouraged based on the 'potential for harm' because in so doing the 'potential for growth' is also discouraged and likely eliminated ..."

When one presses the 'easy' button, Life becomes filled with fluff.

Difficult decisions are difficult for a reason. Hard work is hard for a reason. And both are necessary.

I prefer substance over fluff.

Pride - a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Righteous - 1. characterized by uprightness or morality; a righteous observance of the law. 2. morally right or justifiable; righteous indignation. 3. acting in an upright, moral way; virtuous; a righteous person.

Self-Righteous - confident of one's own righteousness, especially when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others.

(The three definitions above are quoted from dictionary.com.)

I have visited two of the seven deadly sins this week; pride and anger. I believe these two human traits (collectively or individually) can encourage one to step across the line from righteousness to self-righteousness. It is a short step. I have utilized discipline and determination to ignore their pleadings. I believe I have been at least moderately successful.

I believe this is often true of human failings - it is not the weakness or the initial shortcoming; it is where that leads us. One must beware of being led deep into a labyrinth of compounded failings when imperfection first appears. When problem-solving with empathy and respect, I believe it is important to dig deep, asking "Why?" numerous times to get at the root or 'first cause' of a problem or challenge. But when a personal flaw or negative emotion appears, I believe it is important to recognize it as such, step back, objectively assess, and avoid compounding the issue with defensiveness or other all-to-human mistakes that may masquerade as problem-solving. Once inside the labyrinth, it is easy to get lost.

Truthfulness is uncomfortable; often for both the party sharing their perception, and for the party (or parties) processing the information in order to determine relevance and verity. It is easy to dismiss another's truthfulness thus lessening the discomfort. Pride and self-righteousness encourage rejection. Choosing to cast aside or ignore another's truthfulness does not disable its validity; and additionally it leads us deeper into the labyrinth.

Consideration is both thoughtful deliberation and empathetic regard and respect. I believe consideration must first be given before it can be received; if one does not offer consideration, one is not open/receptive to consideration. This is at times a difficult principle for me.

The second formulation of Kant's Categorical Imperative - "Act in such a way that you always treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never simply as a means, but always at the same time as an end."

Pride, Anger, and the other five deadly sins (as a starting point) are a means to satisfy base desires. When they appear (which they will), one must transcend the empirical in order to reach a moral, righteous end filled with Goodness.

Two Latin phrases widely quoted during the 17th century Baroque Period:

1. Carpe diem - Seize the day.
2. Memento mori - Remember that you must die.

Buddha to his followers just before he died - "Decay is inherent in all compound things. Work out your own salvation with diligence."

These references to death and decay (for me) encourage humility and facilitate the inner peace that comes from living 'harsh reality' and 'inner transcendence' united as one; and this in turn has the potential to lead one towards personal salvation. (See these two previous posts for further insight - 'Irrelevant Happiness' and 'Illusory Happiness'.)

"There are two kinds of truths. There are the superficial truths, the opposite of which are obviously wrong. But there are also the profound truths, whose opposites are equally right." -Niels Bohr; Danish physicist; 1885-1962.

This week I have discovered that in some instances 'one should not have to' but regardless, 'one should'.

Another Latin phrase; this one from sometime in the Middle Ages:

• Credo quia absurdum - I believe because it is irrational.

Spirituality from inner transcendence is, in many ways, irrational; and though I have approached it with reason in previous posts, much of its apprehension remains beyond words or rational thought.

This week I want to go back and expand on thoughts (or perhaps just one overriding thought) from this post (Irrelevant Happiness) three weeks ago. Towards the end of that post I casually threw in 'the meaning of existence' as one of the topics or concepts covered. Wow! Looking back, that was a pretty bold claim on my part to presume any sort of insight in that regard. I have to examine, pull apart, and dig deeper to determine substantive credibility or arrogant insouciance; (or perhaps, a little of both?).

First I would like to revisit the following sentence from the 'Irrelevant Happiness' post: "... day-to-day existence in this physical realm is given meaning through a dichotomy of harsh reality and ineffable/intuitive spirituality." This is not a spectrum. Nor are they combatants. In my mind they are the substance of Life, existing simultaneously, and cannot be given equal time, but should always be given equal consideration. I believe it impossible to give them equal time because I believe time to be a product of empirical reality, and only an illusion in the realm of spirituality which emanates from inner transcendence; but this is good because it allows spirituality to permeate reality. So initially, what I was referring to as 'the meaning of existence' in the previous post was recognition, acknowledgment, assimilation, and the resulting synergy from both reality and spirituality. They must be united as one for maximum vitality.

As always, easier said than done and in its perfection, unattainable; but definitely worth striving towards.

Next I would like to expand some on irrelevance, which I believe to be the 'harsh' part of reality. One cannot escape the fact of irrelevance in some, most, or (I might argue) all of one's reality. One can ignore it, hide it away, deny it, fight it, or - one can embrace it. I believe embracing irrelevance is the only way to consistently unite reality and spirituality. Think of a time when a harsh reality could not be hidden, denied, or ignored; one's tendency is to turn to spirituality or inner transcendence. Wouldn't it be better to seek inner transcendence and act upon one's spirituality full-time, rather than only when the need arises? Full-time spirituality emanating from inner transcendence it seems would require full-time recognition, acknowledgment, and assimilation of the harshness or reality; i.e. irrelevance. Embrace it.

So what about inner transcendence or spirituality? The fact that it may be present full-time if one embraces irrelevance full-time, does not necessarily make it relevant. Herein lies the dichotomy; irrelevance (harsh reality) makes full-time spirituality from inner transcendence possible, but one must then find a way to embrace it to make it relevant. So how does one embrace the transcendental, full-time, and use the irrelevance that is inherent in empirical reality to make transcendence relevant?

My first thought is that this would initially be more of an individual choice; at least in terms of individual beliefs. However, regardless of beliefs, I believe the mechanics to be similar; and necessary. Some constants that have helped me to stay on track include consistent study, analysis, contemplation, and reflection. I believe these to be applicable to various beliefs and learning styles; for me it is individual reading, thought, and writing; for others it could be group discussions, formalized classroom settings, technologically advanced methods, etc, etc, etc. These are the mechanics of living spirituality.

Study? Analysis? Learning? An objection of "when?" may arise. Keeping in mind the premise that in the transcendental realm time is an illusion, I believe one can find lots of opportunity for free thinking when performing the myriad of mundane daily tasks that take little thought, and as with anything, it is not a matter of time anyway; it is a matter of priority. And even when I am dealing with an empirical priority requiring more attention or focus, I've found that some aspects of my spirituality naturally incorporate themselves into my day-to-day existence. And then as I am able, (and the more I am able), to submerge myself into reflective thought, time becomes less of a factor impacting my empirical reality. In other words, in its purer forms, spirituality emanating from inner transcendence is not subject to the constraints of time put on our day-to-day existence, thus (in turn) loosening those time constraints as they impact one's empirical reality.

This is very cool; because what it means to me is that transcendentally - because time does not exist - time never ends; in this spiritual realm time is an illusion, so my inner transcendence is eternal. Additionally, this concept fits with many different spiritual schools of thought and it frees us from not only the empirical constraints of time, but also from the resulting fear of the end of time.

I would like to think that this expansion of previous thought lends some substantive credibility and furthers my understanding of the 'meaning of existence.' Throughout history humankind has sought salvation; some assurance that 'my' time will not end. Perhaps this salvation lies in the full-time fusion of reality (irrelevance) and spirituality (inner transcendence) and the refutation of time.

I sit here now (4 hours after writing the preceding paragraph) and have difficulty with the concept that time is an illusion. I see the clock move; I think back to younger days; I look ahead to growing older. How can one realistically maintain that time is an illusion? Part of the answer is that one cannot realistically (empirically) maintain that time is an illusion, because time is a product of this physical realm - the argument must be made from a transcendental perspective. Perhaps as one grows older the commingling of reality and transcendence, described in the previous post 'Irrelevant Happiness' as the embodiment of the transcendental nesting within the empirical, actually becomes the transcendental blanketing the empirical, thus emphasizing/strengthening the premise that time is (if not an illusion) at least an extraneous aspect of existence. I would like to think that as I grow older (and wiser?) I can embrace the transcendental to an extent that I have less and less difficulty seeing time as an illusion.

It is a tough sell, but I believe it approaches Truth.

Time is an illusion.

I don't necessarily mean that 'my' time won't end, but I do believe that the end of 'my' time is an illusion.

It is a tough sell, but I believe it approaches Truth.

In the beginning there was a warm center. As empirical time progressed this nugget of ineffable/intuitive spirituality grew and strengthened to become a recognizable aspect of my empirical existence. As I continue to grow (physically) older this inner transcendence (with effort and determination) will begin to blanket and fuse itself onto and into the whole of my physical being. In the (empirical) end I will be pure transcendence, beyond the bounds of time.

One final thought - Faith cannot be a shortcut, simply there to justify part-time spirituality.