Contradicting Happiness

How does one practice compassionate accountability? At first glance, it seems a multi-faceted contradiction - to hold one accountable for undelivered promises and inconsistent thought as encouraged Here, and to constructively help others overcome their problems and actively wish them free from suffering as encouraged Here, yet to create some pain and suffering through this demanded accounting of actions, and all the while stay true to a philosophical notion of uncertainty and doubt (especially doubting oneself) as strongly encouraged Here and Here - I ask again, "How do I practice compassionate accountability?"

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Over this past day or two I have been back and forth on the excruciating (not much of an exaggeration) question, "Is it my place to work at holding others accountable, or is my focus and concern misplaced?" Many would say I should learn from, adapt to, and/or ignore differences of opinion and I wholeheartedly agree under many circumstances. But when I interpret actions as reflective of inconsistent thought and/or undelivered promises, and when these actions elicit a notable reaction and/or create a significant negative impact (and cannot be attributed to an evolutionary change of philosophy or a planned change of direction), in the interest of 'Communal Responsibility' I believe an accounting is called for. (And even an evolutionary or planned change must be questioned and examined to interpret agendas, motives, and potential effects.) So I am still asking - "How do I practice Compassionate Accountability?"

When I reach this point as outlined above, I must next acknowledge that I may be wrong and/or I must allow for an extended opportunity to be proven wrong. Then as I examine my interpretation I must become (dubiously) convinced of its validity, (that indeed a promise was not delivered and/or some thought or action is not consistent with professed thought or previous action), and I must compose my thoughts to effectively understand and explain my interpretation. This openness and preparation are necessary prerequisites to compassionate accountability. Once this is accomplished, I propose the following:

  1. Communicate Truthfully.
  2. Be Reasonable and Logical.
  3. Make a Sincere Offer to Help.
  4. Work Hard toward Constructive Resolution.

This method of Compassionate Accountability is as applicable to oneself as it is to others, and regardless of application, it is not complete without all four steps. Once I embark upon the first step, I am practicing accountability. If done thoughtfully, I believe the remaining steps cannot help but to incorporate compassion into the process. Each element above is scrutinized (to the best of my ability) below.

  1. Communicate Truthfully - This first step may be a reaction and (if so) may include some emotion; and this is okay, to a point. First and foremost I believe (as previously stated) that I must rein in emotions until I am convinced that they are valid. I must also recognize emotions as a truthful part of my Humanity, but then once these feelings are truthfully emoted I believe one should quickly incorporate reason and logic as discussed in Step #2. I must also realize (again) that my interpretation of the truth may or may not remain as such, but regardless, it still may not be correct, proper, or right - and this applies to all individual Human truths. This last thought may discourage some (Why seek truth if it is not a Truth?), but for me it adds a dynamic (thrill-of-the-chase) vibrancy to my Humanity by cultivating and preserving uncertainty.
  2. Be Reasonable and Logical - Even with emotion, reason and logic is not only possible, but required. Everyone hears a raving lunatic, but no one listens to them. Reason and logic aid me in identifying an impactful action (mine or another's) as an undelivered promise or inconsistent thought. This step is actually a reminder, as reason and logic are critical to the entire flow; and to flow smoothly, Compassionate Accountability must be reasonable and logical. It only makes sense.
  3. Make a Sincere Offer to Help - Ideally, once I have reached this step, I have some feel for the nature of the disagreement which, coupled with my respectful openness to listen for understanding, may suggest possible solutions. I must remember though that it is a disagreement that has brought us (or me) to and through this process; and when two or more parties disagree (or I am in some disagreement with myself) it is possible one or more (parties or positions) may become defensive. This condition may prohibit one from encouraging specific solutions, as the defensiveness could create a perception (true or not) of heavy-handed bullying. In this circumstance, and/or if I have not developed a workable resolution, it may be best to step back and simply offer to help in any way I am able. The most important aspect of this step is for either approach (suggesting solutions or offering assistance) to come across as non-adversarial, willing, and sincere.
  4. Work Hard toward Constructive Resolution - This step is the culmination. The entire process of Compassionate Accountability (I believe) revolves around 'Work' as previously encouraged Here. To be successful, there must be mutual agreement to work at resolving the undelivered promise and/or inconsistent thought, which of course means there must be agreement that a promise went unfulfilled and/or impactful actions/thoughts are inconsistent. If there is irresolvable disagreement on any point I must fall back (at least for the moment) to a position of Compassion for the Oblivious and not resort to retaliation or other exercises in futility. Depending upon the magnitude of the personal impact, I may decide to patiently watch the circumstance to determine if improvement occurs either naturally or as a result of the communications thus far. My Humanity can make this patient, non-retaliatory stance difficult. If I ultimately determine the personal impact is not of a magnitude to justify the efforts (diminishing returns...) I may elect to simply table the process and (actively) accept a longer-term position of watchful 'Compassion for the Oblivious' knowing that it is a more productive option than any vindictive or otherwise harmful or ineffective alternative. As stated before, I believe "on some level, compassion will always find a way through and have some impact, even on the oblivious."

So there it is - Like the proverbial water (or more accurately, oil and water) into wine, we are challenged to create non-adversarial conflict from antagonistic disagreement by utilizing self-assured uncertainty and pain-free suffering, resulting in a productive, beneficial, compassionate accountability.

I do like a good challenge.

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