Last week I encouraged an active humility defined as confident uncertainty, and further typified by one who a) knows what and when they don't know, b) readily acknowledges how little they do know, c) is truthful with oneself and with others, and d) works at seeking possible answers. I later claimed it was an important post for me in that it exposed the insubstantiality of my arrogance, which is a primary ascendant of my anger, which in turn is one of my favorite forms of expression. For many, many years I have masq-paraded anger as 'Passion' and believed it to be justified based on perceived results; and (as I said last week) I have masq-paraded specious arrogance and/or self-deprecating insignificance or inadequacy as humility, and delusionally believed myself to be truly humble. Now I am suggesting that anger is not productive and false humility is not truthful - no matter the embroidery.

...I may never write again.

Seriously, with these thoughts I am wondering how I will fuel my fire? Where will I find inspiration? The hyper-conscious act of writing will force me to be consistent with the direction of my beliefs. My anger will continue to speak to me, but if I am sincere about adding active humility to my personal disposition I am now compelled to find an alternative to my normal tirades. I must work at responding (not reacting) to all the (large and small) detritus of Life with humility, and inherent in this new practice of confident uncertainty is an expectation only of myself - I can no longer demand of others. I cannot demand an end to Ignorance, Fear of Failure, Quiescence, Conformity, Arrogance, Indifference, Enmity, Narcissism, or Contempt. I cannot even demand an active humility from others. I am sure that my humanity will dictate some continued effort to persuade (as I just did), but it appears the most influential weapon left in my arsenal is compassion. This new math (Humility - Arrogance = Compassion) is disturbing, but regardless of how I manipulate the equation, the result does not change.

I am not merely disturbed, but very uncertain and a bit frightened. How am I going to have compassion for the Ignorance of the bureaucrat? Or the Arrogance and Indifference of the CEO? Or the Conformity and Quiescence of the masses? Or the unforgiving Enmity and Contempt flowing from 'Them'?

I need a day to think... ...And maybe a beer...

...No beer last night... ...but plenty of thought.

When we talk about Pride or Arrogance we are talking about the essence of one's humanity, or that which makes me, me. Even in its gentlest incarnation any recognition of 'Me' is based on a selfish Pride. This is unavoidable, and (perhaps because it is unavoidable) this is okay. But if we strip away that Arrogance even momentarily, we can connect with an ineffable sense of 'We' and it is here that we are able to intuit compassion as the fundamental affective force capable of moving us forward. When we are in the midst of Life though, it is difficult to lose the Arrogance of 'Me' inherent in the experience.

I have found that in some circumstances I can detect this sense of 'We' for more than just a moment. Ironically, this occurs most commonly when I am alone; listening to music, or walking, or cooking, or (occasionally) practicing mindfulness techniques. I say techniques because I am not an habitual adherent of meditation - (see the subtext below: My Mechanics of Mindfulness); but a common thread through all of these solitary endeavors (and supported by my written thought throughout this site) is being 'in the moment'. In two different posts (here and here) from April of this year I considered meditation as a potential aid to Happiness. And now this week I am considering Compassion as an alternative to passion... (sorry - I meant anger) ...which again brings me into the realm of meditation and mindfulness.

As a realist concerned about keeping my edge, finding inspiration, and fueling my fire, I can attest that Pride / Arrogance (in my case, Anger) has a destructive component that must be held in check; and this is how mindfulness has helped me in recent years. Additionally it is this mindfulness that has led me to recognize and identify this 'sense of We' and its accompanying quilt of Compassion. So, though it does not change the result of the equation, perhaps it is better written as (Pride / Active Humility) + Mindfulness = Compassion.

I should not punish myself or others for being Human. Instead I should (in the moment) cut my Pride with a healthy dose of Confident Uncertainty and blanket the circumstance with Compassion. As always this is far easier said than done, but I am sure the mere fact that I have verbalized my intent has reduced the anxiety and decreased the trembling fear of the bureaucrat, the CEO, the masses, and 'Them'.

My Mechanics of Mindfulness:

Having learned from the past, I live in the moment, for the future. This reminder has been the cornerstone of my mindfulness practice for some years now. It sounds like I am dragging in extraneous consideration (the past and the future) and perhaps at the beginning I was. But, (without getting too mystical or magical), this mantra now serves to bring me back to the moment when necessary, by simply reminding me that I am drawing in my Life experience (breathe in) to progressively move forward (breathe out). Unless one is cloistered, there is no way one can stay in the moment full time, and there is no magical formula or method or mantra to keep one in the moment; we will stray because Life happens.

I have read that meditation has become more and more mainstream in recent years with organizations as diverse as General Mills, Proctor and Gamble, the U.S. Forest Service, schools, prisons, and the United States Marine Corps utilizing mindfulness to channel stress and increase effectiveness. Additionally studies are showing that health benefits include restorative improvement in depression, drug addiction, smoking cessation, ADHD, asthma, irritable bowel syndrome, and many other disorders.

The basic steps of meditation are (1) to sit comfortably, (2) to focus all of your attention on your breath, and (3) when your attention wanders (which it will) forgive yourself and peacefully come back to your breath. For the uninitiated (which includes myself) it sounds very unproductive; yet based on my mindfulness practice, which is typically not planned but utilized in the heat of a moment or in the tranquility of a moment, I have learned to bring myself back to the moment, and I have learned it is much more effective than getting caught up in (and swept away with) the moment.

So in many ways I suppose I do practice meditation, just not in the traditional sense. As I am becoming more and more aware, I definitely feel the advantages of exercising the mind in this manner.

Having learned from the past (breathe in), I live in the moment (hold), for the future (breathe out).

...The Past (in) - The Moment (hold) - The Future (out)...

...The Past (in) - The Moment (hold) - The Future (out)...

...The Past (in) - The Moment (hold) - The Future (out)...