Trusting Happiness

Today, after several years of considering happiness (and Happiness) I realize two things:

  1. I was beyond naive when I first began to seriously contemplate happiness.
  2. I am still wide-eyed and gullible in the process of searching for Happiness, if it even exists, and no matter the definition.

Throughout this site I have frequently, rather definitively, claimed that (upper-case) Happiness revolves around one's search for Truth and Wisdom, and (lower-case) happiness refers to everyday cheerfulness and satisfaction. As I write this, I strongly believe it is necessary to continue to differentiate between the two; but I am re-examining the concept to come to a deeper understanding that will perhaps lessen the jarring aspect of the dissonance experienced in the search. I am looking for new thought. And at this moment, this is one of those posts where I will likely ramble some because I have no preconceived notion as to the direction my written thought will take me. The only new thought I have had thus far is that I am looking for new thought.

I first began to seriously consider happiness about the time I first noticed its elusiveness. As I evolved (from precocious and confident to uncertain and angry) I knew I had lost some innocence and began to search for Truth and Wisdom; (though I'm not sure I realized that is what I was doing at the time). I began with happiness gurus, prize-winning fiction, and poetry. I eventually discovered that much of the 'happiness craze' was a delusional scheme, so I added history and philosophy, and found connections from there to (my life-long love of) music, and ultimately spirituality. I am still largely naive and innocent and I am still uncertain and angry, but my naivete is recognized and welcome, and my anger is more focused and productive. So though I continue to evolve, much of my (tongue-in-cheek) 'esteemed and noble' search for Truth and Wisdom remains in the context of happiness (and/or Happiness), because that is still the Holy Grail.

When I questioned above if happiness even exists, I do not believe I meant as an Ideal or Perfection. There are many concepts (such as Truth, Wisdom, Beauty, and Love) that have an unattainable Ideal, and (if it exists) so too does Happiness. What I think I was really (subconsciously?) asking is - Is Happiness or happiness even possible? Or is it a phantom concept that is not simply unattainable, but actually non-existent? Even by its lower-case definition? Or maybe, especially by its lower-case definition? Are those seemingly happy (cheerful, satisfied) people really happy? Or is happiness delusional? In this post three weeks ago I made the case that many emotions can easily carry one into what many would define as abnormal behavior. There are some who define happiness as an emotion. Could it be that (lower-case) happiness is a disease? Does a manic-depressive simply act out more emotional instances of happiness and despair (i.e. a recognition of reality)? If the further ends of this 'reality' spectrum indicate a pathology, then is the entire spectrum an abnormal response to Life? Should we stop pursuing happiness? Why do we pursue it to begin with?

I have spent the last day considering this 'Reality Spectrum' where the left end is 'Deep Despair' and the right end is 'Frenzied Joy' and I ask why in some historical eras the norm was slightly left of center (a harsh reality perspective) while in other eras such as the Enlightenment leading up to Today, the norm is firmly right of center (an 'I deserve happiness' perspective)? This thought has led me to ask - Where is (lower-case) happiness on this spectrum? Is it dead center? If it is dead center, how do we agree on dead center? Or is it a moving target that takes other circumstance (and spectrums) into account? And if it is a moving target, does this then discredit the (happiness guru) claim of 'positive mental attitudes' and 'you too can be happy'? These happiness schemes only seem to work if we train ourselves to ignore surrounding circumstance. I can't do that. I am left of center on this spectrum and I believe it is a moving target. These thoughts have brought me to realize that this is not really pertinent to (upper-case) Happiness nor is it the new thought I am looking for. I say that, still not knowing exactly what I am looking for.

That last sentence could also apply to one's search for Happiness. If one drills down far enough we find that happiness/Happiness is often (if not always) the final factor encouraging specific actions and behaviors;(we work for money to provide comfort to be happy; we make friends, marry, have families to provide comfort and validation, to be happy; we learn and grow to find fulfillment to improve quality of life to be happy); yet we keep searching. Even those who claim a (pathologically delusional?) consistent happiness don't just stop working toward (or at least passively hoping for) a greater happiness. As stated above, Happiness is the Holy Grail and (too) many of us too-readily, too-passively accept and go along with any proposition that promises to fill us with the spirit of Happiness, and then because we are told we are happy, we believe. These thoughts are not new thoughts.

We have now clearly moved into the realm of (upper-case) Happiness.

I still maintain that Happiness is defined as one's search for Truth and Wisdom and (agreeing with some of History's great thinkers) that Happiness can only be judged at the end of one's Life. I have spent considerable effort examining how one can (should?) go about this search, including the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements, an acknowledgement of reality by embracing the Dark and the Light, knowing pain and adversity, Exoteric Goodness, Inner Peace, the Why-Cycle, and choosing work over sloth. These all address Life on this empirical plane, though some of these human qualities (such as Exoteric Goodness) can also serve as a conduit or bridge to a transcendent spirituality. So perhaps the new thought I am looking for is not of this world; and since I have no access to (or certainty of) other worlds or lives beyond this one, perhaps I need to look within.

I do this frequently, but perhaps I am not looking in the right places.

Or perhaps I am looking too hard.

Are there more answers to be found through meditation and Inner Peace? These are areas that must be valid and important, but I have not explored meditation or pursued Inner Peace with the vigor I have given to other areas. The closest I come to a meditative state is when I am able to lose myself in music, and it seems I only trip over Inner Peace when it gets in my way. Meditation seems detached from empirical reality, Inner Peace seems to hinder serious, productive thought, and I am looking for connections leading to growth; these (perceived) factors inhibit my interest. Perhaps this is worth further exploration, but obviously not doable in the next 48 hours. This is a new thought, but one I must put on a shelf for the moment.

Human Interaction is another area that I am not as active in as I could be. This is partly because serious human interaction is difficult. It is difficult in that casual contact, and/or human contact that has time constraints, often does not allow for serious thought-sharing; it is also difficult because many of us prefer happiness over Happiness; and even if we get over these hurdles, it is simply difficult to execute gracefully. Is this elitist thought? When I look within do I see some arrogance? Perhaps I should make a greater effort to build relationships in a way that will enhance both happiness and Happiness. Patience is not my strong suit. While not a new thought, this should be a renewed thought.

I am freestyling now.

What else do I see within?

I see a serious attempt at uninhibited truthfulness with myself, to the extent that one can be truthful to oneself and remain functional. And (in the interest of uninhibited truthfulness with myself) I see a very human need for validation; of late I feel others may see me as rudderless and a little lost. And perhaps I am. I feel the learning and growth I am experiencing (some of which I have shared on this site) is valid and important, but I have not received confirmation of this from anyone; and in fairness, I have not asked. These are not new thoughts; but could either one be a springboard to new thoughts?

Re-reading that last paragraph, I sound somewhat self-pitying, yet I cannot deny my humanity. When I began this web site more than two-and-a-half years ago, I initially included 'Purpose' along with 'Truth and Wisdom' as an integral component of one's search for Happiness. As my thoughts evolved, 'Purpose' became less significant for two reasons: (1) I did not feel the need to justify what I deemed important; and (2) I believed Purpose required (at least in part) a judgment passed down by either an ego high on power and control or a majority opinion skewed by the media-driven, narcissistic consumerism so unnecessarily prevalent today. I should care less... Right? Yet, I do. I think we all care, and without some validation for one's perceived Purpose, it is only natural to become discouraged.

But ...

...justification is a defensive stance and ...validation does not have to be content-specific. In other words, a simple respect and tolerance for what I do is validation and I now realize my attempt to justify was for my own benefit. If one day any specific example of my learning and growth as written thought is in any way substantiated... okay; but until then I should simply keep on. My projected need for self-justification and content-specific validation has grown less urgent.

Could this ('Purpose') be the new thought I am looking for? A thought that I considered and tossed aside more than two years ago and have now reworked to eliminate (or at least reduce) the defensive anger? A thought that originates from my gut as an ineffable grasp of our shared humanity? After all, how many of us really do receive widespread recognition and validation for what we do and who we are? From my perspective (which is firmly grounded in doubt and uncertainty), respect and tolerance for others is a given; and I can only actively hope that those who do not practice a mutual respect and tolerance will either one day understand its importance or simply not care enough to negatively impact / harm those of us who do. It is this active hope that drives my serious nature and my written thought. I do care, and perhaps one day this Purpose will have a positive impact beyond 'me'.

So for the most part it feels like I am fiddling with knobs and dials that are already in place. Granted, some of them in new combinations and from a new perspective, but still... Reviewing:

  1. I will dial up a renewed sense of Purpose from within, tuning it to a mutual respect and tolerance, and I will decrease the volume on concern over self-justification and high-handed judgments;
  2. I will increase the volume and frequency on human Interactions allowing relationships to develop through mutual experience; and
  3. I will unbox meditation, read the instructions, and perhaps find a connection to Inner Peace and from there to Happiness.

At the beginning of this post I asked a lot of questions in rapid-fire succession; some I answered and some were rhetorical. There are two I want to come back to and answer:

  1. Should we stop pursuing happiness? - No!
  2. Why do we pursue it to begin with? - Intuition. Because we cannot state exactly what we are looking for, we also cannot state why we are looking for it, nor can we stop looking, though we likely will never find it ...(in this lifetime).

Our Purpose is to search for happiness and/or Happiness. It is up to each individual to define the parameters of that search. This week (for me) I clarified some issues, fine-tuned some concepts, and redefined some parameters. I did not find new thought on new concepts, but I did progress by finding new (evolved) thought on preexisting considerations. I am happy (note the lower-case) with my progress.

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2 Responses to Trusting Happiness

  1. Pingback: Streamlined Happiness | hopelesshappiness.com

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