hopelesshappiness.com

Untempered belief easily becomes brutish exploitation in the hands of those with power. Untempered belief may come from

• indoctrination,
• ego gratification,
• fear,
• groupthink,
• apathy,
• inattentiveness,

or a combination of these and perhaps other factors I have not realized.

So how does one temper belief?

• Education.
• Skepticism.
• Listening for understanding.
• Asking questions, then looking for the answers.
• Knowing that answers spawn more questions.
• Seeking consensus expert opinion.
• Maintaining high standards of who qualifies as an expert.
• Knowing I am not an expert in anything.
• Knowing no one is an expert in everything.

(To know is to act as if.)

These are not new thoughts, but perhaps a different way of coming at them. Is there a linchpin here? An area of focus to overcome? Or advance? Untempered belief? Fear? Skepticism? Uncertainty? I believe positive work toward any one of the points above and throughout this thought to be a worthwhile and potentially valuable pursuit.

If there is an overarching takeaway, perhaps it is the encouragement to live my life as if the only final answer is death; all other answers are temporary and merely a mode of conveyance to more questions. And though my death may provide me a final answer, in the context of Humanity, it also becomes only one short-lived answer amongst a multitude. But still, to examine an individual death remains far more valuable than to make up answers to made up questions and pretend to be done. So many of us live our lives as if we have all the answers. To do so is dangerous. To do so en masse, is to push us closer and closer to the precipice that will ultimately provide us, as a species, with a final answer.

If I recognize the value of my death, and incorporate that appreciation into my daily life, it is more likely that when my death comes, others will also recognize its value. Every death is an answer. Every death has value.

Death is not possible without life. Life is not valuable without death. Yet, (again), so many of us structure our lives within the confines of indoctrination, or ego gratification, or fear, or groupthink, or apathy, or inattentiveness, or a combination of these and other factors unrealized, and we ignore death. To expand my consideration by asking questions, then looking for the answers, knowing that any answers I find will forever lead to more questions, is to consider my death and add value to my life.

It is comforting to know that each day lived properly can add value to my life.

And with this in mind, still taking appropriate precautions and listening to expert consensus, it is time for me to move beyond the fear of this pandemic, (which is after all merely a consideration of my death, which I maintain adds value to my life)… with this in mind, it is time for me to return to my education; and my skepticism; and my questions; and my attentiveness; and my uncertainty, surrounding all things; not just COVID-19.

There are not very many people alive today who have experienced impartial hardship on a global or (at least in America) on a national scale. We have become fat and lazy and complacent and entitled and pretentious and overconfident; as best characterized by our self-esteemed and obtuse president.

Here in America, we have obvious national hardship; but because it does not touch the fat and lazy, and because it does not negatively impact (and in fact, it perpetuates and upholds) the ever-widening wealth gap, the majority is silenced. Last week I touched on this and listed the following transgressions and hardships:

• Incarceration Rates,
• Firearm Fatalities,
• The High Cost of Education,
• Implicit Bias,
• The Wealth Gap,
• The Destruction of Our Environment,
• The Politicization of our Judicial System,
• Homelessness,
• Traffic Fatalities,
• Evictions,
• The Working Poor,
• The High Cost of Housing,
• Suicides,
• Explicit Bias,
• Entitlement,
• Skewed Prioritization,
• Pining for the Good Old Days at the Expense of the Future,
• The High Cost of Health Care,
• Blustering Stupidity Masquerading as Expertise,
• The Demise of Our U.S. Constitution.

We can add to this list, infectious disease. Because of multiple factors, including the dissolution of the pandemic-preparedness office (that was part of the National Security Council) in 2018, and the lack of scientific expertise in the upper echelons of our current administration, we were not ready for this pandemic; and there is talk of making it worse. There is talk of sacrificing lives for the sake of the economy. And there is evidence that, if this is the path we choose, the hardest hit will be the poor and the disenfranchised and the underprivileged. I suppose that as long as the fat and lazy can remain fat and lazy and as long as a vibrant economy continues to anesthetize those in their paycheck-to-paycheck comfort zone, what does it matter if an extra million or so in the lower tiers of our nationally-mandated financial caste system are tossed aside and killed off for the good of the American economy.

What more is there to say?

I am at a loss.

We are at a loss.

What more is there to say?

This week has been disturbing.

I considered stopping at that: This week has been disturbing.

My surroundings have felt: Dystopian Disjointed Dysfunctional Distant

I have felt: Discomfortable Disoriented Disordered Displaced

It is not that we shouldn't feel the way that we feel, or that we shouldn't do the things that we are doing; we should. What most disturbs me is that we did not feel this disturbed six months ago, and I suspect we will not feel this disturbed six months from now, about:

• Incarceration Rates, or
• Firearm Fatalities, or
• The High Cost of Education, or
• Implicit Bias, or
• The Wealth Gap, or
• The Destruction of Our Environment, or
• The Politicization of our Judicial System, or
• Homelessness, or
• Traffic Fatalities, or
• Evictions, or
• The Working Poor, or
• The High Cost of Housing, or
• Suicides, or
• Explicit Bias, or
• Entitlement, or
• Skewed Prioritization, or
• Pining for the Good Old Days at the Expense of the Future, or
• The High Cost of Health Care, or
• Blustering Stupidity Masquerading as Expertise, or
• The Demise of Our U.S. Constitution.

Again, I am not saying that we are overreacting to COVID-19; we are reacting normally and as we should, considering the fear and uncertainty. Though (understandably) disorganized, we are doing what, in this moment, we feel we must do.

What I am saying is that we are underreacting to many other injustices; and for many of us who see reality for what it is and who see us for what we are, these disturbing feelings, this fear of the unknown, this uncertainty, is how we feel, how we perceive and how we operate, on a daily basis. To see so many others feel this way is… well… I guess… in a way… gratifying to know that we are capable of widespread urgency; but it also adds to the wavery uncertainty surrounding the circumstance. But as I consider how this may impact future progress resolving other multiple injustices, I am not hopeful that we will maintain this universally shared desire to resolve an injustice. I could conjecture that because this particular injustice, (not inflicted by the wealthy and powerful), impacts the wealthy and powerful, (much more so than those injustices inflicted and/or supported by the wealthy and powerful), we are much quicker to respond and react.

I am asked to be positive, and to not be angry, and to focus on this issue because this is where we're at in this moment. I feel like I have to defend myself by continuing to insert into my thought that I understand our fear and uncertainty and widespread urgency and I support our reaction to this pandemic, but I have to believe that we will come through it, and I want us to have learned from these shared feelings so we can maintain a sense of urgency for other injustices that will still be there then and, in fact, are still here now. How can I not be angry when I see the disconnect between 1) the Trump administration circumventing the legislative process through administrative rule changes to cut SNAP benefits for approximately 700,000 Americans to save $4.2 billion over five years, and 2) the same administration and government spending upwards of a trillion dollars for this pandemic injustice. And here, again, I feel I must defend myself and say I support our efforts to work through and resolve this issue; but I can't help but see multiple other opportunities for resolution.

To further illustrate this, in a March 20th article in the Washington Post, Patricia Brown said, “Of course I would've liked to buy groceries sooner, but I'm only getting checks once a month. Once that's gone, I'm broke until the next one comes.” Ms. Brown, a retired courtroom clerk, had to wait until the third Wednesday to buy groceries and by then, “in search of a few basics,” she could not find “spaghetti, ground beef, and distilled water for her sleep apnea machine.” Injustice within injustice.

This is reality for far, far, far more Americans than have contracted the coronavirus. (Again, insert my support for our efforts here.) If you look at the list of injustices above, you will see many that are enfolded within one another, over and over again, creating an entanglement that traps and proceeds to choke the hope and the spirit and the life out of those individuals caught in its snare. And if you look at the numbers, this group of working poor, disenfranchised and underprivileged individuals, is fast becoming a majority of all Americans; but because of their entanglements, they are a silent majority. And while some of them may have found a voice to aid in their battle with COVID-19, unless this battle opens more eyes than I believe it will, (that's my cynical nature), that voice will go silent once the wealthy and powerful have returned us to status quo.

Yes, I am angry. But I also remain actively hopeful.

Facts:
• As of today, March 14, there have been approximately 150,000 cases and more than 5,000 deaths attributed to coronavirus worldwide.
• More than 70,000 of those with coronavirus have recovered.
• There have been more traffic fatalities (approximately 6,000) just in the United States, than there have been worldwide deaths from COVID-19.
• This Flu season there have been approximately 32,000,000 cases and 18,000 deaths worldwide.

I am not saying don't be afraid of the coronavirus. There are a lot of unknowns surrounding it and we should be afraid; it will help us to be careful. But hopefully the facts above will also help us to maintain some perspective.

I cannot and will not say that we are over-reacting to coronavirus. I don't know. But I can and will say that we are under-reacting to a number of other ailments and afflictions; and not just those that have potential for attributable fatalities. Some of these afflictions, (such as ignorance, obliviousness and stupidity), do have the potential for future fatalities, but when that potential and those fatalities come about beyond the lifetime of the individual who is ignorant, oblivious and/or stupid, it is no longer attributable to the individual, and the individual cannot be held personally responsible, so who cares? Right? Even within the lifetime of the ignorant, oblivious and/or stupid, some of these individuals have enough power (i.e. wealth) to deflect personal responsibility onto others who may or may not share the responsibility, thus instigating and perpetuating what ultimately becomes a giant, seemingly endless game of rapid-fire recrimination Pong.

To be ignorant is simply to not know. We are all ignorant in varying ways, and each one of us (regardless of actual or perceived intelligence) is far more ignorant than knowledgeable.

To be oblivious is to choose to not know; a self-prescribed selfish apathy.

To be stupid is to pretend or (sometimes truly) believe to know, creating a mindset leading to actions that are purposeful, selfish, potentially harmful and malicious.

When I am ignorant, (which is frequently), I seek consensus expert opinion.

To be ignorant and to not seek consensus expert opinion is to be oblivious. Though I work to not be oblivious, at times I have no choice but to prioritize and at other times I choose to prioritize.

In my lifetime, I have often been stupid. I am working very hard to make that less so today than yesterday.

COVID-19 may, in hindsight, show that the panic is/was warranted. Again, I don't know. Regardless, I am actively hoping that the experience will move a few more people from oblivious to an acknowledgement of ignorance and its concomitant search for consensus expert opinion. I don't believe though, that it will be enough to move very many, (if any), off of stupid.

It appears that Life is going to slow down for a time. If the tapering of new cases in China is a reliable indicator, we will be disrupted for a relatively short few weeks to few months. I am sorry for those who have suffered and for those who will suffer. I am sorry for those who are dysfunctionally afraid. But I am (again) actively hopeful that this experience will remind us to take nothing for granted and perhaps soften the shell of entitlement so many of us have developed in this remarkable age of comfort and wonder. It would be better to learn from these few weeks of discomfort than to continue our current trajectory and wait for the inevitable few weeks (or months or years or generations) of hardship.

Some may have difficulty understanding how this pandemic is related to our current trajectory. Some years back, scientists were pursuing a vaccine that would or could have put us several months ahead of our current pace for a vaccine for COVID-19. Because there was no urgent need at the time, funding dried up. If it is not a big moneymaker for Big Pharm, it is apparently not a priority. This is reflective of our continuing current trajectory. As long as wealth is the measure of progress, Humanity will stand still. Wealth is a hallmark of stupidity, and comfort is a hallmark of obliviousness; and yes, Humanity is a hallmark of ignorance. But perhaps if more and more of us acknowledge our ignorance we could build a foundation of interdependent intelligence and expertise that would overwhelm obliviousness and mitigate stupidity.

That is a lesson to be learned…
…from this pandemic…
…Now!

I am 60; born on 12-3-1959. This week my wife turns 60; born on 3-3-60. We were both born on a 3, three months apart. We were both born on a Thursday. We have 3 children. Our youngest is 30; born on 1-23-1990. This summer of 2020 we will have been married 40 years. 1-2-3, 2020, 40, 30, 60, 90, 3. The stars are aligned and my life has meaning.

Whatever…

Overheard in a New Orleans area diner this morning: “My mama has 2 girls and my daddy has 3 girls and a boy. I’m the oldest on my mama’s side and in the middle on my daddy’s side.” The stars are aligned and her life has meaning.

Whatever…

I don’t mean to make light of meaning or purpose. We all seek it and we often find it in odd and unusual places; it is in our nature. I do mean to question if it matters. I believe that by seeking meaning and/or working to understand purpose, each one of us questions if it matters. I believe that is the point; the questioning due to the uncertainty.

For my sake, I want to be more clear. Though they are at times used interchangeably, I believe there is a difference between meaning and purpose. For me, meaning is the past and the present; more of the what. And purpose is the future; more of the why. As I perceive my ever-evolving purpose, it helps me to interpret my past and to choose my present day-to-day actions; and it is my actions that create meaning. In this regard, where I find meaning is more definitive, objective and tangible. And because my purpose is both never-changing (in that I am always me) and ever-changing (in that I continue to learn and grow), it is more difficult to define, and more subjective and intangible.

So again, does this matter?

Existentialism, (more simply put than it deserves), is to find meaning in a purposeless universe. For me this means that I find meaning within my day-to-day actions and their accounting. But how can I choose actions without some overriding purpose or (at the least) a definition of Me? If that definition of Me is exclusive to Me, then perhaps the universe is purposeless. So maybe there are different levels of purpose and the most basic level, My purpose, is simply an extension of meaning from the past through the present to the future. And continuing the thought, perhaps in the context of a purposeless universe, I am meaningless. And perhaps in the context of a purposeless universe throughout all of a meaningless past, present and future, we are (as a species) purposeless. So how do I account for, measure or judge my day-to-day actions against this backdrop of nihilistic futility? How can I overcome the overwhelming immensity of All.

If there are indeed different levels of purpose, I believe I am being consistent if I believe that meaning and purpose both matter; though it is conceivable (and perhaps likely) that they only matter within the context of Me. And if meaning is definable, then perhaps it is not a stretch to find meaning in forty years of marriage or in three children, the accounting made more interesting and unique by the year 2020 or by the numbers 1-2-3. The actual purpose, (for me, love as characterized by persistence, hard work, attention, responsibility and a fluctuating uncertain balance of goodness and truthfulness), may be more expediently defined in odd, unusual, interesting and unique ways, but it is still driven and ultimately defined by my perceived purpose in that given moment.

I said it early on – I believe the point of considering meaning and purpose is to question because I am uncertain. I also believe this point, (or synonymously, this purpose), gets lost in that no-man's land between reality and self-ascribed delusion, which explains my consistently fluctuating and uncertain balance of goodness and truthfulness. And it also explains why I am at times overwhelmed by the immensity of All.

So perhaps there is a greater purpose beyond the context of Me: To question; to doubt; to be skeptical and uncertain. And because this greater purpose is included within My (in-this-moment) purpose, perhaps I can further embrace the nihilistic futility, the immensity of All, in order to further enhance my personal learning and growth. Or perhaps, ultimately, I can not. Perhaps instead, one day, I will be overwhelmed and laid low.

Not today.