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Mr. Trump has this to say about Stella Immanuel:

• “Respected.”
• “Spectacular.”
• “Very impressive.”
• “Important voice.”

Stella Immanuel has this to say:

• “You don’t need masks. There is a cure.”
• “You don’t need people to be locked down.”
• “I treat patients with covid-19 and Hydroxychloroquine with zinc works. They get better in 24 hours.”
• On witches and demons – “They turn into a woman and then they sleep with the man and collect his sperm… then they turn into the man and they sleep with a woman and deposit the sperm and reproduce more of themselves.”
• “McDonald’s and Pokémon promote witchcraft.”
• “Alien DNA is used in medical treatments.”
• “Half-human ‘reptilians’ work in the government.”

So the question becomes, what do you have to say about Mr. Trump?

On the cusp of Forty Years. I suppose the moment that marks an end thus a beginning, the twinkling, poised on that fateful ledge, the staccato tap, dancing into darkness, the heartbeat, sliced by that razor edge, is indeed momentous. But then, so too can be the next moment; and the next moment; and the next; and on, and on, and on.

Though the consequence of forty years as measured against one human lifetime is an expanse, that expanse of forty years as measured against the span of our Universe is barely a cusp.

I am but one human lifetime; so forty years is of consequence, and the cusp is momentous. The greater the expanse, the more momentous the cusp.

I have lived more than I will live. I am actively hopeful that my children will live more than they have lived. I am actively hopeful that Humanity will survive to become more of an expanse than a cusp.

I believe the inescapable dichotomy that is Life, is best expressed in one's acts. Words alone feel superficial. Words alone lack weight. Not because words have no value, but because words alone have no audience. Words are dots, to be connected.

Ineffable. One definition reads: “incapable of being expressed or described in words.” Is that Death? Isn't that Death? Another definition reads: “not to be spoken because of its sacredness.” Is that Life? Isn't that Life?

There is disagreement.

One is one; or one is the other.

For many, sacredness implies a divine or blessed lack of comprehension; divine in the unspoken promise of answers beyond this Life, and a lack of comprehension born of the inescapable dichotomy that is Life.

For me, sacredness is in the tangible act of creation; in this Life. Without an act of creation, there is no truth. For me, my search for truth, for purpose, for wisdom, for happiness is only possible through personal acts of creation. Life allows one, even encourages one, to create.

Thoughts lead to words. Some stop there. Thoughts to words, will never suffice. To move beyond… Thoughts lead to words lead to thoughts lead to acts. Though words alone lack weight, they are a necessary part of the equation, encouraging depth and complexity and associations and further acts of creation.

Without words, one cannot acknowledge a cusp or an expanse. Without words, one cannot consider sacredness. And though we may disagree on the lineage or ascent of sacredness, I believe there is no argument that forty years in a Lifetime is of consequence and that the cusp is momentous.

So, for me, here, on the cusp of forty years, I feel an ineffable expansive moment of sacredness.

Omphalos. I discovered a word today. Omphalos: and from that, this; the central fact.

First I must determine if I believe Humanity is the central fact of the Universe. Is our species the omphalos?

And from this, I am compelled to ask, am I the central fact of Humanity? Am I the omphalos?

In some sense, to consider myself the omphalos is unavoidable. Depending upon my bias or persuasion, I can only influence the expansiveness of this consideration.

This brings me to purpose. If purpose is “the reason for which something exists” and if Humanity is the omphalos and/or if I am the omphalos, then is it consistent and reasonable that my purpose becomes my existence? Do all other considerations such as goodness and contribution and compassion and productivity and justice and patience and creativity fall by the wayside? One may believe that they exhibit these characteristics, but if these characteristics are secondary to the central fact of one’s existence, how can they be truly judged? Saying this, one might misunderstand and be inclined to argue that “my” characteristics can only be judged by me, but that is the question; how can my judgement not be influenced favorably by my belief that I am the omphalos? How can our judgement not be influenced favorably by our belief that we are the omphalos? So even if I want to believe that I am good and compassionate and productive and just, this belief in my character cannot and will never supersede the central fact of my existence. Extending this thought, if I want to believe that my purpose is altruistic, for example to serve my family or my nation or my constituency or my fellow man or my God, I am distracting myself from my true purpose which is to justify my existence.

So, what if purpose is “the reason for which something exists” and I claim to believe that the act of creation (instead of that which has been created) is the omphalos. First, I must acknowledge the unavoidability of the fact of my centrality and recognize my Humanity in order to realistically limit the expansiveness of my existence. Once I have mechanisms in place to keep me in my place, I must acknowledge and actively recognize that goodness and contribution and compassion and productivity and justice and patience and creativity come from, (like me and like Humanity), creation, and I must work to create, and I must understand that my character comes from these acts of creation and cannot and will never reside in the results. Extending this thought, it is okay to begin with an end in mind, (i.e. goodness, contribution, compassion, productivity, justice, patience, creativity or …whatever), but I must find my purpose within each act of creation; I must expend more energy and effort on the act, and not focus solely on the result – and this greater focus on the act must remain consistent before the act, during the act, and after creation. I will learn more by examining my actions, than I will ever learn from partaking of the fruits of my labor. To define myself according to the results, (merely perceived or actual), is to believe that I am the omphalos.

This brings me to truth. If truth is “actuality or actual existence” and if my purpose is always in some sense existence, then in some sense, (perhaps a greater sense?), purpose is always truth. And, if I work to find purpose in the act of creation and not in the result, and if I successfully limit the expansiveness of my existence, then truth and purpose (at least in some sense) become verbs.

To review: I see four possibilities for finding purpose. To consider them I will choose Goodness as an example of a (possible) commonly stated overarching purpose.

1. I can state that my purpose is to do good, and I can endeavor to maintain a semblance of (unplanned and/or spontaneous) public consistency, and from this I can believe my words equal my objective. I could stop here and find purpose in my proclamation and in my intention.
2. But if I examine that proclamation and the inconsistency of my consistency, I cannot stop. I will understand that I am saying I must act to create potential for good. (There may be instances or unforeseen dynamics in which my actions do not result in goodness, and if this happens frequently, others may question my character; but if I mitigate or correct and learn from my mistakes, this evolution may actually strengthen my character.) And by acting to create potential for good, I am saying that the creation of potential naturally replaces intention because it extends it by acting upon it, and, because the act of creation comes first, it supersedes the resulting circumstance, thus becoming purpose. I could stop here and find purpose in the act of creation.
3. But when I am the omphalos, I will not stop. I will continue by considering the significance of my existence in bringing about any resulting goodness, and suddenly, because I came first, my existence supersedes any act and becomes purpose. I could stop here and find purpose in my existence.
4. But if I believe there is a greater central fact, (be it Humanity or Nature or my God or another Universal), I will not stop. I will continue in this way back and back and back to the first creation, (whether I believe that to be Civilization or the Big Bang or God or a Stack of Turtles or …whatever), and because that First Miracle of Creation came first, it supersedes all else and becomes The Ultimate Purpose. This is disconcerting (for me) because if Purpose was fulfilled at that moment, where / how / why do I seek and/or find purpose. I could stop here, at this point in this scenario, and to avoid overwhelming feelings of futility, I could find purpose in the promise of an afterlife, or a legacy, or fame, or infamy or sometimes simply no hard feelings.

I am better to choose #2 because creation precedes, thus supersedes, existence. Without an act of creation there is no truth.

I cannot deny or ignore the centrality (i.e. distraction) of existence, and I am not disputing an Unmoved Mover or the validity of (in some way) being remembered. But I believe I personally will come closer to the truth of purpose by working (on my small scale) to emulate that first miracle of creation.

This leads me to a new thought consistent with an act of creation as omphalos. I frequently remark that Truth is an unattainable ideal. Perhaps I am actually referring to the truth of purpose because purpose will always be diluted by my existence. Because I cannot remove myself from the centrality of my self, I will never experience the purity of creation. My acts of creation will always be tied to their results and to my existence. The best I can do is to continue to find purpose in the act of creation, influence the expansiveness of my existence, and constantly remind myself that the act of creation (not that which has been created) is the omphalos.

Alternatively, those who find purpose in their existence will believe they have found a less diluted or (even) a pure truth in their existence and in the existence of other nouns, most especially those nouns they may attribute to their existence.

Essentially, to find purpose in an act of creation is to prompt or inspire continuous acts of creation, thus driving and/or urging one forward. Whereas, to find purpose in existence is to stop to admire successes and to justify failures, thus impeding productivity, contribution and progress.

I do believe that the act of creation is the omphalos and to find purpose in an act of creation is to come closer to truth (or Truth) than any other path to purpose. I can look at my 463 successive weeks of posting written thought as evidence that supports my belief. In these acts of creation, I have prompted and inspired more acts of creation, and in so doing, I have limited my opportunities to stop and admire, and, (due to lack of readership), I have not been tempted to justify my thought to others. Yes; I constantly assess and judge my thoughts and actions, and my thoughts do influence my reactions to others and guide my side of serious conversation, which all goes to character, but more importantly, this habitual creation translates to personal learning and growth enabling potential for progress. Yet, I understand as well that by presenting this evidence, I am also presenting evidence that I do consider myself the omphalos and to do so is unavoidable. I remain both yin and yang.

To go to sleep is good. In sleep, I forget; and/or I don't recognize it for what it is. It is reality; it is the thoughtlessness of we as a people, as a culture, as a nation; it is the sadness and the anger that wells up inside of me; it is the realization that the improvements many of us plan and hope for are baby steps, too little and perhaps too late.

…

Today I read news about skyrocketing evictions and increasing food insecurity. Today I touched instances of eviction and food insecurity, at arm's length, but still personal. The all-encompassing heartache and grief that accompanies this anxiety and suffering, even at arm's length; I feel like I am drowning. We could solve these problems, but we continue to insist that the rich get richer, and suffer less, and live longer. And we continue to insist that the poor are different, undeserving, lesser beings who have trapped their selves. And we continue to insist that misfortune and scarcity and oppression do not justify an uprising.

…

Today I read news about an immunocompromised Florida teen who contracted coronavirus and died after attending a large, maskless church party and after being given at least one dose of a drug championed by our president and denounced by the FDA. Her mother is a nurse; her father, a physician assistant. An education, a title, the ability to google, does not substitute for thoughtful uncertainty, careful consideration and a sincere desire to learn. The widespread ignorance perpetuated by today’s widespread refusal to admit ignorance; I feel like I am suffocating. I am ignorant in so many ways, of so many things, as we all are. Yet we continue to insist there is a right and there is a wrong. And we continue to insist that tradition justifies fatuity. And we continue to insist on fighting fire with fire.

…

Today I read news about controversy surrounding new rules taking away some protection for targeted poor people regarding payday or (the often-used synonym) predatory loans. The payday loan industry welcomes the changes in the midst of tens of millions of additional consumers now out of work due to the coronavirus. I am not out of work, but I am one of the working poor who now comprise, (according to some estimates), 50 to 60 percent of working households, living paycheck to paycheck, likely unable to come up with $1,000 for an emergency car repair. I have managed to reduce my high interest credit cards and loans to fewer than 10, but it has taken years. It confounds me how those who pay the most in interest and fees are those who can least afford it. I suppose I am fortunate that I have never needed a payday loan; only usurious credit cards that will outlive me. The different levels of financial distress and desperation and hopelessness translate for many (perhaps most) to personal feelings of distress and desperation and hopelessness and failure; some days I feel like I have been buried alive. Yet we continue to insist that financial and material goods define the person. And we continue to insist that taking advantage is marketing. And we continue to insist that poor and desperate is a consumer group, and 400% interest is a just punishment.

…

Today I read news about a supreme court decision in which 7 of the 9 justices interpreted that teachers at church-run schools are not protected from anti-discrimination laws because in their role they are religious leaders. Okay; perhaps I disagree with the lack of protection, (I definitely disagree with the lack of protection), but I can follow the reasoning. What I do not understand is that in the two cases presented, one had her teaching contract canceled because she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and the other refused to retire after decades of teaching so her contract was simply not renewed. In the majority opinion, Justice Alito wrote “The religious education and formation of students is the very reason for the existence of most private religious schools… [and] …Judicial review of the way in which religious schools discharge those responsibilities would undermine the independence of religious institutions in a way that the 1st amendment does not tolerate.” Is there a commandment I missed about teaching into retirement age? And where in the bible do we find the verse about breast cancer and sin? I do understand the court's logic behind the decision, but for the church it appears to serve as a loophole allowing for a complete lack of accountability; and here I thought that’s what God is all about. The double standard coming from subjective interpretation and/or precedent and/or fine print and/or politics and/or who can afford a lawyer and/or who makes the rules and/or who decides who has to follow what rules and/or the way the wind is blowing, (Yes! That Double Standard!), is not a valid substitute for Wisdom and Goodness coming from a search for Truth; I frequently feel like I am literally tied in knots. Yet we continue to insist that every individual is equal under the law and that justice is just. And we continue to insist on piling laws upon regulations and agencies within departments and precepts protecting status and covenants breaking backs, all in an endless procession of incomprehensible bureaucracy. And we continue to insist that legal = ethical and not-caught or not-brought-to-justice or not-held accountable = not-guilty.

…

Today I read news about how more than 10,000 religious organizations have received at least $3 billion in coronavirus financial aid from our government, including wealthy televangelists accused of fraud, and advisers to president Trump. These loans are through the Small Business Administration, Paycheck Protection Program; (PPP). The highest loan amount category available for any organization, from this report, was those who received between 5 million and 10 million dollars; and of the 19 organizations who received this amount, 7 were religious organizations affiliated with the catholic church. These are secretive organizations that do not pay taxes, they do not have to reveal where they obtain their funding, and they are not subject to anti-discrimination laws. I understand that the spirit of the program is to keep workers from losing their jobs, but when only 60% of the funds must go to salaries for the loan to be forgiven, we could add a “P” and say Powerful Pretentious Piety Pays. I feel sick to my stomach. Yet we continue to insist that religious organizations are untouchable. And we continue to insist that the separation of church and state is a convenience to be interpreted on a case-by-case basis. And we continue to insist that God is on our side.

…

Today I read a story that contrasted written thought with written memory. If there were a device with which I could scroll back and see the reality of a memory, I am confident that I would find my memory faulty. To write down thoughts helps one to think and analyze, deconstruct and reconstruct, merge and flow, and seek (and perhaps glimpse) the unattainable Truth. But to dispute perceived reality (i.e. memory) with reality (i.e. written or recorded memory) creates conflict and divisiveness both within and without, and further establishes entrenchments and fortifications. There is no way to argue perceived reality without a written or recorded memory. And there is no way to argue that the written or recorded account is 100% objectively accurate unless it is seen and understood completely in context. And there is no way to understand a moment completely in context without considering perceived reality. So, there is no way to argue perceived reality without threatening the very essence of the moment within which an individual resides. And to destroy an individual’s moment is to threaten the very essence of the individual. And to consider my essence in the midst of conflicts and divisiveness and entrenchments and fortifications and written thought and memory and context, and perceived and unperceived reality, and a Truth that is unattainable, I feel like I am simultaneously lost at sea and lost in a massive desert, with no sign of land or water, but still with the will to survive. Yet we continue to insist that I am most important and we have all the answers and they are wrong. And we continue to insist that we are not lost and that this land is my land and that this water runs deep. And we continue to insist that the Truth is attainable and that my story is Truth.

…

I wake up every day to the underlying reality of oppression and ignorance and exploitation and double standards and disdainfulness and dogma and inflexibility and failure; sometimes close-to-the-bone, sometimes personal, sometimes hazy or distant, but always there. It is good to wake up. So many of us prefer sleepwalking through our days; imagining land, and water. Awake, I am at sea. Awake, I am in the desert. I see the thoughtlessness of we as a people, as a culture, as a nation; I feel the sadness and the anger that wells up inside of me; I realize that the improvements many of us plan and hope for are baby steps, too little and perhaps too late. There is a time for sleep. Not today. Today, it is time to wake up.

Last week, I stopped with – “I cannot undo what has been undone.” To review, I also said, “to do for oneself is to undo for others and to do for others one must undo for oneself.” And I said, “as an individual human I am incapable of unadulterated unselfishness.” So, I suppose that I am essentially saying because I am incapable of strictly undoing for myself, with the same being true of all other individuals, and because doing is purposeful and undoing is concomitant, all the influential undoing in the world is naturally meant for others, never for oneself, and every action begins in selfish doing and extends through selfish undoing, therefore it is impossible to undo human selfishness, thus oneself. As I also said last week, “if there is even a smidgen of selfishness, I am doing for myself, thus undoing for others.” Before acting or in the midst of acting, one may consider others and pull back to mitigate undoing; and after acting one may counteract or work to repair; but one cannot not undo and one cannot undo what has been undone.

Perhaps this effort to better understand this complexity is why in recent weeks in varying instances I have both given myself completely to my selfishness and worked to undo myself from myself. I have found that to immerse myself in me is straightforward and lacking in thoughtfulness and even consideration, but I see now, (as already inferred), that my efforts toward a semblance of unadulterated unselfishness are little more than a façade likely motivated by my desire to assuage my guilt; guilt created by the regret and blame that I believe in some form accompanies each and every act, (no matter how large or small), of doing for oneself; (on occasion, regret or blame mistakenly manifests as pride). Granted, my immersion is likely not genuine either in that it appears to be largely (if not wholly) comprised of physical comfort; and how can the body’s desires be selfish when they do not account for the heart or mind or SoulSpirit that is how most of us define and characterize the concept of me? Or is this consideration perhaps telling me the opposite of what I would prefer to think? That I am only the corporeal being and the basest of instincts, exactly as represented by my tangible self and my brain bent on survival, and that my concept of me is lofty and completely inaccurate.

After reading the paragraph above for a first and second time, my immediate thoughts were, “God Damn, that’s honest.” [and] “Insight.” Upon a third reading, I want to examine and account for regret and blame and their role in driving and/or being driven by the compassionate heart and the higher-minded mind and the peace-loving-god-fearing SoulSpirit. As implied, I want to consider the questions:

1. Is regret and/or blame the mother of my heart and my mind and my SoulSpirit? Or,
2. Is my heart and/or my mind and/or my SoulSpirit the mother of regret and blame? And,
3. Is there any question that my body and my base instincts are the father of it all?

Psychology Today says, “Regret is a negative cognitive or emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been, or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made.” The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy says, “Cognitive theories of blame hold that blame is fundamentally a judgment or evaluation that we make about an agent in light of their actions, attitudes, or character.” Some theorists believe that to be blame, it must be accompanied by negative emotion, which is more consistent with the relationships introduced above. Regardless, there is a general consensus that negative emotions, properly moderated, are valuable. And as I connect these dots, it appears to be more logical that regret and blame spring from base instinct as a mechanism that works to justify undoing. Whether driving one to consider, pull back, mitigate, counteract, or repair, or obliging one to defend and excuse, it makes sense to me that regret and blame bridge the gap from instinct to compassion, multilayered thought, and a desire for peace.

It does not make sense that the heart, mind and/or SoulSpirit are driving, because if this were the case, there would be no need for regret or blame or forgiveness; there would be no need for anger; there would be less need for undoing; there would be less sadness, less divisiveness, less fear; and there would be less undoing. Best case scenario, the heart, the mind and/or the SoulSpirit are navigating from the passenger seat; but more often I believe they are securely belted in the back seat, or packed away in the trunk; and without regret or blame to on occasion acknowledge them, there they would stay, silent and unmoving.

On this fourth of July, our culture and our nation appears to be stirring from our comatose slumber in the back seat. I do not trust that we will not collectively yawn, adjust our positions and fall back asleep. In fact, I believe this likely. On this fourth of July, as an individual member of this culture and this nation, I am not proud to be an american.

There is no way to revoke instinct, survival, comfort, loftiness, and undoing. The best I can do is to acknowledge, consider and moderate regret and blame and their surrounding negative emotions, in order to move compassion, multilayered thought, and my desire for peace to the front seat. As previously said, I am seeing signs of life, but we are expending far too much effort in a losing battle against those who represent the corporeal being and the basest of instincts. Instead of working to eradicate, (which is likely futile), we must work to establish a direction and persuade the path.