Last week, I stopped with – “I cannot undo what has been undone.” To review, I also said, “to do for oneself is to undo for others and to do for others one must undo for oneself.” And I said, “as an individual human I am incapable of unadulterated unselfishness.” So, I suppose that I am essentially saying because I am incapable of strictly undoing for myself, with the same being true of all other individuals, and because doing is purposeful and undoing is concomitant, all the influential undoing in the world is naturally meant for others, never for oneself, and every action begins in selfish doing and extends through selfish undoing, therefore it is impossible to undo human selfishness, thus oneself. As I also said last week, “if there is even a smidgen of selfishness, I am doing for myself, thus undoing for others.” Before acting or in the midst of acting, one may consider others and pull back to mitigate undoing; and after acting one may counteract or work to repair; but one cannot not undo and one cannot undo what has been undone.
Perhaps this effort to better understand this complexity is why in recent weeks in varying instances I have both given myself completely to my selfishness and worked to undo myself from myself. I have found that to immerse myself in me is straightforward and lacking in thoughtfulness and even consideration, but I see now, (as already inferred), that my efforts toward a semblance of unadulterated unselfishness are little more than a façade likely motivated by my desire to assuage my guilt; guilt created by the regret and blame that I believe in some form accompanies each and every act, (no matter how large or small), of doing for oneself; (on occasion, regret or blame mistakenly manifests as pride). Granted, my immersion is likely not genuine either in that it appears to be largely (if not wholly) comprised of physical comfort; and how can the body’s desires be selfish when they do not account for the heart or mind or SoulSpirit that is how most of us define and characterize the concept of me? Or is this consideration perhaps telling me the opposite of what I would prefer to think? That I am only the corporeal being and the basest of instincts, exactly as represented by my tangible self and my brain bent on survival, and that my concept of me is lofty and completely inaccurate.
After reading the paragraph above for a first and second time, my immediate thoughts were, “God Damn, that’s honest.” [and] “Insight.” Upon a third reading, I want to examine and account for regret and blame and their role in driving and/or being driven by the compassionate heart and the higher-minded mind and the peace-loving-god-fearing SoulSpirit. As implied, I want to consider the questions:
- Is regret and/or blame the mother of my heart and my mind and my SoulSpirit? Or,
- Is my heart and/or my mind and/or my SoulSpirit the mother of regret and blame? And,
- Is there any question that my body and my base instincts are the father of it all?
Psychology Today says, “Regret is a negative cognitive or emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been, or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made.” The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy says, “Cognitive theories of blame hold that blame is fundamentally a judgment or evaluation that we make about an agent in light of their actions, attitudes, or character.” Some theorists believe that to be blame, it must be accompanied by negative emotion, which is more consistent with the relationships introduced above. Regardless, there is a general consensus that negative emotions, properly moderated, are valuable. And as I connect these dots, it appears to be more logical that regret and blame spring from base instinct as a mechanism that works to justify undoing. Whether driving one to consider, pull back, mitigate, counteract, or repair, or obliging one to defend and excuse, it makes sense to me that regret and blame bridge the gap from instinct to compassion, multilayered thought, and a desire for peace.
It does not make sense that the heart, mind and/or SoulSpirit are driving, because if this were the case, there would be no need for regret or blame or forgiveness; there would be no need for anger; there would be less need for undoing; there would be less sadness, less divisiveness, less fear; and there would be less undoing. Best case scenario, the heart, the mind and/or the SoulSpirit are navigating from the passenger seat; but more often I believe they are securely belted in the back seat, or packed away in the trunk; and without regret or blame to on occasion acknowledge them, there they would stay, silent and unmoving.
On this fourth of July, our culture and our nation appears to be stirring from our comatose slumber in the back seat. I do not trust that we will not collectively yawn, adjust our positions and fall back asleep. In fact, I believe this likely. On this fourth of July, as an individual member of this culture and this nation, I am not proud to be an american.
There is no way to revoke instinct, survival, comfort, loftiness, and undoing. The best I can do is to acknowledge, consider and moderate regret and blame and their surrounding negative emotions, in order to move compassion, multilayered thought, and my desire for peace to the front seat. As previously said, I am seeing signs of life, but we are expending far too much effort in a losing battle against those who represent the corporeal being and the basest of instincts. Instead of working to eradicate, (which is likely futile), we must work to establish a direction and persuade the path.