hopelesshappiness.com

In recent posts I have encouraged healthy dissatisfaction. Throughout this site I have encouraged learning and growth. I truly believe we will have more frequent and longer-lasting ‘moments’ of Happiness not only by acknowledging and facing the turmoil inherent in day-to-day living, but also by intentionally creating some inner turmoil that will expand and stretch our boundaries. The question I keep butting heads with is the question I asked in my very first post – how to reconcile this inner turmoil (my search for Truth) with inner tranquility (my search for Peace). I suppose I’m not getting off on the right foot by ‘butting heads’ with Peace, yet it keeps happening; and Peace (following its nature) patiently gives ground.

And speaking of nature, it is our human nature to be dissatisfied. This yearning is a human characteristic that goes beyond instinct. Furthermore, it is human nature to critically apply thoughts and feelings in order to transform this dissatisfaction into volitional action. We want to be satisfied and we typically work very hard towards that end. Depending on individual intensity, this effort / striving may (in my case, often does) conflict with tranquility.

So how can Peace then provide a satisfaction, when satisfaction requires a certain amount of struggle? Some would argue (legitimately so) that there is Wisdom and Truth to be found in Peace, thus providing satisfaction and the best of both worlds. I might argue though, that Wisdom is more likely to be found in the ‘contemplation’ of Peace (which may or may not occur in the midst of a tranquil state), and that contemplation (to a degree) disturbs tranquility, thus creating a mildly contentious peace.

Yes, the discord is likely a matter of degree, and perhaps semantics; and yes, I should at least occasionally stop butting heads and listen for Peace; but I can’t keep myself from asking – Is there more Wisdom and Truth in Peace, or is there more Peace in Wisdom and Truth?

REDUCTIONISM - to reduce an idea or a concept (in this case, Happiness) to its basic elements in order to understand, define, refine, and expedite.

Reductionism does not work:

It is much easier to reduce or deconstruct Happiness into relevant elements (as we have done on this web site), than it is to rebuild it. The advantage of deconstruction is some added control and understanding that will assist in decision-making. However, it is impossible for anyone to predict an individual's Happiness based on the combination, addition, or subtraction of certain specific elements at certain times. We have a better shot of recognizing emergent variables (both positive and negative) if we focus exclusively on the all-important 'me', and quickly adjust strategies accordingly; (and there is some truth to the maxim of selfish rationality - it is often easier to help others if we have first helped ourselves). Yet it is still very much a hit or miss proposition even when dealing ONLY with the all-important 'me', because it is impossible to predict the timing of or our reaction to the infinite variables outside of our control. Nonetheless, we should still put forth the effort to live, learn, and grow as outlined on these pages. That effort though, must be coupled with a sense of reality.

Additionally, as it is with reductionism in other endeavors (such as Biology), if you do come up with a formula, theory, or experiment that tests positively, you have to ask yourself, "what am I leaving out? Which simplifications ignore, reduce, or obliterate synergy and interdependence?" (i.e. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.) "Because it looks good on paper, does it consistently work well in practice. And even if I define a set of elements and follow a set of instructions, and it does seem to make me feel happier, am I really stretching myself towards true Happiness (Wisdom, Truth, Purpose), or am I creating a facsimile of happiness? Am I fooling myself?"

If you believe that you have attained True, Consistent Long-lasting Happiness, then you are saying you are satisfied. If you believe you are satisfied with your current reality, you are either very lucky, oblivious, or living a lie. I will never be satisfied, and I encourage you also, to always be in the throes of innovative-productive-prolific-inspired dissatisfaction.

Natural Happiness happens. Artificial Happiness is hunted, gutted, cut apart, sewn-up, and mounted on the wall. Which would you prefer?

As stated on my ‘Periodic Happiness Table of Elements‘ page, Consistent Long-lasting Happiness (CLH) is hopeless, while Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH) is not only hopeful, but likely. The question is, how long do the ‘moments’ last and how frequently do they come? When considering the range and variability of RMH, and our desire for CLH, and how to represent this relationship, we may at first be tempted to think in terms of a spectrum from unhappy to happy. Yet if you accept the premise that true Happiness (CLH) is hopeless or impossible, then CLH and the uppermost range of that spectrum cannot exist. So instead of that open system of infinite impossibilities, we are better served to consider a closed system with a single element – RMH. This can be represented as the ebb and flow of a tide; or perhaps the inflation and deflation of a balloon; or maybe the undulating, echoing (WheeeHoooo-WheeeHoooo-WheeeHoooo) circularity of an approaching or receding siren.

Yes! I like the siren. After all the call of Happiness is enticing-charming-tempting-beguiling-inviting-alluring-enchanting-mesmerizing, and (if we’re not careful) provocative, dangerous, and destructive. CLH is the Element we strive for (in vain) and because of its siren song, it definitely impacts our Happiness; yet RMH is the reality, and it has a much more down-to-earth siren call. We will always be somewhere in the midst of Relative Momentary Happiness and its unpredictable undulations. The best we can work toward is longer, more frequent moments.

Don’t continually cast yourself against a rocky shore for the sake of a seductive illusion.

I remember an old video game with a frog, and a road, and traffic; and if I remember correctly, the object of the game was to cross the road and not become road-kill. The good thing was that if you were squashed, you could come back to life, and if you kept pumping quarters into the machine (yes, I'm that old) you could keep crossing roads forever. The challenge was that the better you got at avoiding traffic, the more traffic there was, and the faster it came at you. And the reward was, as you continued to improve, the better you felt about yourself and you welcomed the ever-increasing complexity.

We often hear in life that 'it is about the journey.' The meaning and purpose is found within the context of the search or the quest. Be that search for Happiness or Truth or Wealth or buttons for the largest button collection in the continental U.S., if we accomplish our goal we then either broaden or extend our search; or find something else to chase. And for the aforementioned objectives (and most others), we will never be satisfied. We will never be satisfied because we will never reach a definitive, consistent state; or we will never find a complete answer; or someone else will surpass us in wealth or buttons.

So taking the lesson from the frog, and applying it to our need for adventure, if our purpose in life is to continually get to the other side, and we are more satisfied (more in tune with ourselves and, do I dare say, happier) when we are challenged, then why do we so often cross the road where there is little or no traffic? Why do we make decisions that are inconsistent with our needs? Why do we ignore the Dark? Why do we so frequently take the easy way?

We cross many roads every day and at many of those crossings we are faced with the decision to either play it safe or take a risk. It is easier, (and often we are expected), to play it safe. But as a start, perhaps one day instead of watching a mind-numbing TV show, we should read a book; instead of multi-tasking, we should focus on 'one' thing; instead of having a beer with our buddies, we should read and discuss poetry with our buddies; (okay - depending on your circle of friends, that might be a stretch); but you understand the point. Cross that busy highway, against the light; swim upstream; take a chance. Like the frog, if you fail, you can pick yourself up and try again. I'm not saying that Happiness or the meaning of life is the punch line to an old joke; nor am I saying it's not; I'm saying it's up to you.

Just be sure you have a pocketful of quarters.

I am going to write like I know what I’m talking about.

When we talk about ingredients, cooking is an easy analogy; and as it is in cooking, it is in Happiness. We have some main ingredients that are critical, we have some secondary ingredients that are fairly common and enhance the experience, and we have some more exotic ingredients that may take us from simply satisfying to gourmet. And as in cooking, proportions and the order in which you add the ingredients help determine success; but unlike cooking there are more uncontrolled variables affecting this recipe; (see last week’s Formula for Happiness). Regardless, here is my recipe, in what I believe to be the proper order. The three main ingredients are critical. After that, additions and proportions I will leave to you, as tastes may vary.

1. Pleasure
2. Enjoyment
3. Human Interaction

4. Learning
5. Perceived Growth or Improvement

6. Attention and Focus
7. Complexity
8. Depth

Directions: Slowly add Pleasure, making certain not to overindulge. Though it is the basic stock for Happiness, Pleasure should be added in moderation to take care of basic needs; i.e. food, sleep, shelter, warmth, etc. Simmer. When Pleasure is at a comfortable level, add Enjoyment by stretching and expanding that comfort zone acquired with Pleasure. Set attainable goals and keep stirring mixture to immerse yourself in the aromas. Add doses of Human Interaction according to your taste, but know that this ingredient shares many of the same characteristics as salt – too much can overpower other ingredients, and too little can leave Happiness listless and bland. NOTE: Read labels. Healthy Human Interaction should include two-way acknowledgement, approval, and respect. Interdependent relationships will keep your mixture hearty and robust. Simmer main ingredients until you feel an urge to move on; if that urge doesn’t strike, continue to simmer and enjoy.

When mixture above starts to seem watery or unfulfilling, seek knowledge and add Learning to the stew, while continuing to stir and strengthen the other ingredients. You will find that Learning mixes easily with all ingredients. Simmer. Check for feelings of Improvement and add this Growth to the pot, being careful that it does not boil over. Repeat this cycle of secondary ingredients to taste. When you have perfected the method of adding Growth to the pot with no danger of boil-over, consider moving on to the gourmet directions below.

For a more fulfilling experience, add a liberal amount of Attention and Focus for a controlled period of time. Again, be sure to read labels. The Attention should be flexible and able to prioritize, and both Attention and Focus should have relevance and intention. Simmer and immerse yourself in the tastes and aromas and when it seems right, sprinkle in Complexity. This ingredient (Complexity), for unknown reasons and despite its name, tends to clarify and even simplify your jumbled medley, allowing you to see all the way to the bottom of the pot. When you reach this point, garnish with Depth; an ingredient that will hover through all levels of your stew from the top to the bottom, soaking up the affiliations established by your stirring and simmering. Repeat any portions of recipe directions as needed to keep your Happiness gently bubbling.
END OF RECIPE

Despite the name of this web site, and despite the fact that I stated in my first post, and still maintain, that true Happiness is hopeless, I do believe that Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH) is realistically attainable, and that is what I am trying to brew up with the recipe above. I have found that by structuring my thoughts on the subject (through my writing), and trying to follow the recipe above, the 'moments' in my RMH have been coming more frequently and lasting longer; yet I know that ‘Dark’ and ‘Light’ will continue to ebb and flow.