hopelesshappiness.com

I am going to write like I know what I’m talking about.

When we talk about ingredients, cooking is an easy analogy; and as it is in cooking, it is in Happiness. We have some main ingredients that are critical, we have some secondary ingredients that are fairly common and enhance the experience, and we have some more exotic ingredients that may take us from simply satisfying to gourmet. And as in cooking, proportions and the order in which you add the ingredients help determine success; but unlike cooking there are more uncontrolled variables affecting this recipe; (see last week’s Formula for Happiness). Regardless, here is my recipe, in what I believe to be the proper order. The three main ingredients are critical. After that, additions and proportions I will leave to you, as tastes may vary.

RECIPE
Main Ingredients:

1. Pleasure
2. Enjoyment
3. Human Interaction

Secondary Ingredients:

4. Learning
5. Perceived Growth or Improvement

BAM!

6. Attention and Focus
7. Complexity
8. Depth

Directions: Slowly add Pleasure, making certain not to overindulge. Though it is the basic stock for Happiness, Pleasure should be added in moderation to take care of basic needs; i.e. food, sleep, shelter, warmth, etc. Simmer. When Pleasure is at a comfortable level, add Enjoyment by stretching and expanding that comfort zone acquired with Pleasure. Set attainable goals and keep stirring mixture to immerse yourself in the aromas. Add doses of Human Interaction according to your taste, but know that this ingredient shares many of the same characteristics as salt – too much can overpower other ingredients, and too little can leave Happiness listless and bland. NOTE: Read labels. Healthy Human Interaction should include two-way acknowledgement, approval, and respect. Interdependent relationships will keep your mixture hearty and robust. Simmer main ingredients until you feel an urge to move on; if that urge doesn’t strike, continue to simmer and enjoy.

When mixture above starts to seem watery or unfulfilling, seek knowledge and add Learning to the stew, while continuing to stir and strengthen the other ingredients. You will find that Learning mixes easily with all ingredients. Simmer. Check for feelings of Improvement and add this Growth to the pot, being careful that it does not boil over. Repeat this cycle of secondary ingredients to taste. When you have perfected the method of adding Growth to the pot with no danger of boil-over, consider moving on to the gourmet directions below.

For a more fulfilling experience, add a liberal amount of Attention and Focus for a controlled period of time. Again, be sure to read labels. The Attention should be flexible and able to prioritize, and both Attention and Focus should have relevance and intention. Simmer and immerse yourself in the tastes and aromas and when it seems right, sprinkle in Complexity. This ingredient (Complexity), for unknown reasons and despite its name, tends to clarify and even simplify your jumbled medley, allowing you to see all the way to the bottom of the pot. When you reach this point, garnish with Depth; an ingredient that will hover through all levels of your stew from the top to the bottom, soaking up the affiliations established by your stirring and simmering. Repeat any portions of recipe directions as needed to keep your Happiness gently bubbling.
END OF RECIPE

Despite the name of this web site, and despite the fact that I stated in my first post, and still maintain, that true Happiness is hopeless, I do believe that Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH) is realistically attainable, and that is what I am trying to brew up with the recipe above. I have found that by structuring my thoughts on the subject (through my writing), and trying to follow the recipe above, the 'moments' in my RMH have been coming more frequently and lasting longer; yet I know that ‘Dark’ and ‘Light’ will continue to ebb and flow.

Three working hypotheses and an actual Formula for Happiness:

1. Happiness is not an emotion. Happiness is a higher order state of mind and/or state of being that is a product of our affective processes (feelings), cognitive processes (thoughts), conative processes (actions), and other factors and variables that will be unveiled in the Formula for Happiness at the end of this post. Psychologists, scientists, and other theorists often define Happiness in terms of other emotions, so how then can it be an emotion unto itself? And if we give Happiness the respect that a higher order state deserves, and stop throwing tantrums when we’re unhappy, perhaps it will enable us to more effectively control actual emotions.
2. Your cup is not half full, nor is it half empty; it is simply too big. Recognize and acknowledge reality. There are a large number of how-to books and websites on Happiness that focus oftentimes exclusively on the ‘Light’ or the positive aids to happiness, while neglecting the ‘Dark’ or the struggles inherent in day-to-day living. Like it or not, this planet we live on is not always conducive to a comfortable peace and prosperity, therefore we are better served by meeting the challenges head on with sturdy guiding principles. Successfully ignoring reality often equals oblivion and fooling ourselves into thinking we are happy because all we see are the lollipops and rainbows; our cup is half-full. Obstinately closing our eyes to reality, pretending it’s not there when we know it is, and thinking it won’t see us because our eyes are closed, causes us to run into walls and complain that ‘Life’s Not Fair’; our cup is half-empty. Get the right size cup and acknowledge both the Light and the Dark.
3. Happiness is never the ‘Horse’, and, the ‘Cart’ is not for sale. – In other words, considerations of happiness should not come first, and, we should not expect it (Happiness) to pull over and whisk us away whenever we whistle. We should not determine our course of action based on projected resulting happiness. If we do, we will fail. There is no direct route from point A (You Are Here) to point B (Happiness). It is not on a map, and most of the guidebooks that tell us where to find it, read like they’ve been written by a travel agent trying to make a commission. Yet these guidebooks sell because we want to know the shortcut that will take us past the dangerous, labyrinthine streets and alleyways, keep us out of the dark, dingy hotel rooms, and help us to avoid the squalid, filthy restaurant district. Unfortunately, there really is no shortcut; so to safely traverse this unpleasantness, let something other than happiness (and its how-to guidebooks) lead the way. Two of my favorite guides are Justice and Goodness. Other potential candidates I use include Compassion, Creativity, Work Ethic, Trust, and Persistence. These principles (and others that you may favor) will take us to some rough places, but they may also show us some stunning sights; anything from an untouched wilderness to a burgeoning metropolis, and points in between; places where Happiness roams the countryside and the streets. And with some luck we may glimpse this fabled chariot, walk alongside it for awhile, or even catch a short ride. Keep your horse before your cart.

Now here’s what you’ve been waiting for. Based on the theories above I have determined the variables necessary to precisely calculate your Happiness. Just factor your personal information into the formula below and you will be transformed:

(((Feelings + Thoughts) Action) / (Circumstances X Character)) X (Flash Point + Prevailing Winds + Humidity – Uncertainty) = Relative Momentary Happiness

I’m still working on the formula for Consistent Long-lasting Happiness. Stay Tuned.

I originally intended this post to be about embracing the hopeless nature of happiness. I wanted to contemplate utopia - a reality in which you could attain anything and everything you wanted; a world in which you could live forever and never suffer; a place with no pain, no loss, no grief, no constraints on your time, and no limits to your resources. I was going to paint a panorama of perfection in which you would ultimately discover that this Promised Land would actually be pretty boring. Bertrand Russell said, “The human animal is adapted to a certain amount of struggle for life. The mere absence of effort from life removes an essential ingredient of happiness.” Other philosophers, writers, and scientists, have echoed this thought in various ways, and the idle rich (or the spoiled, narcissistic teenager) have reinforced the theory that indulgence and pleasure are often mindless and meaningless; and generally have very little to do with Happiness.

After convincing you of the necessity of struggle, and showing you how it would be impossible to have carefree happiness, I was going to make the additional point that in this reality you have no choice but to give unhappiness (pain and adversity) equal time, and since this is the case, why not embrace it? Why not wring every droplet of Truth that you possibly can, from its scrawny, little neck? Why not look it in the eye, (or any orifice of your choosing), and learn from it? I was going to tell you how Sun Tzu encourages you to ‘know your enemy’ and I was (finally, yet with a flourish) going to argue that to attain happiness you must first gain wisdom through unhappiness.

But if I had written this post, would it have really made you feel better?

I didn’t think so – that’s why I’ve changed my mind …

Instead of telling you stuff that you already know, I simply want to say …

… Don’t be afraid to talk about it.

It’s okay to acknowledge the dark; without it, there would be no light.

The playwright Aeschylus (525 BC to 456 BC) said,

"He who learns must suffer, and, even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

WOW!  Talk about 'Night on Bald Mountain'.  Yet he agrees with me (or, more correctly, I agree with him) - Wisdom (which is what makes me Happy) has a synergistic relationship with pain and adversity (which leaves me unhappy).  Just because it is Hopeless though, does not mean you should give up. I feel somewhat liberated since my first post a week ago when I verbalized the hopeless nature of happiness; (what do they say about admitting you have a problem?). I feel an acceptance now, and a renewed sense of energy.  I am freed from the bonds of facade, by recognizing and accepting my hurt, which allows a glimpse of Truth (Wisdom), which in turn causes pain; which I accept and recognize  ...  Final Score: Happy 2 - Unhappy 2; most days (in my life) Unhappy outscores Happy by about 10 to 7. But that's okay.  I refuse to give up, because those days when Happy pulls off an upset - those are great days.

And because we have some great days, we naturally want them all to be great. After all, that's written somewhere in our Constitution - right?  Actually it's in the Declaration of Independence that our Founding Fathers said something about mankind being endowed with "certain unalienable Rights" including  "the pursuit of Happiness". I believe that too many of us have ignored 'pursuit' and believe we have the 'Right' - we are 'Entitled' - to Happiness. And when we are unhappy ('the absence of, or any state other than, Happiness) we are angry; because we think we should be happy; and too often we look for someone to blame. ACCEPT IT!  There is no one to blame; not even yourself. PURSUE Happiness by pursuing Wisdom and Truth! APPRECIATE when you grasp or even glimpse Happiness for a short period of time; and (as hard as it may be) appreciate the pain and adversity that precedes those moments.

Bottom Line - if you believe you are 'a happy person' you are fooling (tricking) yourself by using some of the aids (crutches) referred to in my previous Post - Hopeless Happiness. I am not saying there is anything wrong with this; I am saying that it cannot (by my definition) be a True Happiness.

'Hopeless Happiness' is a product of my attempt to reconcile Truth with Peace.  Serious reflection on the nature of Truth seems to disturb my peace by causing me to consider and acknowledge reality, while attempts to focus and center (seeking peace) seem to impede any progress towards wisdom.  If I found the ultimate Truth (Wisdom) (Purpose) I am certain it would come prepackaged with Happiness. Therein lies the 'Hopeless'.  I will never, in this lifetime,  find the ultimate Truth so I will never be 'truly' Happy. Yet still I can at times trick myself. Like right now, when I  feel? ... think? that I am making progress. Or often it is simply when I am active and in good health. Or when I 'count my blessings'. Or when I am stimulated socially. Or when I am kind, empathetic, respectful, compassionate, helpful. Or when I am constructive, trusting, optimistic, productive. Or even when I feel like I know something or am part of something that everyone else should accept without question.

So is 'Hopeless' in this context  a negative? (I don't think so.)

Is 'Reality' a downer? (Yes.)

Should we ignore 'Reality'? (No.)

Is ignorance - or being oblivious - truly bliss?  (Yes, but that's no excuse; though it is nice every now and then.)

And what about all those crutches listed above?  Why are they tricks?  (They are only tricks if we don't dilute them with Humility and Reality.  Proper perspective will allow a burgeoning Happiness to find the sunshine at least occasionally.)

I have begun this discussion because I am not at all certain of my answers above; (although I was confident when I wrote them). There are times I wish I could be certain; or oblivious; or more grateful; or even more spiritually faithful.  Though many of us put on a brave front I believe this doubt to be universal. Perhaps not?  Tell me.  I am looking for lively, balanced, respectful conversation that will argue for and against hope and happiness. Balance is a key. I will do my best to not let this become only 'Zip-a-dee-doo-dah-Camptown-Races', or exclusively 'Night on Bald Mountain'.  I want to learn from a proper mix of dark and light; so please tell me what you think.

I look forward to your responses. I will end this first post with a description of how I encourage myself to keep searching for 'bits' of Wisdom that will in turn reward me with intermittent Hope and Happiness:

Never-ending Foolishness, led by an Imagination that is constantly Learning from the cycles of Separation and Structure, while cultivating the Ability to gain Insight (driven by Passion and Integrity, and tempered with Humor and Compassion) into the Depth of my Body, my Heart, my Mind, and my Spirit.