hopelesshappiness.com

In May of 2004 my Wife and I began compiling a personal history that tells a long and winding tale of triumph and despair; highs and lows; good luck and bad luck; competition and camaraderie. This epic narrative (as of today) consists of 872 Scrabble scrums of which I have won 433 to her 431 and we have tied 8 times. Over these 872 encounters I have averaged 305.16 points per game to her 304.00 for a difference of 1.16 points. Some would say we are evenly matched.

So how does this relate to Truth, Wisdom, and one's quest for Happiness? I believe it begins to relate simply in terms of Human Interaction which is one of the elements of Happiness as seen on the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements. Connecting with others enables a synergistic expansion of consciousness, which in turn enables potentiality for learning, growth, complexity, and depth. In our case Scrabble has become a favored medium for relaxed communication often accompanied by our like-minded appreciation of music, all leading to an affectionate companionship, and in many ways truly is a microcosm of the ups and downs of our Life together ...

We compete with mutual respect; throwing adversity in each other's path, but doing so within the rules. In this way we stretch each other, encouraging growth.

We enjoy the fact that we are evenly matched. If one goes into a competition or collaboration knowing they will win or knowing they will lose, it is not a lot of fun, and it inhibits one's learning growth, and ability to add complexity or depth.

We have learned that at times (especially late in the game) it is best to take what you can get; not necessarily stoical acceptance or giving up, but rather understanding reality. It is not always possible to place the 'Q' or the 'X' (or the 'J' or the 'Z') on a triple letter space.

Even early in the game, seeking that perfect word may impede progress. It is tempting to hold on to that 'S' for maximal points, or that 'ING' for an impressive 7 letter word and its accompanying 50 point bonus, but at what cost? What opportunities are missed in the form of new letters not picked up? It feels like more often than not, (or at least as often), I do not gain with this strategy. But I also believe the memory of failure is stronger and stays with me longer, and the same justification could be used for holding on to those letters to make that perfect word; especially early in the game and/or with a more open board. The key is to not become obsessed; it is better to let go / sacrifice for the sake of progress and (most importantly) to avoid stagnation.

We have learned to celebrate victory - even when it is not ours. Once I am past the disappointment of my loss, I do enjoy her win; and at times there is no disappointment as we have both said that we would rather lose a close, well-fought game than to play a game filled with the frustration of bad draws, a blocked board, or low scores.

Bottom line - challenge, adversity, and even occasional pain is necessary; and often unavoidable. This is not a new thought. Throughout this site I have consistently encouraged embracing the Dark.

So is it not a natural extension then to encourage challenge and adversity in a caring connective relationship? Is this a necessary aspect of truly loving someone? We typically think a major aspect of Love is the compassionate desire to relieve another of their pain and suffering. Am I actually suggesting that one should inflict adversity and pain in order to show their love? NO - I am not suggesting that - but I am suggesting that one aspect of love should be the empathetic sharing of that challenge, adversity, and pain inherent in our day-to-day existence; a mutual bonding with the Dark as well as the Light. And sometimes, because of our humanity, we may (intentionally or not) inflict pain, but by recognizing that it is a part of a loving relationship, adversity will not sever that connection.

Love is not all Teddy Bears and Chocolate Covered Strawberries. As stated above, I believe this assimilation of Dark, Light, and Consciousness between two people is one tangible, very real aspect of Love. I believe another discernible aspect of Love is Willing Sacrifice. By definition sacrifice involves loss and/or pain. The 'willing' part implies free-will choice which in turn demands no quid pro quo. Even the slightest resentment or expectation of something in return cheapens it, reducing it from an act of selfless Love to an act of selfishness. Granted, reality dictates a certain amount of self-preservation, and an act of kindness often carries with it varying degrees of selfishness, but one should know the difference. A True act of Love is not only selfless, but also often uncredited. That is its nature and that is as it should be.

In recent years I have been captivated by and have written some traditional-form poetry. The Sonnet below (for me) reflects the essence of the two tangible aspects of Love as discussed above. This was written for my Wife and Children:

A PROMISE

A fervent wish to free you from distress
A heartfelt hope to see your mind at ease
Respect and Love to feed your happiness
Repose that won't impede your gentle breeze
Undaunted faith that fear and pain will cease
Enhancing our good cheer with soothing balm
A balm made up of my own joy and peace
Embracing those nearby with gentle calm
A pledge to do no harm nor urge dispute
Together we can charm reality
Outfitted for productive shared pursuit
Committed to constructive harmony
In sync we'll persevere with empathy
I'm here for you, and here I'll always be

This brings me to a third aspect of Love that is ... well ... ... ... beyond words, but best described as a Transcendence that emanates from within and (ideally) connects with another's Inner Transcendence. This aspect encompasses familial Love and Love for one's spouse or significant other. This aspect of Love is beyond simple kindness and greater than (though characterized by) the verbal "I Love You" Love many of us practice on a daily basis. This aspect of Love is the certainty that no matter what, even in the midst of stormy, thunderous, Darkness, this connection cannot be severed. (For me), this aspect of Love is what I feel for my Wife and Children.

This week my Wife and I celebrate 33 years of marriage. There have been many ups and downs, some stormy, thunderous moments, some dazzling Transcendent moments, many moments in between, and quite a few games of Scrabble. I believe this connection will forever be. Three years ago I wrote the Sonnet below for her:

THE WIND

Held mute within my heart, the words are there
It seems those I impart don't flow, they spill
Discordant sounds unwhole and unaware
Of how they should extol what you fulfill
For you to comprehend my words unsaid
For you to feel this wind that does not blow
For you to know firsthand the fire I've bled
For you to understand my faithful flow
Just look within my eyes to see the tears
And throw off my disguise to hold me true
And put your hand in mine to quell my fears
And let our lips entwine to taste anew
Each day I sing and dance and gaze above
I'm blessed with one more chance to show my love

Fourteen years ago this past week I had a vestibular neurectomy. After cutting a one inch square from my skull, the surgeon indicated that they had to gently nudge and shift part of my brain in order to sever the vestibular nerve. For 8 nights after, I had some amazing dreams in which I was able to utilize all of my senses - and then some. I kept a detailed journal. Excerpts are in blockquoutes throughout this week's post.

I dreamed of translucent, neon alligators, and foul smelling, viscous alligator juice. I dreamed of cotton candy and vibrantly colored, intensely fruity fruit chews. I dreamed of writing plays and acting in them, amazing acrobatic performances, and angels with voices from heaven. I dreamed of mazes that I was unable to fight my way out of. I dreamed of mud, smelly garbage, parties, banquets, food, drink, song, merriment, baseball, county fairs, beauty and ugliness, frustration, fear, anger, disgust, jealousy, and murder. I dreamed of chasing, and being chased. I dreamed of coral reefs forming magically on a beach. I dreamed that I helped God create the universes. And I dreamed a very spiritual and wondrous dream using no senses at all.

In recent weeks I have been examining Balance and how it relates to Transcendental Truth. Looking back on this experience from fourteen years ago, I believe it to be my first conscious, written effort to identify and appreciate the value of opposing forces.

There were dreams involving very ugly acts and deeds. I shudder when I think these dreams came from me, but I comfort myself in the thought that we all have shadows within, and the fact that I was exposed to so much beauty and wonder during these 8 days, made it inevitable that I would be exposed to the dark and ugly as well.

In the present day I no longer shudder when exposed to the Dark. In the years since these dreams, the resulting conscious thought process has encouraged self-revelatory uninhibited truthfulness, enabling me to build on and learn from the opposing forces (both Dark and Light) that do battle within and on occasion spill over. So in a sense this dream journal from fourteen years ago was the prequel to my written thought over the past two years on this web site.

Additionally I believe this sensorial intemperance may have strengthened an already-healthy skepticism and in the intervening years has contributed to my relentless search for unattainable Truths and Perfections. Throughout my 50 + years I have always considered myself spiritual, but I have always had many questions. In recent posts I have made a case for a Transcendental Existence, leaping (as one would from stone-to-stone across a brook) from one's ability to self-identify TO self-discipline TO Exoteric Goodness TO one's own consciousness as it relates to one's humanity TO the energy of Pure Consciousness unencumbered by the trappings of one's humanity and transcending all facets of time and space. I do not (nor will I ever pretend to) know the form this Transcendental energy may take, but I do believe this Transcendental Existence abides; and looking back I have realized that the fourteen year old dream below may have served as a divine, or perhaps delusional, inspiration reinforcing my predilection for transcendental thought.

Expanding the Mind - This is the only dream I have ever had, where my senses did not play a part. I did not taste smell, feel, hear, or see anything; but it is also one of the most detailed, intriguing dreams I have ever had. I was traveling with my mind. There was no physical form to my family, the earth, or me, but yet I was communicating with my family, and arranging to meet them at a designated spot, where we would be able to communicate more effectively, and feel closer. It seemed I had been away from them for some time, and this was somewhat of a homecoming. After arranging the place we were to gather (meet doesn't seem right because I knew I would not see them), I had a complicated circular formula in my mind that I knew would get me where I needed to be. Most of this dream was just working through this formula. I can best describe this formula as a rubber band ball. It was equations, wrapped around coordinates, wrapped around numbers, wrapped around theorems, wrapped around equations, and on, and on, and on. I had to figure one item (rubber band) at a time, remove it and go to the next. As I went from one to the next, I felt my mind not only traveling towards my destination, but also expanding from the exhilaration of this mental exercise. Looking at it as we measure time (by passing events) it seemed to take an extremely long time to get to the center of this complex and dazzling sphere within my mind, but in the moment, it also seemed outside of time. When I did make my way to the center, I had also arrived at the gathering place. My family was already there, as they didn't have as far to travel; and as I expected we had no physical form. We could not see, hear, or touch each other, but that seemed to enhance the communication. It was loving and spiritual, honest and pure.

I know ... it's only a dream ... perhaps just more Transcendental twaddle; but to quote the Law of Energy Conservation, 'energy cannot be created or destroyed, but can change form.' And this is where I find myself; believing that the energy of 'me', (as it applies to each one of us able to self-identify), cannot dissipate into nothingness, but can change form and will remain all-or-some-where, all-or-some-when, as all-or-some-thing.

There is a certain peace in believing that I am as necessary as anyone else with whom I share this empirical existence. There is a great deal more peace (and understanding and compassion) associated with the belief that ALL other self-identical beings are every bit as necessary as what my self-inflated ego tells me I am.

Think about it - if we are each but an equally tiny speck in the infinity of Life's pointillist landscape, from a distant perspective each one of us is equally indispensable and inconsiderable; indispensable in that the whole is changed by any one's absence, and inconsiderable as dictated by the immensity of that whole.

As I indicated last week, I am coming to believe the whole (as described above) includes the transcendental energy that exists beyond this empirical world as Pure Consciousness. I would like to logically explore this potential leap as it relates to and/or impacts the following:

• Inner Peace.
• Exoteric Goodness.
• Free Will.
• One's Search for Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness.

I began in the first paragraph with the peace that manifests itself from the realization of one's simultaneous relevance and irrelevance. This 'comforting' (as it empirically is) is consistent with recent thoughts on Perfect Balance which is ultimately accomplished through Pure Consciousness, which in turn is attainable only through Empirical Nonexistence. And when (last week) I mixed Pure Consciousness with one's self-identity, that enabled me to make the leap to Transcendental Existence. That is the logic (or illogic) I have presented thus far.

From there it follows that because each one of us (as a self-identical being) is equally necessary, each one of us should choose a path that maximizes Exoteric Goodness thus increasing the vibrancy and intensity as seen in the sum of the whole. Additionally, to choose an active thoughtful practice of Exoteric Goodness over slothful ignorance or pleasure-seeking selfishness represents a more disciplined approach to seeking Truth and Wisdom, exercising one's Free Will, and closing the gap on Happiness. I could claim that the disciplined energy expended toward Exoteric Goodness is a universal principle accepted instinctively by one's humanity as such, and I do, but I also claim that from an objective, empirical, measurable perspective this disciplined energy adds to one's enjoyment, learning, growth, complexity, and depth; (which are all elements on the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements presented on this site). In a circular manner this then adds to one's Inner Peace encouraging (by example) wider-spread Exoteric Goodness freely chosen by others, thus exponentially increasing the sum of the whole.

The logic in this (to me) is indisputable. However, the nature of humanity, (forever seeking balance and forever falling short), at times appears to work against this argument for Exoteric Goodness. Life as we know it requires opposing forces; Dark where there is Light; evil where there is goodness; unknown where there is known; and disorder where there is order. This too though is logical in that, in each of these sets, one cannot be defined without the other. But this then begs the question, if evil will always counterbalance goodness, what is the point? I believe the point is that the balance of opposing forces applies to the 'potential force' at each end of a spectrum, and the power of Free Will can offset (at least) some of that potential. If one chooses to recognize, acknowledge, respect, and embrace the Dark, then certain aspects of it can be held at bay, thus creating the empirical reality of more Light and again increasing the sum of the whole.

If you do follow and accept the logic / premises as presented, the question still remains, can one now bridge the divide from disciplined Exoteric Goodness (and all the components that follow) to substantiate the possibility of a Transcendental Existence? I believe we can (at least) close the gap to make the leap less daunting.

To review: Exoteric Goodness requires discipline and Free Will, and a recognition of one's simultaneous relevance and irrelevance. This in turn enhances one's Inner Peace and encourages greater effort (individually and collectively) toward holding aspects of Dark at bay and championing (by example) Exoteric Goodness.

I mentioned above that one could claim Exoteric Goodness as a universal principle - an ideology applicable to everyone - a natural law that cannot be repealed - a guideline for human conduct that has enduring, permanent value. Many (I would think most) would agree with this. I also made the case that Exoteric Goodness has practical, empirical value. This for me is the first construct in the bridge from empirical (enjoyment, learning, growth, complexity, and depth) to transcendental (an instinctive understanding of a universal principle). And I use Exoteric Goodness as the example because for me this is perhaps 'the' overriding universal principle, encompassing 'Do No Harm' and encouraging empirical unity as it does.

From here we can step out on the established instinctive, natural universality of one's own consciousness and see the connection (through that universality) first to the consciousness of another, then to the consciousness of like-minded thinkers, and ultimately to the unified consciousness of ALL.

And now that we have established this unified, universal consciousness, we can apply some proven science - (quantum entanglement as discussed last week) - to make a small leap to this universality and unity of Pure Consciousness transcending all facets of time and space. For me it is (instinctively) a small leap. The science though has not provided an ontological proof, and likely will not, therefore for some it may be a larger leap; but the dots connect.

Last week I claimed a Transcendental Existence based on our (individual and collective) striving for Balance coupled with our unique ability to self-identify. This week I have provided some empirical applications that instinctively close the gap on the possibility of some transcendental considerations. Ultimate interpretation and transcendental application will be unique to the individual.

For me it is a first step in reversing an ages-old flow - instead of spirituality dictating choices, behaviors, and goodness, I believe Exoteric Goodness enhances Inner Peace through Free Will conduct, closing the gap on Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness, and ultimately leading one to a transcendental spirituality.

After re-reading and thinking this through (for 2 days) I realize it is a somewhat pedestrian, existential substantiation showing a possibility of Transcendental Existence. Spirituality to goodness or goodness to spirituality? Essence to existence or existence to essence? It is the same old argument. I was hoping for more.

It seems all I have added is an argument that may or may not sway hardcore existentialist thinkers to consider the possiblity of a transcendental existence; or put another way, existence to essence to existence.

As I said last week - "We live in an empirical existence of chaos and complexity; we strive for an unknown transcendental existence of balance and simplicity; and while I am not certain, I believe that this transcendental existence abides."

We are often afraid of the Dark. But it seems too, we often avoid the Light. Yet I believe our greatest fear is a fear of nonexistence, or nothingness. We fear this possibility, though we are unable to perfectly define or even imagine such a state. Upon trying, we are always left with consciousness, or empty space, or some other theory of 'something' possible. And if when we attempt to visualize Nothing, we are left with Something, we realize that 'Something + Nothing = Something'.

Last week (and the week before) I maintained that we all (individually and collectively) instinctively seek balance. I ended last week's post with the following: "In a sense, Perfect Balance equates to zero; so in a sense, that search for Perfect Balance - Perfect Stillness - Perfect Peace - is a search for Nothing. And in a sense, in this world Nothing is impossible, and beyond this world Nothing is waiting to be discovered." One recently-read thinker described these word games that treat 'Nothing' as 'Something' as Paradoxical Twaddle. This paradox is (at least in part) due to our empirical inability to define Nothing as anything other than Something. And this lack of comprehension scares the living daylights out of most of us because (though we cannot put it into words) we can feel nothingness as cold, dark, silent, and lonely. Some may claim that this foreboding sense of nothingness is proof enough that Nothing is a very real possibility. I believe this fear can be offset by either a) ignorance, or b) one's active, contemplative search for Happiness. I have chosen the latter.

Even in a vacuum state, which it seems is the closest we can come to replicating our concept of nothingness, there is actually a lot going on. In terms of negative energy, a vacuum state is less than nothing; which makes it something. In the same sense, I can imagine my empirical nonexistence (before birth and after death), but I cannot for the Life (or Death) of me imagine my self-identical nonexistence. From a different angle, the fact that I can identify a 'me' coupled with the fact that I am here, (I strongly believe) means I was meant to be here and I was meant to have an impact; so when I am no longer here (or if I had not shown up) empirical facts will be (or would have been) different. I am not independent of the rest of this world, because (I also believe that) all things in this world that have a self-identity form a synergistic bond creating a whole that is much greater than the sum of its parts. We may not always recognize or acknowledge this synergy, and even when considered many may deny its existence, but for the sake of Balance my existence depends upon our existence. This means that while I am no more or less necessary than anyone else, I am AS necessary, and my impact will live beyond me and by some accounts may have lived before me.

Scientists have now shown with quantum entanglement that the impact of one particle on another can be felt through time and space. Two photons that never coexist in time and are thousands of miles apart can become entangled, having impact on one another. Associating this science with the inexplicability of a self-identical consciousness, how can one not believe that there is some Transcendental Truth (perhaps undiscoverable in this lifetime) that will answer 'Why me - here - now? And, will go on to show the interdependent bond between all things that have a self-identity; even across all facets of time and space.

Yes, this could be (extending a description) Transcendental Twaddle. Yes, this world may just be brute fact. Yes, there may have been Nothing before the brute fact of existence, and there may be Nothing afterward. And yes, I may simply be fulfilling my existential destiny to create an essence from this brute fact.

And yes, I am contradicting my thoughts from last week by now arguing that Perfect Balance - Perfect Stillness - Perfect Peace is not possible, in the same empirical sense that 'Nothing' is not possible. But it is not a contradiction when one considers the very real possibility of a transcendental existence. I still maintain that we all (individually and collectively) seek that Perfect Balance, (but now add to that) instinctively driven by a pure consciousness unencumbered by the trappings of our humanity. In our empirical existence, one's consciousness cannot help but to become intertwined and muddled with one's humanity; yet I still feel (instinctively) the division and purity of that consciousness when I self-identify. When I attempt to imagine 'Nothing' I remain - my consciousness remains; so upon physical death, it seems impossible that my consciousness does not remain. That energy of self-identity must live on in some way.

So Perfect Balance = Pure Consciousness = Empirical Nonexistence. In this world we fear that Empirical Nonexistence equates to Nothingness. I maintain it does not. In this world Nothing is impossible, and beyond this world, driven by Pure Consciousness, Nothing (as Something) is waiting to be discovered.

Consider:

• We know empirical existence, which is a spectrum from chaotic disorder to ordered complexity.
• We do not know transcendental existence.
• Certainty is the antithesis of true faith, and also works against Truth.
• Within our humanity we are saddled with opposing forces or sets of opposites for which we instinctively seek balance.
• We live in an empirical existence of chaos and complexity; we strive for an unknown transcendental existence of balance and simplicity; and while I am not certain, I believe that this transcendental existence abides.

Last week I commented that we (as an individual or as a group) have a natural tendency toward balance. I also defined balance in this sense, as 'The degree to which all the attributes are in harmony, with none either too prominent or deficient.' I would like to explore these concepts further.

Be it physical, emotional, intellectual, or spirtual balance, I believe the conative or volitional instinct toward that balance is (as implied) a natural tendency inherent in us all. There are some who choose to ignore, hide, or even embalm and bury various aspects of this natural importunity, but I also believe one does so (very much) at their own peril. To close the gap on Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness, one must seek balance, while acknowledging that Perfect Balance is unattainable, due to the sometimes chaotic, ever-present complexities of this Lifetime.

I want to think about the mechanics of balance for a moment. Mathematically it could be represented as negative one plus one equals zero; (-1+1=0). Logically it requires opposing forces or opposites. Empirically it often involves excess or scarcity. The 'too much' or 'too little' can apply to specificities such as too much food or drink, or too little exercise, or it can apply (from a larger perspective) to one's balance of character such as too much physical or mental enjoyment characterized by vacuity, or too little intellectual or spiritual growth which in turn perpetuates the vacuity. It can also impact Happiness (one's search for Truth and wisdom) in the sense that if one avoids or ignores the unavoidable and necessary pain and adversity found in one's daily existence, then one will never close the gap on balance; i.e. Happiness.

In this empirical existence perhaps this is the reason we are saddled with our humanity; so that there are opposing forces or opposites creating the challenge to find balance, advance learning and growth, and ultimately close the gap on Happiness; (individually and/or synergistically).

If I were to nominate a spectral candidate to lead a parade of opposities, I believe it would be Good and Evil because of the energy necessary to ride herd on these opposing forces. Free Will allows one to decide which aspect dominates in which circumstance, and (I believe) one should strive for Goodness, but (again) being saddled with our humanity, we are weak and in some circumstances we are Evil; (to ourselves and/or to others). With the strength of Goodness, Evil can be imprisoned within, but its energy is still present, acting on us in other ways. Imagine a heavy spring placed upright on a table, with its top circumference about the size of the palm of your hand. Now imagine pushing down on this spring to hold it at its maximum tension. To suppress Evil is much like suppressing this spring; the tension and potential energy of this mechanism pushing back against your palm, occasionally forces one to let up (at least) a little, thus releasing (at least) a little Evil. The balance resides in the unreleased potential (crouched and ready to spring), thus allowing for the illusionary reality of Goodness and Strength having overcome Evil and Weakness. We have not eliminated, destroyed, or otherwise won a war against Evil; we are simply holding it at bay.

Another empirical spectrum of opposites would include the known and the unknown which in turn encompasses Empirical Truth and Transcendental Truth; I believe Logical Truths would fall along the spectrum between these other two.

A potentially all-encompassing empirical spectrum would consist of the Dark and the Light. Evil and Good are subsets of Dark and Light, but this is different in that though Evil may be Dark and Goodness may be Light, there are times that Dark and/or Light simply happen (as in the case of illness and health), while Good and Evil imply intention and/or controllable strength or weakness; ('controllable' to be defined according to individual standards and expectations).

Another potentially all-encompassing empirical spectrum might be order and disorder. I say 'might' because I believe order and disorder to be (respectively) synonymous with Light and Dark. Some may disagree.

Energetic Uncertainty and Slothful Ignorance are also empirical opposites, again as a subset of Light and Dark.

I am certain I have excluded other opposing forces critical to Happiness, but for now (and in the context of this week's thoughts) this feels like a viable beginning.

In a previous post (Centered Happiness) I contemplated 'Finding Answers' and 'Perfect Balance' and in looking back would like to rethink some of those thoughts. The following passage from that post is central to this week's new thoughts:

"It now makes more sense to think in terms of Perfect Balance. But as previously stated, to know Perfect Balance one must first know the opposite extremes which are unattainable ideals that continue to be pushed further out of reach due to entropy. (Now I feel as close as I've been to understanding why the answer(s) are so elusive.) Imagine a potentially infinite number of teeter-totters evenly spaced and all sharing a single fulcrum placed in the exact center of a circle. Imagine all of this mounted on a circling merry-go-round. Each teeter-totter represents a component or sub-component of Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness. With our mind's-eye we are scrambling over multiple teeter-totters at once, attempting to understand the gravity as it impacts each opposite end (extreme) of each and every teeter-totter in order to find its Perfect Balance and calm or still its disturbing, vertiginous motion. Yet as we scramble, we find we can never reach either end of any of them. So when we've reached as far towards the circumference as we're able, and scramble back towards the center, we then seem to get closer to the balance we seek. Occasionally we get lucky and accidentally land on the exact center (which we are blind to) and for a fleeting moment we know Perfect Balance - for that one component. With a little more effort and luck we may occasionally experience it for more than one component at a time. These teasers may explain why we continue to seek the answer(s) and the entire construct may explain why the answer(s) are so elusive. The constant whirling motion of the merry-go-round by itself will not allow Perfect stillness, and with entropy constantly lengthening the multiple teetering/tottering diameters (thus enlarging the merry-go-round) it appears to be an exercise in futility.

So does this mental construct go beyond an explanation and assist in understanding and bring me closer to answers? I believe it does in that it encourages me to continue scrambling; reaching for extremes and seeking a center. And when I experience that fleeting moment of calm, it drives me to fervently continue my search."

First, I would like to clarify one point made in the passage above. When I said, "Occasionally we get lucky and accidentally land on the exact center (which we are blind to) and for a fleeting moment we know Perfect Balance - for that one component," I should have extended the explanation that (since there is only one fulcrum) the reason one would only know Perfect Balance for that one component is due to limited vision. We may subconsciously feel the Transcendental Truth of that Perfection across all spectrums, but consciously (saddled with our humanity as we are) we are only able to associate it with one or a small handful of the infinite multitude of teeter-totter components within the construct.

Additionally, this week I have realized that Perfection is not the extremes. The extremes represent maximum chaotic disorder or Dark (on one end) and maximum ordered complexity or Light (on the other end), and are the ultimate (unattainable) paths to Perfection. I believe the mistake was in equating maximal with Perfection, but this week I am of a mind that Perfection is the fulcrum.

I would also like to note (which I do not believe I did in the previous post) that the teeter-totters are of varying lengths and weights, as gravity impacts each one (and varying sections of each one) differently.

As implied above, the Empirical Truth of this world is that we will never be able to settle on the fulcrum and experience Perfection; i.e. an ultimate Truth or Happiness. But yet we still search. And I believe we search because on a Grand scale, Perfection (or Transcendental Truth) is an ultimate Peace or Stillness or Balance found at the aforementioned fulcrum which is the antithesis of active empirical existence as we currently know it, and we are instinctively attracted to opposites in order to find balance; and this set of opposites appears to be the 'end-all'.

So in a sense, our search for Wisdom, Truth, and Happiness is one of morbid curiosity. In a sense, Perfect Balance equates to zero; so in a sense, that search for Perfect Balance - Perfect Stillness - Perfect Peace - is a search for Nothing. And in a sense, in this world Nothing is impossible, and beyond this world Nothing is waiting to be discovered.

To be continued ...