So many questions - Big Questions. It seems we touch upon them every week. Truth? Wisdom? Purpose? Inner Peace? Exoteric Goodness? I want to know. What are they? How and/or where do I find them? Why are they 'Big Questions?' And (the question of the week) why are the answers so elusive?

Is it a test? - Some would say so. But would those who believe it's a test, also believe they have the answer(s)? No one likes to fail, so if one believes it is a test, it is logical then that they would also believe the answer(s) are either attainable or in hand. If I believed this, I would not be asking ...

A Karmic loop then? A closed system where what goes around truly does come around? Yin and Yang? A finite number of souls plus infinite lifetimes equals eternally perfect balance? While there may be some truths here, 'eternally perfect balance' doesn't feel like THE answer. It seems contradictory in that to know balance you must first know both extremes and yet most (if not all) extremes are unattainable perfections. Therefore perfect balance is as unrealistic as Perfect Wisdom or Perfect Truth. And, a closed loop system feels too neat and tidy to account for the messiness of humanity.

For the sake of focus, I will ask again - why are the answers so elusive? There must be a reason; and if we can find that reason, one would think it would bring us closer to the answer(s).

Could it simply be that this imperfect human mind and body is incapable of knowing perfection? It must be stored somewhere within our (collective?) memory or subconscious; otherwise we would not look for the answer(s), strive for perfection, or even begin to understand its possibility. This explanation feels more realistic, but it doesn't feel complete; it does not satisfy; it is boring; I am looking for more.

Are we perhaps, on some level, averse to the answer(s)? Do we have natural leanings that discourage knowing the opposite end of the spectrum? Take Beauty for example. We know it when we experience it, and we are attracted to it. Yet near the opposite extreme (though we might be inclined to deny this) at times we are also simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by the ugly and the perverse. Is this morbid curiosity an example of a subconscious need to know opposite extremes in order to approach Perfection? (As previously noted, balance is unrealistic without first identifying/knowing the extremes.) Toss entropy into this equation (which in my mind will continue to push the extremes further and further from our reach) and add the imperfect nature of humanity, and perhaps we are closer to explaining the elusive nature of answer(s). But an explanation is not the same as an understanding. And I really don't feel any closer to the answer(s).

So digging deeper, I still have to ask Why? If it is a test, I am failing. If it is Yin and Yang, then why this burning to know Why? If it is a struggle between our imperfect human definitions of wisdom, truth, purpose, peace, and goodness, and our desire to know the extremes, then how do I shed my humanity and still know reality as it applies to daily existence?

When I attempt to enfold, incorporate, or otherwise combine spirituality, intuition, emotion, passion, mindfulness, logic, reason, compassion, circumstance, humanity, and physicality, the result is much the same as when one combines varying amounts of the colors red, blue, yellow, and green; each one is changed by the others. Occasionally we may successfully separate a specific element thus experiencing its true intensity (or close to it) for a short period of time, but this earthly plane will always place certain demands upon us that in turn dilutes the palette. I have not yet found a way to layer them so they are joined yet distinct; so that the Truth and Wisdom of one plane can be coupled with that of another (and so on throughout all the planes) in order to multiply intensity, with no adulteration; and perhaps allow one to see an ultimate Truth.

Purple and orange are nice colors. As are magenta and cyan. I'm not certain though that I could identify the exact proportional origin of chartreuse or periwinkle. And when one starts mixing passion with reason with emotion with circumstance with ... The Truth is diluted. This may explain 'how' the answers become muddled, but it still does not adequately explain 'why' they seem out of reach.

Why are we unable to see the entire palette clearly, sharply, and distinctly with each truth pixelated and shining brightly to create a cohesive vision and understanding of Perfect Truth. Perhaps the answer(s) would be clearer with better reception; better tuning; better focus - High Def Happiness. It's a nice thought, but I'm not sure (after 2 days of mulling it over) that it is realistic. I believe the intensity and purity of all that Truth may overwhelm; may strike us blind and send us to, or over, the brink. That is, if our imperfect, limited vision could even take in the entire big picture.

It now makes more sense to think in terms of Perfect Balance. But, as previously stated, to know Perfect Balance one must first know the opposite extremes which are unattainable ideals that continue to be pushed further out of reach due to entropy. (Now I feel as close as I've been to understanding why the answer(s) are so elusive.) Imagine a potentially infinite number of teeter-totters evenly spaced and all sharing a single fulcrum placed in the exact center of a circle. Imagine all of this mounted on a circling merry-go-round. Each teeter-totter represents a component or sub-component of Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness. With our mind's-eye we are scrambling over multiple teeter-totters at once, attempting to understand the gravity as it impacts each opposite end (extreme) of each and every teeter-totter in order to find its Perfect Balance and calm/still its disturbing, vertiginous motion. Yet as we scramble, we find we can never reach either end of any of them. So when we've reached as far towards the circumference as we're able, and scramble back towards the center, we then seem to get closer to the balance we seek. Occasionally we get lucky and accidentally land on the exact center (which we are blind to) and for a fleeting moment we know Perfect Balance - for that one component. With a little more effort and luck we may occasionally experience it for more than one component at a time. These teasers may explain why we continue to seek the answer(s) and the entire construct may explain why the answer(s) are so elusive. The constant whirling motion of the merry-go-round by itself will not allow Perfect stillness, and with entropy constantly extending the multiple teetering/tottering diameters (thus enlarging the merry-go-round) it appears to be an exercise in futility.

So is it an exercise in futility? Or does this mental construct go beyond an explanation and assist in understanding and bring me closer to answers? I believe it does bring me closer to answers in that it encourages me to continue scrambling; reaching for extremes and seeking a center. And when I experience that fleeting moment of calm as a result of this effort, it drives me to fervently continue my search.

A final note - If you think you have found the fulcrum; if you think you are balanced and/or centered; you are probably just tightly hanging on somewhere near the center, with your eyes closed. Let go, open your eyes, move around, and enjoy the ride.