In the workplace, (at least in my workplace), I can tell how important someone thinks they are according to how much urgency their urgencies create. If that someone though extends their thought, they may come to see that it is not their individual importance as much as it is the perceived importance of their request and/or the perceived importance of their powerplace in the hierarchy. And if one continues to stretch that thought there may come a further realization that their thing is not as important as the attention that thing receives from others because of the others’ varying interpretations of powerplace and resolve. How often, for example, will a higher-level power create greater urgency to find a solution so this pain-in-the-ass someone will just go away? In reality, in this scenario, the original someone who made the request is not important, nor is the request. Instead, that original someone is a bully and a pain-in-the ass, and the request, (though possibly reasonable), is simply a pain-in-the-ass. This is an accurate depiction regardless of relative powerplace. For another example, how frequently do lower-level powers work on or accomplish a mandate just to get the pain-in-the-ass boss off their back. Am I saying that productivity in the workplace is driven by this combination of bullying and powerplace? I believe this conjoined factor is a pervasive and constant concern, but perhaps it does not drive productivity in all instances. For example again, when a higher-level power is occupied with bullying on a different front, I may be left with a degree of autonomy allowing for some bully-free, power-free personal production.

I would like to qualify a bit further by reminding myself that stated, reasonable and/or agreed-upon job responsibilities must be considered within this powerplace/bullying dynamic. To bully in the interest of prioritizing agreed-upon responsibilities is not as egregious as bullying for favor or ego or self-promotion or good causes or obvious diminishing returns or anything else for which a case can be made that it lies beyond the scope of those stated job responsibilities.

All that said, I think the conclusion I might draw is that I am most powerful, most important, and (probably in most cases) most productive when left on my own. So why is it important to me for others to see me as important; and powerful; and important. Additionally, I find myself in a bit of a conundrum when I say, “I want to save the world, now leave me alone.” I guess objectively then, as Superman, I want to be discovered and heard, and I want to influence others to act upon my thoughts, but I don't want to know when they do or even that they do? Maybe? But maybe not when I am wrong. One can learn a lot from their mistakes. But digging deeper, I realize that subjectively it would be difficult to avoid my human nature. It would be difficult to only hear about mistakes and not hear about and/or ask after successes. And even if I could, there is still a trade-off: 1) I might miss some potential for learning from my successes; and 2) due to my humanity, I might become discouraged and less productive with only negative feedback or with zero feedback. Damn my human nature. I guess I don't know what I want. I guess I need to find the best proportions of autonomy and socialization to both maximize beneficial productivity and sooth the savage breast that is my human nature. But that proportional balance (at least for me) changes daily. Some days I want to be left the hell alone, and some days I need more lovin'. Damn! Living is hard.

Maybe it is easier to not live by not thinking and not choosing and not learning and not growing. Or maybe I can justify my existence through the urgencies I create. But to live vicariously or as a pain-in-the-ass bully feels less instructive, less inspiring, less meaningful than to live independent of previous living. To this end in this particular circumstance: I have also found that when I am resistant or able to bully back there is a greater chance that the boss will find another front for their bully pulpit. What I must guard against is using this bully-back method for my own favor or ego or self-promotion or good causes. Each and every time I must ask, is the boss right? Recently, by asking this question I have identified a personal affinity for a head-down-barrel-ahead work ethic which (while very productive) encourages bully-back and discourages vision. Vision is an important tool but made more difficult when I am wearing my blinders; (fashionable though they may be). Bullies have very limited to zero vision.

Revised conclusion: though I am most powerful, most important, and (probably in most cases) most productive when left on my own, I am also more prone to limited vision thus potentially less likely to improve process.

Having lived as a bully I have learned that it helps me with my agenda; an agenda built upon a lifetime of entrenched learning. It is time to move on.