Wouldn't it be nice if, upon making new acquaintance, instead of being asked “what do you do?” we were asked “who are you in your best moment?” That answer could be, a parent, a partner, a learner, a thinker, a poet, a writer, a friend, a teacher, a worker, a creator… That short answer could unfold in so many various ways, or it could stand on its own as a more meaningful introduction.
I am not necessarily what I do; though in some fortuitous circumstance, I may be. Some individuals may consider the question and choose to present a multi-faceted characterization. And many answers are compatible, but the question requires some constraint because there are only so many roles one can fit within a single “best” moment.
Regardless, knowing who you are is critical to self care. Who you are will (or should) directly impact where you are going, which will in turn provide context for self care; because how better to take care of oneself than to work to become the embodiment of who you are?
Yes, we all have daily demands that will take us in different directions, and sometimes in an opposite direction. Knowing who you are is the first step.
Think of yourself in your best moment and reflect on who you are.
I have written on this before, as said advocating for the question above upon making acquaintance, instead of the traditional “What do you do?” I have not looked back at my previous written thought, so there may be some redundancy, but in context this feels relevant for this week.
Taking a deeper look at self care, I acknowledge its importance, but I encourage caution. If not careful, I believe that the importance of self care can provide reasonable justification (or an excuse) for one to cross a line. I believe the border between self care and selfishness is narrow and easily crossed; often without realizing one has done so. Though in the physical world I am against building walls, perhaps this personal boundary would be an appropriate place for a barrier.
And perhaps by thinking of myself in my best moment, this reminder can serve as a retaining wall of sorts by differentiating between personal excellence and selfishness. Self Care is important, but it must remain within the confines of my striving for excellence. I suppose my ego can persuade me to believe that its interest is my interest, but for me, (and I believe for most of us), my best moments are egoless. Though I may on occasion glory in my ego, my best moments are more typically characterized by productive contribution involving effort and sacrifice and resulting in some learning and growth. And if this process is mutual, the moment becomes more valuable; though I feel the need to benchmark mutuality against unassuming (and unrewarded) personal contribution, effort and learning and growth, to guard against ego. I believe the ego diminishes learning and growth and devalues effort and sacrifice, though in some circumstance it can initially drive productive contribution. The trade-off though (especially in the long haul) is not worth it because ultimately the ego becomes inattentive and heedless and will likely drive contribution and the contributor off the road and maybe off a cliff.
Simply put, the ego has no place in a best moment. Which brings me to my next thought flow. In today's culture how do we increase egoless productive contribution when so much interaction is dictated by so many egos? In the workplace, in public, on social media, and even with (those we consider close) friends and family, strong egos impose, direct and monopolize. Genuine and sincere (when they do appear) are too often quickly trampled by pretentious and rhetorical.
There are a number of ways to help individuals to see the dangers of ego, but the process is difficult to (in some cases, seemingly) impossible because the individual must cooperate. If an individual refuses to work to understand the critical importance of equality and equity, and if an individual adamantly continues to believe that “me” and “us” trump “them” even when the “them” they punish are their own descendants generations into the future, then (again) how do we increase egoless productive contribution?
I am encouraged, but I fear that the progress I see is anecdotal and/or too little too late. When I look around I do see progress. I also see some regress. But I am most disappointed by the status quo movement. Though oxymoronic it is an accurate reflection of the busyness exhibited by (what appears to be a majority of) us working so hard to maintain a semblance of sanity and control in this bureaucratic quagmire we call western culture.
So perhaps to simplify is a necessary first step. I attended a meeting yesterday in which we discussed a workaround to the fact that one set of bureaucrats required a name badge and ID number to access training and another set of bureaucrats required the very same training before they would issue a name badge and ID number. What a waste of effort!
So how do we simplify? How do we survive, (much less advance), when required to navigate the shark-infested waters of bureaucracy? How do we repeal the second law of thermodynamics (entropy) as it applies to our quagmire?
Don't misinterpret. I am not saying eastern culture (or any other culture) is better; (I don't know). And I am not saying we are not making progress; (though I do believe that to survive we must somehow become quicker and more efficient implementing solutions). And I do not have a nicely packaged, ready-made answer that is guaranteed to solve all our problems; (though I will continue to pound the drum with observations and suggestions).
But here is what I do have as (what I believe is) an absolutely critical and necessary first step for each one of us as individuals:
- We must realize there is a difference between an expert and an ego.
- We must practice differentiating between experts and egos until we can readily recognize which is which; (see #5).
- We must learn to listen to experts and discount egos; (no matter how persuasive they may or may not be).
- We must know that most politicians are egos, and most experts are reserved.
- We must study and read extensively, (individually), so that each one of us may evolve into experts on expertise.
Egoless Productive Contribution.