Last week I wrote a brief history of humanity, placing it on a scale that approximates a present-day life span of 70 years. On this scale, my personal Lifetime will likely account for somewhere between 5 and 8 hours. This realization coupled with the fact that there are more people on this planet—(at this moment, 7,375,390,008)—than ever before certainly steers one toward nihilistic thought. How does one overcome this seeming futility of existence? Denial / deliberate ignorance? Delusional ignorance? Voluntary indoctrination? Involuntary indoctrination? Busyness? Productivity? Attachment? Perhaps these (and other) methods of creating or finding meaning and purpose are essentially the same. Perhaps the more pertinent question is: Is Purpose Meaningless?

Near the end of “MacBeth,” William Shakespeare nicely encapsulates this nihilistic thought:

“Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.”

In this moment, I do not believe “Purpose” is meaningless. But I do believe we must ask nihilistic questions, and we must face the possibility of nothingness. To do otherwise is incomplete. Eight weeks ago, I wrote of the wondrous futility of Life. An excerpt is below:

“…Futile is a very strong word; and in the narrow context of self-centered individual purpose, it is exactly the right word. If I work to save myself, I will ultimately disregard the world, and this effort will in no way significantly-delay or prevent the inevitable end of my earthly days; therefore I cannot work to save myself. But if I work to save the world, (the world that has an opportunity to continue beyond me), I believe that there is a chance that I might (perhaps accidentally) save myself along the way. Of course it is pretentious and preposterous for me to think that I may save the world—but it gives me purpose.”

For me, to thoughtfully work for future generations is a manageable and active transcendence. I will not sit and wait for meaning beyond this Life; I will leave my meaning behind, in words and actions that have the potential to live beyond my physical existence. I will prepare for the possibility of nothing, knowing that if nothing is waiting, I have nothing to fear. In the active effort to learn from the past, and live in the moment, for the future, I realize that transcendence resides in the future, so I must work in the moment. Transcendence will wait for me; I will not wait for transcendence.

Yes; to an extent, these last paragraphs are a pep talk. To be beneficially productive, one must be a) active, b) thoughtfully rational, c) open to all possibility, and d) in the moment. To fulfill purpose, one must be productive. So, perhaps my purpose is to be beneficially productive in whatever I do. And perhaps (in this moment) I need this reminder.

I began this week’s thoughts with the realization that I am only 1 of (probably) more than 100 billion people who have ever lived, and I am alive (if I live to 91) only 1 part in 10 billion parts of human existence. With these numbers, when I measure my impact it comes to (if my math is correct) only 0.000000000000000000013 percent; so far. As time moves on, this impact will only grow smaller.  This tells me two things: 1) I must make the most of this opportunity; and 2) I am a part of something much, much bigger than myself. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and giving up, these thoughts should encourage me to work harder, because I AM part of something.

I may not yet know with any certainty just what I am part of, but I am part of something; and I think that what too many of us don’t understand is that as a part of something, I should take an interest in the whole, and I should not miscount, lose sight of, discount, or misplace zeroes in order to see this infinitesimal impact as larger than it is. I should not inflate my own importance, nor undervalue another’s. And, just as I do not (and, at times, cannot) ignore parts of my body asking (or sometimes screaming) for attention, I should not choose to ignore, avoid, neglect, or disdain portions of humanity. Yet we do just that—every day.

Throughout our history divisiveness and territoriality were often essential for survival. Today divisiveness is no longer beneficially productive, but the instinct remains. Couple this instinct for opposition with  the numbers that show infinitesimal impact and we are inclined to seek security and comfort in smaller groups with fewer zeroes. So, by acknowledging nihilism, we may have created overwhelming feelings of inconsequentiality, thus perpetuating destructive or (at the least) nonproductive separation for the sake of a little comfort. Somehow we must learn to interpret these numbers rationally instead of instinctively, we must learn the value of discomfort, and we must learn to live as a small part of a much bigger whole. Though my thoughts this week have felt a little disjointed and muddy, (perhaps because of the dramatic disparity between my objective impact and my unrealistic expectations), I have made an effort to justify effort.

As I face the long string of zeroes that precedes my personal percentage impact, I can find an active comfort and peace through beneficial productivity. If I actively consider the whole, (in each moment), and if I strongly believe that I must do my part, I have faith that I can productively work my way past, and then start my way back through, those nineteen zeroes.