I frequently lose sight of the fact that many people, (maybe most people, and perhaps a large majority of people), when facing reality, need something to hold on to. I agree that to face the inevitably of death, and quite likely pain, and the possibility of Nothingness, and the dystopian promise for the future, and the futility of Happiness, is all a tad daunting. But then again, free fall can be exhilarating.
Reality begins with truthfulness. Truthfulness begins with doubting every thing you believe you know. Every thing. By doubting every thing, I also believe every thing; (alternatively I could say I believe in the possibility of every thing, but I want to feel the thing not hear its echo). And by believing every thing, I too frequently find myself hanging on to a worst case scenario, and I too frequently come across as lacking confidence. It is my nature to want to hold on to something. I believe though that
- reality (more often than not) dictates random results,
- there are more bad and indifferent (perceived as bad) results than good results,
- self-fulfilling prophecy is a thing, and
- I must learn to hang on then move on before I am hung up.
So if self-fulfilling prophecy is a thing, why would I not choose to believe in Goodness and Light and Rainbows and Lollipops instead of risking becoming hung up on a worst case scenario? If self-fulfilling prophecy is a thing, wouldn't I find more comfort and safety and security and control by hanging on to Shangri-La? I think the answer is nestled inside the questions. I don't mean the obvious question-answer relationship. I mean the simple fact (or reality) that there are multiple questions, dictates my responsibility to seek multiple answers. And this responsibility is the reason I cannot find a single answer to hold on to. Think for a moment of those who believe they have THE ANSWER. If they have THE ANSWER why have the questions not dried up? Yes, I may be able to convince myself even most of the time that there is only ONE TRUTH, and this may aid in my feelings of comfort and safety and security and control, but I'll be damned if I am able to hold on to any part of this thing beyond an anticipation or a memory of its echo. And I sure as Hell cannot define it or describe it in such a way that any other can share my exact vision.
So beyond my comfort and safety and security and confidence, what purpose does ONE TRUTH serve? I am finding that even those Truths that I pursue, such as Justice, are moving targets. As my sense of the World grows, my sense of Justice evolves. If there is ONE TRUTH beyond my sense of the World, I must keep telling myself that it is beyond my sense of the World. I must understand that within my existence in this World, the Truth is ever-changing moment-by-moment.
It is my nature to question.
Here, now, my responsibility is to seek multiple answers to questions that continue to change and multiply as my sense of the World evolves.
Free fall.
I will better serve my responsibilities with less concern for my personal comfort, safety and security.
It is my nature to hang on.
I will better serve my responsibilities by knowing when to move on before I am hung up.
Yet it will remain difficult to face the inevitability of death, the likelihood of pain, the possibility of Nothingness, the dystopian promise for the future, and the futility of Happiness without grasping at illusive reassurance.
It will remain difficult to burst any bubble that seemingly defies the law of gravity.
Free fall…