Deceptive Happiness

Let your imagination run wild for a moment and visualize yourself chained and fettered to a desk, or locked inside a building for a set period of time each day (more days than not) and at the notion of custom and/or the fickle nature of some individual (or group of individuals) you are forced to perform tasks; and if you do not perform these tasks to the standards and expectations of (often) subjective judgement you are in danger of not making the rent check, or the grocery bill, or paying for heat, or...

Thank goodness we live in an enlightened age where the vagaries of outdated practices and the whimsy of impulse do not threaten one's livelihood. But if you did find yourself in such a circumstance, here is my question: Would you prefer to be painfully stretched up to and possibly beyond your human limitations? Or would you prefer to be closed up in a dark box performing menial tasks. To be tormented on the rack? Or to be thrown in the hole?

We all have limitations. And we all aspire toward meaningful purpose. Labels (such as 'new hire' and 'underling' and 'part-time' and 'disabled' and 'young' and 'old' and...) are confining and typically result in time in the hole; yet when one shows initiative, finds more meaningful purpose, and achieves beyond expectations the wheel of whimsy turns and an individual may earn some quality time on the rack.

It would of course be best if the hostage could escape the hole and be given opportunity for stretching exercises that will aid all parties in determining and agreeing upon one's capabilities and potential. Unfortunately, even in this enlightened age, some captives feel safe and comfortable in their hole and are intimidated by exercise; and some decision makers feel safer with the convicts in their holes and feel they can't spare the time to lead (what they may see as) exercises in futility.

Self deception is human nature. We lie to ourselves (often subconsciously) so it is easier to lie to others. So whether I am a decision maker (putting someone on the rack or throwing them in the hole) or a prisoner (pleading to be stretched or seeking the safety of my hole), I will be able to justify my actions. And when I look closely I believe these roles and justifications to extend beyond the workplace. And perhaps this all leads us to the ultimate question - If I cannot trust my self, where do I search for Truth?

I have built this entire web site - nearly 4 years of weekly written thought - on the idea that (upper-case) Happiness is dependent on one's Lifelong search for Truth and Wisdom. And now I admit that I lie to myself?

It is a dilemma...

...A dilemma I have been pondering for more than a day now.

First, an awareness of the possibility of subconscious self-deception has the potential to pull it into the light where any justifications can be examined more objectively. Next, a consistent practice of objectively examining justifications (which typically come after the reality of action) may encourage a closer examination of a proposed action (in light of the potential for self deception) before the conscious choice is acted upon. And finally, a consistent practice of objectively examining conscious choice before action, may eliminate the necessity of justification. The more frequently I justify, the greater the number of lies - to my self and to others.

Summary:

  1. An awareness of the likelihood of self deception.
  2. Objective examination of justifications.
  3. Objective examination of conscious choice before acting upon it.

This is a daunting task. To eliminate all lies - (a Perfect scenario, which of course is not possible) - I would have to completely and perfectly see and understand my choices and their resulting impact as another will see and understand this impact. To reduce lies I must work toward that Perfection by considering the perspective of those impacted. These thoughts are parallel and very close to this previous written thought on minimizing harm. I believe these methods of analysis will aid in being more truthful and in working closer toward Truth; and this reminder is important, but I do not feel I am breaking new ground.

... ... ... ... ...

It would be interesting to ask the following questions specific to a circumstance / relationship:
Are you fulfilled?
Are you satisfied?
Are you bored?
Does it hurt?

I believe I would put satisfaction and boredom each on a scale of 1 to 5, and fulfillment and pain each on a scale of 1 to 10, with the highest number indicating 'very much so' or 'unbearably so' and the lowest number indicating 'not at all'. Now if pain is defined as 'the rack' (painfully stretched), and boredom is defined as 'the hole' (dark box / menial tasks), and if we can agree (at least to an extent) on the premise 'no pain, no gain', and if we allow the individual to define/interpret fulfillment and satisfaction, then I would subtract boredom from satisfaction, add that number to fulfillment, and subtract that result from pain. The greater a positive number, the greater the perceived pain. The lesser a negative number, the greater the perceived satisfaction up to fulfillment. The closer to zero, the greater the perceived depth of the hole. Of course the results are perceived results because (regardless of efforts otherwise) I may be lying to my self.

Notes:

  • I include satisfaction and fulfillment to ensure a differentiation between the two, believing most individuals will see fulfillment as the more desirable / valuable.
  • The first part of the equation (subtracting boredom from satisfaction) is in place to account for those satisfied with boredom; and to emphasize that while boredom for some could be satisfying, it will never be fulfilling.

When I apply this equation to a specific circumstance or relationship, even in the realm of the 'less personal' or impersonal (such as a part time job), I find myself rethinking initial instinct and justifying final choices; indications that I cannot trust my self. And when I consider applying this equation to a personal relationship I am immediately overwhelmed by a torrent of irreconcilable thoughts and emotions arguing truthfulness, justification, peace, goodness, compassion, courtesy, respect, love, anger, justice, frustration, and an innumerable quantity of other unidentifiable bits of floating, flying, stinging, biting internal detritus. 'Two weeks ago' I considered paradox and the process of seeking reconciliation. As I said then, it is an ongoing cycle.

Perhaps I need more practice...

... ... ... ... ...

I have practiced. And I have figured out that in any circumstance or relationship that requires a give and take I will at varying times experience both the rack and the hole. And I have discovered that results change (at least) on a daily basis. Though I can conceptualize a cumulative result based on history, I believe this historical perspective to be more subjective (and more difficult) than an assessment in and for the moment. And I have found that I want to rate pain differently depending upon who it is inflicting the pain. When my wife or children stretch me with high expectations, since I see that as willing sacrifice or loving kindness, I find that I rate the pain as less than if similar demands come from my employer. Is this truthful? Or is this a justification? I believe it to be truthful because of what I see as a stronger bond fortified by a reciprocal commitment to a more extensive common ground. Is this truthful? Or is this a more complex justification?

So you can see, practice has helped. It has helped me to become more discriminating and more truthful; or it has helped me to become more discriminating and a more convincing liar.

I will continue to practice...

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