Reconciliation - 'The process of making consistent or compatible.'

We spend every thinking moment of every day seeking reconciliation. We very much want Life to make sense. When something does not make sense we can either a) forget it; b) hide it; c) respect it; or d) be afraid. All but the last of these is an attempt at reconciliation. To be afraid most often forces one to fall back on a, b, or c. To be afraid for an extended period (I believe) can lead one to (and perhaps over) the brink of truth and/or madness. Is there a connection between truth and madness? If so, is it more likely that truth leads to madness? Or is it more likely that madness leads to truth? If Friedrich Nietzsche were here, I would ask him. In 1865, more than 20 years before his ultimate mental breakdown, Nietzsche said,

"Hence the ways of men part: if you wish to strive for peace of soul and pleasure, then believe; if you wish to be a devotee of truth, then inquire."

To inquire creates the possibility of an irreconcilable paradox; and this in turn creates the strong likelihood of either unacknowledged fear or acknowledged fear. When faced with the dilemma of a seemingly irreconcilable paradox: a) those who hold a strong opposing belief typically do not recognize or acknowledge their fear, they simply ignore then immediately forget any validity within an opposing perspective and continue to believe what they have been told to believe; b) those who consistently maintain a majority or a conformist belief may or may not acknowledge their short-lived fear, but regardless, immediately cram any oppositional validity into a personal pandora's box, thus hiding it from view and enabling a comfortable ignorance; and finally c) those who question a truth recognize, acknowledge, and respect their fear of the unknown, actively seeking reconciliation by virtue of learning and growth that leads to new knowledge, (which in turn should create another paradox, beginning the cycle again).

This week I have faced irreconcilable paradox. Every week I consciously consider and work at exoteric goodness. Every week I fall short in some way. But this week, (more than usual), I have seen and felt my failings with a visceral intimacy beyond discomfort. I have tried to put this off to circumstance, but can circumstance actually create iniquity? Or does circumstance simply drag my imperfections to center stage, forcing a reconciliation?

There comes a dizzying point in this constant cycle of seeking reconciliation when the learning and the fear begin to overlap.

There comes a dizzying point in this constant cycle of seeking reconciliation when one is unable to differentiate between a dog playfully chasing its tail and a snake destructively devouring its tail.

There comes a dizzying point in this constant cycle of seeking reconciliation when one is encouraged to forget or hide, or else feel the risk of facing the madness of truth; (or the truth of madness).

This week I have come to this dizzying point.

Typically, as we approach this dizzying point or when we come to this dizzying point many (I believe most) of us choose to forget or hide, which allows an escape from the fear and an excuse or reason to forego the learning.

Some have a very low tolerance for vertigo and come to this dizzying point much more quickly than others.

I believe that with practice, when we come to this dizzying point, most of us can become more tolerant and perhaps even learn to enjoy the ride.

In the company of others, (who are like-minded in their insistence on respectful skepticism and argument, and who can mitigate the dangers in approaching the brink), it can be a wildly exhilarating ride.

Alone it can be a difficult, contentious, painful, and potentially dangerous ride.

If I can avoid danger, will I learn more alone from the difficulty, contention, and pain? Or will I learn more through the safer exhilaration and interdependent synergy of mutually respectful argument?

If I can avoid the danger...
...of truth.

It is in our nature to complicate truth, making it more dangerous. But to simplify truth one must first know it, and in the context of an ultimate truth I don't believe this to be possible. If it were possible to see the simplicity of an ultimate final truth I believe the current danger inherent in seeking truth would be transformed into a demanding decisiveness. And therein lies the even greater danger of certainty.

We spend every thinking moment of every day seeking reconciliation. The fact that we do this vividly illustrates the elusiveness of truth.

To seek reconciliation is to seek truth...

To seek truth is inherently dangerous...

To face that danger is (for me) preferable to oblivious comfort...

We should seek truth...

We should be afraid of truth...

Regardless...