hopelesshappiness.com

I have other priorities. First I have to save the world. Then I have to monitor my coronary artery disease. Then I choose to take care of family as best I can. Then there are 233 other priorities. Yet every visit to the dentist they insist that I move my teeth from #237 to #1. Also at their insistence, because plaque apparently likes my teeth as much as it likes my arteries, I now visit for a cleaning three times per year. I can't remember the last time I had a cavity; at least 10 years. And so what if at the age of 62 I still have a baby tooth. According to them this baby tooth has been on the cusp of falling out for forty years and should just be pulled and capped or bridged or some such nonsense that will transfer money I don't have from my pocket to theirs. To be fair, I suppose in that setting, the dentist office, they feel teeth should be the #1 priority because it is their job and they are at work. Still, I have been talked out of wisdom teeth; I am going to hold on to my baby tooth until it leaves me or until I leave it. It is interesting, babies and very young children are curious, questioning, and oh so very actively hopeful. And as I write this I realize that this insistence on suppressing active, hopeful, curious questioning, removing wisdom, and demanding responsible conformity is consistent with our insistence today on bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division. All these years, all these decades, my dentist has merely been practicing conservative politics. Red, blue, or purple, in a capitalist regime or any bureaucracy, peel away two or three top layers and you will find that underneath we are all conservative. We have no choice. And I suppose that leaders, in any setting or circumstance – dentist or politician, Republican or Democrat, Conservative or Liberal – feel that in their role they must project an aura of calm control which requires conservative systematized convention and certainty and discourages anything outside-the-box, much less radical. According to the Scientific American (from October 26, 2020) “On the whole, the research shows, conservatives desire security, predictability and authority.” And today, regardless of contrary proclamations, I see our leadership, our bureaucracy, our system, our selves, as conservative. Yet today, more than ever before, we need radical not only to progress, but to survive. But no. We remain insistent. “Rip that baby tooth out! We don't have time for all the curiosity and questions! And if you refuse to part from it, every time I see you I will remind you that you don't need it; that our way is a better way. And as for those wisdom teeth? They will only cause pain and suffering. We can take them and you can be comfortable with responsible conformity.” Why is it not okay to hold on to a baby tooth? Or to suffer for wisdom? To question the way? To think outside-the-box? I want to believe I am autonomous and in control. You want to believe the same. We fear any threat to our freedom and independence. And because our intelligence exceeds our wisdom, we will always believe that we will always know better. Yet here we sit, every one of us trapped and or suppressed in some way, not by other humans in charge, but by systematized convention, conservative politics, an artificial intelligence in its own right, that will not let go.

Fried Chicken.

To ask a human to not be human is like asking fried chicken to not contribute to heart disease.

Individual humans are going to make mistakes, from misplaced feelings, faulty thinking, rash decisions and actions. When any group of humans (short of all humanity) identify as one, mistakes (and their impact) are multiplied. Where emotion and ego are factored in, reason is diminished.

Our nation is essentially divided into only two factions. One reasons from ego, the other reasons from emotion and ego, and no one opts to reason from objective expertise and/or consensus fact. Emotion and ego will always trump ego alone, yet ego alone continues to be surprised.

Fried Chicken.

To ask a human to not consider emotion and ego is to ask a human to not be human. In our efforts toward objectivity and fairness, we have created a bureaucracy guided by consensus and/or powerful emotion and ego. The bureaucracy is the heart disease and the emotion and ego is the Fried Chicken. It smells good. It looks good. It most definitely tastes good. And it even sounds good (crisping up in that cast iron skillet on the stove) and feels good; (who doesn't love licking greasy crispy bits off their fingers). In excess, as a steady diet, it is not so good. But when we are amongst other like-minded fried chicken fiends and the fervor takes hold, we are likely not going to stop and check in with our heart or our arteries before grabbing that third and fourth leg and thigh. At best we might scoop some more mashed potatoes (plant-based, right?) and milk gravy to maybe temporarily curb our desire for that fifth and sixth piece.

I do not see a day in my lifetime when we will choose to live without our KFC, our Popeye's, our Cane's, Bojangles, Chick Fil'A. Yet there are many individuals who have learned to moderate; reduce the risk. Regarding our politics, (that in their current state inhibit progress), I can do the same; I can moderate by de-identifying and learning to think for myself. But as long as there are powerful factions (or powerful individuals) operating from emotion and ego (or even ego alone), my relatively powerless individual thoughts and actions will remain relatively powerless. Again, emotion and ego will always trump ego alone; and power is fed by ego, driven by emotion and fortified with louder and greater numbers. Individual thought from objective expertise and/or consensus fact does not stand a chance. We do love our fried chicken.

When I think about recent fried chicken feeding frenzies, (January 6, 2021, the NRA convention in Houston, the Texas Republican convention, anywhere and anywhen Trump speaks), I know that in our current arc there is no way to inject objective expertise or consensus fact into the proceedings, and I see no way around all that greasy emotion and ego. I am afraid that we are evolving too slowly.

As long as our politics are human, we will continue to contribute to a misguided bureaucracy. And I believe this misguided bureaucracy is a road to perdition. I don’t have an easy answer.

I am pondering if, perhaps, maybe, the hard, difficult, complex answer involves some degree of artificial intelligence to steer us toward actual Justice instead of our confused concept of bureaucratic fairness.

Because our politics determine our direction and ultimately our future, and because (as humans) our capacity for learning has exceeded our ability to judiciously apply that learning, (our intelligence exceeds our wisdom), I believe we have no choice but to bypass ego and emotion in our politics and turn to artificial intelligence to guide us toward (not merely survival, but) a thriving coexistence with All of Life. The following words are from the 2021 book “AI 2041” by Kai-Fu Lee and Chen Qiufan:

“In just the past five years, AI has beaten human champions in Go, poker, and the video game Dota 2, and has become so powerful that it learns chess in four hours and plays invincibly against humans. But it's not just games it excels at. In 2020, AI solved a fifty-year-old riddle of biology called protein folding. The technology has surpassed humans in speech and object recognition, served up “digital humans” with uncanny realism in both appearance and speech, and earned passing marks on college entrance exams and medical licensing exams. AI is outperforming judges in fair and consistent sentencing, and radiologists in diagnosing lung cancer, as well as powering drones that will change the future of delivery, agriculture, and warfare. Finally, AI is enabling autonomous vehicles that drive more safely on highways than humans.”

So, why not our politics?

Fried Chicken makes this a hard answer. The Colonel will not go quietly.

Forty years ago this past Tuesday, I spent the day in a hospital with my wife of two years and a brand new baby. Fast forward to this past Tuesday (and every day this past week) and I find me in this very same hospital, working. What happened in between? Nothing. And everything. From the biggest big picture perspective of Life as it is, to the miniscule meanderings of me over this single lifetime of in-between, …nothing, …and everything. And I am still traversing this in-between; a place so large it can swallow entire cities, states, nations, civilizations, whole, and simultaneously a place so small that when it suits my purpose I am able to flick it away with a nonchalant wave of my little finger; (the same little finger our brand new baby held in her tiny hand all the way up the elevator 40 years ago this week).

I seldom flick away my in-between; my meanderings. These things are far too important. I am more likely to flick away Pompeii, Persepolis, Mesa Verde, the Mayans, the many crimes of Genghis Khan, the Indian Removal Act, slavery, the Holocaust, and even today’s failure in capitalism and our government as inconsequential, unimportant to my purpose, my meaning.

Everything.

…and nothing.

This week I read the following from the book “The Plot” a work of fiction written by Jean Hanff Korelitz:

“Stories, of course, are common as dirt. Everyone has one, if not an infinity of them, and they surround us at all times whether we acknowledge them or not. Stories are the wells we dip into to be reminded of who we are, and the ways we reassure ourselves that, however obscure we may appear to others, we are actually important, even crucial to the ongoing drama of survival: personal, societal, and even as a species.”

Stories. The in-between. A hazy, wavery, ever-changing landscape of memories and moments and plans. Stories constantly change according to the momentary who, what, where, when, why. So if stories remind us of who we are, yet they constantly change according to circumstance and opportunity, then who are we? Can there be a succinct single defining characterization? Or am I this huge complexity of conflicting desires, misremembered experience, and delusional (un)certainty? I suppose the story I tell in the moment is who I am in the moment. So if I tell the same story over and over and over and over again, perhaps I start to believe; and if I wield enough power, perhaps others also start to believe. Yet it remains merely a story. Everything.

…and nothing.

Here in my 7th decade, I am growing more and more okay with the realization that this in-between is both everything and nothing. I am becoming more and more actively appreciative of the opportunity to seek Wisdom and Truth and Beauty and Justice, knowing that in its Perfection it will never be found. I am becoming more and more cognizant of our purpose here as individuals and as a species: not wealth or power; not legacy; not mere existence, nor even survival; but mutually contributory coexistence with All of Life. Here in my 7th decade I realize that in the same sense my stories are both nothing and everything, I am also both nobody and everybody.

As nobody, I sit here in this very moment and immerse my self in this very moment; the late-night quiet, the satisfaction of a good meal and good company, the warm smell of apples, dried fruits, brown sugar, citrus, cinnamon, allspice, ginger, cloves cooking down to a thick jammy consistency deserving of a cast iron double-crust bed of golden-brown flaky extrapolated goodness to be continued tomorrow.

As nobody another may be sitting in darkness, in sickness, in sadness or anger, in worry or sorrow, in power or health or wealth. As nobody each one of us is telling, living a momentary story.

As everybody I am mindful of future memories, future moments, future plans. As everybody I learn from the past to live in the moment for the future. As everybody I am disheartened by bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division. As everybody I will continue to seek Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice.

As nobody I will pass on.

As everybody I will coexist.

The greatest teachers are those duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individuals who do not know their self; who do not appear to have a clue. The greatest single teacher is my self. So much to learn; yet I don't listen. Instead I continue to believe I know, or that I at least know better, and I am incapable of seeing beyond me (my conscious self) to listen to and to understand others much less seeing within me to perhaps glimpse any Truth. To what end is merely living in a delusional moment that is held together by imaginary constructs and justified by the rhetorical quiescence of duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individuals.

So what? Right? If cautionary pretense is one's inescapable nature in conscious interaction, and if another comes along open and vulnerable but also truthful then the first individual will likely sense their advantage and utilize that to discount the truthfulness. And even if two individuals share a degree of vulnerability and truthfulness, one's inescapable nature will invariably surface thus also drawing out the other's cautionary pretense and again we have two duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individuals. And if it is inevitable with only two individuals how on Earth (indeed) do we progress as cities, states, nations, species? So, so what? When if I work to learn I am (still and regardless) incapable of moving those who are not working at it to the extent I am, what does it matter that I help myself if I cannot help anyone else and if I’m being completely truthful I’m probably not helping myself as much as I would like to pretend.

All I've got is, perhaps since it is a given that each and every one of us (including and most especially me) is a duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individual, we take action based on expert opinion and consensus fact; and we learn that power does not make one an expert and loudness does not create a consensus. Perhaps we could focus on vulnerability.

Vulnerability: susceptibility to harm. To be vulnerable is to be less powerful. Perhaps we can ignore the past, recognize and work to understand the moment, and build the future with empathy and compassion. Does it really matter how another came to be vulnerable? The fact is they are there, and if it is a place I would not want to be and unless I am God, it feels reasonable that I should work to build their future with widespread empathy and compassion.

The inanity of one insisting they are all-knowing and able to Judge fairly, equitably, with no bias, speaks for itself.

The inanity of one insisting that our system of justice is Justice speaks for itself.

The inanity of one insisting that each and every one of us is deserving of our circumstance speaks for itself.

The inanity of one insisting they are not duplicitous, conniving or manipulative speaks for itself.

From pbs.org, 5/27/2022, reporting on the NRA convention in Texas last week:

“Trump told the group that every school building should have a single point of entry, strong exterior fencing, metal detectors and hardened classroom doors and every school should have a police officer or armed guard on duty at all times. He also called yet again for trained teachers to be able to carry concealed weapons in the classroom.”

If trump and the republicans and the nra had their way, (and if Congress would allow for the funding required), here is how it would play out…

…This week, schools: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and teachers with guns.

…Next week when the perpetrators move to the malls: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and shopkeepers with guns.

…The next week when the perpetrators move to the churches: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and a choir with guns.

…The following week when the perpetrators move to the grocery stores: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and cashiers with guns.

…Then the next week when the perpetrators move to the food court at the strip mall: bullet-proof glass dome with a single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and teenage food-service workers with guns.

…And by this point we will also have lawless bands of proud republicans armed to the teeth roaming the land looking for an excuse.

…And by this point we will have tired of this endless cycle, so when the perpetrators move to the nursing homes: well maybe that’s okay; the elderly and infirm are a drain on our healthcare system anyway. Right?

Paraphrased opinions (inane and unreasonable) from nra convention attendees: Damn the homeless and the gays and the single mothers and the atheists and the God Damn liberals. It’s all their fault. Has nothing to do with the fact that there are 120 guns per 100 residents in the United States; far, far, far more than any other nation on Earth. What matters is what the gay teachers are teaching our kids in the godless schools.

And according to trump and the republicans and the nra, the only amendment to the constitution is the second.

I wrote the following the week ending 12/7/2019:

“If I claim that guns are good and the Founding Fathers intended this right through the Second Amendment which does clearly enumerate “…the right of the people to keep and bear arms” and I couple this with some anecdotal evidence to claim that we need more guns to protect us from all the criminals with guns, then my efforts are duplicitous because by picking and choosing my evidence I am working to strengthen my belief and convince myself that I am right and advocates of more stringent gun control laws are wrong; I do this selfishly, perhaps for the sake of my ego; or perhaps because I am afraid; or maybe I just like the feelings of power and the rush of testosterone I get when I fire 41 rounds in 4 seconds. I maintain this is selfish because if I were to make the effort to study and reason, I might come across some solid research that contradicts my handpicked anecdotal evidence. And I might come across the Supreme Court decision on the Pentagon Papers in 1971 in which the court acknowledged the tensions inherent in our Constitution; (in that specific example it was tensions between a free press and national security). In his 2010 commencement speech at Harvard, former Supreme Court Justice David Souter explains that “the Constitution has to be read as a whole, and when it is, other values crop up in potential conflict.” The conflict in my example is between “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” and the right of the people to Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness, Safety, Security, and General Welfare or Well-Being. It cannot be emphasized enough: when rights conflict, we the People must choose. [So I ask] At what number of dead children will the right to Life eclipse the right to Bear Arms?”

To equate the entire constitution with a single amendment is like saying a cheesecake is only cream cheese; never mind the sour cream or the sugar or the egg or flour or vanilla or the crust or the choice of springform pan vs glass pie pan or the topping or the time or the temperature; never mind if it cracks a little bit and is delicious or if it is beautifully uniform with golden brown contours but a little soggy in the very center; never mind if you partake alone or with friends or family or if you savor each small taste or if you wolf it down in three bites; never mind if in your quest for the perfect cheesecake you discover a delicious miscalculation or even just learn from your mistakes; according to trump and the republicans and the nra cheesecake is cream cheese and the constitution is the second amendment.

As a nation we don't have to be short-sighted. Our constitution encourages us not to be. As individuals shortsightedness is common and understandable. As a nation we should draw upon all available resources. Today our nation's leaders are shortsighted individuals unwilling to reason, unwilling to interpret statistics or consensus fact, unwilling to listen to experts with vision, unwilling to seek the uncertainty of Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice. To lead is to go before and to show the way. Today our nation’s leaders are leaders in name only. Today our nation’s leaders are standing still; pointing fingers not to show the way, but to blame others for our inability to progress. Today our nation’s leaders are mired in bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division.

And I ask again, at what number of dead children will the right to Life eclipse the right to Bear Arms?