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Pondering ...

Can everyday happiness (small 'h' - i.e. cheerfulness) have a positive influence or impact on our long-term Happiness (big 'H' - i.e. our search for Truth, Wisdom, and Purpose over a Lifetime) and still allow for reality? Two weeks ago, in the post Uninhibited Happiness I made the case for uninhibited truthfulness and a serious reckoning of reality as opposed to the illusion of 'Rainbows and Lollipops'. This week I am wondering if I was too harsh.

Cheerfulness lessens pain, yet pain and adversity encourage growth which in turn closes the gap on Happiness. Seriousness accounts for reality and pain in order to learn and grow, and in turn (depending on its intensity) can discourage, diminish, or dampen cheerfulness. So perhaps calling for uninhibited truthfulness is the same as calling for uninhibited cheerfulness; an extreme that (regardless of its appeal) does not account for reality. And perhaps this is a roundabout proof that we should strive for happiness (small 'h') just as we strive for Happiness (big 'H'). But if so, does this mean they are connected and important to each other? Or is cheerfulness / relaxation / fun simply a respite from our search for Truth / Wisdom / Purpose?

If they are connected, how are they connected? And then how do we work that synergy to our advantage? And if they become disconnected, how do we go about re-connecting them?

And if they're not connected are there some circumstances that would dictate cheerfulness over seriousness? Or perhaps the question should be, are there some circumstances (other than physical needs such as food, sleep, and procreation) that would 'allow' for cheerfulness over seriousness? And if so, to what extent should we take advantage of that situation?

I would like to find a connection. I'm not sure that I will.

The first and most obvious circumstance that comes to mind, that may lead to a connection, as it appears to be an integral part of both happiness and Happiness, is human interaction. One's behaviour does influence one's perceived state of mind. Human interaction does at times require a certain amount of social courtesy and cheerfulness which in turn can change our outlook and improve our state of mind, which may in turn lead to more balanced reflection on Happiness. I'm not sure if this proves a connection or is simply a lesson that points out the need for balanced thought.

... No! - (Epiphany) ...

I don't believe it points out the need for balanced thought, but rather points out the need for extreme thought, and reminds us of the fact that there is an opposite to that extreme. It only makes sense that to have balance, or even a spectrum of thought that creates the potential for balance, we must first have two extremes. So perhaps human interaction also encourages serious reflection on both extremes, which in turn will lead to greater complexity and depth of knowledge, thus closing the gap on Wisdom, Truth, and Happiness. But then does this prove a connection between happiness and Happiness, or is it just a lucky bounce?

Pondering ...

After several hours of pondering I don't believe a connection between happiness and Happiness has been proven; but I believe we've shown that human interaction does provide a circumstance that allows for (and at times may dictate) cheerfulness over seriousness; and makes the case that cheerfulness / relaxation / fun is more of a respite; unless ...

Unless the connection may be its rejuvenating power. Perhaps cheerfulness refocuses and sharpens one's analytical and reflective energies, allowing for more complexity and depth, leading to a greater or broader understanding, thus closing the gap on Happiness. Or perhaps this is simply a convenient justification for pursuing fun; or avoiding seriousness.

So I'm still not certain a connection exists; or should exist.

And outside of human interaction, I (personally) have a difficult time allowing everyday happiness to intrude upon my seriousness. Cheerfulness is not my natural state of mind; I am generally happy (small 'h') in my seriousness. Yet somehow when I carefully consider cheerfulness (as I have done this week) it feels that it should play a more significant role. If there is no direct straight-line connection between happiness and Happiness I feel (and want to believe) that there is a relationship. Perhaps distant (2nd or 3rd cousins twice removed?), but still, a relationship. If I think of the connection (if there is a connection) in these terms - as a distant cousin - it may keep me from taking advantage.

So, it looks like (in my search for Happiness) I should occasionally meet happiness for coffee and we will continue to see each other at the reunions, but otherwise I think it best we remain at arm's length. After all, I do not want the stigma of a 'kissing cousin'.

I don't know the answers. Each week I stumble around in the dark in hopes that I may accidentally run into one or two, but often I realize, I didn't even know the questions. So this week in recognition of elusive answers, unknown questions, and the inconsistencies, contradictions, and misunderstandings that often accompany reflective thought and discussion, I have presented below some inarguable truths.

Nonsensorationanities:

1. The sumbilicus of imperilous numblings is discontentiously propententional to the conduocity of randociferously chided stimulicensuality.
2. Irraucous relevocatious disharlarities destablish fortohere unnounceable herbiage and other indeliveracities of redoubious kerictage.
3. Finessitude contratrumps folkalization of cervyhicular hormonyical foodeliousness. Irreguardion, I still deprogate necities to flom.
4. Accumulactational dismamorosities decollectionally misconervate hairacious blastfemurs causting untolled leavings and gongs.
5. Incompetentional creactivity counter-conduits frost-free feng-shuiality and mis-disses irrecontrivable looming family heirarchities.
6. Excrementally-speaking, the ponderfluous nature of my vocularities contracedes the maxemenema whelmanacity of your bobulemfatic vacuocity.

I am stuck with me; and yet, knowing this, I still insist on examining my inner self with as much truthfulness as I can bear. This thinking is consistent with Kant who maintained that "the highest maxim, uninhibited truthfulness toward oneself as well as in the behavior toward everyone else, is the only proof of a person's consciousness of having character." I'm not sure I agree with complete uninhibited (verbal) truthfulness toward everyone else, for a couple of reasons: 1) many of us would not have jobs or friends if we were genuinely truthful with others; and 2) who am I to presume to understand your personal Truth and/or impose mine upon you. I believe Kant's statement should be interpreted as "behavior toward everyone else" that is consistent with one's sense of virtue, which should be closely connected with one's truthfulness toward oneself. (After all, actions do speak louder than words.) Simply put - Be Yourself, to yourself and to others. And to this end I absolutely believe in uninhibited truthfulness to oneself; you must first know yourself, and only then can you be yourself.

But Gosh; uninhibited truthfulness ... It can be hard some days; admitting and examining all my foibles and failings, and knowing I am constantly setting examples and precedent, and continuing to push myself to meet/exceed my expectations; and then when I am unable to meet those expectations, the cycle begins again; a cycle that will not end in this lifetime.

Yet living in a world of illusion (lies?), by telling myself that everything is wonderful, and all my decisions are correct and proper, and it's those who disagree with me that are deluded, leaves me disappointed and disheartened - when I catch myself. Studies have shown that when asked, more people say they would prefer truthfulness over illusion, yet this is not always borne out by our actions. It seems many of us are caught up in this wave of 'positive psychology' that attempts to carry us 'on high' while holding truthfulness / reality beneath the surface in hopes it will drown.

So for me that leaves a spectrum of Pain (at one end) to Delusion (at the other end) and me scampering back and forth between the two, attempting to locate the most comfortable proportions. I will admit and have been saying for 40-some weeks that this spectrum is intermittently punctuated with varying-sized spikes of beauty, joy, warmth, peace, and goodness (just a few of many choices related to our search for Happiness), so the hopelessness is periodically hopeful, but the tangible substance of the spectrum remains (again, for me) pain and delusion; (or if you prefer a somewhat kinder, gentler, interpretation - reality and illusion). I would also maintain that in the 'positive psychology' analogy above, this spectrum is still the substance of existence, but with the spectrum turned 90 degrees placing the illusion/delusion end riding the top of the wave which leaves the pain/reality end held beneath the surface. Continuing this analogy, we should ask the question, is Depression or Melancholia then 'positive psychology' turned on its head? And if so, does that mean 'positive psychology' is simply Depression or Melancholia turned on its head? It is something to think about.

We've painted a pretty picture but I'm not sure we've clearly resolved the issue of where to land between Pain and Delusion. It seems to clear up a little if we ask where to land between Reality and Illusion, since (as previously mentioned) most people would choose (at least consciously) reality. I believe it becomes very clear if we ask where to land between truthfulness and lies. Phrased in this manner we are right back to the beginning of this post encouraging truthfulness / reality / pain - "I still insist on examining my inner self with as much truthfulness as I can bear."

The question now becomes, 'how much truthfulness can one bear, and still remain a functional, productive, positive force in this life?' If I back off or ease up due to perceived functionality issues, does that then become an excuse or (worse yet) a reason to be less truthful? Yet if I push myself too far, will I find myself unable to function AND with a skewed sense of truthfulness?

With these questions in mind, it seems that uninhibited truthfulness may be an unattainable ideal much like Happiness, Truth, and Wisdom. But also like these other unattainable ideals, just because it is an unattainable ideal, does not mean it should not be pursued with the same energy we would put forth if it were attainable. This mindset is absolutely necessary to maximally close the gap on any of these ideals.

So the challenge is to balance positive functionality with full-scale truthfulness (i.e. minimal illusion), while at the same time deluding oneself into believing uninhibited truthfulness is possible. Oh what a tangled web we weave - using illusion to minimize illusion.

Does this contradiction discredit the premise? I would say no, because the entire premise is based on a mix (within the spectrum) of illusion and reality, and if uninhibited truthfulness is an unattainable ideal, we must choose a certain proportion of illusion regardless, therefore what better way to use illusion than to minimize illusion.

It is not an easy task to recognize illusion without acknowledging it or allowing it to impede progress toward uninhibited truthfulness. Often it is easier to acknowledge illusion as reality; but if recognized, I have found that the most effective way to mitigate its impact is as outlined in the recent post 'Filtered Happiness' where I say: I should not say or think, "It should be better" - I should never say or think, "It should have been better" - I should not say or think, "It will get better" - instead I should say and think, "It can get better" - and then I should work at it by acting 'in this moment' with an eye to the future.

By focusing on 'now' with an eye to the future, and accepting 'Whatever Is', I am softening the pain of reality; I am working on that which is potentially controllable and turning away from that which is potentially disheartening; I am letting go and moving on; I am minimizing the reality of illusion, thus maximizing effort toward uninhibited truthfulness.

Some may still argue that what I define as illusion, could or should be defined as reality. And if an indvidual truly perceives their reality as 'Lollipops and Rainbows' it will not matter the number or intensity of examples given, pain will remain either beneath the surface and a non-factor, or bloated-lifeless-drowned and non-existent.

As previously stated (twice), when given the choice we will say we prefer truthfulness, yet many of us act in a way that refutes our verbal/conscious choice. Actions speak louder than words. I will continue to seek uninhibited truthfulness and find a way to thrive in the midst of the pain (and periodic joys) of reality.

To think I have a choice in this matter, is to delude myself.

I dreamed last night of flying; not like Superman, but simply soaring and hovering. I have been flying more frequently of late and it seems that each night I do is a little more vivid - a little more real. I realized today, for the first time, how I do it.

I---Just---Let---Go...

...And gravity disappears.

Or perhaps gravity disappears - and then I am able to let go.

Or maybe gravity was never there - and I just hadn't noticed.

A weightlessness within my mind, or soul, that frees me to soar ... Until I am somehow reminded of worldly concerns; by looking at the world below; or by noticing my physical self; and then, I am brought gently back to Earth. And that's okay.

Always gently. And that's good. It's where I live. It's where I belong. It's where I am.

I have tried throughout today to recreate that Lightness, while it is still close; familiar. And though my body has stayed firmly planted, a time or two my mind felt a tiny jolt, as if it were being released; its cage door opened, allowing a sliver of light; its moorings retracted, for a split second.

It was the tiniest of jolts. A dream. A hint. Of what?

I will keep searching.

This week I've been thinking about 'disconnects'. Though there may be other definitions, for now, in the context of our search for Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness we will focus on these two:

1. An unrealized or unrecognized difference between what one says or thinks and the consensus reality of the situation; or
2. A mental construct that in theory appears to be solid, whole, or workable, but in practice exposes planned synergy as weak or non-existent.

One of the differences between the two is that in the second scenario we can and do make adjustments for the unforeseen variables and flaws (disconnects) as they appear, whereas in the first scenario the disconnect is due to an individual or group being oblivious to another individual or group's reality, thus the ignorance (i.e. lack of understanding) makes it impossible to adjust one's perspective.

A common example of a disconnect between what one says or thinks and consensus reality is the oft-cited view from an ivory tower. This 'Ivory Tower Syndrome' (in my mind) is associated with government representatives / agencies, corporations, institutions of higher learning (unfortunately), financial bureaucracies such as banks and insurance companies, and (in some instances) law enforcement agencies, the courts, and the criminal justice system. You can probably bring to mind other examples, and may even be aware of times when you have been oblivious to another's reality. For me, this awareness typically comes in the form of hindsight. Empathy and Compassion are keys to avoiding this scenario.

An example of a disconnect involving a mental construct that does not play out as planned can be found right here on this web site. If you are unfamiliar with the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements or this post on the Recipe for Happiness it may be helpful to review this information.

Specifically, I want to talk about the 'Ingredients for Happiness' (found in the 'Recipe') and the various ways in which they may interact and/or interfere with one another. We will start with 'pleasure' which we define as comfort or security and which we really must attain some minimal level of, before being able to move on to higher-order ingredients. Yet attaining this level of comfort may dictate certain requirements that are (not only) not conducive to progressing through the ingredients, but may be (in some circumstances) diametrically opposed to some ingredients. For example, many of us must work (a job) in order to get paid, which in turn enables us to attain some level of comfort and security by giving us food, shelter, and clothing. Without that comfort we are unlikely to advance further along the spectrum of ingredients, but with that job (in many cases) we are unable to approach any level of complexity or depth, which we have identified as higher-order ingredients. Additionally many jobs (and/or bosses) do not provide adequate opportunity for learning, growth, or even human interaction, while demanding mind-numbing levels of attention and focus; (we won't even broach the topic of enjoyment). In fairness it can also be said that some workers lack the initiative (even when provided the opportunity) needed to improve these workplace challenges.

So that leaves our lives outside of work in which to pursue the elusive ingredients not found in our jobs. A large segment of this time (outside of work) can easily be taken up in pursuit of further pleasure and enjoyment, which often adds a certain amount of human interaction (which is all good), but in this narcissistic, materialistic, media-driven culture we live and breathe, we too often stop there, and find no 'flow' time for the other important ingredients.

Perhaps Pleasure and Enjoyment are available in such quantities and so easily accessible (not to mention pleasurable and enjoyable) that they act as deterrents or roadblocks to higher-order ingredients. And if we did choose to focus more on learning, growth, complexity, and depth it is possible we would or could sacrifice a certain amount of human interaction, enjoyment, and possibly even some comfort and security if this personal growth interfered with job performance or family obligations. It is obvious this mental construct for seeking Truth, Wisdom, and ultimately Happiness does not flow seamlessly from one ingredient to the next; but we do at least have the opportunity (as previously discussed) to make adjustments by accounting for the reality of Light and Dark, occasionally using crutches as needed, accepting the variables as unavoidable, living by some guiding principles, and developing and learning from reality-based theories and hypotheses. In this specific example, the awareness I have gained throughout this gestational period of more than 40 weeks of posts here on hopelesshappiness.com, has literally brought forth new energy and understanding, and created a greater stability than what would have otherwise been.

So, if a plan or belief is one of my own making, or one that I have truly bought into, then I am more likely to be understanding, flexible, and accepting of realities, thus reducing and/or controlling the disconnects. But if a disconnect comes from a lack of empathy, compassion, understanding, or simply a lack of listening or paying attention, then Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness will be stymied and discouraged.

One more small example - Occasionally I will prepare a meal or a dish that based on the result would appear to have had no disconnects. The reality is that throughout the process I am constantly making adjustments (temp, time, ingredients, spices, quantities, measurements, etc.) in order to account for the disconnects and enhance the food experience to come. Yet in Life I have observed plans, goals, and relationships dictated and then executed 'by the book' with little or no wriggle room to account for the disconnects that invariably arise. If you can relate to the food prep analogy try to remember how it felt sitting down with guests to the pleasure and enjoyment of a meal that was a result of your attention, focus, and the complexity and depth of your culinary experience in managing the various disconnects as they presented themselves throughout the process. Now imagine those same feelings as they could apply to other (big-picture and little-picture) aspects of Life.

One can learn a lot from a good pot of Gumbo.