In recent posts I have been examining the relationship between critical judgment and Happiness. I have not yet determined how best to reconcile high expectations and my search for Truth with Inner Peace and Exoteric Goodness. I have made some valid points in these recent posts that have helped to calm my thinking and reactions when I am able to focus, but in the heat of a moment ...

So the question remains - How should I react / what should I say in the heat of that moment when I recognize results as less than optimum? Below are some options for this question as it is commonly phrased:

If you can't say anything nice, then ...

• don't say anything at all; (Mom's answer).
• only say it behind their back.
• only say it to their face.
• say it loudly to anyone who will listen.
• share it quietly with a single confidant

My most common verbal reaction is to share my misgivings with a single confidant, followed by a sincere, diplomatic, active effort to improve the current situation and future results. Of course, as always, the reality at times differs from this ideal.

While diplomacy definitely governs my actions and influences my verbal sharing, it seldom impacts my thoughts. Due to their instinctive nature we often cannot control our initial thoughts. So if I can't think anything nice, what then? It is difficult to not think anything at all (sorry Mom), and thinking behind their back, to their face, loudly, or quietly are all the same in terms of shared or external consequences or influences. It has been suggested that I refocus my energies into areas/tasks/issues that I am able to impact, which may help with attitude but will not change the fact/reality of the initial thought or thoughts. Additionally, if I change my attitude, am I simply giving up? And, am I ignoring Truth?

When I am critical of someone to a point where I feel compelled to verbally share my thoughts (even if I do so with only a single confidant), I am typically critical of their actions / decisions, or lack thereof. And if I don't think, say, or do anything (ignore it) the situation has NO chance of improving. It may sound condescending, overbearing, or over-confident to think 'I know best' but isn't that also a fairly common human tendency? We can perhaps mitigate the ego if we legitimately try to gauge effectiveness (i.e. results) and majority opinion before verbalizing or acting on our opinions. If ego is not a factor, then feedback should not be taken personally. If I am critical of defective or less than optimum situations and results, and if we are focused within these parameters (situations and results) and avoid truly personal attacks, then it should be a learning experience leading to improvement. Easy to say, I know. Do I practice what I just preached and learn from perceived criticism? I'm sure not as often as I should, but the act of writing it makes me aware - at least for the moment.

It seems I'm getting a little off track ...

The question remains - regardless of how I handle criticism - how do I avoid the negative aspects (seemingly) inherent in critically judging other's decision/indecision or action/inaction? Do I feel these negative aspects are based solely on our human tendency to take it personally? Or is it perceived as negative (still talking about critical judgment, of course) because it is negative? I would like to think that it is not negative but rather perceived as such due to a fallible human tendency to overreact. But no matter how much I want to believe that, I must allow for the possibility that our Human instinct/traits/tendencies are an accurate representation of Truth. These differing possibilities pose a dilemma. If we are overreacting or being overly-sensitive then I should pursue the Truth by holding everyone (including and most importantly myself) accountable for these expectations that are seemingly unattainable, as that is the only way to close the gap on Truth. But, if our Humanity is any kind of reflection of Truth, then I should focus more on Inner Peace and Exoteric Goodness by accepting my (your) Humanity as it is, with no critical judgment.

As you can tell, I tend to believe that my Humanity is fallible, though based on the current prevalence of cultural narcissism many would disagree with me. But if I continue to believe that it is fallible, I will continue to pursue Truth, which will encourage critical judgment; which in turn will work against Inner Peace and Exoteric Goodness. So be it. In an ideal world I could balance them all. But uncertainty (which I believe is a cornerstone of Humanity) keeps Life interesting. I refuse to believe that human nature is all there is and that I will always know the Truth for any given moment. There must be a higher Truth and I must continue to pursue it. And if this results in anxiety, ulcers, or other stress-related maladies ... well then, it is simply another example of our fallible human nature.

I am sorry to those whose feelings are hurt by my unrealistic expectations. Be comforted (if you will) by the fact that I hold myself to an even higher standard, and I will continue to pay a high price. It may not, by most standards, be worth the price I pay, yet I am driven ...

... To the Brink? ...

... Of Madness?

... Of Truth?

Perhaps Both.