hopelesshappiness.com

This week I have been discouraged... and angry; largely due to the supercilious separation between us and them.

Observations:

Us - Are Us.
Them - are them.

Us - Look alike.
Them - look different.

Us - Act alike.
Them - act different.

Us - Think alike.
Them - think different.

Us - Believe the same.
Them - believe different.

Us - Know the Truth.
Them - are wrong.

Us - Agree.
Them - don't agree with Us.

This all seems rather simplistic, but it remains at the crux of numerous disagreements and misunderstandings, and creates unnecessary and baseless contempt and hostility.

It is interesting that human nature dictates a fear of that which is different or unknown (thus creating an us and a them), yet to survive we feel we must find some spirit of cooperation. So we handle both instincts (fear and survival) by dividing the world into an us and a them. And by doing so, we miss out on so much.

Two contrasting examples:

1. Nine years ago, I went through Hurricane Katrina. In the immediate aftermath the intense spirit of cooperation was more meaningful and effective than any I have ever experienced. There was no 'us and them'. After about a week though (in some contexts, just 3 or 4 days), once the multi-tentacled government had taken charge, implementing heavy-handed bureaucracy and in some areas a military police-state, we returned to our familiar roles of us and/or them.
2. This week while walking home from work I observed a car (in the left hand turn lane at a stop light) pulled in front of the broad white line and the pad that triggers the light to change. As I was approaching the intersection I watched the light cycle twice, but with no one behind her, the woman in the car kept sitting. As I crossed in front of her I saw the frustration and confusion on her face, not knowing what was wrong with the light. She was a nicely dressed Caucasian lady in her 50's or 60's. I felt her pain, stopped, and motioned her to roll down her window. I thought if I explained, it would not only help her now but also in the future. The cross street was busy, and this is in a relatively safe town of about 100,000. I am a middle-aged white guy wearing a tie, it is a bright sunny day at 2 in the afternoon, and when I approached her, her look of alarm soon turned to fear and/or anger as she frantically shook her head 'NO' and reached for her purse. I quickly backed away, and did not wait to see what she was reaching for. I was one of 'them'. Her fear of 'us' (apparently anyone she did not know) was so great she could not think rationally; and the prevalence of 'us and them' is so pervasive that to make this point I feel both compelled and ashamed to explain (again) that we were both white and middle-aged and nicely dressed and... and part of (my interpretation of) us.

In this second example, some may think 'you can't be too careful' and believe she did act rationally, but I do not believe one can think, act, or react rationally in the throes of frantic fear; and we are some times too quick to fear. And with this thought, I am now asking myself a hard question - Would I have felt her pain and/or approached her if she had not been white and middle-aged and nicely dressed? I want to believe that I am different than her and I do believe that my fear is not as deep and my concept of 'Us' is more expansive (the deeper the fear, the more narrow the 'us-inclusive' parameters), but how many times in a week do I still instinctively gravitate toward 'Us' and avoid those who are different - those who are scary? The fact is, regardless of the breadth of my parameters or the depth of my fear, I have created borders to keep scary people out.

Perhaps, in a small minority of the cases (I believe 10% or less), scary people should be less scary; yet a large majority of these perceived threats I believe not only do not pose a danger but actually create an opportunity for mutual learning and growth. So what are we really afraid of? A denigration / deterioration of 'Us' as a result of tearing down walls and broadening horizons? Based on observations, we apparently do believe this. We believe it would be weak to evolve compassionately; we believe it would create vulnerabilities to realize that one who is a part of 'us' in one context is a part of 'them' in a different context; we would not feel safe or secure if we admitted the fact that everyone is different than 'me', therefore the only true 'us' is a party of one; and so with this strong, instinctive foundation in place, we believe our integrity would be compromised if we violate the sanctity of Us by living as if Us Are Them and Them Are Us. So we make the decision to stay strong... and divisive... and stagnant...

Long Live Us!

SPACEMAN

Freak Accident #1:

Due to an apparent malfunction of the emergency ejection apparatus I am hurtled from the security of my space ship into a solitary orbit around the Earth. I am able to maintain sustenance (air, water, food) through the marvels of advanced technology, but I have no way of communicating my plight to another living being. I am destined to live out my Life, alone with my thoughts, staring longingly at home. I instinctively search for and find meaning through contact with the assortment of man made objects also orbiting our planet. To touch home in this manner, even for just a moment, helps me to remember the beauty, and the challenge, and the enormity of this miracle of Life, and in my humility I find this active appreciation to be enough...

Freak Accident #2:

I have lost all sense of 'me'. I understand the concept and know at one time I had it, otherwise I couldn't speak of it. And I know precisely the moment it happened. A freak cloud of space dust engulfed me about five orbitals past. With its dense, buffeting force it nearly flung me into deep space, but in the end it spit me back to continue revolving around the world. When I emerged from the cloud, I knew something was different - I had no concept of 'me'. I could still (and can still) tell you my name and remember my history from early childhood to the present moment, and I can still speak of me in that regard, but I do not feel connected to 'me' in any way other than as a mildly interested onlooker. There is no longer the intense emotional affinity there once was. However, once I comprehended this dissociation I looked down upon the Earth and my entire being filled with an electrical hum that with practice I have learned to separate into specific, conjoined spikes of pain, sadness, comfort, joy, and innumerable other physical, mental, and emotional sensations. It was as if... as if the living, thinking vibrancy of the entire planet had replaced 'me'. And you would think these conflicting sensations would in some way(s) cause distress; but no - it energized, strengthened, and in a strange, inexplicable sort of way made me feel light as a feather balanced on the head of a pin.

Freak Accident #3:

My equipment has been disabled. I am guessing that a tiny space pebble has lodged in a rear thruster causing occasional vertiginous spinning, a consistent instability impacting balance, and has also created a cacophonous symphony of constant high-pitched whining interspersed with various staccato drum beats and punctuated by other notes and whistles of varying lengths, pitches, and timbres that relentlessly reverberate through my equipment and my physical being. I cannot definitively locate the source and I believe the pebble must periodically reposition itself thus changing the nature and intensity of the spinning, instability, and disharmony. Fortunately I have been able to (for the most part) remain detached from these disfunctionings and actually look upon them as a companionable and (at times) entertaining distraction. Regardless, I am at their mercy.

Freak Accident #4:

In space I rarely remember my dreams, or dreaming. About two orbitals past (wide awake) I was suddenly overwhelmed with an odor I can most closely describe as blood and overripe fruit; perhaps apricots. Within a minute after the smell had announced itself, I saw a swirling multicolor funnel effect ahead and slightly to my right; it was much like an artist's rendering of a black hole I had once seen. Of course I know that there are no black holes within many-hundred light years of Earth, and I know they do not look like this; I assumed the vision was a physical reaction to the paralyzing odor. As the vision receded, the smell also dissipated and I seemed none the worse (or better); until the dream...

During my next doze I dreamed that I opened my eyes and instead of the normal magnificent view of Earth from space, I was looking down (as I might from the top of a tall tree) upon a large garden or park and a rather large group of children playing. I saw no adults. I could hear the children's shouts and laughter; I could see the tears of the little one who skinned her knee; I could see the respect given to the older child as she comforted and coaxed the small child back to carefree play; I could sense the camaraderie and unspoken understanding of a free-spirited give and take; and I could see the discord (when it infrequently arose) soon turned to harmonious accord - not through a set of rules or heavy-handed bullying, but through a shared compassion encouraged and nurtured by the desire to play. Their hearts were open - their play was meaningful.

Freak Accident #5:

Ever since I accidentally detached my regenerator and had to (frantically) cleanse, purify, and repressurize my system, my dreams (though still rare) have taken an interesting turn. Now when I open my eyes (in my dream) I am able to direct my omniscience to anywhere I sense it may be helpful, and additionally I am able to focus specific conjoined spikes of sensation back toward the individuals presented in my dream. I typically choose comfort, joy, goodness, and peace to send forth, though sometimes, almost beyond my capacity to reason, pain feels appropriate as a learning aid. I know they feel the electrical hum of my wordless effort; I can see it in their reaction and I can feel it reflected back to me, shifting my balance and adding to my already-loaded circuitry. It is funny-strange that the more I dream in this manner, the lighter the feather, the smaller the head of the pin, and the more perfect the balance; (never completely perfect - always a bit precarious - but closer).

EARTHMAN

Freak Accident #5:

I am in a position of responsibility, overseeing work and managing people. I don't mean to hurt people. Their pain and suffering is just at times an accidental byproduct of decisions I make for the greater good. Yes, some disagree and argue my interpretation of 'greater good' but it is my place to make these decisions. It is not like I am a bloodthirsty tyrant waging war and calling on a military to use deadly force; (though I do understand how the leaders of this great country must occasionally make those decisions). Due to my superior position and skills I am simply doing what is best.

Freak Accident #4:

I remember the good old days when the boss was the boss and the employees did what they were told. And then there came the accident. Every major organization has had one. For us it was when a careless window washer fell from a scaffolding, broke his back, and ended up in a wheelchair. Of course he wasn't wearing a harness; back in the day, we didn't need them. Suddenly we were inundated with insurance people and lawyers and those Damn human resources people. It seemed our HR department tripled in size overnight. And then of course we had more rules and policies and procedures to cover every conceivable eventuality; and now we sign acknowledgements that we have read things we've never read, because if we read everything, we would never get any work done.

I would like to go back to the good old days; but since I cannot, I will continue to take advantage of this new bureaucracy. There are the obvious advantages such as when someone gets hurt the company's damage is mitigated by the policy or procedure the careless employee signed and never read. There are also more subtle, devious advantages if a boss is even halfway familiar with the rules. For example, when you have a troublemaker there are multiple ways to get rid of them; and yes, sometimes it is a process what with warnings and counseling and all the additional documentation, but the rules are written in a way that pests are controlled. Additionally, with all the rules, bosses can now control 'specialization' which is a fancy, HR term enabling separation and detachment that in turn thwarts trouble before it can start; (and I know how to spot trouble, sometimes even before I've spoken to a new employee). Granted, this disconnect that is created harms productivity, but I didn't make the rules; remember, I'd like to return to the good old days when I knew how to increase productivity. Today manual labor refers to work done by the book; i.e. the 1500 page policy/procedure manual. I can only speak to what I know, but what I see is a bunch of workers whose hearts are not in their work. And I acknowledge that much of the work (from their perspective) appears meaningless largely due to the layers of bureaucracy, but that's okay because I don't want them to see the big picture. That's my job.

Freak Accident #3:

About this time last year, by chance, I ran across an old friend on the golf course. I had not seen him for several years and had lost track of his what-and-whereabouts. It turns out he is a VP in a large organization and he was searching for a new Director of Operations to take charge of some upcoming acquisitions and have responsibility over a current work force numbering in the thousands, and growing. Seeing as how I felt my current position was on a plateau, we negotiated and I am now thriving in a position of power that suits my desires, skills, and abilities (in my humble opinion) perfectly. We have been very successful, and I must admit that I enjoy the power and control. Though I would not say this aloud, it is thrilling to have so many, essentially, at my mercy...

Freak Accident #2:

I did not get my way. I had plans that did not turn out as they should have. I am important and the world does tend to revolve around me, and when it does, everyone is better for it. But now this setback - I'm sure just a crazy freak accident. Suddenly I am plunged into an icy cold abyss of dark distress, and I feel the weight of the world not only on me, but also pushing out from within. Now, I intend to push back and I will have my way. Come on Guys! Just Listen!

Freak Accident #1:

I am born as me; the odds of that are astronomical. I live on a planet with more than 7 billion other sentient beings and throughout my Life I instinctively search for a greater meaning beyond the empirical reality that surrounds me. Beyond the beauty, and the challenge, and the enormity of this miracle of Life, in my arrogance I believe there must be more...

I seek reassurance through Music, Work, Knowledge, Human Interaction, Spirituality, Goodness, and Peace.

I seek reassurance because I live in doubt; filled with uncertainty, hesitancy, apprehension, disquiet.

I live in doubt because I live within my humanity.

I live within my humanity because complete transcendence, in this Lifetime, is not possible.

By living within my humanity, I feel that on occasion, I touch transcendence.

I touch transcendence through Music, Work, Knowledge, Human Interaction, Spirituality, Goodness, and Peace.

Artistic Expression:
--good music (my artistic preference) should simultaneously disquiet and reassure. Your artistic preference(s) should do the same

Work:
--hard work should simultaneously strengthen one's humanity and encourage greater effort toward improvement and growth. The results of one's work will never be perfect. We must know this and strive for a greater excellence.

Knowledge:
--true learning (the attainment of knowledge) should create more questions than it answers.

Human Interaction:
--true friendship should simultaneously support and challenge.

Spirituality:
--thoughtful spirituality can reassure through a shared sense of ineffable uncertainty. It is this shared sense of ineffable uncertainty that may lead one to blind faith. It is blind faith that leads one to a superficial spirituality and a delusional (but often comfortable) sense of security.

Goodness:
--exoteric goodness should reassure the recipient, and the act should propel the anonymous benefactor.

Peace:
--peace is not possible without apprehension; moments of peace reassure.

This week I read the following lines from Donna Tartt's 1992 book 'The Secret History': "Beauty is rarely soft or consolatory. Quite the contrary. Genuine beauty is always quite alarming."

To live fully, I must live in doubt, seeking reassurance, within my humanity, so I may (on occasion) touch transcendence.

To live in this manner is terrifyingly beautiful.

Though Adam Smith is frequently associated with modern capitalism, he could be accused of or credited with (depending on your perspective) some socialist thought as well, as illustrated in this passage from 'The Wealth of Nations':

"In the progress of the division of labour, the employment... of the great body of the people, comes to be confined to a few very simple operations... The man whose life is spent in performing a few simple operations, of which the effects too are, perhaps always the same, or very nearly the same, has no occasion to exert his understanding... He naturally loses, therefore, the habit of such exertion, and generally becomes as stupid and ignorant as it is possible for a human creature to become."

Karl Marx couldn't agree more.

Though we are certain that Mr. Smith was not advocating collective ownership, he was warning of a danger inherent in a capitalistic division of labour. It appears (from my limited research) that his recommendation for avoiding this dumbing-down of the working class in the workplace, is schooling and education; as opposed to Mr. Marx who did recommend collective ownership - and we see how that has worked out. Agreeing with Mr. Smith, I have also (throughout this site) advocated education and the importance of constant learning and growth. But the danger today lies not only in the workplace. Technology has taken us from the industrial worker of Adam Smith's day to the knowledge worker of today; and this progress combined with ever-increasing consumerism has shifted this dumbing-down to also (and I believe, more so) encompass the resulting market-driven onslaught.

I have recently spewed forth considerable written thought on consumerism, and the need for an education that would support and nurture a more rational, less emotional understanding of the deviously-compelling communication surrounding consumer goods and services. We have transitioned from working drones to consumer drones. We are fortunately though, living in an age where one's Purpose and identity does not necessarily have to be associated with one's job, workplace, or the acquisition of stuff. By taking advantage of the many avenues of self-education, and putting forth some effort, the working/consumer class in many countries can truly avoid the danger of 'stupidity and ignorance' as described by Adam Smith, and also avoid that same 'stupidity and ignorance' resulting from the tyranny of the majority as it is connected to consumerism, narcissistic conformity, bureaucracy, and mass media sleight-of-hand. And as I have said before, the saddest part is that the tyrannizing majority is often not an actual majority, but only a vocal majority - a vocal majority holding onto their power by distracting us with pretty promises and shiny, new consumer goods and services.

We are not a collective, nor will we ever be. But we also are not a society of individuals, and Liberty is not as accessible / attainable as it could be. (I am again veering towards recent written thought, so I am inclined to take a step back for a few hours to better understand where I am going...)

After re-calibrating my internal GPS ...

My thoughts in the past 24 hours have revolved around an Uprising! A Revolution! Rebellion! An innovative, independent insurgency, (carried out with respect and humility), against those who power and perpetuate bureaucracy, narcissism, consumerism, and all those other evils mentioned and implied above and in previous posts. I mapped it all out in my head:

• Innovative: a creatively quiet disruption of 'business as usual' via seemingly random acts of defiant subversion that attack or (at the least) avoid abstruse propaganda.
• Independent: individual plans of attack / avoidance not to be shared before or after the fact in order to confuse and frustrate the powers that be, and to ensure genuine buy-in and follow-through by the rest of us. This insurgency will only work if it is independent; market-driven conspirators will smell out an organized human-driven conspiracy.
• Humble: knowing that I alone will not change the world, but actively hoping that more and more individuals will fight the good fight independently, ultimately turning the tide, and knowing for that to happen, I must do my part.
• Respectful: no intentional lasting harm... Understanding that many (perhaps most) of those in power have been indoctrinated to believe in what they do, and understanding that the only way to re-humanize them is to remove their source of power; i.e. our herd mentality.

It sounds difficult (at best) to conduct a rebellion without organizing; but by organizing we would be presenting a united front that would quickly be analyzed and quantified by wealthy market-driven collectives, who would counter with their greater resources to again take advantage. Effective insurgence must be independently planned and executed specific to one's interests and circumstance. Following are 11 seditious suggestions:

1. Ignore 'Sales' that need more than 10 words to explain, and/or that you do not understand. In fact, when a store is having such a sale, you should avoid that store entirely, unless it is in search of an 'absolute necessity' - (see #4 below).
2. When presented with policy, procedure, rules, or other muddy verbal or written bureaucraspeak, ask for simplification until you do understand. Do not be afraid to say "I don't understand' Or "I don't know."
3. (As much as possible) don't voluntarily talk to lawyers acting in an official capacity, and avoid anything generated or influenced by a lawyer.
4. Set aside one week per month (or 2 days per week) and more if/when you are able, in which you only purchase 'absolute necessities' - you define 'absolute necessity' but be strict and play fair; if you don't typically spend 'mad' money Monday thru Thursday, don't choose only those days to restrain yourself. Additionally, reduce ALL work/market days from the available 24/7 to a maximum 16/7. And on any day, if you buy it, you must ultimately use it for its intended purpose.
5. Whenever possible buy used - buy local - avoid chains - trade down - barter goods and services - do not buy over the phone or from the TV - avoid interest and fees.
6. Invest in a DVR and never watch another commercial; or better yet, turn off the TV and pick up a book.
7. Car pool, bicycle, or walk.
8. Don't pay someone to do anything that you can do as effectively. If you don't know how to cook - learn.
9. Purchase / own only one vehicle for every 2 to 3 people in your household. If this causes hardship, figure it out.
10. Do not vote for an incumbent to any office beyond the local level, and even then, think (at least) twice.
11. Know the difference between market currencies and human currencies; (see this post and this post); you figure out which is more important to you, and when.

Regardless of where you work (manufacturing, production, a service industry, health-care, education, government, etc.) or don't work, in many ways (it appears) a majority of us have become knowledge workers. It is now time for each one of us, individually, to choose to expend the effort to evolve (and quickly) from simply a knowledge worker to a knowledge seeker. Each one of us, individually, must find our sense of insurgency. No matter the effort to dumb-me-down I can push back and choose to seek Knowledge, Wisdom, and Truth; and ultimately, in the course of my Lifetime, Happiness.

The following paragraph is an excerpt from the work of fiction 'Dark Eden' by Chris Beckett; (the character is 15 year old John the day after he stood his ground and killed a leopard, when instead he could have easily hidden in a tree):

"You're all of you hiding up in trees like Gerry did, I said in my head to all those friendly smiling people, and that's the trouble with bloody Family. You eat and you drink and you slip and you quarrel and you have a laugh, but you don't really think about where you're trying to get to or what you want to become. And when trouble comes, you just scramble up trees and wait for the leopard to go away and then afterward giggle and prattle on for wakings and wakings about how big and scary it was and how it nearly bit off your toes, and how so-and-so chucked a bit of bark at it and whatshisname called out a rude name. Gela's tits! Just look at you!"

Today the leopard may come because I call it. Tomorrow it may come of its own volition. Yesterday it managed to sneak up on me when my guard was down. Last week it fooled me into thinking it was my friend. Next week I may face it down and run it off. Last month I opened my arms and let it feed on me. This Summer I intend to track down the biggest one I can find and secretly observe it in its natural habitat, in the active hope that I may learn from it and spend less time giggling in the trees.

We will never be friends. No matter how many I kill, there will always be leopards. A leopard's flesh is noxious and bitter. A leopard's heart is nutritious and savory. Many will hide in the trees at the sight of a leopard - Some will hide in the trees at the sound of a leopard - A few will hide in the trees at the thought of a leopard - And a few of those, live in the trees.

There are some days when others perceive me as the leopard. On these days I must decide if I will chase them up the trees or simply sing my leopard song to let them know I am here. I must occasionally chase them up their trees so my leopard song will be heard. I must be wary though of other nearby leopards, and of the possibility that what I am chasing may turn out to be a larger leopard. There can only be one leopard in any given moment. Some days it is good to be the leopard.

There are some days when the leopard is inside me. On these days I must decide if I will smother it or leave it to run loose. If the leopard is inside me and I smother it quickly, very little changes. If the leopard is inside me and I let it run, I may learn and grow. The longer I allow the leopard to run inside me, the greater the learning and the greater the possibility it will escape ... and then what? If it escapes from inside me, this would be a different leopard than the one that sings and chases others up their trees. This would be a leopard that could as easily turn on me. This would be a leopard that can climb trees. This would be a leopard singing a song of incendiary dissonance. When the leopard is inside me - before it escapes - I must smother it.

Many, many years ago leopards could only sing. Recently leopards have learned to laugh. Many, many years ago most leopards were brightly colored and sang proudly. Today more and more leopards blend into their surroundings and their song can be indiscernibly hypnotic. Many, many years ago our time spent hiding in the trees was considered a sad, but necessary, part of Life. Today, many of us passively accept this time in the trees as normal, often oblivious to the fact that we are even hiding; and those who don't realize they are hiding are generally more susceptible to the siren song of this new breed of leopard. Many, many years ago most leopards knew they were leopards. Today, more and more leopards believe they are saviors.

I cannot think about where I am trying to get to or what I want to become if I am hiding in a tree. To seek Truth and Wisdom - one must acknowledge the leopards; one must recognize the leopards; one must learn from the leopards; one must live with the leopards; and some days, one must be the leopard. To study the leopard, brings forth Wisdom. The closer one comes to the leopard, the closer one comes to Truth. To glimpse the leopard's hidden beauty, engenders Peace. And to experience the symbiotic tug between the leopard and its prey, feels a little like (I would imagine) Happiness might feel.