hopelesshappiness.com

It is all about the friction.

This week Life has been rubbing me the wrong way; its rhythms and harmonies are distant and discordant. That is my perspective. Others might say I have two left feet and my hearing is bad. This week I am battling.

Some weeks Life seems to flow; we are in step and in tune. There is still friction that ranges from soothing (like a massage) to tolerable and productive (like a visit to the chiropractor), but we are moving together.

Other weeks I allow Life to carry me. I don't fight, I go along. These weeks the friction is internal. Life becomes Pop music and I dance with myself. If this dance goes on too long, the music becomes invisible and the rhythm becomes rote.

There will always be friction.

The ultimate question is, "When the friction becomes abrasive, do we give in and go with it to reduce chafing, or do we struggle and persevere despite the discomfort?"

It is all about the friction; and how much I can stand.

These thoughts bring me to ask, "When friction presents, can we soften the irritation and still maintain its potential?" If there is no friction, there is no learning and growth, yet its potency is held in check by its tenderness.

It seems to be a question of callousness vs. sensitivity.

Is this then a question of truthfulness vs. civility?

Perhaps it is - especially within an individual.

I should be less civil and more truthful to myself than to others.

To be civil, I need permission from others to be truthful; and I need to give permission to others if I want truthfulness.

You have my permission.

I think we are back to "How much can I stand?"

No energy is destroyed due to friction.

Friction transforms energy.

Friction can do negative work, positive work, or no work.

There are many weeks when it feels that politics and its resulting bureaucracies are my greatest irritant. If we define politics as 'the volitional desire for power and control' one can see how this struggle can create unconscionable, caustic friction.

When one has power, or seeks power, or wants to control the power of others, or is involuntarily impacted by power, there is friction.

Regardless of whether power comes from conquest or persuasion, it is still power; which ultimately leads to and/or is derived from politics.

Unchecked power is a stifling, destructive friction.

Because there is no tenderness in politics, it is a force that can overwhelm; however when politics meets with opposition in the form of thoughtful / skeptical questioning, the frictional result can be inspiring.

Today it feels that we are most creative and in the flow as consumers because that is what politics requires, and we are most conventional and contained as thinkers because that is what politics desires.

If we can change direction, diverting energy from consumerism to independent thinking/learning, perhaps we can reduce chafing thereby increasing the productive potency of friction.

I am not expecting an immediate change of course, I am merely asking if we can thoughtfully create additional tributaries from which to choose; tributaries that actually flow, (beyond a trickle), with compassion, communal responsibility, inner peace, exoteric goodness, and hard work.

It is all about the friction.

Early this morning, before sunrise, my Wife was driving me across town toward work when a large black dog against the backdrop of the black asphalt appeared before the car. We missed it. About six blocks further on we approached a stop light which was green, prompting us to proceed safely through the intersection. I observed a dark blue van approach on the cross street from our left, briefly hesitate at his red light, and then pull straight on through. This time, to miss it, my Wife had to hit the brakes and come to a stop.

The sun has not even peeked out and already, two obstacles successfully dodged. Have we filled our quota for the day? Or is it going to be a particularly dodgy day?

Are the roadblocks that are set in our way random? Or is there a plan?

The reason I asked my Wife to drive me this morning in the first place is because 3 of the last 4 Tuesdays the first bus of the day has not arrived, and I wanted to avoid that potential permutation to my plans with a quiet ride in pleasant company. In so doing did I unleash a chain of events put in place to punish my last-minute modification of morning routine? Perhaps the black dog and blue van did not see us because we weren't supposed to be there. Perhaps the black and blue descriptors are portentous. Or perhaps we really weren't there; perhaps events really played out as they were originally intended and the adventurous journey across town was simply a delusion shared by my Wife and I; (or maybe not shared - I'll have to remember to ask her tonight if she remembers this). Or perhaps it is all irrelevant since we are all in the Matrix and only living vicariously through our thoughts anyway.

Is this all Balderdash and Poppycock? Or is this a Eureka Moment?

I lean towards Balderdash and Poppycock because we really don't know. In fact, in the strictest sense all we really know is that we really don't know; and if we really don't know, how can we even know that?

Though these ruminations on reality are fascinating, I have come to regard them in the same way I do thoughts of ghosts, poltergeist, and other alleged supernatural phenomena - as entertainment. Until I know, I cannot bring myself to believe. And since I really don't know much of anything, (unless I do), then all I can do is deal with what I perceive in front of me - now - in this moment; and based on my (poor) memory of previous moments, I can guide my thoughts and actions accordingly toward the next moment.

I have been here before. Is there anything new to learn from this mish-mash of honorable uncertainties, thwarted contingencies, happenstance by design, and meditative desperation? Can I glean anything from the frictional heat and dust created by these grinding contradictions? Am I just buying time with copious questions, quick-witted wordplay, and affluent alliteration? Perhaps...

... ... ... ... ...

But, (after a day to think), perhaps there is something to be found where the contradictions clash; (oops - another alliterative slip). To illustrate, think about meditative desperation - when I say "I learn from the past, to live in the moment, for the future," its contact point with 'the urgency of daily responsibilities' is 'the moment'. On the one hand we must prioritize by (often quickly) choosing the best action in a given moment because the urgency of 'now' is all we have, and on the other hand we must (1) breathe, (2) thoughtfully consider the past, and (3) calculate a desired future, which all sounds (with today's expected pace) painstaking and slow. But the contradiction does not blight or destroy the common ground found in the moment. And in this case I believe by focusing on this common ground, (and with practice), the moment will become less fleeting, thus enabling us to better balance the unavoidable urgency and the contemplative mindfulness, and perhaps enabling us to better see the unmasked face of reality.

I believe that by definition all contradictions and/or contrasting perspectives and positions must have a common ground. Even in controversial issues such as abortion (with a common ground of compassion), spirituality (with a common ground of goodness), and politics (with a common ground of communal health and advancement) we can find a point from which to proceed, as long as there is initial agreement to do no harm. Is this naive and simplistic? Perhaps so, but it is also cathartic.

Once simplified to an identifiable common ground, it immediately becomes less simplistic with numerous complications in the progression from this common ground to a mutually beneficial resolution or (if not completely resolved) evolution. For example, there will be disagreement as to what constitutes harm. Is 'a greater good' valid? Or must we consider harm to even one individual as excessive? Each contradiction / disagreement would of course have to be a different process / discussion, but each specific discussion will have some commonalities that complicate. These would include (the aforementioned) varying types and degrees of harm and what/how much (if any) harm is acceptable, parameters of indulgence for idiosyncrasies / eccentricities that do not violate the agreed-upon definition of 'do no harm', and accountability for staying within the bounds of the common ground. (There are likely more, but I believe this process and these complications will serve as an initial framework for purposes of examining the contradiction presented below.)

Last week I maintained that much of our present-day reality is unrealistic, and I presented two contradictory perspectives of manifest reality. For those who ascribe to this theory of realitivity, some may choose (at varying times in varying circumstance) to see Life as runoff pain and suffering, while others may be more adept at alleviating Life's pain and incoherence. It turns out upon close examination that the common ground between these two opposing viewpoints, is suffering. To proceed from this point is hard work, which is why some choose to lose themselves in the trivialities (some of which are urgent, but still trivial) of daily existence, and others choose to buy, create, and/or believe in an incredibly unrealistic reality.

The question that has been brought to my attention this week is, how can one who only sees (or is presently overwhelmed by) the suffering side of reality be brought to see the active hope found in Compassion, Communal Responsibility, Inner Peace, Exoteric Goodness, and Hard Work? I believe the answer begins with setting the example and debunking the delusional sense of importance placed in today's trivialities. Too many of us believe that if we don't have money, a good job, a devoted relationship, lots of good friends, and/or if we are depressed or simply not cheerful or satisfied, then there is something wrong with us and we have failed. This is not true! This is a myth propagated and perpetuated by histrionic proponents of pretentiousness. Life. Is. Suffering!

So if we agree on the principle to 'Do No Harm' and we recognize the common ground of suffering, it would appear beneficial progress to practice an active acceptance of suffering, which can be accomplished (at least in part) by acknowledging it, verbalizing it, and exhibiting other behaviors consistent with its inevitability. In some circles these behaviors may be considered odd since we have been indoctrinated into a societal belief that happiness is rightfully deserved and necessary for success. For one to discuss and actively acknowledge suffering will potentially create in others an air of condescending pity. We need to dispel these feelings and beliefs, and we must widen these parameters by being truthful - first with oneself and then (whenever possible) with others.

Accountability then comes to revolve around the aforementioned 'active acceptance of suffering' and a compassionate expectation of hard work. It seems that today we have this backwards: we expect those in obvious pain to work hard while we sweep them under the rug because they distract us from our facade of (lower-case) happiness, thus teaching others who hurt to suffer in silence. I will say it again because it is important - We must first openly and actively accept that suffering is inevitable, and only then can we (in good conscience) compassionately expect a mutually beneficial, osmotic return of effort.

We too often fail in this regard.

This week I have seen our failure.

This week my heart hurts for a young man in the South, and the hundreds of thousands like him around the world, who (at some point, this year) will only see the overwhelming nature of suffering... who will not see the active hope offered through hard work... who may only see trivialities in which they are lacking... who will never realize the impact of their departure... who will never know the Truth and Wisdom to be found in suffering...

This week my heart hurts...

Every day we are sold, we create, and we believe realities that are illogical, irrational, and incredibly unrealistic. From the narcissist who creates a world that revolves around them, to the rich who believe they deserve their wealth, to the sociopath who harms indiscriminately, to the apathetic whose numbers may not seek to harm but (regardless) they do not believe that Exoteric Goodness is worth the effort, to the customer who truly believes they should be #1, to the bureaucrat who dictates policy and procedure from their golden throne in their ivory tower, to the employee who maintains a facade sometimes to a point where they think they believe it, to the comfortable who build walls to keep suffering out of sight, to the politicians who believe they deserve their power, to the adherent who is convinced (and works at convincing others) that there exists a single overriding Truth, to the suffering who believe "If only...'THIS'... then my suffering will cease."

These are not unassailable realities.

Unassailable reality is the runoff pain of cold, hunger, fear, attrition, heat, darkness, confusion, grief, disappointment, regret, heartache, shame, exhaustion, loneliness, allergy, illness, injury, disease, excrement, blood, piss, pus, phlegm, vomit... ...a flowing, capricious cornucopia of effluvial amenities deposited courtesy of one's Humanity.

I believe there are other manifest realities. I believe they include (1) Compassion, (2) Communal Responsibility, (3) Inner Peace, (4) Exoteric Goodness, and (5) Work accomplished through the Why-Cycle; (i.e. acknowledged ignorance - to uncertainty and doubt - to skeptical questioning - re energizing one's search for Truth and Wisdom - which then cycles back to acknowledged ignorance). All five of these have been previously discussed throughout this site, with the last three (Inner Peace, Exoteric Goodness, and Work) presented (in the post Working Toward Happiness) as "structural components grounded in the empirical and arching outward toward the transcendental." I believe the same could be said for Compassion and Communal Responsibility which were discussed in later posts, most predominantly Here. Additionally, I believe when used thoughtfully and consistently, all five components will aid in alleviating the pain and incoherence of our empirical existence.

Again, there is hope found in the hopeless; there is direction given in the disjointed; there is inspiration sprung from vexation; there is a radiance to be divined from the gloom.

Am I digging to discover something new and potentially valuable?
Am I digging to create a distraction?
Am I digging competitively?
Am I digging to confirm the illusive nature of reality?
Am I digging for beauty?
Am I digging because of, instead of, or in contempt of dreaming?
Am I digging for shelter?
Am I digging for dirt?
Am I digging so deep that I may not re emerge?
Am I digging to create a reality?
Am I digging for business?
Am I digging a grave?
Am I digging so shallow because my only utensils are a rusty pocketknife and a tin cup?
Am I digging selfishly?
Am I digging to light my way?
Am I digging to bury something personally shameful?
Am I digging for freedom?
Am I digging in hard ground?
Am I digging to create an illusion?
Am I digging to discover a long-lost and/or forgotten artifact?
Am I digging haphazardly?
Am I digging to obtain fill for an unfilled space, thus creating a perpetual need to dig?
Am I digging for the beast?
Am I digging for nothing?
Am I digging to confirm the elusive nature of reality?
Am I digging for naught?
Am I digging in the right place?
Am I digging so deep that no one can see me?
Am I digging for pleasure?
Am I digging to locate the source?
Am I digging to expose the dark?
Am I digging to hide something of personal value?
Am I digging to be evasive?
Am I digging my grave?
Am I digging so superficially that no one will notice?

How does one practice compassionate accountability? At first glance, it seems a multi-faceted contradiction - to hold one accountable for undelivered promises and inconsistent thought as encouraged Here, and to constructively help others overcome their problems and actively wish them free from suffering as encouraged Here, yet to create some pain and suffering through this demanded accounting of actions, and all the while stay true to a philosophical notion of uncertainty and doubt (especially doubting oneself) as strongly encouraged Here and Here - I ask again, "How do I practice compassionate accountability?"

... ... ... ...

Over this past day or two I have been back and forth on the excruciating (not much of an exaggeration) question, "Is it my place to work at holding others accountable, or is my focus and concern misplaced?" Many would say I should learn from, adapt to, and/or ignore differences of opinion and I wholeheartedly agree under many circumstances. But when I interpret actions as reflective of inconsistent thought and/or undelivered promises, and when these actions elicit a notable reaction and/or create a significant negative impact (and cannot be attributed to an evolutionary change of philosophy or a planned change of direction), in the interest of 'Communal Responsibility' I believe an accounting is called for. (And even an evolutionary or planned change must be questioned and examined to interpret agendas, motives, and potential effects.) So I am still asking - "How do I practice Compassionate Accountability?"

When I reach this point as outlined above, I must next acknowledge that I may be wrong and/or I must allow for an extended opportunity to be proven wrong. Then as I examine my interpretation I must become (dubiously) convinced of its validity, (that indeed a promise was not delivered and/or some thought or action is not consistent with professed thought or previous action), and I must compose my thoughts to effectively understand and explain my interpretation. This openness and preparation are necessary prerequisites to compassionate accountability. Once this is accomplished, I propose the following:

1. Communicate Truthfully.
2. Be Reasonable and Logical.
3. Make a Sincere Offer to Help.
4. Work Hard toward Constructive Resolution.

This method of Compassionate Accountability is as applicable to oneself as it is to others, and regardless of application, it is not complete without all four steps. Once I embark upon the first step, I am practicing accountability. If done thoughtfully, I believe the remaining steps cannot help but to incorporate compassion into the process. Each element above is scrutinized (to the best of my ability) below.

1. Communicate Truthfully - This first step may be a reaction and (if so) may include some emotion; and this is okay, to a point. First and foremost I believe (as previously stated) that I must rein in emotions until I am convinced that they are valid. I must also recognize emotions as a truthful part of my Humanity, but then once these feelings are truthfully emoted I believe one should quickly incorporate reason and logic as discussed in Step #2. I must also realize (again) that my interpretation of the truth may or may not remain as such, but regardless, it still may not be correct, proper, or right - and this applies to all individual Human truths. This last thought may discourage some (Why seek truth if it is not a Truth?), but for me it adds a dynamic (thrill-of-the-chase) vibrancy to my Humanity by cultivating and preserving uncertainty.
2. Be Reasonable and Logical - Even with emotion, reason and logic is not only possible, but required. Everyone hears a raving lunatic, but no one listens to them. Reason and logic aid me in identifying an impactful action (mine or another's) as an undelivered promise or inconsistent thought. This step is actually a reminder, as reason and logic are critical to the entire flow; and to flow smoothly, Compassionate Accountability must be reasonable and logical. It only makes sense.
3. Make a Sincere Offer to Help - Ideally, once I have reached this step, I have some feel for the nature of the disagreement which, coupled with my respectful openness to listen for understanding, may suggest possible solutions. I must remember though that it is a disagreement that has brought us (or me) to and through this process; and when two or more parties disagree (or I am in some disagreement with myself) it is possible one or more (parties or positions) may become defensive. This condition may prohibit one from encouraging specific solutions, as the defensiveness could create a perception (true or not) of heavy-handed bullying. In this circumstance, and/or if I have not developed a workable resolution, it may be best to step back and simply offer to help in any way I am able. The most important aspect of this step is for either approach (suggesting solutions or offering assistance) to come across as non-adversarial, willing, and sincere.
4. Work Hard toward Constructive Resolution - This step is the culmination. The entire process of Compassionate Accountability (I believe) revolves around 'Work' as previously encouraged Here. To be successful, there must be mutual agreement to work at resolving the undelivered promise and/or inconsistent thought, which of course means there must be agreement that a promise went unfulfilled and/or impactful actions/thoughts are inconsistent. If there is irresolvable disagreement on any point I must fall back (at least for the moment) to a position of Compassion for the Oblivious and not resort to retaliation or other exercises in futility. Depending upon the magnitude of the personal impact, I may decide to patiently watch the circumstance to determine if improvement occurs either naturally or as a result of the communications thus far. My Humanity can make this patient, non-retaliatory stance difficult. If I ultimately determine the personal impact is not of a magnitude to justify the efforts (diminishing returns...) I may elect to simply table the process and (actively) accept a longer-term position of watchful 'Compassion for the Oblivious' knowing that it is a more productive option than any vindictive or otherwise harmful or ineffective alternative. As stated before, I believe "on some level, compassion will always find a way through and have some impact, even on the oblivious."

So there it is - Like the proverbial water (or more accurately, oil and water) into wine, we are challenged to create non-adversarial conflict from antagonistic disagreement by utilizing self-assured uncertainty and pain-free suffering, resulting in a productive, beneficial, compassionate accountability.

I do like a good challenge.