In recent weeks I have experienced a frantic sense of urgency that has driven me to think and write with a prolific and powerful frenzy (that feels) recently unmatched. When I expressed this to my wife, she asked if this was a result of (or related to) an impending sense of Doom. ...Maybe. She asked in seriousness, worried, because I have had some heart issues. I had not made a connection before she asked, but because of my heart I am on speaking terms with my mortality; so, maybe this recognition of reality is a motivating factor. I believe that acknowledging my mortality enhances my sense of reality and keeps my ego in check.

Recent personal reading and study has revolved around the effort to discount the ego in order to lessen depression, anxiety and unhappiness, and to support and strengthen spiritual, emotional and intellectual connection. The ego, (i.e. The Self), it turns out, is an obstacle that often gets in the way of progress, both personally and communally. This study and focus and awareness may also be contributing to my recent (personally-perceived) intensity and efficacy.

Unrelated to my heart issues, I have a disability that has kept me from full-time work for the better part of this last twelve years. I am (as of July) back to working full-time. I believe this too to be a contributing factor to my recent energy. I have found this process of reconnection to be joyfully invigorating.

This combination of reasoned recognition, reflection and reconnection, (and I'm sure some other factors unrecognized), have had me on an Autobahn of thought; or, if you will, a high-speed free-thoughtway. But now in this past week I have experienced slowdowns due to speed limits, traffic signs, congestion, speed traps, traffic lights,  road construction, roundabouts, two or three accidents (including a personal fender-bender), speed bumps and sightseers. These slowdowns represent various egos; and not always another's ego - the fender-bender was my fault.

This morning I am scheduled for an alignment of thought and practicality; I am scheduled to meet with THE boss at work. She has been here for less time than I have. She has scheduled one-on-one meetings with every individual in the building. I sit on the lowest rung of this ladder and from here, I very much appreciate her willingness to listen. The questions she posed for discussion include "What do we need to start doing?" and "What do we need to stop doing?" From where I sit I am unable to answer the latter, but I have two strong suggestions for the former. Specifics are irrelevant to this written thought. The specific commonality and relevance to this week's thought is the disabling impact ego can have on high-speed thought, and an examination of the feasibility of resituating (or discounting) egos to accomodate change that has the potential to move us beyond "good enough". I said above that egos can curtail progress, and this is one way: by convincing everyone that good enough is good enough, thus maintaining a comfortable status quo.

I have some control over my ego, but how do I move or discount or sometimes even speed past another's ego without hurting feelings? I can make a "greater good" argument enabling me to be less concerned or unconcerned, but even if I am able to justify another's ego in pain and distance myself from it, at the very least their ego will throw up a roadblock that will hinder their personal advancement and that may also impact other nearby individuals. I can make a justifiable argument for (re)education on the value of increased potential that will come from egoless thought; but as necessary as this is, it is a project and (for an immediate circumstance) a detour. Depending on the circumstance, this detour may be the best choice, but during a prolific period as I have been experiencing, it is a hard choice.

Within the preceding paragraph, I have realized a new consideration. Though I may be sincere and even somewhat successful in my efforts to discount my ego and travel lighter, the presentation of this thought sounds pretentious and can leave an impression opposite that intended. I understand how a traveller weighed down with ego can mistake a lighter, faster, freer traveller as an egocentric show-off and instinctively work to slow them down. An ego does not like to be left behind.

Perhaps the only way to discount the ego in an immediate circumstance then, is to account for the ego. This acknowledgement of another may be as simple as a nod and will likely be more expeditious than avoiding roadblocks or detouring through a process of education. In my mind it is frequently nonproductive to slow down, wave and smile before speeding past, but I suppose in some circumstance it is better to appease and it could encourage another ego to follow in your wake, from where a process of mutual education may result.

And perhaps it would also lessen perceived pretentiousness if I emphasize and encourage the mutual aspect of education, and the speed of egoless thought and its greater potential for quantity of quality while also acknowledging its potential for complexity. An ego will tend to focus on the complexity and its resulting waste because an ego is naturally fearful and prefers the ease and comfort of status quo. This week I have found that if I maintain an active awareness and empathy for strong egos, and if I steadily work on reasoned recognition, reflection and reconnection, this not only helps me to maintain a steady speed and avoid road hazards, but it also helps me to soften my own ego.

And for those times I cannot escape my ego, (my Humanity), perhaps this softened, malleable ego guided by reason will keep me on track.