Controlling Happpiness

We have a tendency to panic when we cannot trick ourselves into believing we are in control. Oftentimes we put on a brave front but depending on the perceived degree of turbulent helplessness, within (our minds, our guts, our hearts), there may rage a storm; which in turn may easily impact one's physical well-being. The truth is that when we perceive ourselves as having control, we are in actuality a mere heartbeat from chaos, turmoil, upheaval, distress, annoyance, discomfort, displeasure, or disturbing / troublesome points between and beyond. We don't like to acknowledge this reality.

Additionally, we don't like to be reminded of this reality in the form of others in turmoil. There are some others who appear to like the drama of upheaval, and for those individuals it is not difficult to find (and oftentimes exaggerate) the pain; but it is also not difficult to recognize these individuals and apply a grain of salt. And for those others who are in (what we perceive as) legitimate pain, we tend to apply the maxim 'time heals all wounds' and/or we shun these individuals until the maxim actually begins to work. We also appreciate those who appear to quickly bounce back from adversity (at least partially, if not mostly) because it helps us to avoid the second-hand pain. But what of those (due to inexperience, lack of opportunity, ineptitude, or actual destructive impact) who get stuck in pain and either cannot see the value of resilience or simply do not care? It is easy to advise someone not to pile pain on top of pain, yet throughout this site I have maintained that pain and adversity create learning and growth opportunities and ultimately carry us toward Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness; but as in anything, there can be too much of a good thing. The challenge is (especially with a loved-one) knowing when to let them see your pain as a result of their pain; and this is often accomplished by exhibiting frustration or even anger. Verbal concern, proximate empathy, and perceptive compassion are all necessary, appropriate, and helpful - to a point; but there will come a point when (I believe) one must choose to either 1) push, 2) walk away, or 3) indulge from a distance, so as not to also become mired in the muck and slop of another's despair. When it comes to anyone (but especially my family), I am not a coddler, and I find it very difficult to create distance by walking away or becoming a bystander; (pain should not become a spectator sport). But I also find that I often tend to push too hard, too soon.

I am not going to waste words on defending this predilection toward high expectations and (what may appear to some as) lack of patience. I believe an active awareness will assist me in softening my hard edges, quieting my quick tongue, listening for understanding, and openly acknowledging my own many mistakes and imperfections. Reminders such as this written thought help me to be actively aware, which has really been (as I look back) the main reason for these past three-and-a-half years of weekly ramblings. And I think in this (roundabout) way I have discovered what I am really thinking about this week - the value of consistent, disciplined thought, leading to learning and growth, as it applies to my daily existence.

  • Some weeks I write to stay sane; (and that is not a large exaggeration).
  • Some weeks I write to express frustration, learn from it, and move on.
  • Some weeks I write to allay fear.
  • Some weeks I write in response to another's thoughts; (most typically as I've absorbed them in their writing).
  • Some weeks I write to organize my thoughts on a particular topic or concept.
  • Some weeks I write to discover new or unacknowledged thoughts.
  • Occasionally, I write for fun.
  • Some weeks I write in circles.
  • Some weeks I write to inhibit impulsive action.
  • Some weeks I have, (especially at the beginning), written to teach; which is how I learned that I am both teacher and pupil.
  • Some weeks I begin writing simply to maintain the discipline.
  • And most weeks I write to maintain a sense of control.

...which is where I began; but this week I am not going to chase my tail.

(NOTE: I had a similar train of thought to the 'bullets' above in this post from last September.)

No matter the specificities surrounding my chosen (or accidental) thought for the week, after 190+ posts, the overriding reason has become (as already stated) "the value of consistent, disciplined thought, leading to learning and growth, as it applies to my daily existence." Which leads me back to, (though I promised no circles), the desire to help others see the value in objective consideration of subjective experience.

My method for considering personal experience as objectively as I am able, is to translate thoughts and feelings into the written word. This act of writing (for me) clarifies the emotion, without removing it. In a sense it adds a level of rationality allowing me to see my feelings from above and still feel them from within. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, this method lags behind real time, meaning that 'in the moment' emotion often drives action or reaction. This is unfortunate because as rationality catches up I may discover that my behavior was arbitrarily improper. Yet this is also fortunate because it is honest and I believe it forces me to better evaluate and learn from the experience.

Not everyone writes; but perhaps everyone should. In this moment I cannot think of another medium that would come close to the advantages I have found in disciplined writing... but let me think...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I see that a case could be made that any creative expression would allow one to translate thought and feelings through an assortment of innovative or inspirational endeavors. These could include literature, painting, drawing, sculpting, theatre or film, music, dance, photography, culinary arts, and many craft occupations or hobbies. In addition to participation and/or performance, some may say that an intensive study of these arts, or various humanities, would help one to focus and organize thoughts and feelings. And from there I suppose that we could allow that creative expression is possible in any discipline one might find, say in a listing of degree programs or even course offerings at any major university. And from there it is a short jump to claiming that immersion in an organization and/or a (perceived) 'good' cause is adequate expression of one's thoughts and feelings. And where to next? Perhaps devotion to a charismatic leader? Or a sports team? Or a computer game? Or a television show? I think we have crossed a line somewhere in this progression, but where?

Where is it an expression of consistent, disciplined thought that helps us to evaluate and learn? And where does it become a vehicle for the purpose of distracting us from pain and adversity?

If one is able to operate a remote control, one is able to think. And if one is able to think, with disciplined effort, one is able to organize thoughts. The challenge becomes remembering previously constructed thought formations, and then re-evaluating and re-interpreting them.

In this moment I cannot think of another medium that would come close to the advantages I have found in disciplined writing.

(Yeah, I know... ...but it was only a small circle.)

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  1. Pingback: Hooked on Happiness | hopelesshappiness.com

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