Francois-Marie Arouet (1694-1778) better known as Voltaire was once imprisoned in the Bastille in Paris because he had insulted a powerful aristocrat.

This is relevant. I'm not sure to what degree, or even (ultimately) to what yet, but it has been tugging at my thoughts for a couple of weeks now.

On a basic level, perhaps I am defending freedom of expression, or cautioning against unchecked power, or lamenting the injustice of unchecked power stifling expression.

Though these thoughts are valid, it feels like there is more. This power/expression dance is a daily occurrence. We must constantly be on our guard in what we say and how we act; all based on an oftentimes tenuous balance of power.

So digging deeper, perhaps I am advocating truthful expression with oneself as I did in the post Uninhibited Happiness where I quote Immanuel Kant who said, "the highest maxim, uninhibited truthfulness toward oneself as well as in the behavior toward everyone else, is the only proof of a person's consciousness of having character." If one must censor expression to others, is it possible to balance truthful inner self-expression? Or do we also present a conscious or subconscious facade to ourselves, for the sake of consistency? And to help us live a lie.

I may be closer, but this still doesn't feel enough; especially since I covered this line of thought in the aforementioned previous post. So if it is not completely about others and only partially about me, then what is left of this Voltaire incident that is still goading me to further thought. I am perplexed ...

New thought - If Voltaire represents Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness, and the Aristocrat represents the boundaries and restraints imposed upon each of us by our humanity and the natural restrictions of the physical, empirical nature of this world, then this incident points out the hopelessness of ever attaining the perfected ideal of Happiness. But then I've been saying that in various ways for nearly two years now; so I don't believe that is the answer I'm looking for either.

Perhaps I am simply feeling ineffective; confined in a self-imposed spiral of doubt and uncertainty. Perhaps I have imprisoned myself with expectations of outcomes that due to various uncontrollable variables are unrealistic. I am not one to willingly change my expectations. So how then do I escape this hesitancy and lack of confidence? I see two possibilities:

1. Create an inner facade; (i.e. lie to myself); or
2. Serve my time.

The 1st option is not an option; though I know I do it to some extent, regardless of my efforts otherwise. So that leaves option #2 - Serve my time. Since this imprisonment is based on the whims of a tyrant (myself) and buffeted by the winds of change (many of which I do not control), I do not know the length of my sentence. (I believe these entanglements and uncertainties as described are true in various circumstances and to varying extents for everyone; and probably somewhat more so of late, for me.)

Or perhaps I am confused. Perhaps there is a third possibility beyond prevarication and/or captivity. If I completely eliminate any/all expectations regarding outcomes - if I focus only on free-will choices and their execution - if I stop trying to predict and control the future - then perhaps I will truly be free to live in the moment, for the future. This is not to excuse the process of planning, or to discourage proactive thought. Rather, it is to encourage one to go through that process, make a choice, execute, and then let go of the future, and move on. A prison sentence, by definition, is being chained to a future. Whereas in the moment, I am free to think and choose as I like.

I have recently chided myself (and others) to let go of the past and move on, so perhaps (as I said above) the relevance of Voltaire's imprisonment is encouragement to also let go of the future and move on. One is always free in the moment. If I feel trapped, confined, or restricted, it is in the past or the future. If I feel confused, uncertain, or doubtful, it is about the past or the future. There are no chains, bonds, or shackles in the present moment.

In this moment, I am free.

I believe this, and these thoughts are consistent with my recent thoughts on free-will; (here and here). Voltaire lived this philosophy as illustrated in the descriptive quote - 'I hate what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it' - and in his lifetime of challenging power (to the point of imprisonment) to defend freedom of expression and religious toleration.

I also believe that Exoteric Goodness and ultimately Happiness can only be judged at the end of one's Life. And to diligently and faithfully search for Truth and Wisdom throughout a Lifetime, I believe one must throw off the shackles of the past and of the future, yet learn from the past and consult with the future, in order to make relevant choices in the moment that will positively contribute to Exoteric Goodness, Inner Peace, and ultimately close the gap on Happiness. Yes - this is much easier said than done; but still ...

In this moment, I am free ...