There is always something out there waiting to be discovered; wanting to be written. Through 80+ weeks, I have never written ahead. I’ve always waited to see what cries out for attention. I do occasionally refer to random notes (that did not make it to these pages) from past weeks, and I am frequently inspired by thinkers from the past through current study/readings. This is all consistent with the (frequently-stated) premise that having learned from the past, one should live in the moment, for the future.

This week (amongst other things) I have realized that I am surprised at the surprise of each new discovery. The degree of amazement varies from ‘cool…’ to ‘WOW!’ but looking back, it is always there.

This week I have explored some dark places (both cavernous and claustrophobic) and I have discovered a new facet of inner peace. Perhaps it has been this dichotomy that has prompted this sense of wonder, in turn prompting me to more fully comprehend and appreciate surprise.

Additionally, the act of putting my thoughts on paper (so to speak) helps (me) to clarify what may have otherwise been a fleeting thought. I have been accused of (or credited with) over-thinking / over-analyzing, and comparatively speaking, it is true. Some see this attribute as a hindrance to productivity, efficiency, and/or everyday (lower-case) happiness. I see it as an aid, adding depth and complexity, in my search for Truth, Wisdom, and ultimately (upper-case) Happiness.

Another new (re)discovery/realization this week is my tendency to be human as illustrated by my fluctuation between the 2 scenarios below:

1. I give to and take from the moment in the active hope that it will propel me into a larger, deeper future. Or …
2. I hibernate in the moment from the paralyzing fear that my future will be deemed inadequate.

Too often of late, I have found myself in the latter scenario. And the interesting part is – I am the one handing down the judgments. It is time to take some (well-calculated) risks. (See – even in the midst of these thoughts on discovery and surprise, I can’t quite ‘completely’ let myself go – the risks must be well-calculated.)

I have the instinct of a hunter-gatherer. I have evolved into a semi-social learner/facilitator in order to survive. Now it is time for the next evolutionary step – Innovation; which means risk, uncertainty, and laughing in the face of fear; (okay, perhaps I will just sheepishly grin as I sneak past fear). Regardless, it is time I more definitely (and defiantly) place myself in scenario #1 above.

Other connected thoughts this week …

An examination of Tolerance: Tolerance must begin with an acknowledgment that ‘I’ may not have all the answers. Tolerant behavior must be devoid of arrogance, disdain, condescension, ridicule, scorn, and all other like-minded synonyms. Tolerant thought is (at best) very difficult, and for some, impossible. I would maintain that intolerant behavior is reprehensible, but in so doing I would be practicing intolerance.

An examination of Passion and Enthusiasm: Passion is more carefully thought out and more deeply felt. Enthusiasm can describe a personality trait or characteristic of an individual, whereas I believe that passion is more commonly associated with a concept, object, or person that one is passionate about or exhibits passion for. Passion is selective and exclusive. Enthusiasm is broader and more inclusive. Passion is more sincere and honest.

I came to these conclusions contrasting Passion and Enthusiasm as a result of a recent personality profile assessment that showed my natural inclination is as far away from enthusiasm as one can possibly be without falling off the edge of the world. I agree with this, but still find myself displaying characteristics of enthusiasm in certain sets of circumstances, and decided the commonality in these situations is a deeply-felt conviction for the importance of specific objects, concepts, values, or significant other individuals. Obviously, since this is my natural inclination, I would prefer passion over enthusiasm. The unfortunate connection to the previous discussion above (on scenarios #1 and #2), is my hesitancy to take innovative risk, as reflected by time spent in scenario #2.

Conclusion – I am averse to uncertainty and risk which dampens enthusiasm, which in turn discourages innovation. And to bring things full-circle, I love the surprise of discovery, and I need to trust others’ tolerance and increase my tolerance for potential personal failure. If I would (at least occasionally) focus on surprise, active hope, and maybe (this is hard for me to say) everyday (lower-case) happiness, I may be more open to innovation.

I need to think about it …