I have very high expectations for myself and am frequently disappointed. An unfortunate corollary to these unrealistically high standards is their transference to others; thus others often disappoint as well. It is sometimes a struggle to find Happiness in the midst of all this disappointment.

I have tried lowering my personal standards which simply creates greater distress and disappointment, so for now I will continue to work at living up to my expectations. However, I have had some limited success in understanding the difference in others' expectations for themselves, and that is the focus of this post. I need to improve my outlook (attitude?) towards others, and not let their foibles and perceived failures impact my Happiness.

At times I am impatient and have a little bit of an attitude problem. But I know at some level you can relate, as we all have to deal with disagreements and unyielding opinions. The most important thing I've learned is that there is no 'magic bullet'. A lot of what you see/read/hear about maintaining Happiness in the face (both literally and metaphorically) of difficult people is cliche, and you will see some of that below (cliche is cliche for a reason), but I also intend to draw from the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements, and add some additional depth and meaning to the oft-suggested platitudes meant to be 'magic bullets'. After covering these highly original, creative, and copyrighted cliches and platitudes in Steps 1, 2, and 3 below, I will present an unorthodox Step 4 and a last resort Step 5.

ROUND 1

Step 1: Ignore It - Control what you can control and don't agonize over what others control. If you can put it out of your mind, ignorance can be bliss.

Step 2: Think About It - Review the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements and choose some guiding principles and even some crutches that may help you to better understand from the perspective of the idiot ... (Sorry) ... from the perspective of the other party or parties involved. Some of those elements that have really helped me (when I focus) include Compassion, Goodness, Humility, Patience, Gratitude, and Optimism.

Step 3: Talk About It - In Round 1 talk to an objective uninvolved friend or family member whom you trust to be honest and opinionated. Lacking that, talk to yourself; argue both sides and do it out loud (best not in public) so you can hear how it sounds.

ROUND 2

Repeat Steps 1, 2, and 3 in order but with added complexity and depth. In Step 1 for example, you should keep something handy (a book or music works for me) to distract you when you reach that point of non-productive worry over those aspects of the issue you do not control. In Step 2, persist, think alone and in a quiet place, and outline or write down some of your thoughts (continuing to utilize elements of Happiness) to add some meaning to your efforts. And in Step 3 consider talking to an interested or involved party to gain some internal perspective; (perhaps Round 2 discussions should begin with 'neutrals' or 'friendlies').

ROUND 3, 4, 5 ...

Continue to add complexity and depth to each of the steps (1 thru 3) and continue repeating these steps as long as you feel you are making progress. It is in these subsequent Rounds that you should truly give up hope for control where you have none (I am not saying "give up ALL hope"), formalize your thoughts in writing, and share them with those you talk to; again continuing to use recommended elements of Happiness. It is also time in Rounds 3 or above to consider talking with unsympathetic or unfriendly parties involved in the situation; of course, if this is your livelihood, do so wisely. Persistence and Creativity become important guiding principles in these later rounds.

If you find at some point that you are making no progress, and are desperate for resolution, consider steps 4 and/or 5 below; but do so cautiously.

Step 4: Imagination / Visualization - Start by visualizing what you want (best case scenario) and progressively work your way down to what you absolutely don't want (worst case scenario). Naturally as we begin this process you will relate the visualizations to yourself; but to be just, you must also imagine best and worst case scenarios for all parties (individually and organizationally) that are involved. When you begin thinking of worst case scenarios for the 'unfriendlies' a bit of vindictiveness may rear its head, but you must force yourself to extend the visualization exercise to include their immediate family / significant others that will be impacted by your actions; (knowing this could possibly include people you would not want to see hurt, such as children, elderly parents or grandparents, or other dependent family members). If objective justice still calls for action, hard decisions must sometimes be made, but know that you will someday have to answer (at least to yourself) for your actions, and you want to be certain that retribution fueled by anger played no part in them. If you reach this step, THINK UGLY, and be prepared for the consequences; both far reaching and more immediate. This is not an easy or pleasant step. When I think ugly, I am ugly; but it has at times helped me to more objectively understand the big picture and prioritize accordingly.

Step 5: Move On - Physically remove yourself from the situation. When I have resorted to this step as resolution, hindsight has always, without fail, included regret and disappointment. So if you do find yourself here, be prepared to take ownership and know that at least part (if not most or possibly all) of the failure is yours.

These are not final answers; but they are the best I have come up with - So Far.