hopelesshappiness.com

I don’t suppose we have lost it, because we know it is there. It is more that we have chosen to separate it; to put it in its own little box apart from us. We on occasion pull it closer to talk about it, to examine it (at arm’s length of course), and to even (less occasionally) take it out of its box and hold it, talk to it, feel it. Yet as a whole we always put it back in its box and back in its place; over there. And regarding any individual who insists on us examining it more closely, together, we are at times forced to build a box around you and move a discreet distance further away; hopefully not enough to hurt your feelings but necessarily enough to dim and blur. Sure, you can go on and on but from your box I only hear tinny, two-dimensional words. And because your words have become meaningless, you are meaningless.

Appropriate. What is appropriate? Anger is certainly not appropriate because your anger makes me uncomfortable. And because it makes me uncomfortable, I can only imagine the discomfort you must feel. So no. Anger is not appropriate. Anger is not allowed. Sadness? In small doses. To carry on for any length of time is certainly not appropriate and cannot be comfortable, again for either me or you. So if you must be sad, I have this little box that is just your size. Comfort. That is our goal. Be it cheerfulness, happiness, humor, calm productivity, courtesy, pretension, subservience… I could go on. There are many appropriate vehicles for delivering peace and comfort. Find one and join us on our quest for tranquility. There are so many reasons for living in the moment but most importantly the moment has no time for regret or worry. Learning from the past? Living for the future? Bah! Overrated. I’m okay right now and that’s all that should matter. And when I string this okay moment with the next okay moment, and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next, I am comfortable.

Perhaps because it is not lost, it cannot be found. Perhaps it will simply continue to fade until it completely disappears. Yet if you would only hear my anger, feel my sadness, perhaps we could learn to live with it outside its box; outside our box. Nurture it; care for it; really mean it. And perhaps in that manner it will again become three dimensional; with depth, and character, and life. I am afraid. I am afraid that if it disappears, we will disappear. And I am afraid that if we disappear, I will disappear. So I suppose, like you, I am also selfish, but my indulgence contributes whereas yours merely maintains.

We (you and I) assert our allegiance, proclaim its importance, yet we ignore its demands. To uphold its integrity is too often not comfortable. So we put it back in its box. To uphold its integrity requires anger and sadness, the focus of which (if we are serious) should be on our contributions to improving its deficiencies not on further division between factions. Those who perpetuate divisiveness are not serious, just angry. To be serious is to be both angry and sad. To be serious is to learn from the past in order to live in the moment for the future.

But if the moment is comfortable, which, (because I have a window to look through), it is, there is no need to be serious. I built your box (purposely) with no windows. But I still want you to be okay in your moment. So because I want you to be okay in your moment, and because I am generous, kind, benevolent, I will occasionally invite you to join me to look out my window. But when I have extracted enough additional life force from you, and when I believe you have been sufficiently appeased, softened, unknowingly diminished, and when I feel gratified in my largesse, back you go, in your box; over there.

Now as for what's keeping me and it in our respective boxes, over there…?

I earned it! I deserve it!

No, you didn’t. No you don’t. It is a random gift.

It is mine!

Temporarily.

Then it is my legacy! I will pass it on! To family! To a chosen few!

Because they earned it? Because they deserve it?

I can't love you all the time.

I am not asking you to love me.

Well, what then?

If I have to ask, when I ask, you only build bigger and stronger boxes.

I don't see it as a box. I see it as guidance; instruction; boundaries. I am maintaining order, keeping the peace, giving you purpose.

As you have been given purpose.

I create my own purpose.

From inside your own box.

What?

From inside your own bigger box.

No.

Yes.

Enough! I can't love you all the time. Your words have become meaningless once again making you meaningless. I have put you back in your box so if from there you continue and become too great of a distraction, keeping you from your purpose, keeping me from my purpose, you will have given me no choice but to have your box removed and placed in storage. I can make decisions because my vantage point (with its narrow window) from outside your box allows me to see and interpret your who, what, where and why. If you continue I will have no choice but to make decisions accordingly.

Understood. I will continue to fulfill (your interpretation of) my purpose and I will continue to be both angry and sad; and though some may seep out around the edges, I will work hard to keep it inside and, in your presence, maintain a calm productivity tied to subservience. I will do this because in this tangible world I cannot afford not to. You may consider this my gift to you.

It is appropriate behavior, but I see it not so much a gift as your responsibility.

It is a temporary gift.

I would be remiss to not point out my recent generosity, kindness, benevolence; as well as recent invitations to join me and look out my window. And though yes, this acknowledgement was a long time coming, and yes, the actuality does not even begin to close the gap, my hope is that you have been sufficiently appeased, softened, unknowingly diminished. I am gratified in my largesse as you should be. Now back you go, in your box; over there.

It is a temporary gift.

In the last 40 years 40 percent of the NCAA men's basketball national championships have been won by the four teams meeting in this year's Final Four; and interestingly this year’s championship game is being played on 4/4/22. Furthermore, of 137 teams who have made an appearance in the tournament since 1939, the top 10% (14 teams) have captured 48.8% of the coveted Final Four slots, the middle 40% (teams 15 thru 69) have earned 43.4% of the Final Four berths, while the bottom 50% have snuck into the Final Four with only 7.8% of the 332 theoretical possibilities.

There is an even larger disparity in national championships. Using the same rankings, (number of Final Four appearances, with ties broken by national championship then runner-up), the top 10% have 65.1% of the titles, the middle 40% own 34.9%, and the bottom 50% have 0.0%. Incredible! Even if we were to accept as a foregone conclusion that the bottom 50% would never win a championship, based on the percentages of the top 50%, the middle 40 should have won 47.4% of the titles yet they have only won 34.9%! In this land of the Red, White and Blue, there is a myth that anyone can win. This is apparently not true even in an athletic event that is supposed to be contested on a level playing field.

I found some striking parallels.

From the 2022 World Inequality Report: “The richest 10% of the global population currently takes 52% of global income, whereas the poorest half of the population earns 8.5% of it.” Leaving the middle 40% with 39.5%.

Also from the 2022 World Inequality Report: “Global wealth inequalities are even more pronounced than income inequalities. The poorest half of the global population barely owns any wealth at all, possessing just 2% of the total. In contrast, the richest 10% of the global population own 76% of all wealth.” Leaving 22% for the Middle 40%.

And finally, specific to our United States, again from the 2022 World Inequality Report, “Wealth inequality levels in the contemporary US are close to those observed at the beginning of the 20th century, with a top 10% wealth share above 70%.” Specifically in the United States the richest 10% owns 70.7% of the wealth and takes 45.5% of the income, the middle 40% owns only 27.8% of the wealth and takes 41.2% of the income, and the bottom 50% owns a paltry 1.5% of the wealth and takes only 13.3% of the income.

Income is opportunity.

Wealth is power.

If we were to equate Final Four appearances with income and Championships with wealth, comparatively the percentages are scarily similar. Summary below.

Final Four Appearances:

• Top 10 – 48.8%
• Middle 40 – 43.4%
• Bottom 50 – 7.8%

US Income Inequality:

• Top 10 – 45.5%
• Middle 40 – 41.2%
• Bottom 50 – 13.3%

National Championships:

• Top 10 – 65.1%
• Middle 40 – 34.9%
• Bottom 50 – 0.0%

US Wealth Inequality:

• Top 10 – 70.7%
• Middle 40 – 27.8%
• Bottom 50 – 1.5%

Nine weeks ago I drew another parallel between sports and social justice. In that week there was an uproar over the blatant injustice of the NFL overtime rules. I said then, “there is a reasonable chance the rule will be changed to allow for more equitable opportunity.” And regarding social justice, I also asked, “Where is the uproar? Where is the demand for equitable opportunity? Where is the rules committee?” This week the NFL changed their overtime rule. And I am still asking, when will we connect the parallels?

For some weeks now I have been agitated and disturbed by our apparent inability to not only NOT understand the concept of equity (balanced justice according to circumstance), but even more so by our inability to see its importance to our survival as a species. Two weeks ago I expended considerable personal effort to explain equity to myself. I want to understand! In that thought I said, “One who is in a position to actively apply (their version of) truth and reason, by virtue of their position has already tainted justice. There is no way completely around one's loyalty (i.e. subservience) to their advantage in a given power dynamic.” By nature we are selfish individuals and if I’m okay, you should be okay; especially when I am okay AND when I have the advantage of power. Yet even without that advantage most of us find a way to be okay; most commonly by being unimaginatively simple.

If you have read the headlines this week regarding the Final Four, you found frequent mention of blue bloods. And yes, all four of this year's participants are in the top 10%. The richer continue to get richer. Throughout my life I have said that as a fan, sports, athletic competition, should be an entertainment and a distraction. But tear away its sheep’s clothing and we see it for the wolf it is; a reflection of our American way of life substantiating, justifying, empowering and perpetuating wealth and entitlement. Inequity is so ingrained and entangled in every aspect of our being and doing that we can no longer see it, certainly do not care about it and even when given the opportunity we refuse to optimally act on it. The NFL’s rules committee for example, only changed their rule to advance equitable opportunity for playoff games; which comes across somewhere between pretentious and elitist. And due to internal political maneuverings they did not even choose the most equitable option for the playoffs.

Blue Bloods: persons holding exceptional rank and privileges.

No matter the venue, where there is American capitalism, there will always be a class of blue bloods.

I said above, in this land of the Red, White and Blue, there is a myth that anyone can win. Throughout our entire history wealth and entitlement has factored into that equation, keeping it from being so, partially by maintaining a powerful class of blue bloods; even in our games. And in stuff that matters, if we tear away the sheep's clothing of patriotism, partisanship and populism, we find other factors, both episodic and as a constant undercurrent, that show the true nature of the Red, White and Blue; Red Scare, White Power and Blue Bloods. And today it seems to be more public, more conjoined, and more widespread than ever.

And empathy and compassion have become rhetoric and ignorance.

No one will talk to me about equity.

Good fortune I believe puts one on a winning path. And once on that winning path one has more opportunity to widen it, pave it, add shoulders, put a line down the middle, make it one way, and build on-ramps and off-ramps to control access. But in the beginning, there was simply good fortune; luck; random chance of birth and circumstance. And this framework or landscape applies to multiple, various levels of circumstance from our games to stuff that matters. And it is not justice. No matter how adamantly those traveling their thruways insist that everyone has the same opportunity and insist that they are winning because they earned it and they deserve it, no matter how loud they scream it, winning 65% of the championships and 71% of the wealth is not equity.

Income is opportunity.

Wealth is power.

And no one will talk to me about equity.

I am neither here nor there; yet I am. And many (most? all?) who are here, are not. And many (most? all?) who are there, are not. I can no longer unsee or unhear stilted inanity. This leaves me in an interstitial certainty of uncertainty. Flailing; unable to restore inner harmony, congruency, stability. Unable to sway those who are not. They think, they believe, (those who are not) that it is better to be in place than to be. I think, I believe, it is better to be. I walk where they unsee and unhear. They are rooted in place and time, stable, congruent, delusional.

I can step into here. I can travel to there. And then, in place, in quiet moments I am stable, congruent, delusional. But because I am unable to unsee or unhear, when inanity invariably finds me, I am thrust, flailing, back into the in-between.

Because I am unseen and unheard, when I am in place I am without essence; truly, completely invisible; to myself as well as to those here, and there. So to be I must walk athwart; neither here nor there, yet everywhere; with everyone, alone; consequential nothingness.

There are those who want to join the here with the there. And there are those who want to keep here, here and drive there further away. Those who want to join are not working to see and hear; they are simply hoping to unsee and unhear together, more harmoniously, congruent, stable. And those who push away believe that here will be stronger due to a more definitive consensus inanity. They think, when here is stronger, my place is stronger; I am stronger.

I believe for a moment I am heard; and perhaps if I am heard, I will be seen. No. I am not heard, I am merely recognized for a moment because for a moment I was in place and time, mistakenly thought to be in agreement. Is disagreement necessary? Yes. With agreement comes inconsequential nothingness. If all is nothing, I prefer consequentiality. Consequentiality confers essence.

If I am to be, I cannot be here, or there. If I am to be, I cannot be stable, congruent, delusional. If I am to be, I must work to be seen and heard from my flailing state of concealed consequentiality. Today I will continue to be unseen, unheard. Perhaps a necessary progression.

Or perhaps this is the delusion.

Equity is balanced justice according to circumstance.

Consideration of circumstance must include social, economic, demographic and geographic factors as well as individual health and well-being.

Justice is affinitive active truth and reason applied with compassion and empathy, and absent any rhetoric, duplicity, contrivance, subservience or expectation. Justice is an ideal. To seek justice, one must have a voice.

Balanced Justice is hearing and understanding all voices equally.

One who is in a position to actively apply (their version of) truth and reason, by virtue of their position has already tainted justice. There is no way completely around one's loyalty (i.e. subservience) to their advantage in a given power dynamic.

Furthermore, (as said), to balance justice, one who is in a position to actively apply (their version of) truth and reason must account for, listen to and understand all voices. Yet it is difficult to hear ALL voices and even more difficult to feel the pain of the powerless, to decipher the cries of the poor, or to hear the silence of the subservient.

So as one of the powerless, the poor, the subservient, the best I can do is work to find a voice then seek tainted justice.

This week I sent the following communication to University leadership:

No one will talk to me about equity.

How is it okay that those making $100,000 or more received an average 5.40% increase and those making less than $20 per hour received an average 0.33% increase?

How is it okay that our “equity experts” received an average 11.10% increase and our student support specialists received an average 2.53% increase?

How is it okay that you, whose names appear as leadership on the University organizational chart, received an average 10.42% increase and custodians received an average 1.77% increase?

How is it okay to talk about $500 million to go toward performance-based pay increases and not tie that into equal opportunity; (i.e. a voice)?

If the distribution for your $500 million is determined by our current process it appears the richer will continue to get richer and the gap will continue to widen.

In your State of the University address given this week you asked, “How do we create a more equitable and just society by using our most innovative ideas, policy and culture?” I am asking the same thing.

Yet no one will talk to me about equity.

I wanted to give this group the opportunity but I will be surprised if this communication results in anything more than additional insistent justification.

Justification is not justice.

I ask for discussion; you quote from the rulebook.

I ask for acknowledgement; you perform a song and dance.

I ask for consideration; you file a report.

I ask for justice; you make excuses.

I ask for compassion; you condescend.

I ask for empathy; you mewl.

I ask for goodness; you give me 37 cents.

I ask for a thinker; you send me a cop.

I ask for philosophy; you offer me bubble gum.

I ask why; you are silent.

Most people equate thinking outside the box with taking their head out of the sand for a minute. Guess what!? You’re still standing inside the box! And it will take you more than a minute to think at any level of consequence, much less find your way outside the box! I am so terribly disappointed in the predictably constant superficiality of Humanity.

• Where there is Humanity, there will always be varying degrees of power.
• Where there is Humanity, there should be Goodness, Compassion, Empathy, Justice.
• Where there is power, there is advantage.
• Where there is power, there is a desire for status quo.
• Where there is status quo, there is superficiality.
• Where there is advantage, Goodness, Compassion and Empathy will be random and sporadic, and there will never be justice.
• Where there is advantage, there will always be subservience.
• Where there is subservience, there will always be varying degrees of delusion.
• Where there is delusion, there is status quo.
• Where there is subservience, there should be rebellion.
• Where there is rebellion, there is a desire for change and improvement.
• Where there is improvement, there is Goodness, Compassion, Empathy, Justice.
• Where there is (even a hint of) rebellion, there is a reassertion of authority.
• Where there is a reassertion of authority, there is a gauntlet.
• Where there is actual rebellion there is a likelihood of failure.
• Where there is failed rebellion, there is status quo.
• Where there is status quo, there is power.
• Where there is a successful rebellion, there is a new order of Humanity.
• Where there is Humanity, there will always be varying degrees of power.

So if it only brings us back to where we began, why rebel? I believe, because, at least to some small degree…

• When there is a new order, there is improvement.
• When there is improvement, there is Goodness, Compassion, Empathy, Justice.
• When there is improvement, there is encouragement.
• When there is encouragement, there is possibility.
• When there is possibility, there is effort.
• When there is effort, there is a desire for change and improvement.
• When there is a desire for change and improvement, there will be rebellion.
• When there is successful rebellion, there is another new order of Humanity.

So, I ask for rebellion.

Beyond the rulebook, beyond excuses, beyond superficiality, beyond delusion, beyond the status quo, I ask for rebellion.

And again, I ask for rebellion.

Streaming rebellion.

Instead of predictably constant superficiality, predictably constant rebellion.

I ask for rebellion.