hopelesshappiness.com

Forty years ago this past Tuesday, I spent the day in a hospital with my wife of two years and a brand new baby. Fast forward to this past Tuesday (and every day this past week) and I find me in this very same hospital, working. What happened in between? Nothing. And everything. From the biggest big picture perspective of Life as it is, to the miniscule meanderings of me over this single lifetime of in-between, …nothing, …and everything. And I am still traversing this in-between; a place so large it can swallow entire cities, states, nations, civilizations, whole, and simultaneously a place so small that when it suits my purpose I am able to flick it away with a nonchalant wave of my little finger; (the same little finger our brand new baby held in her tiny hand all the way up the elevator 40 years ago this week).

I seldom flick away my in-between; my meanderings. These things are far too important. I am more likely to flick away Pompeii, Persepolis, Mesa Verde, the Mayans, the many crimes of Genghis Khan, the Indian Removal Act, slavery, the Holocaust, and even today’s failure in capitalism and our government as inconsequential, unimportant to my purpose, my meaning.

Everything.

…and nothing.

This week I read the following from the book “The Plot” a work of fiction written by Jean Hanff Korelitz:

“Stories, of course, are common as dirt. Everyone has one, if not an infinity of them, and they surround us at all times whether we acknowledge them or not. Stories are the wells we dip into to be reminded of who we are, and the ways we reassure ourselves that, however obscure we may appear to others, we are actually important, even crucial to the ongoing drama of survival: personal, societal, and even as a species.”

Stories. The in-between. A hazy, wavery, ever-changing landscape of memories and moments and plans. Stories constantly change according to the momentary who, what, where, when, why. So if stories remind us of who we are, yet they constantly change according to circumstance and opportunity, then who are we? Can there be a succinct single defining characterization? Or am I this huge complexity of conflicting desires, misremembered experience, and delusional (un)certainty? I suppose the story I tell in the moment is who I am in the moment. So if I tell the same story over and over and over and over again, perhaps I start to believe; and if I wield enough power, perhaps others also start to believe. Yet it remains merely a story. Everything.

…and nothing.

Here in my 7th decade, I am growing more and more okay with the realization that this in-between is both everything and nothing. I am becoming more and more actively appreciative of the opportunity to seek Wisdom and Truth and Beauty and Justice, knowing that in its Perfection it will never be found. I am becoming more and more cognizant of our purpose here as individuals and as a species: not wealth or power; not legacy; not mere existence, nor even survival; but mutually contributory coexistence with All of Life. Here in my 7th decade I realize that in the same sense my stories are both nothing and everything, I am also both nobody and everybody.

As nobody, I sit here in this very moment and immerse my self in this very moment; the late-night quiet, the satisfaction of a good meal and good company, the warm smell of apples, dried fruits, brown sugar, citrus, cinnamon, allspice, ginger, cloves cooking down to a thick jammy consistency deserving of a cast iron double-crust bed of golden-brown flaky extrapolated goodness to be continued tomorrow.

As nobody another may be sitting in darkness, in sickness, in sadness or anger, in worry or sorrow, in power or health or wealth. As nobody each one of us is telling, living a momentary story.

As everybody I am mindful of future memories, future moments, future plans. As everybody I learn from the past to live in the moment for the future. As everybody I am disheartened by bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division. As everybody I will continue to seek Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice.

As nobody I will pass on.

As everybody I will coexist.

The greatest teachers are those duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individuals who do not know their self; who do not appear to have a clue. The greatest single teacher is my self. So much to learn; yet I don't listen. Instead I continue to believe I know, or that I at least know better, and I am incapable of seeing beyond me (my conscious self) to listen to and to understand others much less seeing within me to perhaps glimpse any Truth. To what end is merely living in a delusional moment that is held together by imaginary constructs and justified by the rhetorical quiescence of duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individuals.

So what? Right? If cautionary pretense is one's inescapable nature in conscious interaction, and if another comes along open and vulnerable but also truthful then the first individual will likely sense their advantage and utilize that to discount the truthfulness. And even if two individuals share a degree of vulnerability and truthfulness, one's inescapable nature will invariably surface thus also drawing out the other's cautionary pretense and again we have two duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individuals. And if it is inevitable with only two individuals how on Earth (indeed) do we progress as cities, states, nations, species? So, so what? When if I work to learn I am (still and regardless) incapable of moving those who are not working at it to the extent I am, what does it matter that I help myself if I cannot help anyone else and if I’m being completely truthful I’m probably not helping myself as much as I would like to pretend.

All I've got is, perhaps since it is a given that each and every one of us (including and most especially me) is a duplicitous, conniving, manipulative individual, we take action based on expert opinion and consensus fact; and we learn that power does not make one an expert and loudness does not create a consensus. Perhaps we could focus on vulnerability.

Vulnerability: susceptibility to harm. To be vulnerable is to be less powerful. Perhaps we can ignore the past, recognize and work to understand the moment, and build the future with empathy and compassion. Does it really matter how another came to be vulnerable? The fact is they are there, and if it is a place I would not want to be and unless I am God, it feels reasonable that I should work to build their future with widespread empathy and compassion.

The inanity of one insisting they are all-knowing and able to Judge fairly, equitably, with no bias, speaks for itself.

The inanity of one insisting that our system of justice is Justice speaks for itself.

The inanity of one insisting that each and every one of us is deserving of our circumstance speaks for itself.

The inanity of one insisting they are not duplicitous, conniving or manipulative speaks for itself.

From pbs.org, 5/27/2022, reporting on the NRA convention in Texas last week:

“Trump told the group that every school building should have a single point of entry, strong exterior fencing, metal detectors and hardened classroom doors and every school should have a police officer or armed guard on duty at all times. He also called yet again for trained teachers to be able to carry concealed weapons in the classroom.”

If trump and the republicans and the nra had their way, (and if Congress would allow for the funding required), here is how it would play out…

…This week, schools: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and teachers with guns.

…Next week when the perpetrators move to the malls: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and shopkeepers with guns.

…The next week when the perpetrators move to the churches: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and a choir with guns.

…The following week when the perpetrators move to the grocery stores: single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and cashiers with guns.

…Then the next week when the perpetrators move to the food court at the strip mall: bullet-proof glass dome with a single entry point, fences with barbed wire, armed security, and teenage food-service workers with guns.

…And by this point we will also have lawless bands of proud republicans armed to the teeth roaming the land looking for an excuse.

…And by this point we will have tired of this endless cycle, so when the perpetrators move to the nursing homes: well maybe that’s okay; the elderly and infirm are a drain on our healthcare system anyway. Right?

Paraphrased opinions (inane and unreasonable) from nra convention attendees: Damn the homeless and the gays and the single mothers and the atheists and the God Damn liberals. It’s all their fault. Has nothing to do with the fact that there are 120 guns per 100 residents in the United States; far, far, far more than any other nation on Earth. What matters is what the gay teachers are teaching our kids in the godless schools.

And according to trump and the republicans and the nra, the only amendment to the constitution is the second.

I wrote the following the week ending 12/7/2019:

“If I claim that guns are good and the Founding Fathers intended this right through the Second Amendment which does clearly enumerate “…the right of the people to keep and bear arms” and I couple this with some anecdotal evidence to claim that we need more guns to protect us from all the criminals with guns, then my efforts are duplicitous because by picking and choosing my evidence I am working to strengthen my belief and convince myself that I am right and advocates of more stringent gun control laws are wrong; I do this selfishly, perhaps for the sake of my ego; or perhaps because I am afraid; or maybe I just like the feelings of power and the rush of testosterone I get when I fire 41 rounds in 4 seconds. I maintain this is selfish because if I were to make the effort to study and reason, I might come across some solid research that contradicts my handpicked anecdotal evidence. And I might come across the Supreme Court decision on the Pentagon Papers in 1971 in which the court acknowledged the tensions inherent in our Constitution; (in that specific example it was tensions between a free press and national security). In his 2010 commencement speech at Harvard, former Supreme Court Justice David Souter explains that “the Constitution has to be read as a whole, and when it is, other values crop up in potential conflict.” The conflict in my example is between “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” and the right of the people to Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness, Safety, Security, and General Welfare or Well-Being. It cannot be emphasized enough: when rights conflict, we the People must choose. [So I ask] At what number of dead children will the right to Life eclipse the right to Bear Arms?”

To equate the entire constitution with a single amendment is like saying a cheesecake is only cream cheese; never mind the sour cream or the sugar or the egg or flour or vanilla or the crust or the choice of springform pan vs glass pie pan or the topping or the time or the temperature; never mind if it cracks a little bit and is delicious or if it is beautifully uniform with golden brown contours but a little soggy in the very center; never mind if you partake alone or with friends or family or if you savor each small taste or if you wolf it down in three bites; never mind if in your quest for the perfect cheesecake you discover a delicious miscalculation or even just learn from your mistakes; according to trump and the republicans and the nra cheesecake is cream cheese and the constitution is the second amendment.

As a nation we don't have to be short-sighted. Our constitution encourages us not to be. As individuals shortsightedness is common and understandable. As a nation we should draw upon all available resources. Today our nation's leaders are shortsighted individuals unwilling to reason, unwilling to interpret statistics or consensus fact, unwilling to listen to experts with vision, unwilling to seek the uncertainty of Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice. To lead is to go before and to show the way. Today our nation’s leaders are leaders in name only. Today our nation’s leaders are standing still; pointing fingers not to show the way, but to blame others for our inability to progress. Today our nation’s leaders are mired in bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division.

And I ask again, at what number of dead children will the right to Life eclipse the right to Bear Arms?

Has our nation become one giant festering wound no longer capable of fighting off adulteration? When an infection attacks the body, the body sends white blood cells to the site, the white blood cells attack the infection and as they degenerate they drain off (along with injured tissue) as pus. Gun violence is an impurity that because there is such vitriolic division (i.e. widespread infection) inflaming the living tissue of these United States we do not have the resources to spare to heal this other wound. All of our defenses are being spent on imperious entrenchment protecting us from them, whoever them may momentarily be, and allowing unchecked gun violence to continue.

There was another incident this week.

If only I could refer to the perpetrators as pus to be drained, but pus is a sign that we are healing; we are not. The perpetrators, the agitators, the perpetuators, are the feverish red streaks spreading tendrils of hate and violence ever outward. It is of considerable note that agitators and perpetuators are the caustic thruways enabling realization; and it could be argued that anyone shrugging and excusing their self with “What can I do?” is a perpetuator.

It is true that where there are guns there is gun violence. And it is true that our nation boasts more guns and more gun violence than any developed nation on this planet. This week I am once again reading a parade of statistics that show us for the fatuous simpletons we are. Individuals nurturing a system that is threatening our survival, bracing a structure that is collapsing in upon itself. Individuals pretending empathy and compassion to perpetuate irresponsible power. Individuals not in search of Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice, but in defense of bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division. Individuals so full of their self they cannot see the self in another; they see all others as mere extensions in place to serve.

Agitators and perpetuators. This is our problem. Every nation, state, culture, group, faction and/or cohort includes individuals who (in their fight against them) may be inclined to perpetrate. In this nation, regarding gun violence, we (the fatuous simpletons) make it easy to perpetrate. America began as an experiment in which our government was created to protect individual freedom and it has evolved into a conflagration in which factions define then dictate only freedoms consistent with their specific ideology and agenda. United my ass. A country that allows the indiscriminate killing of its citizens, its children, to the comparable extent that this country does, is a country that does not care about its future.

I have always maintained that happiness as one's search for Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice is hopeless in that we can only approach and will never attain Perfection in these Ideals. I have also always maintained that to advance, improve, progress we must (regardless) consistently work toward these Ideals. Yet partially because the future is accelerating but mostly because we are fatuous simpletons, as a nation we have now fallen so far behind in this effort that our future has given up. Our future has stepped aside allowing us to pass with nary a nod. Our future has become this moment; bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division. And this moment will only stretch… so… far…

What to do? What to do?

What depends on who.

Where and when, depending on who, fall within what somewhere between constraint and freedom.

Once at what, why is extraneous regardless of who.

When who is empowered and when who believes what is a decided certainty, an extensive why is not allowed.

Why is not what. In what there are no questions, only rules. In why the questions are forever.

Why leads to understanding; and wisdom is nearby.

When who is empowered and when who is lazy, an extensive why is not allowed.

What eventually leads back to why, if only for a moment, after landing somewhere between progress and status quo.

Why and what should be balanced; with a decided emphasis on why.

Who should struggle with why first, then what.

To struggle with who is to disrespect why and delay what.

Experts should take charge of why and have a larger say in what.

Consensus leadership should shut up about why, have a smaller say in what and guide where and when.

Today consensus leadership is more interested in struggling with who.

Empowerment makes who lazy.

Of these 5 elements, who, what, where, when and why, who is the least important. Of the remaining four, why should initiate proceedings and (if possible) check in with what, where and when throughout the process.

Of these 5 elements, who, what, where, when and why, why is the most underutilized. But urgency and circumstance determine which one is most important in a given stage of the process and/or in a given moment.

One must decide, carefully and thoughtfully, when why is appropriate; there is no if – why is always appropriate; perhaps less so when what is a fait accompli, in which case why can quickly degenerate into who.

Even when what is in progress, and even though who is the least important, it is difficult to remove who from why, or what; or even where or when.

Progress is determined by why then what, guided and encouraged by where and when. In a spiritual sense, who is largely inconsequential. In a worldly sense, who may be substantial and who may intermittently become essential.

Still, of these 5 elements, who, what, where, when and why, who is the least important.