hopelesshappiness.com

Apparently, the faster we move, the slower time passes. If we were to move at the speed of light, time would stop. To stop time would be to live forever. But forever would have no meaning in the context of no time. So theoretically, the faster I move, the less time passes and less time = less meaning. Conversely then, to add meaning, I must slow down. I believe to move slow is to act with thoughtfulness and careful consideration, and to move fast is to act some combination of haphazardly, recklessly, thoughtlessly. I believe those who thrive on power, seek control. I believe by moving fast (slowing time) I feel more in control and by moving slow (allowing time to pass) I feel more uncertain. I believe control is delusion, and I believe uncertainty is reality. Thus power tends toward reckless, haphazard, thoughtless, (and sometimes) delusional actions. Yet to move slow, though more authentic, is to be taken advantage of and/or shunted aside and/or left behind. So if I am determined to live a thoughtful, considered, more meaningful life, I will have less influence. Conversely then, less meaning = more influence. Many would disagree, but I believe the mistake made by many is synonymizing influence with meaning. Influence is not meaning. In practice, when one's influence stems from one's desire for power and control and/or from one's entitlement, meaning is watered down. In today's busy world, one can cause, one can create, one can be important, consequential, even substantial, and still be empty; or worse yet, toxic. And to exacerbate the circumstance, watered down meaning is (I believe on some level) recognized as such by the fast-moving individual, thus encouraging him or her to move even faster in search of more meaning; and of course, in this playbook, meaning equates to influence. We are back where we began. And the results of these ongoing, misguided attempts to justify one's existence? Chaos and dissatisfaction. The alternative, Peace, brought about by slowing down and living a thoughtful, considered, more meaningful life, is infinitely more complex than the superficiality required for haphazard, reckless or thoughtless; and the resulting unsettled peace from this complexity also builds personal dissatisfaction, though one that is perhaps more resigned as opposed to the frantic dissatisfaction of the fast-moving individual. So we have the erratic pinball-bumper-car actions of those full of certainty and desperate to influence on their imaginary playing field, juxtaposed against the seemingly unmoving thinkers on the sidelines and the raucous cheering herd in the stadium seats. Unlike an actual sporting competition though, in this game the influencers on the field ignore the play-calling thinkers on the sidelines, and are actually motivated more by their followers in the stands. We need a timeout to realign and prioritize. We need a more equitable balance of athleticism and strategy. We need to slow down, acknowledge the uncertainty, and develop contingencies. We need to expand the playing field until it is no longer a playing field, and there are no longer opposing teams. Being should not be a spectator sport. Influence is not meaning, and consequence (today) is seldom progress. Accounting for all of Life, (past, present, and future), we will move further, faster if we slow down. Instead of working to move at the speed of light, we should aspire to move at the speed of profundity.

…we should slow down.

That's the worst; when you're dreaming, then you're awake, but you're not, until you are; but you don't know. Even when it's just a dream and not a bad dream, that's the worst.

The State of Missouri had a big win last week. Final score 104 – 39. No, I am not referring to the football game. I am referring to the vote in the state legislature rejecting a ban on children carrying guns in public. 104 – 39. So screamingly sad.

Am I awake? Is this real? Or just a bad dream?

Add this embarrassment to other ill-advised legislation such as SAPA, and throw in a bunch of easily-found, damning statistics, and Missouri's stance on gun rights vs. Human Rights is clear. All I can say is Go Team! This year we took 4th place in the Gun Deaths Derby, but with this home win and our coaches and our team leaders and the depth on our bench, I believe we can do better. Like our beloved Tomahawk-Chopping Chiefs, next year we have a real shot at the Championship.

So screamingly sad.

How about just doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do? This week I have been reading about homelessness and its associated healthcare costs. According to Dr. Andrew Boozary, a primary care physician practicing social medicine in Toronto, "The life expectancy for people surviving homelessness is half that of the general public." For me this should be the primary factor driving us as Humans to work toward resolution. Half the normal lifespan! Instead, (from my small sampling), there appear to be a disproportionate number of quotes citing cost factors. And I suppose it is helpful that (according to Kaiser Health News), "Many hospitals realize it's cheaper to provide a month of housing than to keep patients for a single night," but shouldn’t we be focused on healthcare sans cost?

Here are some additional examples including from hospitals considering and/or implementing housing options:

• According to California Healthline, one analysis “showed that people with stable housing cost taxpayers 79 percent less than their homeless counterparts, and most of the savings were in health care.”
• Again, according to Kaiser Health News, “It costs Denver Health $2,700 a night to keep someone in the hospital. Patients who are prime candidates for the transitional [housing] units stay [instead, in the hospital] on average 73 days, for a total cost to the hospital of nearly $200,000. The hospital estimates it would cost a fraction of that, about $10,000, to house a patient for a year.”
• And according to one hospital’s chief financial officer, “We might be able to help better their lives, as well as help the financials of the hospital.”

On the one hand we “might” help the homeless – on the other we ‘will’ help the hospital's financials. The priority is clear. But why must we justify? It is because this is how we have to talk to those in powerful decision-making positions. It is like reasoning with a child who only knows they want to stay up late and eat too many sweets and cannot see ahead to the potential consequences. Our subservience to the bottom line and our predilection for pretentiousness has us trapped in this cycle of childish short-term thinking that will only continue to bring us around, again and again, to blissful justification. Justification is not Justice, and Justice is becoming more and more necessary for survival.

Recently, I drew a line from Indulgence that forked to Passion and Cruelty. From Passion it traveled on to Justice and from Cruelty to Division. Because I am Human, Passion and Cruelty (from indulgence) are (in practice) inseparable; Siamese twins. When my inclination or desire leans toward Humanity as one, I will come closer to Justice. When my hand is heavy with myself or my cohort, I am more likely to divide and fall back on certainty, convention, and bureaucracy. So to enhance / encourage Justice I must build on Beauty, Truth and Wisdom and carefully guide my inclinations and desires away from self-interest and entitlement, and toward a passion for the future of all Humanity as one. And until we improve in this regard, our trajectory will not change.

As a Human I don't believe there is a simple, straightforward, applicable definition for Justice. Objectively, (perhaps) it begins with empathy minus self-interest and entitlement. From there, (I believe) it must include serious consideration for all future generations, which in most cases will also help reduce self-interest and entitlement. On our current trajectory, as justice is practiced today, (i.e. divisive cruelty), I see an endless march, into future generations, of homeless Humans all living half a normal lifespan. And on our current trajectory, the numbers will continue to grow. And this does not bode well for our survival.

So…

How about just doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do?

It is exercise. But to what end? If I could know that on May 17, 2031 I will be hit and killed by a beer truck, and that at that time, (or I guess technically a moment before that time), I will still be in relatively good health for a 71 year old man, would I continue to exercise? Or would I opt for a lazier comfort? I believe I would continue to exercise. Then the question becomes, “Why?”

This is an interesting question for every one of us who in this moment are relatively healthy and active. Pick a future date in the next ten years and/or at least two to three decades before your 100th birthday and imagine that beer truck. We've all got one; your own personal beer truck, lying in wait for you. Knowing this, and knowing the date, would you continue to expend extra effort and maintain discipline at your current rate? Not knowing the date, changes the dynamics of this consideration in that we will believe effort / discipline / exercise / activity has a good chance of pushing that date further into the future. But with a definitive date there will come a point when it is just exercise. A realization that it will not change the fact of the looming beer truck.

So perhaps the answer to the question “Why?” is, “because I would rather my health to that point be relative to a greater degree of effort and discipline than for it to be relative to lazy comfort.” So now the question becomes “When?” – a different when.

Having coronary artery disease and having had more than one heart attack, all dating back to 2010, six years ago I stopped eating meat; (I still eat fish and seafood). I also exercise. I have had no hospitalizations since this conversion and I believe my diet and exercise have played a significant part in this. So the specific when question for me, if my beer truck date is May 17, 2031, “On what date do I once again become a regular at KFC? And Cane's? And Popeye’s?”

Though this is interesting, the fact is we do not know our date and we will continue to expend varying degrees of effort to prolong our existence. So why don't we apply this chain of reasoning to Humanity as a species? When I do, I see KFC, Cane’s and Popeye's as capitalism, power and wealth and, as a species, I do not see much exercise. I do not see much effort truly toward prolonging our existence. Somewhere along the way we have mistaken bureaucracy for Beauty, convention for Truth, certainty for Wisdom, division for Justice, entitlement for Salvation. And as a result, as a species, our effort / discipline / exercise / activity is designed to prolong the existence of bureaucracy, convention, certainty, division, capitalism, power, wealth, entitlement. For us, as a species, the beer truck is looming.

The actual original question I asked myself that prompted this week's thought was, “why on Earth am I expending weekly effort to think, learn and write when it is becoming more and more obvious that it is just an exercise?” In this regard, alongside my desire to aid in prolonging the existence of Humanity, I still have hope. Foolish? Perhaps. But I can't help but hope and I feel strongly that one's hope must be active; so I will continue to think, learn and write and I will (likely) continue to be mean and surly and I will continue to work to save the world.

When I look up at the cold, spiky, shiny heights of reality I am enlightened, but in the muddy moonscape of my mind I struggle. Unfortunately I believe most of us cannot unbog ourselves enough to look up at the clarity of the spikes, much less contemplate this definitive rendering of the potential of actuality. If reality is something that exists independently of ideas concerning it, then I can never know reality; I can never know Truth. But I can maintain that actuality, (a Funhouse mirror image of either reality or delusion), springs from human intervention. To intervene is to come between, so for a human to insert their self (which we have no choice but to do) on what one perceives as the lee side of reality, and then seriously contemplate reality, the resulting interpretation becomes one's actuality. To be bogged down though, seldom looking up and never with intent to better understand, is to interpret actuality as delusion, (and to never even consider a possibility of Truth). So I have a choice. Though I will never know reality, I can interpret my actuality from what of it I can see and seriously consider, or I can mold my mud to justify and substantiate my momentary delusion. It is much easier to justify and substantiate, especially when my delusion is pre-packaged.

This unreachable Reality is like a furry-purry with mangle-fangles; not only wildly unpredictable but for many also largely incomprehensible. Will it purr? Or will it pounce? And why? In pondering these questions as in dealing with reality, we find safety in numbers and numbers tend toward delusion and delusion is far more manageable, predictable, convenient. So we mold our mud and we believe so strongly and in such great numbers - that our delusions threaten our survival.

From reality to actuality? Or from delusion to actuality? I prefer the former but the latter truly is more comfortable; especially for those able to find a place within the delusion, but, to an extent, also those on the fringes, within an arm's length, or even within shouting distance. Reality is uncomfortable but delusion is dangerous.

Those with money and power perpetuating the widening wealth gap have bought into the delusion. Token leadership believing they have or are close to wealth and power have bought into the delusion. Higher education has bought into the delusion. Health care has bought into the delusion. Politicians have bought into the delusion. Inclusion, diversity and equity initiatives have bought into the delusion. The five black police officers who beat Tyre Nichols to death have bought into the delusion. Justice, in this country, has bought into the delusion.