hopelesshappiness.com

As stated on my ‘Periodic Happiness Table of Elements‘ page, Consistent Long-lasting Happiness (CLH) is hopeless, while Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH) is not only hopeful, but likely. The question is, how long do the ‘moments’ last and how frequently do they come? When considering the range and variability of RMH, and our desire for CLH, and how to represent this relationship, we may at first be tempted to think in terms of a spectrum from unhappy to happy. Yet if you accept the premise that true Happiness (CLH) is hopeless or impossible, then CLH and the uppermost range of that spectrum cannot exist. So instead of that open system of infinite impossibilities, we are better served to consider a closed system with a single element – RMH. This can be represented as the ebb and flow of a tide; or perhaps the inflation and deflation of a balloon; or maybe the undulating, echoing (WheeeHoooo-WheeeHoooo-WheeeHoooo) circularity of an approaching or receding siren.

Yes! I like the siren. After all the call of Happiness is enticing-charming-tempting-beguiling-inviting-alluring-enchanting-mesmerizing, and (if we’re not careful) provocative, dangerous, and destructive. CLH is the Element we strive for (in vain) and because of its siren song, it definitely impacts our Happiness; yet RMH is the reality, and it has a much more down-to-earth siren call. We will always be somewhere in the midst of Relative Momentary Happiness and its unpredictable undulations. The best we can work toward is longer, more frequent moments.

Don’t continually cast yourself against a rocky shore for the sake of a seductive illusion.

I remember an old video game with a frog, and a road, and traffic; and if I remember correctly, the object of the game was to cross the road and not become road-kill. The good thing was that if you were squashed, you could come back to life, and if you kept pumping quarters into the machine (yes, I'm that old) you could keep crossing roads forever. The challenge was that the better you got at avoiding traffic, the more traffic there was, and the faster it came at you. And the reward was, as you continued to improve, the better you felt about yourself and you welcomed the ever-increasing complexity.

We often hear in life that 'it is about the journey.' The meaning and purpose is found within the context of the search or the quest. Be that search for Happiness or Truth or Wealth or buttons for the largest button collection in the continental U.S., if we accomplish our goal we then either broaden or extend our search; or find something else to chase. And for the aforementioned objectives (and most others), we will never be satisfied. We will never be satisfied because we will never reach a definitive, consistent state; or we will never find a complete answer; or someone else will surpass us in wealth or buttons.

So taking the lesson from the frog, and applying it to our need for adventure, if our purpose in life is to continually get to the other side, and we are more satisfied (more in tune with ourselves and, do I dare say, happier) when we are challenged, then why do we so often cross the road where there is little or no traffic? Why do we make decisions that are inconsistent with our needs? Why do we ignore the Dark? Why do we so frequently take the easy way?

We cross many roads every day and at many of those crossings we are faced with the decision to either play it safe or take a risk. It is easier, (and often we are expected), to play it safe. But as a start, perhaps one day instead of watching a mind-numbing TV show, we should read a book; instead of multi-tasking, we should focus on 'one' thing; instead of having a beer with our buddies, we should read and discuss poetry with our buddies; (okay - depending on your circle of friends, that might be a stretch); but you understand the point. Cross that busy highway, against the light; swim upstream; take a chance. Like the frog, if you fail, you can pick yourself up and try again. I'm not saying that Happiness or the meaning of life is the punch line to an old joke; nor am I saying it's not; I'm saying it's up to you.

Just be sure you have a pocketful of quarters.

I am going to write like I know what I’m talking about.

When we talk about ingredients, cooking is an easy analogy; and as it is in cooking, it is in Happiness. We have some main ingredients that are critical, we have some secondary ingredients that are fairly common and enhance the experience, and we have some more exotic ingredients that may take us from simply satisfying to gourmet. And as in cooking, proportions and the order in which you add the ingredients help determine success; but unlike cooking there are more uncontrolled variables affecting this recipe; (see last week’s Formula for Happiness). Regardless, here is my recipe, in what I believe to be the proper order. The three main ingredients are critical. After that, additions and proportions I will leave to you, as tastes may vary.

1. Pleasure
2. Enjoyment
3. Human Interaction

4. Learning
5. Perceived Growth or Improvement

6. Attention and Focus
7. Complexity
8. Depth

Directions: Slowly add Pleasure, making certain not to overindulge. Though it is the basic stock for Happiness, Pleasure should be added in moderation to take care of basic needs; i.e. food, sleep, shelter, warmth, etc. Simmer. When Pleasure is at a comfortable level, add Enjoyment by stretching and expanding that comfort zone acquired with Pleasure. Set attainable goals and keep stirring mixture to immerse yourself in the aromas. Add doses of Human Interaction according to your taste, but know that this ingredient shares many of the same characteristics as salt – too much can overpower other ingredients, and too little can leave Happiness listless and bland. NOTE: Read labels. Healthy Human Interaction should include two-way acknowledgement, approval, and respect. Interdependent relationships will keep your mixture hearty and robust. Simmer main ingredients until you feel an urge to move on; if that urge doesn’t strike, continue to simmer and enjoy.

When mixture above starts to seem watery or unfulfilling, seek knowledge and add Learning to the stew, while continuing to stir and strengthen the other ingredients. You will find that Learning mixes easily with all ingredients. Simmer. Check for feelings of Improvement and add this Growth to the pot, being careful that it does not boil over. Repeat this cycle of secondary ingredients to taste. When you have perfected the method of adding Growth to the pot with no danger of boil-over, consider moving on to the gourmet directions below.

For a more fulfilling experience, add a liberal amount of Attention and Focus for a controlled period of time. Again, be sure to read labels. The Attention should be flexible and able to prioritize, and both Attention and Focus should have relevance and intention. Simmer and immerse yourself in the tastes and aromas and when it seems right, sprinkle in Complexity. This ingredient (Complexity), for unknown reasons and despite its name, tends to clarify and even simplify your jumbled medley, allowing you to see all the way to the bottom of the pot. When you reach this point, garnish with Depth; an ingredient that will hover through all levels of your stew from the top to the bottom, soaking up the affiliations established by your stirring and simmering. Repeat any portions of recipe directions as needed to keep your Happiness gently bubbling.
END OF RECIPE

Despite the name of this web site, and despite the fact that I stated in my first post, and still maintain, that true Happiness is hopeless, I do believe that Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH) is realistically attainable, and that is what I am trying to brew up with the recipe above. I have found that by structuring my thoughts on the subject (through my writing), and trying to follow the recipe above, the 'moments' in my RMH have been coming more frequently and lasting longer; yet I know that ‘Dark’ and ‘Light’ will continue to ebb and flow.

Three working hypotheses and an actual Formula for Happiness:

1. Happiness is not an emotion. Happiness is a higher order state of mind and/or state of being that is a product of our affective processes (feelings), cognitive processes (thoughts), conative processes (actions), and other factors and variables that will be unveiled in the Formula for Happiness at the end of this post. Psychologists, scientists, and other theorists often define Happiness in terms of other emotions, so how then can it be an emotion unto itself? And if we give Happiness the respect that a higher order state deserves, and stop throwing tantrums when we’re unhappy, perhaps it will enable us to more effectively control actual emotions.
2. Your cup is not half full, nor is it half empty; it is simply too big. Recognize and acknowledge reality. There are a large number of how-to books and websites on Happiness that focus oftentimes exclusively on the ‘Light’ or the positive aids to happiness, while neglecting the ‘Dark’ or the struggles inherent in day-to-day living. Like it or not, this planet we live on is not always conducive to a comfortable peace and prosperity, therefore we are better served by meeting the challenges head on with sturdy guiding principles. Successfully ignoring reality often equals oblivion and fooling ourselves into thinking we are happy because all we see are the lollipops and rainbows; our cup is half-full. Obstinately closing our eyes to reality, pretending it’s not there when we know it is, and thinking it won’t see us because our eyes are closed, causes us to run into walls and complain that ‘Life’s Not Fair’; our cup is half-empty. Get the right size cup and acknowledge both the Light and the Dark.
3. Happiness is never the ‘Horse’, and, the ‘Cart’ is not for sale. – In other words, considerations of happiness should not come first, and, we should not expect it (Happiness) to pull over and whisk us away whenever we whistle. We should not determine our course of action based on projected resulting happiness. If we do, we will fail. There is no direct route from point A (You Are Here) to point B (Happiness). It is not on a map, and most of the guidebooks that tell us where to find it, read like they’ve been written by a travel agent trying to make a commission. Yet these guidebooks sell because we want to know the shortcut that will take us past the dangerous, labyrinthine streets and alleyways, keep us out of the dark, dingy hotel rooms, and help us to avoid the squalid, filthy restaurant district. Unfortunately, there really is no shortcut; so to safely traverse this unpleasantness, let something other than happiness (and its how-to guidebooks) lead the way. Two of my favorite guides are Justice and Goodness. Other potential candidates I use include Compassion, Creativity, Work Ethic, Trust, and Persistence. These principles (and others that you may favor) will take us to some rough places, but they may also show us some stunning sights; anything from an untouched wilderness to a burgeoning metropolis, and points in between; places where Happiness roams the countryside and the streets. And with some luck we may glimpse this fabled chariot, walk alongside it for awhile, or even catch a short ride. Keep your horse before your cart.

Now here’s what you’ve been waiting for. Based on the theories above I have determined the variables necessary to precisely calculate your Happiness. Just factor your personal information into the formula below and you will be transformed:

(((Feelings + Thoughts) Action) / (Circumstances X Character)) X (Flash Point + Prevailing Winds + Humidity – Uncertainty) = Relative Momentary Happiness

I’m still working on the formula for Consistent Long-lasting Happiness. Stay Tuned.

I originally intended this post to be about embracing the hopeless nature of happiness. I wanted to contemplate utopia - a reality in which you could attain anything and everything you wanted; a world in which you could live forever and never suffer; a place with no pain, no loss, no grief, no constraints on your time, and no limits to your resources. I was going to paint a panorama of perfection in which you would ultimately discover that this Promised Land would actually be pretty boring. Bertrand Russell said, “The human animal is adapted to a certain amount of struggle for life. The mere absence of effort from life removes an essential ingredient of happiness.” Other philosophers, writers, and scientists, have echoed this thought in various ways, and the idle rich (or the spoiled, narcissistic teenager) have reinforced the theory that indulgence and pleasure are often mindless and meaningless; and generally have very little to do with Happiness.

After convincing you of the necessity of struggle, and showing you how it would be impossible to have carefree happiness, I was going to make the additional point that in this reality you have no choice but to give unhappiness (pain and adversity) equal time, and since this is the case, why not embrace it? Why not wring every droplet of Truth that you possibly can, from its scrawny, little neck? Why not look it in the eye, (or any orifice of your choosing), and learn from it? I was going to tell you how Sun Tzu encourages you to ‘know your enemy’ and I was (finally, yet with a flourish) going to argue that to attain happiness you must first gain wisdom through unhappiness.

But if I had written this post, would it have really made you feel better?

I didn’t think so – that’s why I’ve changed my mind …

Instead of telling you stuff that you already know, I simply want to say …

… Don’t be afraid to talk about it.

It’s okay to acknowledge the dark; without it, there would be no light.