hopelesshappiness.com

To question in an effort to change for the better could be taken for what it is, (an effort to change for the better), which should lead to a back and forth discussion and listening for understanding. But instead, an effort to change things for the better is far too often construed by the one being questioned as an attack and an attack instinctively triggers defensiveness. In defensive mode, instead of an exchange of words, one throws up a wall of words to...

1. Protect.
2. Dilute their responsibility.
3. Repudiate, discredit, invalidate the inquisitor.
4. Hide from the inquisition.

Large, departmentalized, bureaucratic organizations have become particularly adept at this, utilizing specialized departments, (legal and HR), to deflect and deter incoming charges. Smaller organizations, departments, and even entrenched individuals are also often quite good at dodging (what they see as) bullets. A single individual looking to make things better has no chance.

I could always do better. I am never good enough. I am constantly working to improve process. And in a new circumstance I am often able to do so – to a point; and to that point the effort also improves me. But ever since my fall from grace, (i.e. disability), I invariably, inevitably come to that point where I am stymied; not because of my potential or my capabilities or my willingness but because for most others it seems good enough is good enough. And to be told you could do better is interpreted as you are not good enough which is construed as an attack. So when I reach this plateau and I look around at the others happily wandering about and when I point and ask why aren’t we climbing that mountain or clearing that brush or blazing a new trail through that forest they look at me like I’m nuts and like I’ve hurt their feelings and they go back to polishing their walls of words, fluffing their plateau pillows, making themselves more comfortable. And so after a time, plateaued, I start looking for a new circumstance in which I can improve process. But of late, looking for a new circumstance, I am finding that my desire to make things better comes across so strongly I am scaring people away long before I am even invited to begin the climb to their plateau.

So, after years, decades of cycling through this inanity I am asking myself, is it no longer possible for me as a truthful senior with a disability to be taken seriously?

From my experience, the following could be consistently applied to any layered, hierarchical organization:

• There is Power: those who call the shots from behind their walls of words; almost always associated with greater income and/or wealth.
• There is secondary power: defenders of power, word-wall architects, enablers of status quo.
• There is the flock: followers, biding their time, fluffing plateau pillows, pretending to contribute.
• There are new arrivals: making their way to the plateau, perhaps adding a spark to a segment of the flock, perhaps even improving some process along the way.
• There are malcontents: part of a flock but looking for a better flock, or a better circumstance, or looking to make existing circumstance better. Malcontents only fluff plateau pillows when forced.

I am a malcontent who first finds my way to the plateau then works very hard to make existing circumstance better and only after considerable-effort-to-no-avail do I look for a new circumstance in which I can make a difference – at least during my climb to a new plateau.

Human individuals fear insignificance. We work to counter or fill this emptiness with Self-Righteous Pretense or with Reasoned Action or with a mixture from somewhere along that spectrum.

Hope: an unburst bubble.

Active Hope: hope filled with reasoned action.

Reasoned Action: considered conduct from intelligent, dispassionate thought.

Self-Righteous Pretense: sudsy weightless blather.

Self-Righteous Pretense works to hide fear and float hope and the outcome is insubstantial at best.

Reasoned Action works to manage fear and structure hope and the outcome is a learning experience at worst.

Every decision that comes my way is closely shadowed by my fear of insignificance.

To surround one’s self with competence inspires Reasoned Action.

To surround one’s self with competence may also exacerbate one’s fear of insignificance.

Who you surround yourself with and how you treat them is an indication of which end of the spectrum, (Self-Righteous Pretense or Reasoned Action), you gravitate toward.

Too often we choose comfort over improvement, security instead of progress, people like us rather than those we might learn from.

We talk about culture and diversity but we make decisions and we act according to fit.

Fit: the perceived potential for adapting. Suitability, agreeability, accordant cooperation.

Diversity: a perceived or actual reality of being dissimilar or distinct in character and disposition. Difference.

Fit and Diversity are mutually exclusive.

Yet as we make our decisions and act according to fit, we still insist upon talking about culture and diversity.

Groups of like-minded individuals are more inclined toward Self-Righteous Pretense than Reasoned Action.

Talk is cheap.

Fit is more conducive to longer-term relationships.

Diversity is more conducive to creativity and problem-solving.

For it to be Diversity, everyone in the circumstance must feel it.

Suddenly, instead of same old vs. same old it has become fist-pumping blood-spattered hillbilly American patriotism vs. Same old same old. And in recent decades we have become an either/or nation incapable of subtlety, finesse, or autonomous individual change. So of course, true to our consumerist nature we will not see beyond the anticipation of something new and exciting; even when new and exciting is only relatively new; even when new and exciting repeatedly and continuously fails to fulfill.

It fails to fulfill because the anticipation is but hollow hope, and when the objective is attained, when that bubble bursts, we may work for a time to retain that baseless feeling of confidence and possibility but for most of us it does not take long to give it up and fall back on habit. And that habit has become divisiveness – pain – confusion – either/or – the next latest greatest.

And all this flitting about from one unburst bubble to the next, driven by a bit of manic desperation, knowing deep down that in the short run we’re standing still and in the long run we’re not keeping up, you’d think that more of us would work toward improvement, (and at least individual) fulfillment. But even those who do consider and encourage this active hope, (hope filled out with reasoned action), cannot ignore how today’s reality of 8+ billion people alongside the ever-growing wealth, income, and power gaps severely limits the efficacy of autonomous individual change.

And personal circumstance can further complicate and hinder progress. For example, to all this I can add my personal limitation of senior citizenry, (a limitation not of capability, contribution, or potential, but of opportunity); a circumstance that I recognize as a better circumstance than many (probably most) yet still a circumstance in which I am sadly contemplating retirement. It would be a mutual loss.

No, I am not new and exciting. I apparently do not spark imaginations nor do I often find occasion to pump my fist. And the closest I come to blood-spattered is as a pedestrian on my daily 4 mile trek to work; but even that is, well, pedestrian. If you look closely though, I am also not hollow. I work to fill my hope. There is substantial and even essential reasoned action within my method and my madness. And I’m not sure you can say that about our latest and greatest – or even our same old, same old.

Shingles triggers hives that bring on stress that exacerbates both Shingles and hives.

Political divisiveness triggers bombast that brings on closed-minded ignorance that exacerbates both divisiveness and bombast.

Power triggers self-importance that brings on indifference that exacerbates both power and self-importance.

Insignificance triggers anxiety that brings on confused indecisiveness that exacerbates both insignificance and anxiety.

Acclaim triggers pretense that brings on exaggeration that exacerbates both acclaim and pretense.

Certainty triggers overconfidence that brings on delusions that exacerbate both certainty and overconfidence.

Conformity triggers a benign negligence that brings on an impression of safety and security that exacerbates both conformity and negligence.

Taylor Swift triggers fervor that brings on frenzy that exacerbates both Taylor Swift and fervor.

Fervor triggers gall that brings on recklessness that exacerbates both fervor and gall.

Vanity triggers insecurity that brings on defensiveness that exacerbates both vanity and insecurity.

Existence triggers denial that brings on belief that exacerbates both existence and denial.

Healthcare visits trigger more healthcare visits that bring on excessive (often unnecessary) concern that exacerbates both Healthcare visits and more Healthcare visits.

An efficient bureaucracy works to distract, intimidate, persecute, partially by turning the ‘poor and oppressed’ against each other.

How do we just stand by and let this happen? Why do we play so readily into the hands of power?

We each choose a set of rules to follow, often staking our identity to those rules and thus resistant to change, and we look down upon those who have chosen a different set of rules. All the while, the rich and powerful do what they will, most often under the cover of an efficient bureaucracy. The majority of our majority – the poor and the oppressed – pretend to be a part of the elite by denying our majority. We are taught to set ourselves apart and we are taught to follow arbitrary rules and we are taught to believe the layer we occupy is primary. This enforced stratification is a house of mirrors. This enforced stratification maintains status quo. This enforced stratification is imaginary. The reality for all intents and purposes, like it or not, is that the layer we occupy is completely interchangeable with every other layer in our majority. And again, while we expend all our time and energy jockeying for make-believe position, the rich and powerful continue to do what they will.

This powerful faction says, “do this and all your problems will be solved.” That powerfully faction says, “do that and all your problems will be solved.” And when problems are not solved, the layers of the majority who did this blame those who did that and the layers of the majority who did that blame those who did this and the powerful factions congratulate each other and pat themselves on the back and continue to do what they will. And we look at each other, not recognizing ourselves, throw our hands in the air, and continue to look at each other.

If, as a whole, we could look outward, as the majority what might we do? Instead, as we are, divided into brittle layers, we look inward and ask what can we do?

What can we do?

An individual is understandably stymied by this question. And a single brittle layer instinctively feels they cannot move past the local animosity to look outward toward the actual problem. To disengage from even a single battle front in order to seek and find and breach the walls of a seemingly invincible fortress far-far-away just doesn’t make sense knowing once you retreat from your position it will be overrun. And though in the grand scheme that battlefront defeat may mean little, at least it is immediate – here and now. And again, their fortress is invincible. So we decide it is better to latch on to a chosen piece of rhetoric fired from a rampart of the fortress and continue to urgently attack the opposing brittle layer, and the rich and powerful continue to do what they will.

Though our immediate enemy is us, and though I make a case that our actual enemy is the rich and powerful, we could depersonalize further by recognizing that the True enemy is the system. And if the majority – the poor and the oppressed – were somehow persuaded to deny and let go their vested interest in the here and now, and if the majority of the majority were somehow persuaded to deny and let go their vested interest in the rich and powerful, and if the rich and powerful were then somehow more easily persuaded to deny and let go their vested interest in their bureaucratic system, then the greater good would shift and grow accordingly.

Justification can easily be found in power and in bureaucracy.

Justification is not Justice.

As long as the rich and powerful continue to control the system, the bureaucracy, the narrative, they will continue to do what they will.

Justification is oppression.