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I have worked for a large state university for six years, the past five spent in the School of Medicine. Nine months ago, I made a lateral move from Internal Medicine to the Office of Medical Education. I just had my first formal evaluation and my supervisor, (who makes 7.4 times what I do), told me there would be no raise due to the wage freeze currently in effect. Yet my supervisor, (who makes 7.4 times what I do), conveniently received a 45% pay increase just before the wage freeze took effect.

I believe this inequity, alongside the facts below, establish a pattern…

• Over the past two years for which there is data, this same supervisor gave his staff overall, average 15% and 10% pay increases which looking from the outside appeared to indicate a willingness on his part to take care of his people. I was aware of this data before making the decision to come into this job, so I accepted an 8% pay cut which was explained away as HR bureaucracy. This knowledge alongside assurances from co-workers that I would be taken care of, and the fact that I really wanted the opportunity, believing it would allow me to make a bigger difference, contributed to my decision…
• Throughout 4 years in my previous position, I lobbied for just compensation, I received stellar performance reviews, I consistently received excellent student ratings, and I was recognized with a Service Champion Award. Despite all this, the department I left 9 months ago consistently paid me less than the average of others in comparable positions and started my replacement at a higher rate than I ever made…
• Before interviewing for this position, I interviewed for a different position. I am now guiding and training the individual who is in the position I had interviewed for, and they are making 37% more than me…

On four different fronts (four different departments all in the School of Medicine):

1. Pay cut (HR),
2. Current job (OME),
3. Last job (IM),
4. Job interview (Psychiatry),

I have consistently been left behind.

From multiple angles:

1. HR Policy,
2. Comparing my pay to the pay of others with comparable job responsibilities,
3. Percentage increases,
4. Hiring decisions.

I have consistently been taken advantage of.

If discrimination is “making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit,” I have to ask, is this discrimination because of my age? Or my disability? My individual merit, to my knowledge, has never been questioned. It might be difficult to prove that this is collusion or a concerted effort but there is definitely a pattern of injustice in which on four different fronts decisions were made to treat me as a less consequential individual. And though the shared mindset may have suppressed age and/or disability as the reasons, it is my age and disability that have made me passionate, energetic, truthful which for a potential supervisor I believe translates to cantankerous and difficult and not easily managed or manipulated. Thus, decisions are made to pay me less than others based on agreeability instead of performance; decisions are made to try and scare me off by offering a job I really want with a pay cut; decisions are made to not hire me. And again, I would argue that ultimately this consistent pattern of injustice is due to my age and disability.

And so here I am. Discouraged and demoralized in my current circumstance, once again sending out job applications, actively hoping to find a workplace with at least some degree of expressive, reciprocal, compassionate, equitable respect and dignity. I have several more years of productive, experienced, knowledgeable, passionate energy to contribute, and I would like to spend that time and energy appreciated.

… … … …

Borrowing some from last week’s post, this week I sent the above to two successive lawyers who (respectively) claimed to speak for “Main Street Americans” and “individuals – not large corporations or insurance companies.” I submitted my plea for help with not much hope for legal recourse. In my limited knowledge and experience I have found most inequity is not illegal, but I was curious about the percentage of these outspoken lawyers’ compassion determined by earnings potential vs. righting wrongs. They did not disappoint; both declined, one clearly stating “this does not sound like illegal discrimination, and I am unable to help you.” If a larger percentage of their concern is their earnings potential, then despite their claims otherwise they are perpetuating the system and don’t really care about Justice. And though I understand that within our system it is challenging to connect dots in an effort to adjudicate just compensation (based on individual performance and peer comparison) and fair wages (big picture opportunity and the ever-widening income gap), to advertise compassion and integrity then act on selfish ambition, is unforgivable. And though my individual circumstance may include more dots closer together (age and disability and excellent performance reviews), to make a case for unjust compensation or unfair wages is made more difficult by our country’s long, proud history of systematized discrimination and inequity. No matter the obvious resulting injustice, to argue against a bureaucracy substantiated and justified by decades and centuries of tradition and belief and/or to try and prove malicious intent on the part of someone who claims they are merely working within the confines of that system – following the rules, is like trying to prove there is no God. When arguing with true believers shepherded by predators, it is an unwinnable argument.

Most days at work, I have a spreadsheet open that contains salary information across the entire organization. I do this so I am constantly reminded of my place and my value according to my employer. This alone is enough to encourage a job hunt. Yet if I make a lateral move (which appears to be my only option), those in power and those readily influenced by power, will see me, (if they see me at all), and portray me as the bad guy. A career should be about dignity, contribution, productivity, just compensation, and in return often loyalty. Today, for most of us, a career is a series of lateral moves in search of those things. And on occasion one will stumble into a lateral move that provides a step up in return for a willingness to be readily influenced by greater power. And in most circumstance one is allowed and even encouraged to contribute productively. But due to the scarcity of just compensation, dignity and loyalty have been stretched and twisted into delusional self-regard, and guilt and fear. And the entire dynamic has become dysfunctional. So we have learned to settle for mutual disgruntlement, and we have learned to hide it from power, in hopes of that step up; until we lose hope and/or we decide that we have had enough. Then we do it all again.

To disguise and distract from this dysfunction, those employers (like our government) who are not totally oblivious, pretend to care by making relatively inconsequential concessions. But from where I sit in my workplace, compassion is flowery, superficial rhetoric and the more it is spewed, the less actual listening, understanding, empathy, connection, respect there is. In the workplace, this intolerance gap widens in proportion to income and power gaps.

As an over-60 senior who six years ago voluntarily gave up dead-end disability income to come back to work full-time both to make a contribution and to perhaps increase earnings potential, what I have learned is that power is afraid of truthfulness and that power hides behind political bureaucracy. Regardless, somehow, I still actively hope. So here I am, this old, disabled guy close to retirement, sending out applications because I don’t want my last work experience to be reflective of the condescending, conventional, arbitrary, intolerant practices that I can now see have been so predominant in this country over my lifetime. Though I have completely given up on just compensation, I would still like to believe that there are workplaces offering at least some degree of expressive, reciprocal, compassionate, equitable respect and dignity. I have several more years of productive, experienced, knowledgeable, passionate energy to contribute, and I would like to spend that time and energy appreciated.

From a voter’s perspective, below are characteristics of today's political landscape loosely organized from left to right:

• Narrow, exclusive, insular, condescending.
• --- ---
• Stodgy, conventional, predictable, opportunistic.
• Libertarian, rhetorical, nationalistic, arbitrary.
• Divisive, authoritarian, imperious, intolerant.

From the presumption that ‘for the people’ is ‘by the people’ to the misguided belief that we can and should time travel to a misremembered past, over the last 60 years our leaders have consistently delivered injudicious, bureaucratic preservation to a majority of Americans.

This majority of Americans have fallen through a hole between condescending and stodgy. Other countries have managed to fill that hole, but in our ignorance, for varying reasons, we have not only not taken care of our own but in many cases deny them as a part of us.

It is not only the obvious; anyone less wealthy and/or less powerful is (to varying degrees) lost. And it is apparent that the American Dream, paired with any combination of choices we are given in today’s political landscape, no longer works for anyone who is lost.

Many of these lost Americans don’t realize and/or won’t admit that they are lost. Many of these lost Americans believe they have more influence, more say-so, than what they do. Many of these lost Americans are still optimistic, still hopeful, still susceptible. Most of these lost Americans pick their path from the choices given, often based on a single (often emotional) characteristic. Many of these lost Americans don’t know that there can and should be additional options between condescending and stodgy; options more complementary with the American Dream. Things like:

• Understanding, expressive, equitable, reciprocal.
• Helpful, considerate, compassionate, respectful,

Taxidermy: “the art of preparing and preserving and stuffing and mounting in lifelike form.”

Today our political system is the hunter, our leaders are the taxidermists busy preparing, preserving, stuffing and mounting, and the American Dream is the head mounted on the wall.

If instead our leaders would be caretakers, custodians, curators, watchdogs, perhaps the American Dream would come alive for more Americans.

There is only one rule: once you put something in, you cannot take it out.

Imagine an empty container before time. It is yours. You can put anything in it you want. You can pile it in haphazardly, or you can plan and place methodically. Once you think you have it filled, you can stop or you can make more room. To rearrange and organize items in your container, you must climb in; you must be hands-on; responsible. Each container is open at the top and appears to be just taller than your outstretched fingers, about that same length, and as wide as you are tall. On its outside, each container has a built-on platform running the length of one side. There are visiting hours, (which you do not always get to set), when others can climb onto the platform and peer into your container. As you grow, your container grows.

During visiting hours, you will hear opinions, advice, judgements; and you will be swayed. You will work to hide this item or that item. You will move one item to a more prominent position, you will work to repair another item, and you will work to sell your items even though they are and always will be your items. You will display nice-looking items that are mere shells, empty boxes that make your container look more full. And you will scruff up a few items to make your container look more authentic; hard-earned.

After a period of time listening to everybody, you will find you agree with some and disagree with others. During their visiting hours, you will more frequently visit the containers of those you agree with and you will more frequently avoid peering into the containers of those that you disagree with; those that make you uncomfortable. You will (consciously and subconsciously) begin modeling your container to complement the containers of those you admire, those you respect, those who have gained your confidence, in hopes that they will approve and perhaps copy some individual elements from your container. You will work toward your security, your tranquility, your comfort; you will be disappointed; you may grow weary, become discouraged, complacent; you will be uncertain, you will struggle, you may question and challenge, you may prevail, you will laugh, you will cry, you will smile; you will work toward satisfaction, an ultimate topping off, a conclusion; you will stop growing.

Imagine your container, outside of time…

Last week I sat for my yearly evaluation. I was told I was appreciated. I was told I was doing a good job. I was told of no areas needing improvement. I was told that due to a current hiring and wage freeze, there would be no personal pay increase and there would be no help forthcoming in a department that is overwhelmed, daily. I was told this by a man who conveniently received a 45% pay increase just before the freeze; a man who makes 7.4 times as much as I do; an arrogant, condescending, comfortably well-off white man. This is more than merely a lack of credibility. This is malfeasance, demoralization, venality, deceit, oppression. Overreaction? Only if you are a wide-eyed, unrealistic, unapologetic optimist.

I thought carefully about the words ‘arrogant’ and ‘condescending’ before using them above. First, I believe, to represent an organization that is those things is to be those things. And what better breeding ground for all-powerful demigods than a large state university with all of its layers; first between faculty and students, then departmental divisions that further separate faculty, management and staff in which top faculty and management can easily earn 20 to 30 times more than front line staff. Looking at the definitions below, It is reasonable that the larger an organization, the greater the likelihood of imperious demeaning stratification. So, in fairness, the self-important overlord who graced me with 20 minutes was following orders, fulfilling a role, same as the old boss, doing a job, keeping me in my place, same as it ever was.

• Condescending – patronizing descent from dignity or superiority; stooping to the level of one’s inferiors.
• Arrogant – making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; characterized by a sense of superiority, self-importance, or entitlement.

If this man did not feel entitled and/or superior, and if he chose to cut the strings and think independently, he would have recognized the exorbitance of his pay raise and willingly given up one-half to hire another individual and improve his department; or at the very, very, very least he would have willingly made an effort to understand my viewpoint. One-half of his pay raise is still more than my total compensation and if he chose to sacrifice, he would still be making six times his inferiors; and an extra hour or two (or, to truly understand, day or two) spent with his charges might have more successfully negated his pretension and substantiated his rhetorical claim of empathy. But of course there are reasons (excuses) that he could not do either of these things; there are reasons that power is only allowed to masquerade as willingness.

Moving past the superficiality of time constraints and bureaucratic justifications, the main reason there can be no actual empathy is fear – for an individual or an organization to actually be willing to listen and understand might compel them to also willingly narrow the gap which might in turn empower lesser individuals who cannot be empowered because they must be controlled and in their place, and they should be happy in that place. Those in power work instead to unthink and to maintain the status quo. Most days at work, I have a spreadsheet open that contains salary information across the entire organization. I do this so I am constantly reminded of my place and my value according to my employer.