hopelesshappiness.com

 “All that has dark sounds has duende. And there’s no deeper truth than that … Those dark sounds are the mystery, the roots that cling to the mire that we all know, that we all ignore, but from which comes the very substance of art.”
       –Federico Garcia Lorca; Spanish Poet and Playwright; (1898 – 1936).

We have a choice: one can choose to live Life superficially, as they are told; or one can decide that there is an art to living Life, and choose complexity and depth. When one chooses complexity and depth, Life must include ‘dark sounds.’  Duende is not possible without these dark sounds, yet duende is not solely made up of these dark sounds. Duende for me is about survival, not despite these dark sounds, but because of these dark sounds. Duende is difficult to define, yet I know it when I feel it. Duende is nearly impossible to summon at will, hard to hold on to, yet so embraceable. Duende is ardent and frenzied and fervent, yet it will not consume. Duende is creation and death. Duende is intimate and ferocious. Duende is paradoxical; filled with the joy of Light and suffused with the pain and fear of Living. Duende is necessary.

I would like to think that my Life is an expression of character, but to consciously think that would be an oversimplification. According to Lorca, “duende is a force not a labour, a struggle not a thought.” So staying consistent with (all of) Lorca’s thoughts and with my written thought above, to live Life artfully one must embrace the unknown and therefore can never consistently define one’s character because one can never anticipate, plan for, mold, or control duende. One can never adequately express a character except in hindsight; and then, to do so, stymies the art of living Life. To attach meaning to the mysterious and ineffable dilutes the creative moment and weakens the creative potential of the next moment. This is not to say that this stepping back and taking stock should never happen, because it will; and in some circumstance, necessarily so. But to gain perspective, one does lose some essence; (see this post ‘The Essence of Happiness‘ for further discussion on the nature of one’s essence). And no – I am not now equating ‘duende’ with one’s essence; but I am saying that duende enriches one’s essence.

I should not fret over character. Character implies depth, therefore instead of superficially grooming my character I should find my rhythm within the folds of the  discordant enchantments of Life, and I should flow in spasmodic waves; or dance with freakish grace; or sing with a strident urgency; or simply move from within to without and back again. My character will appear, and evolve, and disappear, and mature, and reappear, and ultimately show itself for what it truly is when I no longer have a say; (as if I ever did). I should not fret over character.

I want to spend some time now considering the ‘dark sounds’ that are necessary for duende. Perhaps these dark sounds are the wellspring of duende, but (as previously stated) these dark sounds are not the sole ingredient of duende. I believe when we are visited by these dark sounds one has a tendency to focus on a narrow range or small cross section of their entirety. I believe we immediately see those parts that we can define as sadness or melancholia, and I believe that many of us tend to get stuck in this mire, flail about for a time thinking since we can define this, we can control it; we think we can fix it. Duende is not something to be fixed, nor is sadness or melancholia; and we soon find that to work on fixing this one part is insufficient. I believe if we make progress in this regard – if we attack this unhappiness with modern methods, and if a certain amount of this gloom appears to lift – one will be left feeling false; one will have a vacancy about them that may be more functionally amenable, but this ‘progress’ will also erase an opportunity. Duende must reverberate. Duende must be allowed to flow and dance and sing freely across the entire breadth and depth of its darkness. Duende must be felt, and not understood; and I (within this lack of understanding – the aforementioned folds of Life) must let it carry me along until we (these dark sounds and I) reach an inevitable and inexplicable intertwining of Dark and Light and my personal essence. I believe it is this tangled network that will spark a moment of clarity that in turn will inspire art.  I believe duende is an opportunity.

I listen to sad songs. I have a playlist labeled ‘Sad’ that is made up of (so far) 91 songs; that is 6 hours and 18 minutes of uplifting sorrow. I go to this playlist typically about once a week and listen for an hour or two. Australian musician and songwriter Nick Cave has this to say about sadness, duende, and music:

“Sadness or duende needs space to breathe. Melancholy hates haste and floats in silence. It must be handled with care … All love songs must contain duende. For the love song is never truly happy. It must first embrace the potential for pain. Those songs that speak of love without having within in their lines an ache or a sigh are not love songs at all… and are not to be trusted. These songs deny us our humanness… and the air waves are littered with them. The love song must resonate with the susurration of sorrow, the tintinnabulation of grief. The writer who refuses to explore the darker regions of the heart will never be able to write convincingly about the wonder, the magic and the joy of love for just as goodness cannot be trusted unless it has breathed the same air as evil, so within the fabric of the love song, within its melody, its lyric, one must sense an acknowledgment of its capacity for suffering.”

For me, all music should be about Love; be it Love of Life, or the Love of Beauty, or the Love of God or Spirituality, or the Love of Family and Friends, or the Love of Music and (other) Art, or the Love of Truth, or even the Love of Good Food or a Cold Beer. Music as Art is a reflective reverberation that allows one to feel otherwise inexpressible depths. Music as Art is an aching and a longing for a transcendental understanding of the essence of oneself and the essence of surrounding unknowns and realities; and yes – even a Cold Beer has a transcendental essence. Music (for me) is a trigger that takes me to these places beyond words.

I know sad people who have a difficult time moving past their sadness; and because of this they are also unhappy. Sadness does not have to lead one to unhappiness. I believe that sadness – ‘dark sounds’ – can carry one beyond unhappiness. I believe that melancholia can contribute to one’s search for Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness. This is not to say that one should live in perpetual despondency, or intentionally subject their self or others to an outlook of wretched despair; but when a sadness finds us, I do believe we should be open to it and take it where it goes. I have often found it to lead from its source (whether that fountainhead be a trickle or a torrent) to a placid clarity of artfully creative purpose and meaning. And then I have just as often found this luminous serenity tossed and turned and channeled back into a flood of emotional turmoil. And then, I begin again.

And this is why I listen to sad music.

I face the ‘unknown’ daily. Diagnosed (19 years ago) with Meniere’s Disease I do not know from day-to-day how bad the roaring in my head will be. And although it is an intimate companion, always there, (even in my dreams), I do not know from moment-to-moment how bad it really is. I do not know how well (or how poorly) I am compensating for the tinnitus and associated symptoms because (by definition) the cause of Meniere’s is unknown and the severity of (many of) the fluctuating symptoms is unmeasurable. I don’t know if I am a crybaby or a superhero. I don’t know where I stand compared to other Meniere’s sufferers; or to others with any debilitating disease and/or disability; or to others who actively acknowledge and thoughtfully consider the adversity inherent in our daily existence.  I simply don’t know.

I began this week interpreting my symptoms as more oppressive than usual; but I really don’t know.

Were my symptoms truly worse? Or was I merely more attentive? I don’t know.

Do other hardships distract me from my symptoms? Or bring them into sharper focus? I don’t know.

And what about good fortune? Is (lower-case) happiness a distraction? A salve? Or an irritant? I don’t know.

I’m not being difficult. I have made an effort to analyze how varying situational circumstances may conspire to soothe or exacerbate, but either there are too many impactful variables interacting collectively, and/or the symptoms are truly random. Regardless, I still don’t know.

Today (Wednesday) I have made a connection from this individual dot of empirical existence and it’s personal unknowns, to other dots representing other (seemingly more significant) unknowns – dots representing love, and spirituality, and philosophy, and Truth, and Wisdom, and Dark, and Light, and death. And although I am able to reach out and pull these other dots close, I do not know if I am seeing them as they really are. I don’t know if I am a fool or a wise man. I don’t know where I stand compared to others who claim a spirituality; or to others who profess their love; or to others who actively acknowledge and thoughtfully consider the Light inherent in our daily existence.

I would like to argue that personal unknowns are equally as significant as these ominous, looming unknowns based on the rationale that though some things may seem so, nothing is larger-than-life.

If there is an afterlife, it is the substance of this Life that is important.

If there is no afterlife, it is the substance of this Life that is important.

If I lived a previous Life on this (or any) plane of existence (or not), it is the substance of this Life that is important.

In my mind, the substance of this Life includes passion, reason, compassion, responsibility, hard work, exoteric goodness, learning and growth, complexity, depth, and (as it comes) an inner peace.

In my mind, the substance of this Life does not include divisive dogma, ritualistic comfort, or bureaucratic indoctrination.

When one faces the unknown daily, one is more aware of the substance of this Life, and one comes closer to an active understanding of Love, and Spirituality, and Philosophy, and Truth, and Wisdom, and Dark, and Light, and Death.

When one faces the events in their day with certainty, believing they have control, one distances their self from the substance of this Life.

My personal unknowns give me an opportunity to look into the eyes of Life and recognize the advantage of unadulterated equal footing.

My personal unknowns give me an opportunity to look into the teeth of Life and sense the reality that nothing is larger-than-Life.

My personal unknowns (on good days) meld with other looming unknowns creating a symbiotic relationship that provides a depth of interdependent nourishment in an ocean of (unknown) possibility.

My personal unknowns (on not-so-good days) create a muddy pool of slop and filth in which I can wallow.

My personal unknowns (on bad days) hide in fear allowing me to pretend that my wading pool holds the restorative energy of a natural hot spring; or a mineral bath; or the fountain of youth.

Every now and then, a wading pool is nice; and in some circumstance, perhaps necessary. But my wading pool will never lead me to the depths of interdependent nourishment created by a synergistic fusion of unknowns. This week, my muddy pool of slop and filth did exactly that.

And for that, I am actively grateful.

For me, the questions are more important than the answers; but I can understand how for some (perhaps most?) the answer trumps the question. I believe though, that for many this latter perspective may encourage a passive acceptance of easy and/or forceful answers, discouraging additional, deeper questioning.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
     –Rainer Maria Wilke;  German Poet/Writer; 1876 -1926. 

Last week I said “If there were no questions, there would be no opportunity for peace; or goodness; or compassion; or responsibility; or hard work. If there were no questions, I could not account for the imperfections of my Humanity.” I will never attain perfection in any form in this Life, but because there are no absolutes, and because there is no certainty, there must be a process of thoughtful questioning, gentle (or not-so-gentle) probing, and thorough analysis that will aid in understanding one’s imperfections; a process that will push or pull us ever-closer to an understanding of peace (through turmoil), goodness (through selfishness), compassion (through suffering), responsibility (through complacency), hard work (through discretionary quiescence), and Truth and Wisdom (through our Humanity).

This week I have stumbled into more than one circumstance in which I was expected to react with a passive acceptance. When I attempted to question the status quo I was met with disbelieving condescension and (in one case) blatant disgust over my attempt to understand. These were organizations (represented by individuals) that apparently believed they had found perfection. 

This week I am reading ‘The Accidental Universe’ by Alan Lightman; a collection of essays on the “many universes within our one universe.” In his essay on ‘The Symmetrical Universe’ he points out that nature’s affinity with symmetry “is a result of economy and mathematics,” whereas our human affinity with symmetry is a result “of psychology and aesthetics.” He goes on to say (attributing this to art historian, Ernst Gombrich) “that although human beings have a deep psychological attraction to order, perfect order in art is uninteresting” and (2 pages later) that “slight asymmetries announce themselves only against the background of symmetry.” I would apply this to this week’s written thought by altering the last quote to read ‘imperfections announce themselves only against the background of the possibility of Perfection,’ and interpret the previous quote to confirm that Perfection in any form will quickly become boring. Questions are not boring. Questions substantiate the impossibility of Perfection. Questions are dynamic. Questions are necessary. Questions should not be dismissed. And if you have no questions, find some.

I believe this to be a good spot in which to insert the following from the post ‘A Fool for Happiness‘ written in December 2012:

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Fools
I will fear no folly; for thou art fools with me.
Thy nod and thy laugh, they comfort me.
We preparest a stable disparity in the presence of mass obedience.
They disjoint our heads with feckless toil; yet my thoughts runneth over.

Surely I shall follow Wisdom and Truth all the days of my life,
and I will seek the house of Happiness forever.

At this time and place in this Life, I do feel the Fool. I stumble daily, (some days hourly), but there is some sad comfort in that (acknowledged or not) ‘thou art fools with me.’

It has been a difficult week; one in which the question ‘Why?’ has created considerable sadness, confusion, hesitancy, and some portentous unease. It has been a week in which the question ‘Why?’ has overshadowed all other thoughts and considerations. It has been a week in which the question ‘Why?’ has wrenched my Humanity from the comforts of its routine affectation and demanded an accounting of its spiritual and emotional goodness.

One ‘Why’ leads to another; and another; and another… In this Life – in this world – we will not find an ultimate answer; this is as it should be. If there were no questions, there would be no need for faith. Faith is defined as ‘a belief that is not based on proof.’ Faith implies a leap – a gap – an unknown. Faith is necessary for belief, and faith requires questioning. If there were no questions, there would be no opportunity for peace; or goodness; or compassion; or responsibility; or hard work. If there were no questions, I could not account for the imperfections of my Humanity.

I have faith that this loss we’ve experienced this week will make me stronger. I have faith that this loss will bring me closer to Truth and Wisdom. I have faith that this loss will bring gains that will last Forever.

To my sister, Pam – Thank You. I Love You and I Will Miss You.

This week I am reading ‘The Social Conquest of Earth’ by Pulitzer Prize winning author Edward O. Wilson. I am about two-thirds of the way through this fascinating look at “gene-culture coevolution” and I am reading this partially in preparation for his most recent work ‘The Meaning of Existence’. He also wrote the fictional work ‘Anthill’ which is one of the more enjoyable novels I have read in recent years. This post is not reflective of the author or any theory / perspective held by him, but I am (below) going to quote from a segment of his book (‘The Social Conquest of Earth’) where he discusses color perception and color vocabulary. This in turn will set up an intriguing framework utilizing color vocabulary for (instead of color perception) how one perceives and connects with others; (i.e. Human Interaction). This color construct (in a unique and visually accommodating way) will support the flow of my written thought as expressed throughout this site, as well as run parallel to the original interpretive studies as reported in ‘The Social Conquest of Earth’.

“Color does not exist in nature … Visible light consists of continuously varying wavelengths, with no intrinsic color in it. Color vision is imposed on this variation by photosensitive cone cells of the retina and the connecting nerve cells of the brain … Here the wavelength information is recombined to yield signals distributed along two axes. The brain later interprets one axis as green to red and the other as blue to yellow, with yellow defined as a mixture of green and red.” (from pages 205 – 206 in ‘The Social Conquest of Earth’).

Dr. Wilson goes on to describe how color vocabularies can differ between cultures. In one “experiment performed in the 1960’s, Brent Berlin and Paul Kay tested the color concepts in native speakers of twenty languages” (page 208). “In later investigations, Berlin and Kay observed that each society uses from two to eleven basic color terms” (page 209). He goes on to explain that

“the combinations of basic color terms as a rule grow in the following hierarchical fashion:

• Languages with only two basic color terms use them to distinguish black and white.
• Languages with only three terms have words for black, white, and red.
• Languages with only four terms have words for black, white, red, and either green or yellow.
• Languages with only five terms have words for black, white, red, green, and yellow.
• Languages with only six terms have words for black, white, red, green, yellow, and blue.
• Languages with only seven terms have words for black, white, red, green, yellow, blue, and brown.
• No such precedence occurs among the remaining four basic colors, purple, orange, pink, and gray, when these have been added on top of the first seven” (pages 209 – 210).

Dr. Wilson goes on to say that “subsequent new work has confirmed the reality of the eleven basic words for color, such that those of one language can be matched with those of other languages” (page 210).

In recent weeks and days, due to current Life circumstance requiring interaction in varying social situations, I have been pondering how different individuals go about determining and then acting upon their personal preferences for direct human interaction. When I read about how color vocabularies differ by culture (as quoted above) a framework clicked into place. The remainder of this post will describe (also in hierarchical fashion) how I believe individuals evolve or flow both in a general sense of dealing with others and applicable as well to newly formed (or forming) relationships. I will start by assigning a general characteristic to each of the eleven colors:

• Individuals with only black and white interaction skills or behaviors divide the world between ‘us and them’ and interact accordingly.
• Individuals who recognize black, white, and red interaction skills or behaviors still define an ‘us and them’ but add to that an emotional component that may (depending on demeanor and circumstance) translate as passion, anger, or simple friendliness, caring, or respect.
• Individuals who recognize black, white, and red interaction skills or behaviors, and one other (green or yellow) interaction skill or behavior will add reason (green) or compassion (yellow) to their repertoire.
• Individuals who recognize black, white, red, green, and yellow interaction skills or behaviors have gained an understanding of both reason and compassion.
• Individuals who recognize black, white, red, green, yellow, and blue interaction skills or behaviors have extended their reasoned compassion to include a sense of communal responsibility.
• Individuals who recognize black, white, red, green, yellow, blue, and brown interaction skills and behavior now recognize the importance of hard work to support and enhance all interaction skills and behaviors learned to this point and moving forward.
• Individuals who extend themselves beyond this point may think in terms of purple, orange, pink, and/or gray skills or behaviors, adding (respectively but added in no particular order) exoteric goodness, learning and growth, complexity, and depth, thus strengthening all past and future interactions.

Though I use the descriptor ‘individuals’ this same hierarchy could apply to cultural traits, skills, and behaviors; specifically (at the more advanced levels) to a family unit or in a small organizational setting, and more readily (at the basic, beginning levels) to larger culturally definable groups/organizations and/or to determine the inclusion potentiality of new group members. In other words, the larger the culture, the more likely interaction behaviors will remain superficial and not advance beyond some reason, compassion, and necessary or required responsibility. Additionally, a potential new member applying (formally or otherwise) for membership to a group is tested utilizing this flow from the beginning; first by not being accepted as one of ‘us’ until expectations are met by staying a step ahead of the group – (from emotional attachment, to reason, to compassion, to responsibility, to hard work, and ideally to the additional strengths as is necessary and/or helpful). Once this evolution is accomplished, the individual may become a full-fledged member of the group; though in some cultures this may take years, and in others unless you are born into the group you may never be fully accepted.

As the additional strengths of exoteric goodness, learning and growth, complexity, and depth (represented by purple, orange, pink, and gray) are honed and sharpened these competencies will enable not only a connective calibration amongst the flow of the first seven interaction skills, but also a profundity that will create an opportunity for leadership by example or otherwise. The first seven skills (though they will never be mastered) must be understood and practiced as consistent behavior before the last four strengths can gain the potency necessary to ensure a cycle of hierarchical continuity. We can and should spend a Lifetime recognizing us and them, forming emotional attachments, practicing reason, compassion, and communal responsibility by working hard at strengthening our goodness, learning, growing, and adding productive layers of complexity and depth; and then we must begin again.

Some may argue that the first (black and white) skill should not qualify as a skill, but should be regarded as a jumping off point from which we learn the remaining skills. I would argue that there are some who may only (depending upon circumstance) recognize an ‘us’, and I would further argue that this is dangerous and any individual or group that does recognize and acknowledge a ‘them’ is indeed practicing a mental or visual interaction skill. If not extended to a (red) emotional investment, the black and white individual will likely exhibit apathy and lethargy, but it is still a start, with potential for progress.

Without (green) reason and/or (yellow) compassion, the (red) emotional component will be difficult to control, potentially characterized by excessive anger (we’re gonna fight), excessive emotional involvement, and perhaps some narcissistic tendencies reinforced by temper tantrums. Some of these tendencies may also be traits of one (or a group) who is compassionate but lacks the stability of rational thought. And then there will be those who understand the importance of logic and reason, but lack compassion thus becoming emotionally stunted as typified by the ‘Star Trek’ character Dr. Spock.

I believe once an individual (or a group) reaches the stage of reasoned compassion (green and yellow) they likely cannot help but to see ahead to the value of communal responsibility. I also believe that some may not like this view and will turn back to (green) reason alone thus creating a color blindness along the (yellow-blue) compassion-communal responsibility spectrum. I also believe that these individuals (or groups) may still advance beyond this spectrum without noticing (due to the learned color blindness), moving on to hard work and additional strengths as necessary or helpful to advance agendas. This blind spot would explain (in individuals and/or groups) politics (defined as seeking power and control), sociopathy, excessive narcissism, excessive bureaucracy, tyranny, and any number of other traits reflecting a lack of compassion and an ignorance of communal responsibility.

Once an individual (or group) begins a practice of communal responsibility, or even states an intention to do so, the necessity of hard work becomes obvious and (if the stated intentions are sincere) unavoidable. This (in theory) should encourage a work ethic throughout the flow of interaction skills and behaviors, and with each cycle hard work should spark and reinforce the energy output needed for a consistent and continuous strengthening of Human Interaction, both as an individual and as an active member of any group.

And now we are back to the additional strengths of (purple, orange, pink, and gray) exoteric goodness, learning and growth, complexity, and depth, which should again lead us back to the beginning of the hierarchical flow of Human Interaction skills and behaviors. This cycle should be perpetuated by the individual or group, but will also kick-start itself whenever one (individual or group) is introduced to a new social situation, which is a common occurrence for many. If uncommon, one should seek out new Human Interaction (if for no other reason) to practice and strengthen these personal skills and behaviors as they will also benefit one’s personal search for Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness.

Happy Coloring!