hopelesshappiness.com

I believe that individual fulfillment is an ongoing process, attainable only through individual effort, up to (and including) my last breath. With that said, I also believe that these efforts toward individual fulfillment are a critically necessary part of parallel efforts toward universal progress and productivity. And I believe that these two tracks---(Individual Fulfillment and Universal Fulfillment)---will most efficiently move us, (as individuals and as the whole of Humanity), forward. From where I sit, these two most massive and important aspirations should work together as a sincere, organized entanglement of individual efforts toward personal fulfillment that will additionally contribute to universal progress and productivity. Smaller scale efforts toward group, organizational, social, cultural, or communal fulfillment, while potentially productive, are also potentially distracting and divisive; (thus, they are "smaller scale" in terms of potential results). These smaller scale efforts, that may include groupthink and/or conformity, may also suppress individual creativity and thoughtfulness; and they may encourage some degree of tyrannical certainty. Coercive or legislative efforts to impose individual fulfillment, based on this smaller scale mindset, may result in magical, quiescent, fairy-web strands of individual fulfillment, which, when woven together, have the potential to create a lithe web of surprising tensile strength.

George Kateb, (William Nelson Cromwell Professor of Politics, Emeritus, Princeton University), in his book "Human Dignity" says, "Every one of us, even the best, is at various times a slob, a sadist, and a moron; at our worst, we have hard hearts and jelly-like minds." I believe these characteristics to be encouraged and empowered by efforts toward group, organizational, social, cultural, or communal fulfillment. Anything less than the tandem of individual fulfillment and universal fulfillment has the potential to, (and I believe given enough time, will) turn very ugly. It is difficult to avoid the lure of small scale fulfillment; (even keeping in mind that individual fulfillment is a critical aspect of large scale fulfillment). To meet this challenge I must remember that:

1. I am better than me;
2. As a representative member of Humanity, I am no more necessary and I am no less necessary than any other past, present, or future individual; and
3. As a representative member of any group smaller than the whole of Humanity, I am part of a hierarchy that almost certainly places me, (in word and or in deed), above some individual members, and below others.

Though some further analysis is necessary, the observations above, (for me), support and confirm the differentiation between large scale and smaller scale efforts toward fulfillment.

1. "I am better than me." I will never reach an ultimate pinnacle of achievement or fulfillment, but somewhere, within reach, there is a better me; and some days I see it; and other days I touch it; and on occasion I live it. In a sense, I am my own personal aristocracy in which, through force of will, I can elevate the better part of me to ruling status and bend the baser aspects in order to maintain a large scale mindset of personal progress and productivity. Though I believe it also occasionally necessary to allow the predominant pleasure-seeking base some comfort and enjoyment in order to avoid a resentful perception of oppression and, (given the degree and duration), the inevitable attempted coup. By managing and balancing this inner give and take, I am establishing a foundation of individual fulfillment from which I can build toward universal progress and productivity. In this building process though, I often find that I am tempted to detour, taking some intermediate steps within smaller groups. I believe this will only sidetrack and delay. If I feel unprepared to contribute to universal progress and productivity, I believe my better option will be to continue building on personal fulfillment, which  is an ongoing necessity regardless. I may be surprised to find that working toward individual fulfillment contributes to the universal, in and of itself. And it is in this stage of the process that I should again remind myself of the second observation above.


2. "As a representative member of Humanity, I am no more necessary and I am no less necessary than any other past, present, or future individual." No other individual will ever reach an ultimate pinnacle of achievement or fulfillment, but every other individual, with effort, can reach a better self. In a sense, together, this makes each individual a necessary part of something much greater than oneself. And, in a sense, this means that without the individual---(without me)---the whole of Humanity would not exist as we see it, and as we feel it, and as we live it, in this moment. Yet additionally, when individual existence (as we know it) stops, Humanity, (in a different incarnation) continues. So this means that each individual should make the most of this moment by building toward personal fulfillment in order to contribute to this wonder of Humanity. Yet in this moment, this individual is up, and that individual is down; you have elevated the better part of you, and I have allowed for some base pleasure; he has contributed to universal fulfillment, and she has detoured to doctrinaire quiescence; and in the next moment it has changed. To be equally necessary is to allow (equally and in the moment) for the imperfections inherent in individual humanness; and to do so without looking back to judge previous moments, or looking ahead to anticipate future good (or bad) intentions. It is difficult, (perhaps impossible?), to forego judgement and anticipation (especially in regards to past or possible future harm), but to the extent one is able to do so, it will create efficiencies by allowing one to circle back and continue reaching for a better self, and by allowing one to recognize the wanton waste inherent in any efforts that work to justify any perspective other than equal necessity in the moment.


3. "As a representative member of any group smaller than the whole of Humanity, I am part of a hierarchy that almost certainly places me, (in word and/or in deed), above some individual members, and below others." It is within a hierarchical group context where one most easily exhibits the characteristics of "a slob, a sadist, and a moron" with "hard hearts and jelly-like minds." It is in the context of the whole of Humanity where one is able to most easily assimilate and practice opposing characteristics including, empathy, altruism, thoughtfulness, and compassion. The sheer numbers of past, present, and future individuals gives a more realistic perspective on the relative importance of any one individual compared to the next. This perspective in turn, puts into perspective the futility of fighting for position within a hierarchy; efforts are better spent toward individual fulfillment. Yet some may argue that individual fulfillment is accomplished through a group, and I have acknowledged that group efforts can be productive. But the time that must be spent playing politics within the group makes the group a less authentic, shadowy, shimmery reflection of individual fulfillment; and an identifiable group entity has much more potential for divisiveness if and when efforts are made to build toward universal progress and productivity.

As an aristocracy within myself, I may be inclined toward insolence. As a very tiny part of an immense whole, I may be inclined toward apathy and indulgence. As a player within a group hierarchy, I may be inclined toward oblivious disregard. And with awareness and effort, I may still, in any given moment, be drawn toward these improprieties; but I am also likely to find occasional moments of productive balance.

I'm tossed into a vast expanse
Of hurt and hidden fears
I sing my song, yet still I dance
With hope, and hollow tears.

This week I am asking myself, "how can I live authentically---(i.e. consistently within my perception of reality)---in this world of delusional pretentiousness?" To be taken seriously, and/or to be accorded (sometimes) even a nominal amount of respect, and allowing for social functionality, I often feel compelled to pretend and to be less than truthful. I pretend to care, inordinately, about the trivial and the superficial; and I pretend to not care about waste and avoidable incompetency. Though aware of personal fears and human frailty, I am less than truthful with others in this regard, maintaining an outward illusion of calm and confidence. And when other's fear manifests as specious bravado, I am also less than truthful, often displaying a facade of agreeable understanding. Although, in a sense, to pretend and to be less than truthful are synonymous, in another sense, if I am able to differentiate, it is less likely that my make-believe, (recognized as make-believe), will alter my personal truth; but a consistent practice of lying to myself, (most specifically regarding personal fear), may convince me of a more comfortable, inauthentic truth.

But before I delve further into my ruminations on fear and pretentiousness, I want to clarify two definitions: 1) Hope, and 2) Delusional.

1. In the verse above, "Hope" is meant to differentiate by emphasizing the spuriousness and futility of passive hope, and by encouraging an active hope driven by considerable effort toward productive change.
2. The word "Delusional" apparently carries with it a stigma of mental illness. But in the context of this written thought, (and I believe of most of my previous written thought), it is simply meant to imply a functionally unrealistic perspective, typically based on an unprovable belief, that ignores fear and injustice, and refuses to utilize objective analysis and/or empathic listening. This past week I used this word to describe someone---(and I was speaking in general terms, as in "anyone")---who proclaims to "know with certainty" any unproven or unprovable belief; (ex. Donald Trump will straighten out and clean up all the mess created by previous administrations). Offense was taken; and in hindsight, "Delusional" may have been a poor choice of words, as it abruptly ended the conversation. Perhaps "thoughtless" would be a better choice to truthfully deliver the intended message without the "crazy" stigma. ...Or perhaps it is okay that offense was taken.

I stated above that to live authentically, I must live within my perception of reality. Yet to consistently live within my (serious, skeptical, passionate, contemplative) perception of reality, (from experience), would create animosity and/or purposeful avoidance. I believe that each one of us, to some extent, has a public persona and a private persona. I believe that in most, (if not all), cases one's private persona is more authentic. I believe as I gain Life experience, more and more frequently, my private persona is advancing on, invading, and accosting my public persona. I believe that to live more authentically, I must allow this gap to continue to narrow; no surrender, no retreat. Yet I also believe, though the gap may narrow, there will always be a gap---rightfully so.

This week, I have observed individual fear manifest across all facets of the Human Psyche, exerting influence on Bravado, Insecurity, Self Interest, Empathy, and Madness; and strikingly impacting individual thoughts, feelings, and actions. (Last week, I described this interactive dynamic in some detail.) The most intriguing aspect of these instances, (involving multiple unrelated circumstance), is that (while some individuals recognized and acknowledged fear, and others did not), in every case the fear and/or (separately) the reaction was only superficially examined. Those who acknowledged fear, attributed their fear to short-term, anomalous factors, and attributed their reactions to rationally commendable considerations. Those who could not see (or refused to acknowledge) their fear, simply believed their reactions to be rationally commendable considerations; even though it was obvious that serious thought was left on the bench. And, in both those who saw their fear and those who did not, their logic was superficially irrefutable, and their portrayal of reality was superficially incomplete.

After reading this last bit, I understand the animosity and purposeful avoidance.

Yet to know my self, I must know my fear. And from there I cannot help but to aspire toward also encouraging others to dig deeper so they may root out and recognize hidden fears that, nonetheless, impact their thoughts, feelings, and actions. By doing so for myself, 1) I am forced to reason with my fear(s), 2) I am able to (first) better understand and (then) temper my thoughts, feelings, and actions, and 3) I find myself closer to Truth, Wisdom, and (upper-case) Happiness. Though, additionally, by rooting out and facing these fears, 1) I may find myself further from (lower-case) happiness; 2) because I create complexity, I may find it more difficult to justify some thoughts, feelings, and actions; and 3) because I create depth, I may find myself (feeling as if I am) in over my head. Nonetheless...

I am afraid of discomfort.
I am afraid of disruption.
I am afraid of confrontation.
I am afraid of oppression.
I am afraid of pain.
I am afraid of you.
I am afraid of change.
I am afraid of empathy.
I am afraid of questions.
I am afraid of accountability.
I am afraid of being found out.
I am afraid of losing control.
I am afraid of truthfulness.
I am afraid of thoughtfulness.
I am afraid of justice.
I am afraid of the inexplicable.
I am afraid of Wisdom.
I am afraid of Truth.
I am afraid of death.
I am afraid of meaninglessness.
I am afraid of nothingness.

This is reality...

The Human Psyche is the connective fabric between cognition, intuition, and volitional action. Elements of the Human Psyche include:

• Bravado
• Insecurity
• Empathy for others
• Self Interest
• Madness

(From this point forward, in this week's written thought, Empathy will always imply Empathy for others).

We are able to exert some influence through our choices surrounding these five elements of our Human Psyche. This influence is represented by one's cognition, one's intuition, and (most obviously) by one's volitional action. In other words, the interplay within one's psyche gives direction to one's thoughts, feelings, and actions. This influence may allow us to believe that our fear is within our control, or even nonexistent; but in actuality, through our choices, we are simply creating a more comfortable and user-friendly version of our fear.

Fear is the nest in which the Human Psyche makes its home. Fear drives our choices surrounding the elements of our Human Psyche.

Bravado is Bravado because all knowledge is pretentious. Insecurity is not the opposite of Bravado. Insecurity is Insecurity because we acknowledge that all knowledge is pretentious.

Healthy Fear manifests as a relative balance between Bravado and Insecurity. Inordinate Fear results in a noticeable imbalance between the two, and/or a sudden sharp decline in Bravado. In this latter instance, instead of increasing insecurity, the decline in Bravado may create an equally sudden spike in Madness. In the short term, this path to Madness looks a lot like Bravado.

A relative balance of Empathy and Self Interest creates social dexterity. An imbalance leads to awkwardness. Empathy and Self Interest must remain in close proximity for each to be productively effective. Yet in more moments than not, Empathy will remain in the bottom one-third of its range, while Self Interest enjoys the rarefied air near the top of its range.

Healthy Madness is driven by fear to consult with one's intuition and report back. Thus Healthy Madness is a product of intuition properly administered and utilized, resulting in greater productivity and an increase in efficiencies as seen through volitional action. Healthy Madness accomplishes this by encouraging creative exploration. Madness (healthy or unhealthy) is not the same as intuition; though those whose Madness tends to run below the recommended minimum, may be prone to confuse the two.

Unhealthy Madness can be the result of an overemphasis of, or an excessive focus on, intuition. One's Psyche should give direction to one's intuition. To put the cart before the horse is Madness. An overdose of intuition suppresses cognition, thus creating cold, drafty spaces for (otherwise healthy) Madness to be stricken with disease.

For the Human Psyche to maintain a healthy balance, on a scale of 100, Bravado, Insecurity, Empathy, and Self Interest should each range (individually) between 15 and 30, and Madness should fall into the range of 10 to 20. An unhealthy balance occurs when any element falls outside a range, and/or when there is a separation of more than 10 between Bravado and Insecurity, and/or when there is a separation of more than 10 between Empathy and Self Interest. These numbers fluctuate moment-to-moment, according to circumstance. These numbers will always add up to 100.

In many cases, a quantifiable change in Bravado is equitably reflected in Insecurity and/or Madness.

In some cases, a quantifiable change in Insecurity is equitably reflected in Bravado and/or Madness.

In some cases, a quantifiable increase in Insecurity is accompanied by an equitable increase in Bravado. When this occurs, the overall increase is equitably reflected by a decrease in the Empathy-Self Interest tandem.

In some cases, a quantifiable change in Insecurity is equitably reflected in Self Interest.

In some cases, a quantifiable decrease in Bravado is equitably reflected by an increase in Empathy.

In many cases, a quantifiable change in Empathy is equitably reflected in Self Interest and/or Madness.

In some cases, a quantifiable increase in Empathy is equitably reflected by a decrease in Bravado.

In many cases, a quantifiable change in Self Interest is equitably reflected in Empathy and/or Madness.

It is possible for a quantifiable change in any element to be equitably reflected in any other element.

In some cases, these triggers become rapid-fire, producing a series of staccato reactions ricocheting recklessly around the psyche.

A quantifiable change in Madness is typically a result of a change in Bravado, Insecurity, Empathy, or Self Interest. But, the longer the duration of its stay above its healthy limit, the greater the potential for Madness to feed upon the Human Psyche and self-generate; equitably reflected in one or more of the other four elements.

On occasion, (though it is Madness to do so), one must put the cart before the horse in order to make some sense of the big picture. This is commonly known as contemplation; or, (for some), meditation; or, (for some), spirituality.

Fear drives our choices. Our choices exert influence on the elements within our Human Psyche. Our psyche gives direction to our cognition, our intuition, and our volitional action.

Imagine a cylinder, open at both ends and placed (with one open end down), securely nestled into the deepest, darkest folds of your essence, where no light is able to enter through the bottom. When settled, fear rests near the bottom of this cylinder, the Human Psyche (and its elements) are most comfortable in the middle portion, and our cognition, intuition, and volitional action prefer the open-ended top of the cylinder where the bright light of day comes streaming in. When settled, and in turn, fear exerts gentle pressure upward on one's psyche, and the elements of the psyche exert gentle pressure upward influencing one's thoughts, feelings, and actions; and then the elements monitor results and, (with the aid of one's cognition and intuition), report back. On occasion reports are unsettling. When unsettled, fear, the elements of the psyche, thoughts, feelings, and actions become muddied and muddled, and may, (depending upon the degree of turmoil), produce a volatile concoction where fear and some elements of the psyche may bubble over the top, spilling into the light of day. This is a visual representation of a potentially unhealthy balance, with the overflow made necessary in order to maintain a level of 100. However, in moderation, the occasional frothy brew may also bring to light some normally-hidden fears or aspects of one's psyche that may in turn add to one's learning and growth. I believe it is good to shake things up every now and then.

... ... ... ... ...

I write within the week and then move forward. This is my first run-through focusing on the Human Psyche; though much of it layers nicely with other previous written thought. I have only the barest of inklings as to how this thought jibes with Jung, Freud, and other relevant thinkers on the topic. I may research and write more, (this week or next), or I may move on. Regardless, the depth and flow this week, (at least for me), has touched upon previously untouched and/or incoherent dynamics.

To see incompetence...
To admit to incompetence...
To apologize for incompetence...
To promise a response to incompetence...
...is a reassuring start.

But then,
To defend incompetence...
To make excuses for incompetence...
To break a promise...
To ignore incompetence...
To hide incompetence...
To forget about incompetence...
...breeds incompetence.

And well-bred incompetence leads to a comfortable delusion of competence...
...until the next time.

This week is the next time...

This week a man died due to incompetence...

This week a man died because of a comfortable delusion of competence.

Previously, the result was anger, frustration, and inconvenience.

This week a man died...

This week, my daughter, (who lives in New Orleans), sent me the following Bob Dylan quote:

"Everything in New Orleans is a good idea."

In context, she used the quote to warn me of the dangers inherent in an abundance of good ideas, implying that some ideas may lead to bad outcomes. Of course, as I pointed out, this applies only to those ideas that are acted upon.

Most weeks my thoughts and words overflow. I belch them out, they spill onto the page, I let them temper into a semi-amenable gelatinous mass, I mold and form, I heat, I cool, and when they have hardened I give them a final polish, frame them, and hang them on the wall. Just week before last I regurgitated three independent puddles onto the page. Some weeks I have so much to spew that it flows into the next week. So far this week I have dry heaves. The conversation with my daughter has given me pause. Most weeks my brain is like New Orleans; everything is a good idea. To quote more Bob Dylan:

"The ghosts race towards the light, you can almost hear the heavy breathing spirits, all determined to get somewhere."

"Night can swallow you up... Around any corner, there's a promise of something daring and ideal and things are just getting going. There's something obscenely joyful behind every door, either that or somebody crying with their head in their hands. A lazy rhythm looms in the dreamy air and the atmospere pulsates..."

"One of Napoleon's generals... ...said that here the devil is damned, just like everybody else, only worse. The devil comes here and sighs."

Bob was talking about New Orleans. But most weeks it could as easily be my mind, working to disgorge copious thought.

So. Is an abundance of good ideas, a good idea? Or not? First, some might want to argue that not all of my ideas are good ideas. But I would argue that any idea, put forth as a thoughtful challenge to see varying perspectives, is a good idea. Any idea, put forth with an active acknowledgement that all thoughts / ideas must continue to evolve and will never attain a final Perfection, is a good idea. Any idea, that builds creative tension, is a good idea. So the question remains, can there be too many good ideas?

Instinctively, I would like to answer, "No!" But if an idea demands an action, then a plethora of ideas may overwhelm and bog down progress / advancement / productivity, and some ideas that seem good at the time, may lead to a bad outcome. However, in the planning stage, I do not believe there can be too many ideas. And in the planning stage, I do not believe an idea should be judged and/or labeled---period.

I am still in the planning stage.

"What am I planning, you ask?"

"Why, World Domination; of course."

The first step in my plan is to understand reality, and to acknowledge that once I have grasped a reasonable understanding of reality, reality will have changed. I have found it difficult to advance my plan for World Domination when in each new moment the reality of the World has changed and I must spend that new moment searching for a new understanding. But in this search and rescue operation, I have gushed so many, (by my definition), good ideas that, (if anyone ever reads them), I believe have the potential to move those who are hanging on to a past reality (with conviction bordering on desperation), from their rock of ages to an understanding that reality has moved on. And if we can reach a majority agreement that reality is not statuesque and immobile, but rather gelatinous and moldable, then perhaps we can also work together to create an ever-evolving place in this World that will extend survival and allow all scattered eruptions of challenging, evolving thought to lead us to a universally synergistic Domination of our momentary World.

And then we must start again in the next moment.

I know... It is easier to hang on to tried and true old ideas than to constantly have to learn and grow. It is easier to lounge at the feet of a long-dead statue than to constantly belch, temper, mold, form, heat, cool, polish, frame, repeat. And, (even when we initiate a search and rescue operation for reality), it is easier to stop having ideas once we find one or two we like, than to constantly and forever belch, temper, mold, form, heat, cool, polish, frame, repeat. But if we do not produce an abundance of good ideas from which to choose a direction, I would argue that as a species we will have less time to reflect on what is easier.

The more frequently momentary reality slips from our grasp, and/or the further reality moves from our rock, the more directionless we will become. A constant flow of innumerable ideas is necessary for a complete picture from which to choose direction. There is no such thing as an overabundance of ideas.