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Twas the week before Christmas, and I'm thinking food

Some pots will need stirring, some meat barbecued;

Sautéing and roasting and baking with flare

Seasoning and toasting the savory fare;

The children still nestled all snug in their beds,

While holiday feasting danced in their heads;

And mamma in her apron, and I in mine too,

Had just settled in to our where, what, and who,

When back in the pantry there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my chair and knocked over a platter.

The cookies they fell to the floor with a crash,

As I staggered and lurched and fell onto the trash.

The gleam of the grease from my trashy elbow

Made a cluster of coffee grounds twinkle and glow,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a magical stock pot, bang-clanging good cheer,

With a great big old smile, so lively and quick,

I thought for a moment I'd gone lunatic.

More rapid than eagles ingredients they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

Now, Celery! now, Onion! Bell Pepper, you too!

On, Flour! on, Butter! We'll make us a Roux!

Now Chicken and Sausage! To the stock! Where ya been?!

Now dash away! dash away! Salt and Cayenne!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

The redolent aromas did mount to the sky,

Then into the stock pot the Okra it flew,

And Tomatoes and Corn, made their big debut.

And then, in a shaking, a sip and a splash

The seasoning and tasting, a dip and a dash.

In wonder I watched as this pot sought perfection,

And then my pot spoke with a jolly affection.

"You saved me from clearance; my life was kaput,

You saved me from tarnish and ashes and soot;

Your pots full of joys, your flavorful living,

You've brought me new life, now it's my time for giving."

His face was amorphous; distorted and vague;

His mouth when he spoke, would zig and then zag;

His eyes though were soft, despite the hard steel,

They sparkled and danced with a spirited zeal;

Bubbling with verve from the heat underneath,

The steam, it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad base and his lid was askew,

And he shook and he rattled; then out of the blue

He broke into song, as he plied his craft,

Together we danced, he sang and I laughed.

With a tip of his lid and a wink of his eye,

I knew that this batch would soon satisfy;

The French Bread appeared and his work did not stop,

Then he gave a quick spin, without spilling a drop,

He added the Shrimp, and the bowls got in line

With a nod there was rice; we were ready to dine;

Somehow as we feasted, the bowls were refilled,

And when pleasantly full, the leftovers were chilled;

Then he sprang from the stove, to his team gave a bristle,

To the shelves they all flew, just as clean as a whistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he dove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Whether you are truthful and admit that you play to win, or you are nice and claim that you play for the enjoyment, or the camaraderie, or the challenge, or simply to pass the time, most play is systematic. Random disorderly play is frightening. Systematic play requires various elements, including a goal (or "object of the game"), a set of rules defining parameters, action within those parameters, a combination of luck and/or skill and/or strategy, recordkeeping, and an eventual winner or multiple winners. Other optional elements for systematic play include other players, meaningful choices within the rules, active hope, a learning curve, and creative tension. Random play only requires unrestrained, creative imagination; (think of Gladiators in the Arena, or Witches burned at the Stake, or Heretics Drawn and Quartered, or a Cat playing with a Mouse).

It sounds contradictory but perhaps it is true that we can only find freedom and enjoyment when bounded by rules; and in the face of arbitrary freedom, we find fear in the possibility of repression, persecution, and violence.

This week I have been thinking about systematic play.

The first requirement for systematic play is a goal, but in some play the goal or objective is not clearly defined. When this occurs, the first question to ask is, "Is this systematic play?" If you look beyond the ambiguous (or seemingly nonexistent) objective and see rules and recordkeeping, then it is systematic play. Perhaps it is a form of play in which you are given clues along the way to aid in finding the objective. Or perhaps it is a form of play in which the objective is unique to, and therefore defined by, the individual player. Or perhaps it is a form of play in which multiple players form factions claiming to know the objective and you must choose a group that you believe will lead you to the promised land. Or perhaps it is a form of play in which you must work to form your own faction in search of the promised land. These possibilities may or may not be addressed in or inferred from the rules. Regardless, in any form of systematic play, whether the objective is defined or uncertain, one's direction will be determined by various degrees of luck and/or skill and/or strategy and a winner or winners will eventually emerge. Though it is also possible that winning or losing will be a sudden discovery at the very end. Or, if the recordkeeping / calculations are a drawn-out process, a winner or winners may not be immediately determined.

I have always preferred games that have: 

• a definitive goal,
• rules with some room for interpretation and evolution,
• rules that are applied equitably,
• meaningful choices that inspire hope that stimulates thoughtful analysis,
• meaningful choices that offer a layered complexity of possible outcomes,
• a constant and challenging learning curve,
• more strategy than skill,
• more skill than luck
• simple recordkeeping that does not get in the way,
• action elements (that may include surprise, confrontation, negotiation, cooperation, surprise, adversity, conspiracy, a little luck, and a little more surprise) to create competitive tension, and
• a clearcut winner.

I am fairly evenly split on playing with or against other players, or, playing against the forces created within the system / game. I am fine with either but whenever possible prefer both, simultaneously.

I like to win. I play one game in which, (depending on various elements), the ending scenario is randomly chosen and I may be thrown in with a group of players fighting an evil, or I may be the lone player representing that evil. I prefer being that lone player. Due to my skeptical nature, constant questioning, and overall general surliness, I do not always play well with others. This week's internal analysis of systematic play, has been enlightening.

A Final Note: While I see systematic play as having evolved from random disorderly play, I also see some games allowing for a greater creative freedom in widening parameters. In many ways this can positively add to a game; as long as all players continue to be bounded by the same or very similar rules.

Random disorderly play---with differing rules that take away meaningful choices, or with no rules at all---is frightening

ONE VIEW OF THE WORLD.

1. Inequality (opens the door to)
2. Potential for Violence (which requires)
3. Threat of Force (in order to enforce)
4. Rules and Regulations (created to perpetuate)
5. Threat of Force (in order to enforce)
6. Rules and Regulations (created to perpetuate)
7. Existing Power Structures (characterized by)
8. Unimaginative Indifference at the Top (which requires)
9. Resourceful Inefficacy at the Bottom (which on occasion requires a degree of)
10. Creative Organization at the Top (which often creates)
11. A Larger Complex of Rules and Regulations (which encourages)
12. Mind-Numbing Industry at the Bottom (which ultimately translates to)
13. Compliant Consumerism (which leads to)
14. Unimaginative Indifference at the Top (which requires)
15. Resourceful Inefficacy at the Bottom (which maintains)
16. Inequality.

A SIMPLIFICATION.

To Perpetuate and Preserve:

1. Prejudice
2. Persecution
3. Police
4. Paperwork
5. Police
6. Paperwork
7. Power
8. Passive Privilege
9. Plebeian Perseverance
10. Procedural Planning
11. Plethoric Paperwork
12. Plebeian Production
13. Pandemic Purchasing
14. Passive Privilege
15. Plebeian Perseverance
16. Prejudice

OBSERVATIONS.

• Constantly cycling through 3-4-5-6 and 8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15 preserves 1, 2, and 7, and ensures a perpetuation of the larger cycle through 16 and back to 1.
• The "Police" may wear uniforms and carry guns.
• The "Police" may wear business suits and carry clipboards.
• The "Police" may wear smug looks and carry canons.
• The "Police" may wear smiles and carry diaper bags.
• Those at the Top, with the Power, want us to believe that the "Police" are acting as loving parents.
• The "Police" may believe they are acting as a loving parent.
• The "Police" may or may not understand their role within the larger cycle and/or the smaller cycles.
• The inefficacy referred to and implied in 9 and 15 is specific to an inability to effect favored change and does not necessarily infer a decrease in production.
• Those at the Top, with the Power, find comfort in their quiescent disregard.
• Those at the Bottom must persevere; or disappear.
• From an individual perspective, these dynamics are fluid, changing with circumstance.
• From a universal perspective, these dynamics are, so far, an inevitable reflection of human nature.
• From an individual perspective, these dynamics are fluid, changing with consensus opinion.
• From a universal perspective, these dynamics are functionally delusional in that many individuals at the Bottom believe themselves to be at the Top.
• To change human nature, we must rethink 1, 2, and 7.

You ask me to perform a creative task that will help you.

Before I am able---before you allow me to begin work---you do what you had asked me to do, and you acknowledge that your results are likely different than what my results may have been.

You say you are interested in my opinion.

Then you say you really like what you have done.

Then you repeat that you would like to hear my thoughts as feedback, specific to your results.

Then you echo that you really, really like what you have done.

You are the boss. You are the owner of this task.

It is no longer my place to have an opinion.

If you truthfully wanted my opinion, you would have allowed me to complete the task first, before you told me that you had completed it and that you were very happy with your results.

You created an opportunity to see my thoughts, but before I could share, you hijacked the process, diminishing any effort I might now put forth. (Even if I worked very hard to put forth maximum effort, how could it not be weakened and/or influenced by the boss's results; results that she really, really likes.)

At first, yes, I was angry; (small anger, but anger nonetheless) . A small bit of this small anger was probably because it is human nature to believe I can do something better than you; and I am now unable to show that. Probably the biggest bit of this small anger was because I felt personally diminished.

But now I understand that it is also not my place to be angry. You were simply practicing your human nature, and you are the boss. Your actions may have diminished my efforts, and I (We?) may have missed an opportunity, but your actions do not diminish my personal creative value.

Because I am working to understand the workings of my anger, and because this incident truthfully was a small bit of anger, it lent itself nicely to a more objective analysis, which is how I came to this more rational perspective. It took me two days to reach this point, but by adding open-minded reason and understanding, I have not only moved past anger, I have also reenergized my desire to present a creative alternative; knowing that the ultimate decision is yours. And your decision will not diminish my personal creative value; (and my earlier statement that "I am now unable to show that" was in error).

So how do I apply this learning to future incidents of perceived...

• personal affront
• exclusion
• loss of control
• loss of power
• unfairness
• injustice
• missed opportunities

...and bypass anger and it's accompanying snide thoughts, remarks, and actions, moving directly to reason and understanding with no decrease in volition? Wow! Tall order.

But in this moment, I believe it is possible; but now in THIS moment I believe some idiot will come along with some egregious disservice and screw it all up. And in this moment I understand that both alternatives are likelihoods. There will be some days when the level of idiocy is flagrant and I will be unable to bypass my anger, and there will be some days when my level of tolerance is deficient (or nonexistent) and I will be unable to bypass my anger.

For there to be any possibility of bypassing anger, I must remember volition. When I feel anger rumbling and rising, I must channel it into a stubborn resolve that will (courteously) plow through the initial detritus disgorged by my anger. I must not change direction, trying to work around my anger, and I must not stand still, continuing to spout and spew all over others. I believe silently and unpretentiously working my way through the mean of my anger to be a more direct and unpleasant route, (thus a speedier route), to reason and understanding and continued learning and growth.

I believe one day I will tire of wading through anger vomit.

1.
I am not misunderstood. I am simply not understood. I feel bereft of my humanity under the questioning gaze of those I love; and of those I barely know. To stand exposed yet impenetrable, expressively transparent yet reflectively inexpressible, is to be cold; and dark; and lonely. I do not feel hatred emanating from this scrutiny. Nor is there anger, or disgust, or sadness. Simply a lack of understanding.

To find harmonious responsiveness is to fulfill a longing. There are many aspects of my daily effort in which I am accorded respectful tolerance, and some in which I feel a cooperative acknowledgement; but there is also an integral element of my personal being in which, when shared, I am frequently left feeling cold; and dark; and lonely. It is my nature to ponder the possibility that my thinking is askew. It is my nature to consider the odds of normality (or conformity?) vs. abnormality. It is my nature to seek affinity. And it is my nature to repel affinity...

...To repel affinity by being difficult; disagreeable; dissatisfied; obscure; caliginous; cryptic; contemplative; determined. I have worked to not be these things, but in these efforts I (eventually) interpret my behavior as (at the least) untruthful and (at worst) delusional. It at first appears to be a functional form of dishonesty and/or delusional behavior because it is behavior preferred by those who are otherwise at a complete loss to understand or explain my difficult behavior. And because others prefer it, this untruthful, possibly delusional behavior appears to strengthen relationships. But when I see it for what it is, it turns more dysfunctional, thanks to the addition of anger. Instead of being rationally difficult, I have now added a degree of volatility to my disagreeable, dissatisfied, obscure, caliginous, cryptic, contemplative, determined behavior. And this is why I work to choose and practice truthfulness. And this is why I am, (more often than I would like to be), cold and dark and lonely.

I can see you now... with that puzzled look... tilting your head to the right... squinting your left eye... raising that same corner of your mouth... wondering, "just what the hell is he talking about?"

2.
There is satisfaction in completion, though completion is an illusion; a wisp of a thought that provides closure, yet as soon as my head is turned, becomes invisible vapors leaving those realized desires open and unfulfilled. Regardless, when it is time to move on, the dreamy tendrils of accomplishment allow one to believe. In some cases I come back, knowing there is more work to be done. But in these cases it becomes a new task; a new desire; a new dream. I do not lose the satisfaction originally perceived. In this way I am able to continue.

I find it an invigorating and necessary process to work toward completion; misconception or not. To take this piece and fit it here; and to persuade this element to sidle up alongside a potential mate; and to slide this segment down further and nudge this part up a tad to strengthen the whole; and to realize that the potential mates are less compatible than I believed; and to make the difficult decision to banish, or even destroy, the weaker of the two; and then to add; and to rearrange; and to renovate; and to do it all over and over, until...

Until, there is satisfaction in completion.

3.
Dear World,

I should be more attentive to your comings and goings. I should learn how better to prowl in your darkness, and to prance in your light; to slither in your grasses, and to swim in your deepest seas; to migrate to far off lands, and to float gently down from your tallest trees; to be pummeled by your torrents, and to be carried by your winds; to ebb and flow with your tide, and to wax and wane with your dreams and desires. I have missed out on much. Throughout most of my first four-and-a-half decades my thought, my focus, my concentration has been on the ways of Humanity, specifically as those ways have impacted my personal microcosm. For this last decade my thought, my focus, my concentration has turned inward, seeking transcendence, and wisdom, and Truth; and in turn my active effort has been directed to encourage others in this same regard. Today I am learning that you World, have much to offer in this very regard, and that I must turn outward to learn inward. And I am sorry for my self that I am only now coming to this realization.

I at one time thought I was better than you. There are many days in which I still do. I am not. I never was. I never will be. On my best days World, I aspire to be you.

Walt Whitman said,

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume, you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."

I will believe that this is your song to me; an invitation that I am unable to return in kind, until I fully understand. I will never fully understand. So on my best days World, I will sing it back to you as best I can. My nature will never live up to your nature. My dreams and desires will never flow as seamlessly as your dreams and desires. My effort will never match the intensity and the efficiency of your effort. My focus will never encompass the depth and breadth and beauty and immensity of your centeredness. My transcendence, my wisdom, my truth will never move beyond, (perhaps), the outer edges of the central hub within your infinity of discernment. My song, my discordant song, will never span the range of your talents; from your most peaceful lullaby to your most strident concerto, in this moment, in this thought, I am in awe.

Come later today, come tomorrow, there will be moments when I again suffer the delusion that I am better than you. If, World, you are the tiniest bit aware of my mostly insignificant indiscretions, please remind me of this moment, now, in which I aspire to be you. From your perspective, I realize that I am indeed "mostly" insignificant; but, also from your perspective, no matter how tiny my significance, I will never fully occupy its potential. I will always have room to grow. And this is what you ask of me. For our dreams and desires to mesh and flow in tandem, this is what you require of me. This is what you require of every living thing within your realm; which in turn requires every living thing within your realm to learn and grow and dream and desire together; as one. Because...

"For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."