To question in an effort to change for the better could be taken for what it is, (an effort to change for the better), which should lead to a back and forth discussion and listening for understanding. But instead, an effort to change things for the better is far too often construed by the one being questioned as an attack and an attack instinctively triggers defensiveness. In defensive mode, instead of an exchange of words, one throws up a wall of words to...

1. Protect.
2. Dilute their responsibility.
3. Repudiate, discredit, invalidate the inquisitor.
4. Hide from the inquisition.

Large, departmentalized, bureaucratic organizations have become particularly adept at this, utilizing specialized departments, (legal and HR), to deflect and deter incoming charges. Smaller organizations, departments, and even entrenched individuals are also often quite good at dodging (what they see as) bullets. A single individual looking to make things better has no chance.

I could always do better. I am never good enough. I am constantly working to improve process. And in a new circumstance I am often able to do so – to a point; and to that point the effort also improves me. But ever since my fall from grace, (i.e. disability), I invariably, inevitably come to that point where I am stymied; not because of my potential or my capabilities or my willingness but because for most others it seems good enough is good enough. And to be told you could do better is interpreted as you are not good enough which is construed as an attack. So when I reach this plateau and I look around at the others happily wandering about and when I point and ask why aren’t we climbing that mountain or clearing that brush or blazing a new trail through that forest they look at me like I’m nuts and like I’ve hurt their feelings and they go back to polishing their walls of words, fluffing their plateau pillows, making themselves more comfortable. And so after a time, plateaued, I start looking for a new circumstance in which I can improve process. But of late, looking for a new circumstance, I am finding that my desire to make things better comes across so strongly I am scaring people away long before I am even invited to begin the climb to their plateau.

So, after years, decades of cycling through this inanity I am asking myself, is it no longer possible for me as a truthful senior with a disability to be taken seriously?

From my experience, the following could be consistently applied to any layered, hierarchical organization:

• There is Power: those who call the shots from behind their walls of words; almost always associated with greater income and/or wealth.
• There is secondary power: defenders of power, word-wall architects, enablers of status quo.
• There is the flock: followers, biding their time, fluffing plateau pillows, pretending to contribute.
• There are new arrivals: making their way to the plateau, perhaps adding a spark to a segment of the flock, perhaps even improving some process along the way.
• There are malcontents: part of a flock but looking for a better flock, or a better circumstance, or looking to make existing circumstance better. Malcontents only fluff plateau pillows when forced.

I am a malcontent who first finds my way to the plateau then works very hard to make existing circumstance better and only after considerable-effort-to-no-avail do I look for a new circumstance in which I can make a difference – at least during my climb to a new plateau.