They rushed, with only twenty minutes left in the meeting, to make an arbitrary decision that would randomly change lives. Granted, because we fear the cutting edge, those with power felt their only choices were arbitrary, but still wouldn't it have been better to at least take the time to make a well-informed arbitrary decision? And maybe peek over the edge to consider alternatives? Glimpse possibility? Flirt with Justice? But no; we are rushed by circumstance, limited by bureaucracy, protected by division, comforted by power, and numbed by distance.

“I don’t care what method is used, as long as we’re consistent.”

This thought was proclaimed multiple times throughout the brief discussion, reflecting the trap of bureaucratic justification that we equate with fairness and justice. It is interesting that in subjective judgements I’ve observed these same power-drenched people at times work to attain individual justice for one of their charges, but when faced with a definitive number they fall back on bureaucracy and resort to random, life-changing reward and punishment.

Their thinking?

If a regimented, consistent process returns an objective, inarguable fact, (such as a number), we feel obligated to believe and insist that the randomly assigned, subjective, arbitrary interpretation is also unimpeachable.

And from there it is a very small step for the rulemakers to believe and insist that they too are irreproachable; and from there, virtuous; and from there, entitled.

And from there it is much easier to justify the widening gaps, and call it justice.

Perhaps, as individuals, we are not meant to be anything beyond our own small egosphere. And in that role, there is potential for significant meaning. Yet still, we aspire to find meaning on a larger scale. But I would argue that meaning found in irreproachable, virtuous entitlement is not only still in one’s own small egosphere, and not only individually insignificant, but also powerfully destructive. In recent years, here, in later life, I have often looked back with regret on decisions that if made differently, could have taken me to the realm of the irreproachable. But now, considering… perhaps I am better as a background functionary.