I lost myself for a moment or two one day last week and declared I was in a good mood, cheerful, some might have even said happy. But it wasn't long before something happened, and I got better. Seriously, I am not just mean and surly to others, I extend my belief that it is better to be truthful than nice to all aspects of myself as well. And perhaps it is an inviolate characteristic of Humanity that individual egos will unwittingly wind and weave their selves into an unbreakable bond of ignorant, unjust scar tissue, but, until my last breath, I will continue to believe in and work toward Truth. And though I realize that my truthfulness, my effort to see outside of my self, is far, far, far from (upper case) Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice, I believe it takes me closer than where I will get with nice; especially when I am truthful with (and not nice to) myself.

I don't know how else to say it. When I look around at the big picture outside of my self, I am disillusioned. And I am unhappy with myself for not doing more. We could, and we should, take better care of each other. It is taxing to be truthful with one's self; less so to be nice to one's self. I can attest to a mental toll, but I believe it is necessary. I cannot say though with certainty that there is a physical toll. I have had heart attacks but once I pulled together and maintained strong efforts toward weight loss, diet, and exercise, it has been more than six years since my last visit to a hospital, so who's to say that my truthfulness, (because I have become more truthful in recent years as well), has not also contributed to my physical health? Perhaps the endorphins or the electrical impulses or the gestating waves of asperity or whatever it is that's brought forth from truthfulness actually strengthens the heart muscle. Who's to say? Or perhaps it is my sincere and unrelenting desire to relieve the suffering of others that keeps me going. Some would argue that I cause others to suffer with my truthfulness. Perhaps so, especially those closer to me, but most other individuals (sadly) can (and do) choose to ignore me, and those close to me have learned to make adjustments. And I will continue to believe that it is a small sacrifice for all of us for the tiny bit of reality that may seep through (even to those who work to ignore me). I believe that tiny bit of reality may contribute to a tiny bit more awareness and a tiny increase in compassion; and I believe every tiny bit has the potential to help. Many of those inconvenienced by me may not like me, but it is not about me and it is not about any one individual.

Am I suggesting then that one should Love everyone more than any one? Including one's self? One's family? It is an old idea. It is difficult. I believe the Bible suggests loving God before all else. And for practical purposes, here on Earth, if one believes in God, which is more representative? All of Humanity? Or just Me? And if one does not believe in God, which is more important? More relevant? More necessary? Now include a third consideration, “All of Nature” (of which Humanity is a part), and revisit these questions, for practical purposes, here on Earth. And if one believes that God will ultimately judge, on what basis will She judge? Will She judge on how much you professed to Love Her while here on Earth? Or will She judge on your efforts to take care of Her manifestation here on Earth; (i.e. All of Nature, All of Humanity). And if one does not believe in God, on what basis will All of Humanity and All of Nature judge? On what basis (if they're here to judge) will future generations judge? Regardless of one's belief, it is clear to me that to love God first, here on Earth, one must Love everyone more than any one. And to do this, one must be more truthful than nice; most especially to one's self. I may not like it, but it is not about me.

I said above, and I want to believe that it is my sincere and unrelenting desire to relieve the suffering of others. So I should spend some words on suffering. Here on Earth, for practical purposes:

• Suffering is never being heard, or asked to contribute.
• Suffering is inequitable opportunity from birth, from the wrong side of the wealth gap.
• Suffering is food insecurity.
• Suffering is fear of eviction.
• Suffering is homelessness.
• Suffering is confinement.
• Suffering is the receiving end of unshakable certainty.
• To relieve suffering, global consideration is necessary.
• The necessity of global consideration is hard work.
• Working hard is not suffering.
• Short-lived, trifling inconvenience is not suffering.
• Being questioned or challenged is not suffering.
• Not knowing is not suffering
• Listening and learning to understand is not suffering.
• Accountability is not suffering.
• Entitled indignation is not suffering.