I am dismissable. Constantly being told, “You can just go sit down now.” But then, aren’t we all? Some don’t notice because they are focused to a larger degree than is necessary and/or helpful on the moment and me; (me being their self). To focus on the moment and/or one’s self is to severely limit one’s scope of understanding. Sounds obvious, when stated. Others don’t notice their own irrelevancy because they control the power dynamic and in the moment, (yeah, that moment), they say all the right things; and perhaps in that moment they convince themselves that they really mean these right things and will follow up. But once I am dismissed, once I go sit down, I am no longer urgent, (in the moment), and as long as I remain seated, I slowly slide, (and sometimes not so slowly), from procrastinated priority to inconsequential inconvenience.

Perhaps I am better off closer to reality; closer to Truth. I believe I am. But it still hurts.

I am necessary. Constantly being told, “You should be conscious of your obligation.” But then, shouldn’t we all? To have an obligation is to be necessary. Unfortunately, “obligation” is frequently misconstrued within the context of a power dynamic. I believe my obligation is to Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice. Yet we live (as a species and as individuals) as if our obligation is to power. And even if to live, we must live within constantly shifting power dynamics our obligation should then be to power that moves us (as individuals and as a species) toward Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice. Power merely for the sake of power negates the future.

To be both dismissable and necessary seems counterintuitive. It is not. If one defines necessity as requisite (as opposed to important), then for another to dismiss me, it is a precondition that I be here; I am required; I am necessary. And the fact that I am the one being dismissed (or perceived as unimportant) is a reflection of the power dynamic, not of who is more necessary. This can be said of any interaction.

So what? Splitting hairs? Isn’t importance still more important than necessity? Not necessarily. If an individual wields power in the interest of Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice and if I recognize my obligation (i.e. necessity) to those unreachable ends and act accordingly, then necessity rises to the level of importance. But if one wields power merely for the sake of power (as is done in a bureaucracy), then my obligation to Beauty, Truth, Wisdom, Justice acted on in good faith is more important in theory, but in practice power has more influence and is thusly widely seen as more important. For example my anger and sadness (see 3/12/22 and 3/19/22) regarding the injustice endemic in the power wielded at my employer (a large state university) is constantly dismissed and forgotten because the rich and powerful influence the existing bureaucracy (power for the sake of power) to maintain status quo. There are billions of these examples perpetuated every day. So why fight? Why be angry? Why be sad?

…to maintain the integrity of my necessity.