This week I jumped through hoops. There was the preventative health hoop, the bureaucratic hoop, the authoritarian hoop, the capitalist hoop; all more pronounced this week, creating more discomfort and more pain than they do most weeks. I found it difficult this week to walk as much, read as much, think as much, write as much as I normally do. When the hoops are lined up in waiting, as they were this week, it is difficult to be creative; it is difficult to project myself outside the box; it is difficult to believe that progress will be made. To advance, to evolve, to improve one must step out of line, yet some weeks, days, hours, moments, there we are, in our place, obedient, subdued, in line.

Perhaps this coming week I will work to regain my discordant flow.

Yet, in a way, the low hum of unthinking, quotidian conformity was comforting. Though I claimed above that the hoops created discomfort and pain, I also found that by just doing what I’m told, what is expected, what suits the status quo, in a way, releases me, frees me from the discomfort of change. And sometimes the discomfort of change is more painful than the discomfort of being told what to do. Perhaps the initial discomfort and pain I refer to was simply an adjustment. I had an opportunity this week to upheave. I chose not to, I think because I was too busy with hoops. It was just easier to jump through one after another after another, than it would have been to jump through one, try to go around another, then dash off miles in another direction and return in time to determine how to handle the next. The flaming hoops are different. The flaming hoops must be dealt with or their keepers will chase you down with bigger fire; but sometimes rather than jumping through, the fire can be extinguished and the firekeepers temporarily mollified. But that is a lot of work. This week it was easier to jump.

To be free of discomfort is often to be stagnant and stuck. But to be free to act is often to be anxious and troubled. This week I am debating which freedom I prefer, personally. As a culture, as a species, I believe it is necessary to be anxious and troubled. But is it necessary that I personally be anxious and troubled? Or is it okay for me to step back, in line, and be free of discomfort. It has become abundantly clear that I am not, nor will likely ever be, in a position of power or influence from which I can help us (as a culture, as a species) to advance, evolve, improve. Yet I still work as if I can make a difference. And I have to wonder, if I stop making that effort will the “stagnant and stuck” part create even more discomfort? Or will I grow accustomed to the low hum of unthinking, quotidian conformity? If this week is an indication, I believe there is a good chance I could learn to live, comfortably, stagnant and stuck. I look around and there seems to be consensus agreement.

Perhaps this coming week I will again jump through hoops.

It is much easier after all to stick my head in the sand; ignore the facts and the statistics; close my eyes and cover my ears. For me though I find it very difficult to shut my mouth, yet when I am jumping through hoops and/or when I am around other hoop jumpers, that is exactly what I am being asked to do, and in fact, not infrequently, told to do. So when everyone else has their eyes closed and their ears covered, I typically walk, read, think, write

So perhaps this coming week I will, after all, work to regain my discordant flow.