I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations—one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it—you will regret both.” --Soren Kierkegaard.
And I will look and be the fool doing either. Is it emotion that carries the day? Or conviction? Or maybe the need to win? Or perhaps groupthink? Certainly not reason? And especially not reason based on new learning? Individual reason beyond the reach of my passion, or inconsistent with how I’ve always done it, or in a losing effort, or outside the comfort of my cohort will only heighten uncertainty and publicly expose regret. Whereas strong feelings, tradition, winning, and the madding crowd serve to imprison regret deep inside; or sometimes just below the surface, but hidden, nonetheless.
Is this why I value anger? Does it temper regret? Or overpower regret? To an extent where I can acknowledge regret and to where I can think for myself? Outside the box? I used to have a very close relationship with pride. I believed “I can do this and I am going to show the world.” But in more recent years, having discovered “I don't know” and “the World doesn't care” (though pride still hangs about) anger has come to the front. It is a welcome change. I believe anger is a more realistic, productive, reasonable characteristic of Humanity than pride or any of a number of other human frailties.
I believe:
- To be human is to be weak.
- Some weakness is necessary for regret.
- Some regret is necessary for uncertainty.
- Uncertainty is necessary for reasoning.
- Reasoning is necessary for proximity to Truth.
- Proximity to Truth is necessary for anger.
- Anger is necessary for Justice.
- Justice is necessary for survival.
- Survival is necessary.
I first acknowledge and reconcile my human weakness, and then find personal strength to fight against its ever-present potential for debilitation.
Some believe:
- To be a human is to be strong, (and to be superior is to be “me”).
- Superior strength is necessary for certainty.
- Certainty is necessary for confidence.
- Confidence is necessary for political success; (i.e. power on any front in any arena).
- Political success is necessary for legislation.
- Legislation is necessary for judgement.
- Judgement is necessary for justification.
- Justification is necessary for oppression.
- Oppression is death.
Those who believe that to be a human is to be strong (and superior) first hide and/or ignore any weakness, then also ignore the resulting oppression and do not see that very same oppression sneaking up behind them. By the time they turn around, I am afraid it will be too late.
When an individual's inhumanity eclipses their humanity, they have become a tyrant. When Humanity's inhumanity eclipses our humanity we will have become (for all intents and purposes) extinct. Are we there yet? Can you hear me now? There have always been pockets of humanity to billow and buoy Humanity. But in recent decades, due to population multiplied and power extrapolated and gaps widened, we are being smothered by fire and earth and sea. Pockets are fewer; and smaller.
Am I losing faith?
The thought saddens me. Tears have welled, shoulders drooped, head slowly shaking back and forth, lips in a tight grimace. In recent years I have maintained a faith through new learning; reassurance that there are other like-minded reasonable individuals with (far more) expertise (than me) who will help to pull us through. I have expressed a faith in our young people to also recognize this expertise for the saving grace that I (still want to) believe it can be. But this expertise, proficiency, competence, ability and reason is shouted down, smothered by political success, tradition, greed, fervor and blind stupidity. And though shouting back appears to only deepen the entrenchment, anger is necessary for Justice. I will not just stand by and watch.
Perhaps my Anger is my last hold on faith. So if I let go of my anger I am afraid my inhumanity will overtake my humanity. For the moment, I will continue to hold on. For the moment, I will continue to shout; reasonably. For the moment…