People look at me funny; sideways; trying not to make eye contact. People who care, (and those who pretend to care – I have a hard time telling the difference), express concern; they say they are worried about me. I believe they believe I am afflicted; troubled: distressed; cursed. I believe I am unafflicted; but yes – troubled and distressed. I believe we are all equally cursed …and blessed by our Humanity. I believe those who see my fear and anger and uncertainty, and express concern, are afflicted with good fortune and/or passive hope and/or delusional belief. Certainty is delusional belief. When I express my fear and anger and uncertainty, though I am seen as afflicted, I believe I am unafflicted; offloading the burden of pretension and make-believe. When I express my fear and anger and uncertainty, my truthfulness is closer to Reality; closer to Truth. I believe good fortune, passive hope, delusional belief distances one's truthfulness from Reality and Truth. I believe today, most of us prefer this distance most of the time. When I work to close the gap, people look at me funny. So I feel compelled to fall back on pretension and make-believe. I am going in circles; because it is circular. If Truth is at 12:00 and Reality ranges clockwise from 10:00 to 2:00, pretension and make-believe along with one’s truthfulness range counterclockwise from 9:00 to 3:00. I see pretension and make-believe strongest at 6:00. Reason labors between 6:00 and 3:00; emotion scampers between 6:00 and 9:00. I see my uncertainty grow stronger (clockwise) from 7:30 to 9:00 and (counterclockwise) from 4:30 to 3:00. One minute I see my fear at 8:59 and my anger at 9:00, the next minute my anger is at 8:59 and my fear is at 9:00. I see my active hope (i.e. effort) strongest at 3:00, driven at 9:00, and essentially nonexistent between 4:30 and 7:30. When I fall back on passive hope, delusional belief, good fortune, I am wandering, aimlessly, clockwise and counterclockwise, from 7:30 to 4:30. There are dead zones from 9:00 to 10:00 (clockwise) and from 3:00 to 2:00 (counterclockwise); buffers that lack any belief, emotion, effort, hope, pretension, make-believe, (good or bad) fortune, certainty or uncertainty, yet (I believe) these dead zones are closer to Reality and Truth than today allows. I believe to cross through a dead zone into Reality is dangerous; like flying too close to the Sun. Nonetheless, I am contemplating the journey.