I aspire to egoless productive contribution. I like to believe that I am a skeptic and a learner and a thinker. In my actual day-to-day, I am a flawed human who too frequently perpetuates the status quo.

Every one of us is flawed and every one of us perpetuates; this should not be an excuse.

But because I see myself as I am and because I see us as we are, I am sad, which at times can demoralize and create personal feelings of inadequacy; and during these times I become quiet and still, thus perpetuating. More and more, my sadness becomes an excuse to stay within myself, thus limiting the reach of my contribution, but (so far) my sadness also remains a force driving me to better myself, and it continues to keep my ego in check. (So far) it is still a productive sadness.

To ensure it stays so, this week I am making the conscious decision and taking palpable action to not be so quiet and still. I am seeking a wider audience. I am working to extend my reach. It may be a futile gesture, but if I am to be a fool regardless, why not? For nearly eight-and-one-half years I have been posting my written thought weekly; (and perhaps, based on results, weakly). I don't feel that what I have to say is particularly new or original, but I do believe that each week I work very hard to come to a better understanding. And I do (very strongly) believe that by organizing my thoughts in written form, I am holding myself accountable. It is much easier, (and less complete), to spout off verbally and/or via one of the many technologically-enhanced spouting choices we have today. And, it is much easier (and still less complete) to have opinions based on entrenched beliefs and today's headlines, than it is to doubt and question and then to take action and actually do some actual research. (Yes, I did just double-down on actuality.)

A solid, stable and consistent sense of how things really are is important, because one's actions in a given moment are directed by one's perception in that given moment. Reality will always be filtered by both external and internal filters, and, (depending upon the filters), to varying degrees, it will always be poorly lit, and/or out of focus, and/or funhouse-mirror-skewed. I like for my reality to have minimal lighting and focus problems with no wavy mirrors, and this is why I work very hard doubting and questioning and studying. I believe that to

1. base my reality on verifiable evidence and/or (in a given moment) reasoned consensus and majority expert opinion, and
2. to be able to differentiate between an expert and not an expert,

will keep me closer to reality. And I believe that 1) reason and 2) recognition (as stated above) are two teachable skills necessary for the long-term survival of Humanity; obviously skills that must be learned and practiced by a large majority of Humanity. From where I sit we appear to be a very long way from that majority, hence my decision to be less quiet and still in order to encourage (even a handful of) others to reason and recognize.

I understand that my contribution may not amount to even a dimple in a wrinkle in a ripple in a disappearing wave in an ocean, but the same dimple doctrine applies to any scorn or ridicule I may fear as a result of my efforts. I believe that for me, in this moment, the critical factor has become effort leading to personal learning and growth; and if the example serves a greater purpose, say a wrinkle instead of a dimple, okay. Though my purpose should not be to market or promote my effort, if I can do so expeditiously and if I truly believe that my thought and effort can contribute to a greater good, first for individuals and thus by extension for all of Humanity, then perhaps I have an obligation.

So beginning this week I aspire to enterprising egoless productive contribution. And regardless of the outcome (or lack of outcome) I must consistently remind myself that my purpose is the effort (toward personal learning and growth) and not the meta-effort (to promote my purposeful effort).

Again, high-def reality, though it exists, is beyond human discernment. But with effort, utilizing reason and recognition, I can continually adjust the lighting and focus so I am able to (at least) maintain visual contact and (perhaps) come within arm's length.

To lose sight of actual actuality is to have no purpose.